Transcending Our Egos – Freeing Our Souls

Spring is here with its beautiful feeling of renewal and that fresh green colour signalling new growth.

And new growth is happening within all the satsang attendees even if it is beginning on the etheric level and will take time to come into the physical.

Still, it will arrive. And what Premasudha saw coming was increased light entering into the open, yearning hearts of everyone at the satsang.

Every moment we are free to step forward into more truth and love that Amma models so spectacularly.

May we use our time here well!!!!

Speakers: Barrie, Andrea, Lalita

Transcript

Last week, I think it was Saskia, Talked about she had a moment where she felt fully present, And then her head came in and doubted it. And I just want to kind of put an exclamation mark, That is the journey, You guys. She became more present in that moment. That was a shift into her soul energy. And you know, The head will always come in and doubt it. But I wanted to highlight it, Because often, You know, Seekers don't know what it is. Like I was sitting with, I've told you, Several Amma devotees, And this experience of peace surrounded us. And it was Amma's energy, But this was not recognized. And everybody just kept talking. So that's why I'm wanting to spotlight it. Any shift you make physically into becoming more present is it. Yeah, Please. And, You know, Let the mind come in and doubt. Oh, Well. But any shift you have that you feel more present is basically permanent if you make room for it. If you don't disallow it, It will be permanent. Yeah, I really want to spell this out, And women particularly are good at this. We are living in the eternal now. There is the past and the present all going on at the same time. When we move into present, We are moving into our soul energy. This is where Christ said, You know, You are living, What is his expression, Basically the kingdom of God is, You're in it. We're in it, You guys. We're just hallucinating past and future. And when you come into the present moment, You are beginning to embody your soul energy. I want to really make this clear so that you've, Because there's so much confusion about the journey, You know. This is why witnessing is so important, That you can witness your intellect, Witness your thoughts, Because that will, Increasingly you will become more present in the now by doing that. And in order to do it in the first place, You have to become present in the now. So don't worry if you're not there yet. Like, Just, You will be. You will be. I'm just wanting you to see clearly what this work is and where we're going. And you know, When you go to sleep at night, You can go, Bring me into the now, Amma. You can imagine yourself in Amma's body, Sinking down deeply into Amma's body. That will bring you, That will help. Anything you do like that will help. A long-time client, OK, I'm going to say again, This is the heart of this work, The heart of what I teach. So I call it the compassionate way for a reason, Because it is self-compassion that brings us into the now. That is one way to do it. So there was a long-term client who had the experience of feeling compassion, Having a, Remembering a traumatic childhood memory, And she experienced compassion for the child that she was. OK, That experience of the child that she was is God. That is the creator. That is Amma. And that is the process of embodying. So she crossed over to open the door to her soul energy with this. And it can be built on. It is a physical, Emotional, Intellectual, It's a full multi-level experience when you feel this compassion for your child's self. Now there's some people who do it differently, Who wake up and move into truth differently. This is Prama Sutta's way, And it's the way I teach. The other thing, This is probably making no sense to some new people, But you know what? You'll notice maybe in the weeks that follow that you're a bit elevated by the experience of just being at the satsang, Just sitting here, Even if it's not understood. I would sit and listen to Abraham and not understand, And gradually I understood. Same with Amma. Gradually I understood the depth of what she was speaking about. It's just being patient and being open to learn. So the other thing that happened, This woman is kind of in a place where it's kind of the universe is going, Well, Do you want to leave the planet or do you want to evolve? So that is a very tough place, But it's very free. It's actually a huge blessing because we stop screwing around. We get on it when it's like that. And as we were talking, She had the experience of heat going through her body. Now, Anybody who's really familiar with my work knows that this is anger burning off. This is subconscious anger being released. She became freer just in that moment. And the body, You know, The body approach, It's like it gives access to unconscious material, Which is where our blocks live. They're there in our unconscious. And lots of times we just circle around in our consciousness and nothing changes much because we don't know how to get down to these blocks and allow them to be released. Now, The practice of meditation, The years and years of meditation gradually bring somebody to understand themselves, To know themselves more and more so they get more and more access to their unconscious. And when Amma hugs us, My experience is that the more