Undressing Body Image

This time on Pretty Spiritual podcast we get real talking about body image. We share our personal histories and difficulties with body image and eating disorders. And of course, we'll let you know about the tools that have been helping us the most. It's all about practical spirituality! Learn how we use meditation for healing, how to include a gratitude prayer in the relationship you have with your body, and how to love and accept the body you have right now.

Transcript

Thanks for joining us here on Pretty Spiritual where we're attempting the unthinkable about how to navigate this messy,

Beautiful,

Imperfect life with spiritual tools,

What,

Principles,

And our own personal stories.

So we're not experts,

We're not religious,

We're definitely silly.

We're honest,

Real,

And willing to share.

So join us as we connect,

Bond,

And grow together.

Hey everybody,

Welcome back to Pretty Spiritual.

We're glad you're here.

Pretty Spiritual is here.

So today we are talking about body image.

And this is a really tender topic.

So if you're sensitive about your body or you're wrestling with your body image,

We want to say you're not alone.

Who's not?

Seriously.

And also we want you to know that we think you're glorious exactly as you are.

So I love getting nerdy little facts.

So in preparation for this,

Of course I had to go look up the definition of body image.

Yeah,

Yeah,

I need all the definitions.

Thank you.

And actually,

Womenshealth.

Gov is a really great resource for all things women's health related.

So just check it out if you want information.

But the definition of body image per womenshealth.

Gov was your body image is what you think and how you feel when you look in the mirror or when you picture yourself in your mind.

So this includes how you feel about your appearance,

What you think about your body itself,

Such as your height and weight,

And how you feel within your own skin,

Which I mean,

That changes for me all the time,

Like minute to minute.

Body image also includes how we behave as a result of our thoughts and feelings.

So you might have a positive or negative body image.

And remember body image isn't always related to weight or size.

So reading this,

It really brought home to me that body image is all in my mind.

It really doesn't have a lot to do with facts.

It's just how I feel about myself.

Oh,

Life.

We just wanted to talk about it and get real about it a little bit and think,

I mean,

All three of us girls talk about this a lot.

We talk about body image issues a lot.

And how can we use spiritual tools so that we can cultivate more positive body image for ourselves and maybe just kind of have a conversation about the fact that it's hard,

It's real.

I love myself,

I love myself,

I love how formations help so much.

So we're just going to share some short personal stories about our experience with body image.

Miss Lindsay Poney,

Why don't you start us off?

It is my honor and naturally I'm just going to have to go ahead and start off with my glory story of being in the sixth grade and being the tallest girl with the largest chest size.

Yeah.

I can't understand my fall from grace when I never grew again.

And I am still the size of an 11 year old,

Height five two on a good day.

And for sure,

A cup.

So the boob part may be a little generous of my memory.

Or perhaps just my perception of my body image.

My body image continues to be quite skewed today.

Oh,

There are so many places to be able to go with this and with body image.

And I'm just going to bring it to the present right now because that's the best place for me to come from.

But I just want to say that this has been such a long journey.

And I'm really grateful for all the things that came before and what's sure to come after.

And so I think that this is really a topic we could talk more about forever,

Always.

So what's really up for me right now in the body image is the awareness of how much time I have spent wanting a different body than the one that I have.

And really not even being aware of that at all.

Just being in this constant like resistance and like hating of what is here and how it's not right.

I've run the gamut of starving myself only to gorge the next day and then punishing and hating myself for the next three months.

Then where I just like remain sedentary and do nothing.

But I want to have like,

You know,

The really buff arms,

But I don't want to do any work.

I relate.

I lived there for a really long time.

And what's really up for me now,

Though,

Instead of just like the physical like,

Wanting to look like someone else that does not have my body type,

I am not 5'8".

I'm just not.

My body is not going to look like that.

So I'm really just looking towards the future and the people around me.

I'm really a lot more interested in like posture work and being able to have mobility as an older person.

I see like people just walking around who,

You know,

Those women in the street who are bent over.

And I'm going,

Okay,

Stand up tall,

Shoulders back,

You know,

Like,

How can I,

What little things can I do today to have the awareness of what's going to keep me mobile longer.

That really helps me focus less on like the bumps and the cellulite that I'm obsessed with.

Or if only I could just be taller or if I looked this way,

Then,

You know,

That just goes around and around.

