Between Stimulus & Response

There's a famous quote that goes as follows, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." In this mindfulness meditation, we explore finding and cultivating that space for better well-being.

This recording is from a live online "Calm with Christoph" meditation session. No distracting background music, you simply learn how to respond rather than react in life.

Transcript

So,

If you are comfortable doing so,

And if it's safe to do so,

Please close your eyes or lower your gaze if that's easier for you,

Or you can focus on a point on the wall.

What I find helpful is to place one hand on the chest,

The hard area,

And the other hand on my belly.

I'm taking a moment with you to just arrive here.

And give yourself full permission to take part in this mindfulness practice.

And then have a scan up and down your body to see if there's any noticeable tension anywhere.

And I always suggest that you focus on your shoulders and neck and facial muscles in particular,

Like your jaw for example.

Just let everything relax just a little bit more.

There's no right or wrong.

There are no meditation Olympics.

It's just about gently checking in with the body and with each breath allowing it and yourself to relax just a little bit more.

Now what I also like to do,

And I'm going to suggest that tonight,

Is that you bring a gentle smile to your face.

Okay,

Nobody can see you so don't worry about that,

But just a gentle,

What we call a half smile,

And sometimes called a Buddha smile.

And maybe another time I can explain the technicalities behind that,

But even this half smile really benefits your system in that it activates the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system,

And that is the rest and digest mode.

Even that simple smile helps us to further relax.

And the first part of the meditation will be about using our senses to ground ourselves in this moment,

To let our awareness rest in this moment.

So often,

In part thanks to the brilliance of our minds,

We are usually somewhere in the past or in the future,

But rarely in the now.

And that's why we meditate,

To practice bringing our awareness to the now moment.

And I'm going to ask you to start with anything that you can hear,

Maybe in the street,

In your room,

In addition to my voice.

I'm going to give you a moment to see if you can identify anything.

I know that most of you have your eyes closed,

But when it comes to seeing in this moment,

What can you see?

Even if everything is black,

Or is it a different shade of gray?

Is there some light coming in?

What does seeing nothing look like?

Let yourself relax just a little bit more as we move to the third sense,

Smell.

There is beautiful incense in this room where I'm meditating.

How about where you are?

What can you smell?

What does the touch of your body against the couch or your bed or the chair feel like?

What about the contact points between the furniture and your body?

What does that feel like?

What can you notice now that I have brought your attention to it that you didn't notice a moment ago?

How about taste?

Is there anything on your palate you can taste or can you taste the air around you?

What does nothing taste like?

So in addition to our senses,

One of the greatest ways to bring our awareness from the past and the future into the present moment is by focusing on this wonderful thing we all have and that is our breath.

And I would like you to see or sense what your breathing is like right now without changing it in any way.

Where do you feel your breath?

Is it in the rising and falling of your chest or your belly?

Feel your nostrils or throat?

Where are you breathing from?

And once you have located your breath,

The invitation is to stay with the breath for as long as you can and I'm going to give you some time to practice this and you may find it useful to say in breath,

Out breath or this is an in breath,

This is an out breath,

Whatever works for you.

Just stay with the breath.

This,

As I call it,

Handrail,

We can hold on to it for it is always the best anchor in the now.

You And as we move into the next part of our meditation tonight,

I'm going to ask you to stay with the breath,

Stay as relaxed as you can,

But we're also going to practice something called open monitoring or choiceless awareness and that is simply to,

Whenever a thought does pop up,

To observe it from a distance and then label it and send it on its way and come back to the breath.

So for example,

Something happened to you today or someone said something,

Whatever situation and that's on your mind.

You could call that adventure or you could call it jealousy or you could call it love or whatever.

Just give it a label,

Let it go and bring your attention back to your breath.

And this practice will help you to,

Long after tonight's session,

To create what I call this gentle breathing space between you and your thoughts rather than letting them knock you sideways or consume you,

Which is so normal.

That's what the brain does.

It is constantly scanning to protect us,

To show us things,

But sometimes it's a little bit too much.

By learning to label your thoughts,

They feel recognized,

They feel acknowledged and they will leave more easily than when we try to simply push them away or push it down.

So this is very good practice.

And as you keep listening to my voice tonight,

This meditation,

Because I always try to include something new for the regulars amongst you,

I'm going to share a quote with you that you probably have heard before.

It is very famous and it's very beautiful and it's very relevant and it goes as follows.

Between stimulus and response there is a space and in that space is our power to choose our response.

And in our response lies our growth and our freedom.

And in tonight's meditation we're practicing finding that space between stimulus and response.

And stimulus can be external but also internal,

Our thoughts.

When we meditate we create more mental capacity,

More bandwidth if you wish.

We are slowing down enough so that we can see our usual reactivity and practice not reacting in our normal way but respond instead.

One of the best ways to practice this is to increase the level of stillness.

That's what we're going to do now.

For the next couple of minutes the invitation is to be completely still.

That includes not moving your fingers,

Not even your tongue.

Try to be as still as you can.

And whenever you find that urge to move,

That urge to react,

Just practice taking a breath and relaxing into that sensation.

And if you're now thinking,

Chris I don't feel a thing because I am so relaxed,

Then you can still practice that my friends with the thoughts that may come and go and come and go.

Try to respond to the thoughts rather than react.

And notice any impulse to move.

Just relax into the discomfort if there is any of course or the stressful thought.

Moment by moment bringing your attention to the breath.

This is how we cultivate calm,

Increasing capacity.

And then slowing down.

That doesn't mean we no longer care or we become desensitized from the world,

Detached.

Of course not.

We are human beings,

Not robots.

Things come at us and we are affected by all sorts.

But between the stimulus and the response there is a space.

And that's the space that we are now growing.

With every meditation you do,

That capacity,

That space,

Increases remarkably.

And that's the space that we are now growing.

Just stay with the breath for a few more moments.

And as we slowly come towards the end of tonight's practice,

And still keeping our eyes closed,

And fully being here in this moment,

I'm going to share with you a short text.

It's a parable which you may or may not have heard before,

But I wanted to share it with you tonight because I feel it is relevant and helpful.

After the quote I will ring the bells and invite you to bring yourself back to the room and open your eyes.

So here we go.

An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life.

A fight is going on inside me,

He said to the boy.

It's a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

One is evil.

He is anger,

Envy,

Sorrow,

Regret,

Greed,

Arrogance,

Self-pity,

Guilt,

Resentment,

Inferiority,

Lies,

False pride,

Superiority,

Self-doubt,

And ego.

The other wolf is good.

He is joy.

Peace.

Love.

Hope.

Serenity.

Humility.

Kindness.

Benevolence.

Empathy.

Generosity.

Truth.

Compassion.

And faith.

This same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person too.

And the grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,

Which wolf will win?

And the old chief simply replied,

The one you feed.

So gently open your eyes and bring yourself back to the room.

I want to thank you for your practice.

And I want to say Namaste and that I love you and that I am grateful for your presence,

Whether it's on a Sunday or Tuesday or both.

I hope to see you again on future sessions.

If you want to book a private session,

You can do that as well.

Just let me know.

For now,

I send you lots of love and positive energy.

Have a great rest of the week,

Everyone.

Thank you very much.

Bye for now.

Reviews

Excellent for both being relaxing and giving me something to strive towards.

Very clear, professional and exactly what I needed

Thank you so much.
Very grateful for your kind teachings.