we trust her, The deeper the unconscious healing, The deeper clearing of the blocks in our unconscious. This comprehension that Premasuddha is speaking from has come through, Not through my intellect, But through my body, Really, And through the experience of moving into the now. Moving into full presence gives you a comprehension that is far beyond anything that your little mind could figure out. And the challenge is to let go enough to allow yourself to come into presence. In some of you, Your ego has really got you on the run right now. Some of you in quite a severe way, And I have enormous empathy for that. But, You know, If I'm not getting through to somebody, I will step back to give them space to contemplate, Give them space to be with themselves. And it's the most loving thing I can do. But it doesn't feel like that to the person. When Amma was removing my ego, It didn't feel very good. And she would say, She said, She cannot be the friend, She cannot be your friend when she's removing your ego. This is transcendent training, You guys. It's got a very neighborly feel, But it is highly transcendent. It's not therapy. And with the people who are really having a hard time in their egos right now, Premasood is working very strongly with them energetically. To help, Just as I know Amma did this with me. Yeah, The teacher is always for us. The teacher is always serving us. We might not feel it. We might not see it. We might not acknowledge it. But it is the whole reason why the teacher is alive, And the teacher is woken up to the reason why they're in existence. So they just share. They can't do anything else. It's all they want to do. But they want to share with wisdom. Like Premasood, I'm learning. I'll tell you guys, I have had a vulnerability around flattery. What I would do, I'd hear some pretty words from somebody, And I'd go, Oh, They really see me. They get what I'm trying to do. And when I was facing so much being misunderstood, And over and over, I would get caught in it. I would get chummy with the flatterer. It does not work. It doesn't work at all. And then there'd be the moment of reckoning, And I'd realize that I was just circling around with this person's ego, Because they had pretty words for me. I mean, It's terrible. I think it's even in my astrology that I would be susceptible to flattery. It's like it was there, Hopefully less now. But really, It was quite a big obstacle. We all have them. And the reason I'm so open about this sort of thing is I'm wanting you guys to be open with yourselves, And just accept yourselves and your frailties. We all have them. But if you can see them and work with them, That's the thing. You know, We either have pride or wisdom, Really. That's why I think the old biblical thing, One of the seven sins or whatever, Is pride. Because really, If we've got pride, We will have no wisdom. You see it in people. Sometimes you can see it in really, Really rich people. I mean, Not all rich people are prideful. There are some who are very wise, But you can sure see it when they're coming from pride. Yeah. But we can come from pride and not be rich, You know. We could even have pride about having an orange cloak, Wearing an orange cloak. Pride is a problem all along. You have to watch for it. Pride or wisdom, Which do you want more? Pride's always lonely. It's always separate. It's always ego. And we all see through it, You know. I've said this many times, You guys. We think we have our little secrets and everything, But other people see through us all the time. They just don't tell us. You know, When we realize it, Really, There's nothing that works when we're not in truth, Really. It's just, The only thing that works is moving into truth. And you move into the present, You move into the now, You start accessing information you could not get any other way. And this information helps you live your life with skill and compassion. I also want to tell you, I can feel that I'm going to get blunter and blunter with you guys. I really think I'm quite a Cali. I think it's going to get more. But if you look at it like it's an operation, It's helping you out of your ego, It doesn't have to hurt. You know, In yoga, There's the focus on going up, Reaching up, And at the same time, Your legs, You push down to the center of the earth. So, It's going up and down. This is the human condition. We live with going up or going down. Now, There's a level that with yoga, With going up and going down, That is an embrace of the human condition as we're human and we're divine. So, It's very beautiful that way. And in your life, You will know what makes your consciousness rise and what makes your consciousness fall. If you stay present, You will notice. Like the food you eat, The people around you, Your activities, You will know. If anybody who sat and watched TV for an evening knows the feeling when you get up, You switch the TV off, And what you felt like. Or even nowadays, An hour of scrolling, You know what you feel like after. It's sort of like eating junk food. You know what you feel like. In fact, I really feel that people who are present can't eat junk food because they would be so aware of what it does to them. But if you're not present with your experience, Your physical experience, You could eat all that stuff and not realize how it was making you feel. So, Going up and down thing. You know, Amma talks about