It's taken a long time and a lot of work and a lot of help to realize that this is just my flesh bag holding my bones and my guts together so that,

So I can execute duties.

So now like the real question for me is how to keep it in good enough shape that I'm going to be able to schlep it around for the next 45 years.

Naturally,

My true hope is that science will provide me with a nice young able body,

Body transplant,

But it has not done so yet.

I really like the flesh bag thing.

They say that in Buddhism and it freaked me out.

I was like,

Well,

With nine weeping orifices,

I was like,

Well guys,

That's a pleasant image.

Buddhist truth bombs dropped.

Okay,

So yeah,

I also have a pretty long and painful history with my body.

I feel like,

Yeah,

We just all do.

For me,

Food was this like first way that I escaped when I was little.

It was like my first kind of way of like numbing out,

Checking out.

I was really overweight as a child and when I was in high school developed eating disorders and I started like really doing the work of healing probably about starting about five years ago,

Maybe more than that,

Maybe like seven.

And today my food bottom lines are that I don't binge and I don't starve.

And for me that is things work if I'm doing that.

Okay,

So I remember being at this monastery,

It was winter and I was like really,

Just like the food stuff was exploding for me.

I was like waking up in the middle of the night,

Binging and then going back to bed.

I was also like living in a community.

So I was like stealing community food,

Which people weren't excited about that.

So I'd like wake up,

Binge hard,

Go back to bed in the morning,

You know,

Because we got up the first period of meditation was at 4.

20 a.

M.

And so I'd wake up with like chocolate on my face and like in my sheets and that like horrible feeling in your mouth where you like ate lots of sugar and then you like,

Anyways,

Not a pretty thing in the morning.

So I'd wake up,

Be so disgusted and then try so,

So,

So,

So hard to like control and manage my food intake during the day slash starve and then the cycle repeats.

So I was like really in this like awful place with it and I was sitting in the Zendo in the meditation hall wearing my robes,

My monks robes,

Big black robes.

You can't see anything like someone might as well not have a body under there,

You know,

For like all you can see.

And I was sitting in meditation,

Just my mind like this roiling mess and feeling like,

Oh,

I'm like exploding out of my body and I'm so disgusting and I can't stand it.

And I had this moment where,

You know,

It was like that awake thing inside of me being like,

Hey,

What does it feel like though?

Like these are your thoughts about what it's like,

But what does it actually feel like?

And I had this like moment of grace where I came into my body and I was like,

Oh,

It feels fine.

You know,

Like the suffering was really just me torturing myself in my own mind with like,

You know,

The like shame and self loathing that would happen for me in those cycles was really intense.

There's been some changes since then,

You know,

But for me,

That's like the beginning of when my attitude and perspective and willingness really started shifting away from what does it look like,

Slash like how can I control,

Manage,

Size and shape and now it's a lot more like how can I feel the best in here?

Like what are the causes and conditions that make it easiest for me to be present in my body and feel good?

I'm going to pass the mic to Annie.

I love that what you said about shifting from wanting to control the size and the shape to getting inside to what does it feel like in here?

And when it feels good,

Tell yourself it feels good,

Tell yourself it feels good,

It feels good in here,

I love myself,

I love myself.

These are really mine.

We're doing it.

Relaxing little tune.

So I realized that I really had vanity and body image mixed up as far as what they meant and I love this quote from the,

That I read earlier that body image also includes how you behave as a result of your thoughts and feelings and that just made so much sense to me because I really have a thing that I'm practicing a lot and as I,

You know,

Have different experiences come up and I work through inventories and like these spiritual tools that I have,

The thing that is really up in my life is this kind of people pleasing and submissiveness and it's just so prevalent and it really is kind of just sneaky control but like how that ties into body image is it's so dependent on me having other people approve of me for me to have things go the way that I want them to or me to think that I have control of the situation and so of course like woven so deep into that is this idea of how I look impacts how people are going to respond to me and that if I can control what I look like and if it's pleasing then things will be better for me.

I'll get what I want.

I won't get in trouble.

I'll be safe or power.

I'll be happy.

Whatever it is.

So seductive.

It is so seductive and it's interesting to see because it's uncomfortable.

I'm like oh I have these super murky patterns that don't,

They aren't based on a lot of logic and they take a lot of maneuvering but like both you girls have been talking about if the package doesn't look a certain way then there's this kind of self-loathing and fear of like uh oh the show's not going to go off well.

