Developing Equanimity

This talk is focused on being calm and developing equanimity, especially in the context of society that surrounds us, which can often be stressful and divided.

Transcript

I want you to be calm.

That's the main message that I'm giving in this short talk on staying calm and developing equanimity.

Most of us want to deal with stress better,

But it's increasingly difficult in a society that is as divided as ours,

And just really with the stress of day-to-day life.

So I think that focusing on developing calmness in a specific instance of calmness called equanimity can help in this regard.

And I think it's helpful to look at some practices that you can use to develop a sense of calm throughout life.

Just to let you know a little bit about myself,

I'm Rick Mathis,

And I'm a researcher and writer.

And really after a major life event interrupted my well-being,

I decided to focus on equanimity and think about how I can improve my practice so that I can display more of that virtue.

So in this brief talk,

I'm going to talk about what equanimity is,

How it can help you,

And how you can develop it.

I want to start off by thinking about,

If you can imagine yourself,

Being chased by a wild animal.

Maybe something out in the wilds and all of a sudden you come across a lion or a tiger,

And you're faced with a difficult situation.

Now,

You're probably not going to want to deal with that calmly.

You're going to need to basically run.

Psychologists tell us that there are usually three ways that we automatically deal with such situations.

It's either the fight,

Flight,

Or freeze response.

And that's really appropriate.

One of those responses is what you're going to do in a situation like that.

Personally,

I would be apt to run as fast as I could,

And that would help me out there.

I wouldn't be thinking about how I can be more calm in that situation.

So equanimity or calmness isn't for every situation,

But there are several instances where it can help,

Even those involving danger.

And that's where really developing calmness comes in.

If you want to think for a minute of Captain Sully Sullenberger,

When his flight was disabled by a flock of geese on January 15,

2009,

He was able to maintain a sense of calm and bring down the plane on the Hudson River and saved all of the 155 passengers on board.

Now,

What he practiced there is something that pilots are specifically trained to do,

And that's to demonstrate deliberate calm,

To really balance the emotions that you're feeling with a sense of rationality,

A sense of calmness,

So that you can go through and solve the problem more calmly and get a better outcome.

And that's really a similarity to equanimity that I want to talk about or a benefit to equanimity that I want to talk about.

So really,

When you think about equanimity,

What is it and why is it important?

I like to think of it as a little bit different than being calm or really a subcategory of being calm.

The dictionary defines calmness as a state or peaceful condition,

While it defines equanimity as having calm emotions when dealing with problems or pressure.

So I see equanimity as a specific or particular instance of calmness,

One where you can be calm in spite of what may be going on around you,

Whatever difficulties are going on around you.

And it can go into your life in general so that even you can display equanimity when things aren't so tough,

Even when things are good,

So that you kind of have a constant sense of calmness and are able to deal better with life's ups and downs.

There are really several benefits of this.

It prevents you from developing bad habits that can often be associated with stress,

Such as smoking or eating too much or drinking or developing other addictions.

So if you can deal with things with a sense of equanimity,

You're less likely to engage in these bad habits.

It can also help in overcoming those types of situations or those addictions where you can kind of step back and say,

Well,

You know,

I'm eating too much because I'm stressed.

And maybe if I can develop this sense of calmness or equanimity,

I can get rid of that particular bad habit.

It also leads to better and happier living.

I mean,

If you're stressed all the time,

You're going to be constantly,

You know,

Jerked around by life circumstances and not able to kind of take a breather and step back and be happier and grateful for your life.

And I think it also helps to take positive action.

An important point about equanimity is that it's not about apathy.

It's not about getting to the point where you don't have any feelings.

It's really where you can step back and take a look at what's going on and calmly assess the situation and then take whatever action you need to take,

Such as if you feel that there's a particular injustice in the world,

You can more calmly take a look at it and think,

OK,

This is what I need to do.

And these are the steps I'm going to take.

So how do you develop equanimity?

I think one thing is to appreciate its importance in other traditions and practices.

Buddhism has a lot to say about equanimity.

It's one of the key elements of what the Buddha taught.

And it's important to developing compassion.

As Buddhist psychologist Tara Brock says,

Equanimity is the balanced and open quality of presence that arises when there is no resisting or grasping after experience.

It is through the space of this presence that unconditional love is free to shine through.

In psychology,

I think it's similar to a practice known as cognitive psychology,

Where you take a look at a situation that may be causing you some trouble and you question your beliefs and get to the point where,

You know,

I'm really being irrational about this and I'm getting very emotional about this.

And if I question this,

I can get to the point where I'm more calm and seeing things not through this view of emotion.

You know,

If you think of an instance where maybe somebody's angry with you and it's making you angry,

You can step back and say,

Hey,

I'm not always going to make people happy.

So there's no reason for me to get angry because this person doesn't like me or is upset.

And then you can deal with the situation a little more positively and without so much emotion.

In my own tradition,

Christianity,

I think there's quite a bit that is consistent with calmness and equanimity.

If you think about what Jesus said about not worrying on the sermon on the mount,

Also we see in Philippians that Paul writes,

I have learned to be content with whatever I have.