water runs down, But steam rises. And the more of a yearning for the Creator you have, The more you become like the steam and it rises. You just rise. So, The normal, Asleep human being will tend to fall in the course of their lifetime. They will tend to go down. And the whole human civilizations have this tendency, And it's why these figures like Amma or Christ or Krishna, They come every couple of thousand years to help us reorient, To come back up. So, We have to embrace both parts of ourselves, Our divinity and our humanity. And you know that story of the two birds in the tree, Where one bird is, You know, Looking for food, Focused on that. And then on a higher branch, There's another bird just observing. And that's like us and our souls. And you know, In the story, The closer the two birds get together, The better. The more you merge with your soul, The better. But if you're totally focused on living on this, In this earth plane, And making money and all the, You know, Pursuit of enjoyments and desires, You will totally forget about the other bird. You'll totally forget about your soul energy that's witnessing you. But the master is where the two merge. You know, The spiritual journey is really safe in the way that, Because God exists, This whole world is made out of unconditional love. And we eventually evolve off the earth plane. We all do. So, It's all very safe. It's really how long we want to take to do that. And the other thing is, It won't feel safe when we're caught in our stuff. And this is where you guys get caught. You know, Amma says it's way harder than most people realize to come into self-realization. And Premasuddha feels the reason is that, Just like Ramana Maharshi says, The ego, The thief dresses up like a policeman, Which is our ego, Dresses up like somebody in orange robes and gives us advice about what we need to do to evolve. And this is where so many people just get caught. They believe the masquerade. They believe the thief. But the thing is, Evolution should make you feel happier, Lighter, More present, More trusting, Expanded, More compassionate, More generous, More peaceful. And if that's not happening in your life, It's because either you're a beginner and you haven't made that much progress, Or you're listening to the policeman who's really a thief. You're listening to the policeman that your ego, That's how the ego has dressed the thief. Boom. You're listening to a false spiritual voice inside you, And this is so common, You guys. It is the hardest thing. It's the thing that I get faced with a lot working with you guys, Because it's way more loving than you think, Way more loving, Way more loving than your ego has any idea of. Remember, Your ego was born on the belief that you need protection against life, That life is unsafe. And it's the opposite. It's the ego that is unsafe. And the other thing, You guys, There's a lot of talk about trusting teachers, And I really get it. You do have to be careful. You do have to choose your teacher, But also understand that teachers have to see whether they can trust students, Whether the student is sincere. Really, It goes both ways. That's why it's the responsibility of a student to work with their sincerity. And to be able to see their own tricks, You guys, If you can see your own trickiness with a gentle heart, With the love, But see your own trickiness. Really, If you can do that, You can evolve. Most of us are stuck in, I'm the angel food cake and everybody's a devil food cake. You know, We have to be able to see that we're marble cakes, That we've got dark things in there too. It's like me being susceptible to flattery. That's exactly what I'm talking about. It's like I had to see it. Many times, I have to tell you, Many times. That's how it is. But the great safety of this work is it's so kind of results-oriented and so physical in its focus, Like on your bodies. And hopefully, This will help keep the static minimized, The static of the linear head minimized. And notice if you're doing any kind of miserable sinner, You guys, Because that's where all the crap comes from. The miserable, Oh, I'm doing it wrong. Oh, Mom, Don't do that. Don't do that. It's good. Notice how you're feeling in your body right now. Notice if you're feeling more present or not. That's it. That's it. You know, Your lack of presence will be in your meditation. Whatever you need to face will be there in your meditation. Practice. I told you that I had a peaceful mind. This was when I was in my 50s. My mind was peaceful. But every time I meditated, There was this sort of feeling of gravel somewhere. I don't know how to explain it. It was like a little bit rocky, A little bit gravel-y. And I never thought to myself, Okay, What's this about? Like, Oh, I can face this. What is it? I just sort of kept meditating on top of it. And so, I got, You know, I got forced into dealing with it by life. But I could have done it in my meditation more proactively. You know, I could have opened the door just in my meditation rather than avoiding it and having life force me to deal with it. I'm seeing light in all of your hearts, In everybody's heart. And I'm seeing how much the soul energy behind this light is wanting to come into your lives more. It's wanting to manifest. Yeah. You know, Just saying things like let this light manifest at the highest good pace can set it in motion, Can open the