I don't know if that makes quite sense but like total sense.

Yeah so I predict how others are going to perceive me and how I feel about myself and then I act accordingly.

So if I feel attractive like so authentic.

Yeah it's really,

It's just like very authentic stuff.

Please love me.

Please love me.

Yeah it's wild.

So it's like if I feel attractive then I'll like go out with this confidence in the world which I don't think that's a bad thing per se but I will assume that people will receive me in a different way and then or if I feel like if my pants don't fit.

Throw the pants away gals.

Stretchy pants forever.

For life.

For life.

I will like act less than you know and people respond to that so it's like this energetic thing of me I feel less than and of course the world's going to kind of react to me in that way and so I've just been noticing a lot of that stuff coming up lately and having a little bit of compassion and room for it and throughout my life I just turned 40 and when I say just I mean six months ago.

She's a little baby fresh from the wood.

Oh that's funny.

She's rubbing her heart right now everyone.

We're speaking in truth here people.

Oh my gosh.

So but I kind of all my adult life I've fluctuated five and ten pounds you know I've always been kind of the same weight but like it'll ebb and flow and it really impacts how I feel about myself and whether I'm happy or not happy or if I'm good or I'm not good and recently I've been doing a lot of this body work like this acupuncture and this healing stuff and it's like it's hard emotional work and I am tired a lot and I have just been a little bit more patient with the fact that I don't have the energy to exercise a lot right now and so like I mentioned some of my pants don't fit super great right now and usually that would spur a lot of self-loathing and anger and I've been given this grace recently of just like oh this too is going to change because I am an active person and I do like moving and can I just like be kind with myself right now while I'm not what I think I'm supposed to be.

So kindness.

I don't know I'm thinking of this as like the messiness of healing you know like it doesn't look how I want it to.

Not linear folks.

Yeah so I'm just kind of trying to practice not being anger with myself and not punishing my body into being something that it's not right now and so for me that's like my best version of a positive body image right now is just like being kind.

Preach.

Set the pants on fire.

Set the pants on fire.

Leggings.

And Fuego.

Meditation really helps have some room around that kind of like auto responsive anger.

So speaking of meditation let's talk about some tools like body image is something that most people in the world struggle with so we're not bad if we're having a hard time with this but what are some of the tools that we can use to kind of shift out of that place when we are really spun out or caught up or angry or scared.

Ella what's some stuff that you're working with right now?

Oh yeah thank you.

So like I said it's really helpful for me to like physically be in my body experiencing what it physically feels like rather than thinking about what it looks like.

The note I have about this says real time shower pause.

So that's what I'm going to tell you guys.

Oh exciting note.

So it's really it's not that exciting.

It's just real time shower pause here we go.

So this morning I was in the shower most mornings that happens.

Wow brag.

Already miracles happening.

And when I'm in the shower it's like the first time that I am maybe like being like really present with my body and oftentimes I don't like what's happening.

So I'll be in the shower and I have some health problems and oftentimes I have joint pain,

Headaches,

Stuff like that worse in the morning.

So I'll be physically uncomfortable and then once in a while like this morning,

Not once in a while,

Frequently I'll amend that,

Frequently I'll also be having thoughts about how my body should look different.

It's the perfect time.

Such a good combo for the shower.

So okay I'm in the shower and I notice that my mind is kind of like weird obsessing picking apart and then also planning strategizing to do listing about the day.

So the first thing is like I notice that's happening and then I just stop like I just stop,

Just stop,

Stop it.

And I put my hand on my heart and I'm just like offering love,

Taking some breaths and just like my belly okay or just you know like even just coming into my body enough to be like I don't like this.

Even if I'm just coming into my body to be like I don't feel good you know like just that moment makes such a big difference for me.

That's an especially important thing to do when the idea of doing it makes me want to die like when the idea of being like loving and kind to my body is like like triggering my like gag reflex is when I need to do it most and for me the tool is and forgive me people of the world because I really hated this suggestion when I first heard it.

I was like surely that's there must be a different solution but it's the body I have right now.

That's the tool.

The body that is right here in this moment.

It's not the body I'm gonna have after two weeks of starving and drinking a questionable mixture of maple syrup and cayenne pepper and lemon you know like only for months.

So healthy.

Just kidding if you're doing that cool like I've been there.

I've done it everybody.

There's no shame here.

So it's not it's not the body I'm gonna have in two weeks.