I know what it is to have little.

I know what it is to have plenty in any and all circumstances.

I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry,

Of having plenty and of being in need.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Elsewhere in the New Testament talks of Jesus making our joy complete.

And I think it is through this joy that we can really experience a sense of a greater sense of calmness and also be able to act positively even in negative situations.

So one way of developing equanimity is to study it in other traditions and in your own tradition and to think about how you can incorporate some of the wisdom there into your practice.

There are also several other practices you can use.

I think it is important to see equanimity and calmness as skills that you can develop.

That it is really something that you can get better and better as time progresses.

Here are some things that,

Some ways that I have come up with to help you develop these skills.

And again,

These are consistent with other traditions.

First thing is you can learn to trust.

The universe or your view of God or the divine.

Whatever is going on around you,

You can take a bigger picture and realize you are going to get through this.

And you are going to have some help through whatever your view of God is.

There is something there to help you move past the situation.

I think another important practice is that of forgiveness.

If you can free yourself of anger and other negative emotions that go along with being angry with somebody or something.

I think you have gone a long way towards developing equanimity.

It is hard to be calm if you are always thinking about somebody has taken something from you or hurt you in some way.

Or has made you angry.

You are just not going to be very calm with those kinds of thoughts going on.

So if you can learn to get better at forgiveness,

Forgiving others,

And not carrying around the burden of things that happened maybe many years ago.

You will be able to develop a greater sense of equanimity.

Also it is important to practice self-forgiveness and acceptance.

A lot of us feel negatively towards ourselves over things that have happened.

Or maybe just have a bad self-image.

And you can't get to the point of being calm if you are upset about some shortcoming you have or something you have done in the past.

So if you can practice that sense of self-forgiveness over what happened.

Make whatever changes that you feel you need that you have learned as a result of say whatever you did.

But calmly use it to become a better person.

I think that helps.

A few other things that you can do is minding your mind.

Attending to what is going on in your head that is making you upset.

Whether it is anger,

Maybe it is watching too much television and getting upset about watching too much news for example.

And getting upset about the world's situation.

Taking a look at that and seeing what is going on that may be creating some problems in your own emotional viewpoint.

That can help in developing a sense of equanimity.

Really it is about getting kind of a sense of detachment of what is going on.

And there is a lot of practices you can use from various religious traditions to help you on that.

Mindfulness is another practice you can use and there are a lot of different sources of information on that.

And a lot of good practices around that.

But really it is taking a look at what is going on in your heart and in your mind and investigating that.

And letting go of what may be troubling you.

Once you kind of investigate it and see what the problem is.

And maybe refocus yourself and saying I can let go of this situation.

It is not doing me much good.

And the final thing that I think leads to equanimity is prayer and meditation.

It is helpful to have a practice where you spend a few minutes every day meditating.

So again you can develop that sense of detachment of what may be going on.

And getting to the point where you can face an emotional situation and kind of step back and calmly deal with that.

And not get so overwrought about it.

And again this app has several practices,

Meditation tracks that you can use to listen to every day and get a greater sense of calm.

The other thing I think if you can pick and choose from these various practices.

Pick those that work for you.

And put together a practice that is most likely to help you be calmer.

And look at it as a way of developing your own sense of peace.

And look for what your issues are and what can work for you.

If forgiveness is an issue then work on that.

If negative thoughts of some other sort are an issue then work on those.

Listen to the various meditations on the Insight Timer app and find those that work for you.

There is an old expression that goes pray as you can not as you can't.

So don't pick meditations that don't work for you.

Pick those that do work for you.

Find those that are most effective in bringing you a sense of peace.

And do this for a while.

Maybe take a couple of weeks and try a practice.

And then take a look at your life and the various situations.

And ask yourself am I dealing with things more calmly?

Do I have a greater sense of calm?

I think it helps not just to begin a practice but also to assess it and see how you're doing and if you're getting better.

So that's really all I wanted to talk to you about in this short talk on developing equanimity.

I hope this is helpful for you.

Thanks for listening and be calm.

Reviews

Excellent talk. Great examples and suggestions. Thank you.

Good general talk on equanimity. I liked how open he was about religions, God etc.. We need more of that in the world.

Very helpful. Thank you so much!!

This was very helpful—great tips! Thank you so much. 🙏🏻❤️

Delivered what it promised. Well done. No nonsense 😀☯️Neil

A great talk about what equanimity is and what are some factors for achieving stronger equanimity.

I love this. It’s becoming part of my daily practice 🙏

Great talk on equanimity for anyone just starting out or a good reminder of how to keep it going in your day to day life. Thank you

Really useful tips thank you.

Thank you that was a great reminder, and very enjoyable. I hope we hear more from you again soon.🌈😊

Very interesting talk.

A great reminder of how to cultivate equanimity

Very helpful tips 🙏

Gave examples of good ways to deal with things that you allow to upset you.

Very informative and helpful..Thank you!

Great Highlighted Insights! Very Helpful. Thank You 🙏🏾 🙏🏾

Thank you for these insights