door. Our souls are always listening to us and what we're thinking and what our decisions are. That's it. Yeah, It's interesting. And this is, Again, The heart of what I'm wanting to say this time. You know, If we're just on the journey emotionally, You know, Say we love Amma, We want to serve, But it's coming from just our emotions, Our emotional body. We won't get very far and we'll keep losing our faith, Really. It won't hold. You need to have something sturdier. You need to have a decision in there, The decision to evolve. This is the trouble with many of your journeys is it's emotional. So, You get dissuaded easily. You get like, Oh, This isn't working. And you stand on the wall of ambivalence. It's a decision. It is. It's like a moral decision. It's like, I'm going to free the light within me. I'm going to make this world a better place. And I'll face what I have to. And very few people make that choice, In my experience. Any single step you make is good work. It's like, Amma says, You know, I heard her say, Don't make it worse. Like, Don't add to it. If you think of the Christmas Carol and Marley's ghost and the big chains he was carrying when he walked, These are the chains of our fears and vasanas and karma that we bring from life to life. And depending how we live a life, That chain either gets lighter or it gets bigger. You know, Or in the case of realization, It's nullified. It dissolves. It's that real. I'm feeling you guys lose focus here. I'm feeling how much many of you do not want to admit this. It's like, You know, Often Westerners, We don't want things to ruin our fun. It's true. It's like, I remember I had a family when I was, I was good friends with my best friend's family. They were very nice, But they'd say to me, Janet, Don't be heavy. It's like, If I said anything thoughtful or deep at all, Oh, Janet, Don't be heavy. We're like this. It's why we're all getting depressed now, You know, Because the universe is asking us to evolve, Wake up. We want either lighten our karma, Clothe this life, Or we'll make it bigger. One or the other. I can feel it. It's like you guys, I'm hitting a wall of where it's like you didn't realize that really I am talking about the truth. It's sort of like it's not a hobby. It's not entertainment. I'm talking about the truth of things. That's what this work is. And some of you aren't prepared for it. I can feel it. That's okay. It's okay. Maybe you'll have a dream that will prepare you. It's okay. You know, It's just your journey's not going to work well until you come to that level of non-attachment in a way. You'd have to be more non-attached to really get that every single action that you take matters. It's like Amma says, The Creator's always watching us. Our soul's always watching us. Yeah. I can feel this game thing, Like the Westerners. It's like, Tell me the rules and I'll play the game. Don't make it too serious though. I'll get scared. But it's not scary, You guys. It's kind of truth is like freeing. You come into peace. You know, If you're going somewhere, Would you rather have a false map or a real map? Do you want a map that just takes you going round and round in circles? Or do you want a map that tells you how to get from A to B? Yeah, I can still feel a bit of fudging. It's very interesting. We have to be very patient with ourselves, You guys. I had so many tricks, You know. I mean, This is where all the knowledge has come from was the enormity of my ego and the amount of intelligence it took to dissolve it. How much I had to see how corrupt I was and how resistant I was. When you dare see these things in yourself, They dissolve. Yeah, Okay. That's freedom for some of you to realize that. They dissolve. You just have to see them, You guys. You don't have to fix. You just see it. It's just like me seeing how all caught in flattery. It does not work. You see it. The child that is highly bonded to a loving mom has the freest intelligence. Our intelligence develops the best in a loving, Playful, Stable environment. Many of us didn't get that. So, We struggle with the journey a bit. But if you keep turning to God, It all gets healed out so it's as if you were profoundly loved. It's like you can be remothered by mama or by any loving teacher. You can be, I was going to say remarried, Remothered. Well, Remarried, You know, The sacred marriage, The innocent male and female getting together. Well, The light that I see in your heart is stronger and there's less resistance to it. The other thing, You guys, Some of you have told me this, That, You know, I would say something and you decide that it was just wrong and then would ignore it. And it's kind of like, Be careful with that because it can shut the door to your comprehension. If you think you have a, There's a teacher who knows, Then just sit with not understanding what they're saying. Just sit with it. Just leave it open. That's what I did with Amma. When Amma said something I didn't get, I didn't go, Oh, Amma, You're wrong. I went, I don't see how that's possible. And I just left it open until I comprehended. Comprehension comes. If you get lifted up, You will comprehend a lot of things that used to leave you confused or that you thought were not true. Lots of times when I'm working with you guys, When I'm working with your egos, Sometimes I will feel like the things that I say that are tailor-made just for you to help you