It's not the body I had when I was 22.

It's just this body this imperfect uncomfortable fleshy painful little animal body that's right in front of me and for me that is it feels so counterintuitive to start with acceptance of what's right here like it feels wrong.

It's like oh that's the opposite of a solution you know like but it's not acceptable.

Why should I accept it?

It's like just starting with like where I'm at right now and being physically embodied and like the more I do that the more I find myself taking loving care of my body which means like eating things that make me feel good and doing physical therapy and so it's it's like a the same way that cycles that are unhealthy are progressive and compound cycles that are healthy do the same thing for me.

So it's like for me if I'm doing that I'm I'm just naturally liking or loving my body more based on the actions I take toward it and when I do that it gets easier to come back into my body because I don't I'm not constantly trying to get away from the thing I just did to make myself feel better.

I just set myself up for having the easiest possible time coming back into this moment and into my own body which I'm doing again right now.

Thanks Ella.

Nice deep breaths.

What about you Lindsay?

What are you working with?

Well the two simplest tools that I'll bring up right now are gratitude and then perception.

So those are the main and I'm just gonna talk all the way around those right but condensed its gratitude and perception and I really liked how we've been talking about the results of our thoughts and feelings and what essentially becomes a circular self hate spiral for myself right because I'm wanting things to be different I'm not an acceptance right these are my thoughts and my beliefs and then I'm actively living from that place of like self hatred and so this really is where the power lies the recognizing this is a product of our results and of our thoughts and feelings I can challenge my thoughts and so that's that's kind of the bigger outer one some ways that I some some ways are like soft entry before getting into that right like what has really helped me they're just kind of simple things are going to bath houses where real bodies are okay where I can take off the lenses of this Photoshop and the only thing that's been around me I was so upset when I finally realized that I had been comparing myself to computer images like preach girl oh my god this I literally had to write an inventory about it I was so upset and also there was freedom there and so going to the bath houses I go there and I like celebrate these women I celebrate these bodies and the form and like the function right because that's really what it's about the the form and the function that it's providing and that's really where the gratitude comes in for me I have this body that is able right now I have this mobility that I can strengthen and do stretches that can benefit me in the long run that you know I I think about this a lot because I had a boyfriend who was paralyzed and I know sometimes I hate bringing that up but I can't express enough the what that did to my perception in a real like deep way that doesn't mean that like every day I'm like oh yeah of course I know I have legs and I'm gonna like run and jump it's quite the opposite but there is like this reverberation of gratitude of like I can take the stairs with my feet so gratitude and then perception the perception part really comes when I go and get myself around real bodies and when I'm around other women and lowering my expectations and being realistic I can't believe how many times on Instagram I was following all of these women just making myself so sick how they have all these pictures of their abs and all these things that they're doing and you know I don't know their lives and go you like excellent I truly admire you and want what you have but it does not make me feel good and I went and I completely cleaned out my Instagram I do not have people on there who are just showing me their perfect faces and selfies and bodies I don't want that I want something much deeper now that was that was a big turning point for me was the media that I was consuming and changing that and you know following people who are like smart who are interesting who have different viewpoints are different than me and of course puppies and kitties the puppy video okay savior who that's all you need when you're like just wallowing around and self-loathing and self-pity is just get yourself some puppy videos okay and if you don't know any of them we'll link we are happy to make let me tell you what and I guess the last thing that I do is is just stop the compare and despair please just stop it come back to the gratitude of this is who you are this is your body it's your one body your one precious life this is your flesh bag like what can you do with it and you know every time I see something I hate or that I want to change because I'm human and that still comes up like I'm not living in this like I said this is not linear this is not perfect I definitely have my like big step backs and where I'm at the gym and you know there I am like doing something good for myself enjoying it and I'll catch myself looking at myself in the mirror like oh and what I do is once I recognize what I'm saying I challenge that thought I'm like okay well maybe that's true and then I say five things about myself that are 100% true you know I have long hair it's very pretty that's something I can be happy about you know and sometimes it's really hard I'm like okay you know my knees are pretty great you got long lashes oh look at that and so if you can't find five things there's usually someone around and you can ask them something nice about yourself and people will tell you because the greatest thing that I remind myself all the time is that people do not see me the way that I see me and so going to my friends and my community and the resources that I have and just asking for them to tell me some things about myself has really been helpful I love it they're amazing yeah these are really good simple action items that we can do when we get caught in a spin cycle I have another one that we talked about in our vanity episode which I believe will be airing we're sure hoping there's a learning curve on the editing that is occurring listen the future is uncertain and you just never know what you're gonna get we're gonna tease some stuff and whatever is in store we're just gonna say it's on the spiritual path mystery flavor in this vanity episode one of the tools that I talked about and I want to bring up for this one because it's really simple and it helps me is it's just the no mirror moment when I am really caught up in my story and it's painful and like prayers not helping and meditation and like simple kind of loving myself I just don't look in the mirror go ahead and break it yeah like anything that I see it's it's not gonna be true it's gonna be really distorted and it's there's gonna be a cruelty there that is not needed so just I just avoid mirrors for the day if things are really out of whack and then another one is that my best spiritual tool is actually looking towards helping others and not thinking about myself so when I'm really caught up in how do I look how does that make me feel how do I need to feel different so that I'm okay I'm way too self-centered at that moment and so if I can shift towards who can I be of service of and it can be something as simple as sending a text to someone who I know is having a hard day something to kind of flip it around so that I remember that my purpose on this planet isn't to make myself feel good but to actually be of service to other people and not in a doormat way like that people-pleasing I was talking about earlier but in a way where I'm literally like useful and vital and helpful I can call someone who's suffering like bigger picture if this is a big chronic thing I can find some volunteer work to do to help my community like this self-esteem we've been talking about this of like doing beautiful stuff makes me feel beautiful I can write a snail mail letter to a relative or old friend like I love getting mail and so if I'm writing someone a letter it makes me feel really good anything just to kind of give kindness to someone else and then that in turn starts to fill up a little bit more love to myself because a lot of times this negative body image is coming from a place of like my wells really empty yeah cultivating the kindness it's I love that yeah because so then it can be there for me when I'm doing what I do by nature right now so if I've cultivated some kindness it's I can feel what that feels like for other people and then hopefully like have it for myself when it's not doesn't seem so available usually we had a little compassion bank awesome well it's so nice talking with you ladies about this and if you all have any thoughts on this or if you want to chime in you can see us on Instagram we're at pretty spiritual podcast we're on email send us your puppy videos pretty spiritual podcast at gmail.

Com is our email we'd love to get anything and all the things very much looking forward to that ps thank you so much to our listeners on insight timer who are saying hi we read some of your comments before we started recording and we couldn't stop smiling oh we needed I thought it was gonna be my mom like 15 times but it was all you sweet humans around the globe so thank you thanks mom what are we gonna talk about on our next episode oh I'll take it from here so next time we're gonna be talking about craving the realm of the hungry ghost it's gonna get spooky y'all again we can't we can't afford sound effects yet this is high-priced tune in next time bye bye can't wait we love you

Reviews

Thank you for making me feel normal

Thank you for your stories. It always hits home hearing about others experiences with how caught up you can get with your happiness, contentment and self acceptance completely depending on how you think other people are seeing you.

Loved it!!!❤️❤️❤️

Love the idea of taking inventory, and finding those 5 beautiful attributes about your body! What a simple, effective way to shift your perspective! 🙏 🥰

Fun and helpful! Thanks! I’ll check out your podcast!

I'm one big fan, thank you so much for sharing and encouraging!
loads of love from Germany

If offer to you, my Sisters in Spirit, my deepest gratitude for sharing your medicine with us in such an honest, authentic, humors and brilliant manner. Thank you for having the courage to show up in this life experience exactly as you are...in doing so, you are giving myself, and the collective, permission to do the same. May you continue to radiate out from your heart your own, sacred light so that all whom you encounter may be illuminated by their own. Your message in this episode was powerful, thought provoking and a bit painful for me to sit with...thank you for your tenderness, kindness, compassion and humor ~ for holding space with me. Many, many blessings. Sat Nam

I love all of the openness and honesty and getting to learn from the experiences shared here- thank you! + laughing = hell yeah

I love this one, really helpful tips and so good to hear your stories and wisdom in a wonderfully light hearted way! Thank you beautiful ladies, much love 💜x

So motivating and down to earth and thank you.

Super fun to listen to, very informative. I appreciate your authenticity and personal sharing, which I believe will touch many peoples lives. XOXO❤️🧚💜

Great talk! Insightful, funny -- good stuff. Thank you!