see yourself clearly and move past the ego are exactly the things that just get dropped and ignored. They get dropped and ignored because your ego doesn't want you to pay attention to them. But that's also where I'll draw back if I've said something over and over and over. I will just draw back and give you space to see what I'm talking about. And there's no, You know, There's no, It's all okay. There's no agenda. I mean, It's like, You know, We all have our journeys. We all, It's all, It's all good. It's just Pramasutha has to take care of the creator within her. Yeah. All teachers have to do that and follow the guidance of the creator within them. And they can't really go against that for anybody. But really, The progress you guys are making when we get together, It is happening energetically. And some of it is starting like happening on the etheric plane. Okay. So, When I'm seeing this light coming into your hearts, This is actually on the etheric plane. It will take time to come in, But it's coming in. Right. Okay. Some of you really accepted that. That's it. Yep. And it's interesting because I'm seeing one particular person really accepted that. And then I started, It started to happen in their physical. That is the point of transcendence, You guys. It happens kind of in our experience. It's kind of a, It's kind of a decision, But it's not a head decision. And we feel the shift in our experience, In our human experience, In our physical experience. That's gold. This is why I talk about the importance of the feminine, Because it's the emotional and the physical. And it's been so ignored. And that's part of why the spiritual journey, So many people just circulate in this false spirituality. And Pramasutha thinks that's why I'm a hux, But I can't say for sure. Who knows? But it's a physical experience. It's not theoretical. And tears, You know, Tears often come as we're receiving love, As our egos are melting. It's very good. The tears of being receptivity to it all. It's very good. Any of you can ask me for a phone call, Okay? Anytime. If you're attending satsangs regularly, Any of you, Just contact me. We can talk. And remember, You know, Often when we're circulating around in our ego, And stuck in our ego, We don't realize it. And, You know, It can be shocking when the teacher backs off, But it's sort of like, It's just a feedback. It's feedback coming to help you transcend, You guys. We have to transcend. We can't get out of our egos without transcending them. We transcend. We grow beyond who we are. We become more. We transcend our old ego limits. We transcend our old understanding. It's like a seed grows, Sprouts and grows. A baby's born and grows. Some of you, Your tears, Yeah, Sweet ones. It's good, It's tears of surrender. It's good, Good, Good. Bless your hearts. You're always held, You know, The universe. We're so loved. And we have divine energies around us helping. We just, You know, We have at least one guardian angel. We've got relatives that have passed over that are helping us. For those who know Amma, You know, You have Amma. Actually, All you have to do is call on Amma and she'll come if you haven't met her. There's some days where you might wake up cold, Contracted, And in heavy separation, You guys. You can go through states like that on the journey. Just be with them. This is why I make myself available to you, Because that stuff would happen to me. And now I see why it happened and how it was actually helping me. It's why I learned to transcend. And so we can get a very contracted experience. And if you're in something like that, Understand that you're outgrowing it. It's coming up. It is a level of vibration that you're clearing, That you're allowing to clear. You're not going to be stuck in it forever. This is where we get stuck. We get, Oh gosh, We can't go near the journey because we'll have these states and we'll be stuck forever in some dark place. You won't. You won't. You're clearing it. It's clearing from your physical, Emotional, It's clearing from your organism. You're rising in vibration, And that's why you're coming into this experience. Please, This is where this work came from. I realized all this stuff was just clearing. I wasn't getting stuck in it. It was just clearing. I was being lifted up. Yeah, You're all being lifted up out of this stuff. See, The ego will say, Oh, This spiritual journey is not safe. Stop, Stop, Stop. And then you could, People do step off and they get stuck in that stuff for their lifetime. But if you're on the journey and you go, Okay, It's clearing. I'm doing my practices. I'm listening to my teachers. You'll be lifted right out of this stuff. I mean, Premises of this stuff, I got out of it without teachers. This is where this knowledge comes from. Some of you are getting OD'd. It's like the yawns are starting. Okay. I just like kids in kindergarten. It's okay. If you've ever, You know, I trained as a kindergarten teacher and with five-year-olds, If you ever address five-year-olds, You've got about 10 minutes and then it will be like you're facing a hall of worms. They just start moving in every direction. Yeah. Does anybody have any questions or comments? It's Barry. I jumped right in. Yeah, Go for it. Yeah. No, It's just one basic thing I wanted to say. I know that I'm trying to be genuine as much as I can in all my interactions, Really. But I also, Watching the ego, I guess it is, That is always wondering how much people like me. Yeah, That's what I wanted to say, That it's always kind of there. That's a part of it, That that thought is going on. Just embrace it. Some stuff, Just embrace it. I mean, You know, A lot of the stuff is just chronic, You know, It's like anything, Feelings like that, You know, It's okay. Okay. Just embrace it. Yeah. Okay. But I was getting more centered earlier when we started and I was yawning a bunch and it felt good. So, Yeah, Group energy. Yeah. And remembering with the desire for acceptance, The more we accept ourselves, The more others accept us. So just keep on, You know, I talk about a focus on self-compassion, Just constant. Yeah. And is there any, Because I've heard there's a healthy ego. I just wondered if you think there is. You know, I don't even want to answer that. I don't even want to go near it. It's like. Okay. I was just curious. It's just different people saying different things. You say one thing, Someone says another. And I was curious. Well, You have to decide who you think knows more. I know. I know. Like, Hello. I'm really unsure is all I'm saying. Yeah. Well, Yeah. May it all become clear. Yeah. Okay. Is anybody else have a question or comment? This is the time to speak, Sweet ones. Maybe you all have total comprehension. Maybe you're going to cycle off. Okay. I'll make a comment. I found it really helpful when you talked about recognizing the things within yourself and not to like to accept them and to just be able to recognize them. And for some reason, There's always been walls around that for me, Like, Almost like, Right, Like, You're a bad person. You're just a bad person. And I know it's very freeing. Actually, When you said that, I felt like I had permission to just see myself clearly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That time when you when it was just wallpaper, Right? You had that shift, And you realized it was just wallpaper that was stopping you. It wasn't anything real. Yeah. So, You know, I think a much bigger comprehension is going to come in quite seamlessly now. Yeah, I feel that. Yeah. And I feel like this whole miserable sinner that you've struggled with so much is the miserable sinner of things dead. Really? Yeah. Because you want to live. And you're dumping the shit, But right? Yeah. Yeah. And good. Yeah. This is what happens, You guys, It's when push comes to shove. We we move. Yeah. And that's why we get these big challenges. Yeah, To help free us. Yeah. Yeah. You know, You guys, We're not really human. Please, Like, We are souls. And this is why I'm going to get blunter and blunter and blunter, Because we're souls. We're just masquerading as these humans. So, Increasingly, You know, The focus will be on freeing your souls, Which is why you're here. Good. Wow. There's wow. Thanks, Andrea, For speaking, Because that is true. It's so many people in where you are making this shift. I feel this fresh air coming in. And again, It may be happening on the etheric level, But it will come into the physical. That's how it starts. You guys, The change starts on the etheric, And it comes down to the physical. It's like how our diseases happen. They start in the etheric, And it comes down into the physical. Same with our freedom. We sort of get used to the idea. It happens, It gradually happens on the etheric, And then it comes into your bodies. That's why patience is needed. And that's why, Like, The spiritual journey is real, Even though it's slow. So sometimes we go, Is this really working? It takes time. And the other thing is, It's how strongly you're yearning or how conflicted you are. If you're really conflicted, It will be very slow. Next Saturday will be the day for the dreams and memories, That saying. I'm feeling a little sad right now, Just with like a feeling as if I didn't quite find you. And how subtle it is on the journey, The yes or the no, Or the surrender or the running from. I remember Amma was very sad with me. I went up to get prasad on Tuesday and she passed it to me with great sadness. And I was like, Why are you so sad, Amma? Like the next one, I had a hug. Why are you sad? And then by asking that question, I got how I was avoiding her. By asking the question of why are you sad, I opened the door to receive her guidance. And many of the West were scared of that kind of intimacy, You know, And that kind of vulnerability. And, You know, I understand, And we can't force, We have to be patient with ourselves. Me telling you that I felt sad actually caused some shifts to occur, So it's all good. It's all good. This is why I'm so big on transparency, Because there's such a power in the transparent innocence, And it does the work, The work gets done that way. Okay, Last call for questions. Hi Premasuda, Lalita. Lalita, Hi, Sweet one. Yeah, I got your email. Thank you. How are you? Yeah, Like I'm surfing these waves I've been observing. And today this contemplation or realization came that I've been so numbing myself my whole life. And it was mistaken as a strength because I didn't feel I was avoiding this pain, Right? So there is this pattern is still here. And I feel it now I observe it like this blocking, You know, And then those emotions just accumulate and I can't, You know, Control them. So I just wanted to share this is kind of happening these days. And I'm in. . . Okay, So more words about what's happening, You're feeling how you're blocked? Yes, I'm observing this pattern of numbness, Like numbing. And it takes time for me to feel the emotion. Like it comes later, Like delayed, So I can see it, Recognize it, Right? And move like feel it really feel it in my body. And I think that was the reason also why I'm sick because I'm facing some health issues my whole life almost. So it was a strong realization for me. So is it like that you're just more around the numbers? Is it like that you have an encounter with somebody? And then afterwards, You realize what you should have said or? Yeah, Kind of. Yeah. Because my mind feels like it's completely blurred, Right? In the moment, I can't express like what I want to say what I feel. But later I can it comes eventually. But yeah. So just noticing that's good. What's bothering me with what you're saying is, I feel like there's an energy underneath where it's kind of like you think it's kind of hopeless, Or you've kind of given up. It seems like such a big thing, Like impossible. And that's not true. It's a measure sweet one of the bigness of the journey that you set out on that you feel like it. It's like all too much. It isn't. It's the journey to self realization for the people that are really sincere. It is a huge journey to pay attention to all this material and all the subtleties. Right, Right. So it is like this, Just what you're going through. It is like this. I had the feeling with like with your email, Like that I had the feeling that I couldn't reply to it because there was something about it that was so kind of boxed, Even though you were telling me about things, But it was kind of somehow boxed, And not open, And like less open than you've been. Right. So it feels really good to say this to you. So how do you feel when you when you hear it? Yeah, It's hard to say for me really how to how I feel. No, You have to, You know. I feel a lot of heat, A lot of heat in my body. A lot of heat? Because I think it relates to anger. It does. Yeah. It's burning off, Sweet one. Mm-hmm. Okay, This is what I want you to get. It's like, It's like, Premasutha's done the journey. I know. Like, Please, I know what I'm saying to you is true. It's like, Don't hold on to this stuff in ambivalence. Like, Take the hand that I'm offering you. Like, Andrea, Right? You've had enough time about the transcendent body approach. It's like, You really get it, Right? And you see, Yeah. Now, Andrea's known me for like 30 years. Okay, So it's easier, But I won't be able to respond to you if I feel this kind of ambivalence and a willful kind of wanting to stay small. So, You'll just know if I don't reply to your emails, It's because of that. You're not in trouble, Sweet one. I'm trying to free you. Okay, This is very interesting. Patriarchal women, Women in the patriarchy, I'll tell you guys, If you didn't know, Have a, I think, A double fear of waking up. They just, It's like, They think they're going to be murdered or something. Bound feet. There's something in there, Lalita, That's holding you. It's something like bound feet or, You know, A witch fire or something. There's something that stops you from fully digesting all this. Yeah. And part of you wants to stay there. It's okay. How do you feel when I say that? Honest, Honest, Honest. Yeah, I feel there is something, Yeah. There's maybe from past also, I can't tell. But there is this block, I feel. Yeah. Yeah, You're much stronger than you know, Sweet one. Say, I'm much stronger than I know. I'm much stronger than I know. Yeah, Say, I'm much healthier than I know. I'm much healthier than I know. Yeah. I want you to use all your will to keep reminding yourself that your soul is perfectly healthy and your soul is invincibly strong because, Lalita, That's what I had to do. Okay? When I was where you were, It is what I had to do. And it was a great liberation of not having a teacher because I really knew I had to do it. There was nobody else. When we have teachers, Sometimes we can go kind of passive. So, I want to just draw your attention to there's no one really but you. And a teacher can shine a light, But they can't do it. And it's you. And I'll tell you, When you emerge out of this, You will be somebody spectacular. And you know this. So, The whole thing's a joke. It's a whole thing. It's a joke working with you because I know you know underneath. And you're very dear. And even if you're caught in resistance, It's all good. I love all of you. Yep. Thank you. How do you feel, Lalita? Yeah, I feel grateful. Good. Yeah. Cutting through the crap. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I'm going to get more like it. You guys better gear up. Yeah, Really, It's just like we do. It's like we don't want to waste any more time. You want your lives, You guys. You know I love you. Yeah, You're so adorable. You're so adorable. Okay, Any of you in the satsang who need to speak to me, We can set up a phone call. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, Lalita, That was really good for the group. It's like now I feel we can complete. I felt like we couldn't complete. So, That's how important you were. Thank you. Thank you for everybody who spoke today. It just makes such a difference when you come forward. People get it more. Okay. So, See you next Saturday and next Sunday, Hopefully. Okay. Love you. Bless your heart. Bye. Bye.