Awareness Satsang: Is Concrete Reality Really A Thing?

The power of this Q and A Satsang is how seekers express what is deep in their heart. In Premasudha’s warmth, wisdom and love, the whole group shifts into a deeper understanding of the spiritual journey. Listening to this satsang will help listeners make leaps of perception and understanding as well.

Humanity is at a difficult point. To heal the growing aggression and polarization, we need to drop fear and take a big step forward. As Premasudha says: “The deepest, bravest, most noble work a human can do, is to bring more love to the earth plane.” So be a hero to your own soul and humanity and keep saying yes to the journey. Bring the warmth of love and kindness to all you do. Express the love that you truly are! Deeper meaning and happiness will follow.

Transcript

A little bit of a reminder that with the world right now,

We keep remembering to serve the highest good energy.

Keep that in mind.

Not separate from you.

It's really important.

Not separate from you.

It's you,

Actually.

And I'm really just reminding you that you're you,

That you're divine.

And to bring it forward as much as possible.

As Amma says,

Every sage says,

The shortest way to God is to serve humanity.

Tell you why it is.

Because it will help you accept your own humanity.

And that is where you guys stumble.

You kind of indulge your humanity.

What you don't do is embrace it.

So,

You might come forward with excuses to me.

Oh,

Well,

I,

You know,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

But I don't want to hear excuses.

What I want to hear is the embrace of your humanity.

Understanding that we're flawed vessels.

We're all left to ourselves.

Our mind goes down.

Okay?

Human minds go down.

What brings our minds up is connection to our true nature.

So,

If your mind is going down,

Just observe it.

Don't criticize yourself,

But do something to keep your mind up.

It's like you're deeply,

Deeply loved little children of God.

Deeply,

Deeply loved and understood.

All the things you find difficult about yourself have come from many other lives.

Things can take time to lift.

You have to put the energy in to support yourself so they lift.

There is a big possibility for people to move into deep unity at this time.

And all you have to do is your best,

But do your best.

Watch the habitual,

Oh,

I can't.

It's too hard.

Or I'm just a schmuck.

Watch that.

Because you're God,

You know.

We're at such a delicate time on the earth,

You know.

It really will make a difference.

I'll tell you something funny.

My property manager,

Because he's hilarious.

He's so picky.

You have no idea.

He's like your worst nightmare in like a Nazi form of cleanliness.

Anyway,

And he will speak scathingly about people.

And I did say to him,

I would be very upset if I thought you were speaking about me the way you're speaking about these people to me.

Basically saying I knew he would be,

And don't do it.

Well,

He flooded his bathroom,

Who was directly over me.

It was so beautiful.

He forgot,

He turned his tap for the tub,

And he forgot about it.

So it all overflowed,

Poured into the bathroom,

And then went into my closet and wet all my clothes.

And my closet was packed full of stuff.

And it's just a huge thing.

You know me,

I'm kind of like,

Well,

On the scale of hardships,

This is barely a 0.

1,

0.

01 for what life can dish out.

So it's like,

Oh,

Well,

And I just greeted him with,

Oh,

Well,

And he was dying inside with his foolishness,

You know,

Because all of our judgments come back to us.

So his horrible,

Horrible judgments and intolerance for people was coming back to him,

You know,

And he was just incapacitated with it.

I was just my sweet self.

And I went,

Yeah,

No worries.

And we just,

You know,

He brought the shop back and,

You know,

Got all the water up.

And anyway,

He left after 40 minutes doing this,

He left a different man.

Because I don't think he's ever been greeted with kind of just a loving compassionate forgiveness about anything in his whole life.

It's just like stuff like that,

A little more warmth and love than people are expecting.

And I wasn't making any effort.

I was just being myself.

Like really,

He left a changed man.

Yeah.

And I thought how beautiful the universe works,

Right?

This guy,

He's had my struggles,

He's criticized everything about me,

You know?

Yeah.

And then he does something like that.

And it's just like,

Don't you love it?

The universe is so humorous.

Anyway,

Let's go down to questions.

I was just wanting to sort of set an energy for the,

For our time together.

Yeah.

Please,

Does anybody have anything,

Comments or questions?

Love's coming to you,

You know,

In the silence.

So it's all good.

Hi,

Primasuya.

Oh,

Alex.

Yeah.

How are you?

Good.

Yeah.

I,

I don't know exactly.

I don't have a clear question.

I just have the impulse to say something.

Good.

Good.

Um,

I feel both like I've,

I mean,

Right now in this moment,

I feel so full of love and gratitude.

It feels really lovely.

And yet the last couple weeks,

Uh,

I've just had this like low level anxiety.

Um,

And what you were saying at the beginning just now around,

Um,

You know,

Indulging versus embracing our humanity,

Uh,

That feels related.

I feel like I'm struggling a bit with um,

Seeing how,

How much I,

I still want to just give into distractions.

Um,

How much of me just wants to kind of just put my head in the sand and kind of tune out to,

Um,

Um,

The deeper inquiry into myself.

Um,

And I want it so bad.

And yet I'm watching myself just keep wanting to push it away.

And,

And I see myself doing this and I'm trying to embrace it like,

Okay,

Well,

This is how I am right now.

Um,

But I'm feeling like,

At the same time,

The,

You know,

What you talk about around the state of the world right now,

And I feel the frenetic energy of it and the crisis point.

And I worry I'm not doing enough or I'm not,

Uh,

Yeah,

I just feel like,

I feel an internal struggle.

And I,

I,

I also,

In some moments that feel a little more clear,

I feel like,

Okay,

Well maybe like I'm,

This is,

I'm seeing all of this,

Like,

This is all coming up to be seen,

You know,

Like when I,

When I remind myself,

Like,

This is,

Uh,

Kind of putting your words to it.

Like,

This is an experience of what it's like to be a person struggling with this right now.

And it,

And that does give me peace.

Um,

But yeah,

Sometimes I feel like I've just gone completely off away from my heart.

And I don't even know what kind of question to,

You know,

Reach out to you and ask,

Because I feel like the answer is just going to be like,

Turn to your heart,

Alex,

Look within,

Like,

I know,

I already know.

And I,

But I worry that I'm not really,

Really doing it as much as I should.

Um,

And so,

Yeah,

I just feel all of that right now.

Um,

And your example of how you were with that man,

That,

That also is really reassuring too,

Because I feel like,

Okay,

In the little moments throughout my day,

With the people I see and interact with,

I do see myself,

You know,

Being just more open to,

Like,

Smile and make eye contact and,

And have these little,

Like,

Warm interactions with people.

And so I feel like,

Okay,

Well,

I am doing those little things.

So maybe that's,

Yeah,

That's enough.

But yeah,

That's,

That's what I have to say.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um,

Yeah.

That's actually more innocent.

You were,

You,

There was more innocence in all of that than before.

Okay.

So yeah,

That's good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

Okay.

First of all,

And this is for everybody too,

Whatever brings you peace.

Like if that piece feels good and not kind of a phony superimposed piece,

But a real piece is good.

So Alex,

When you were thinking like that,

You know,

Or maybe this is just what it's like when somebody's,

Whatever you're,

That brought you peace,

That's your,

That's your data.

Okay.

That you're,

Yeah.

Yeah.

You see,

Really,

You guys,

It's a constant,

It's experiment and,

And the data is the key,

But you feel that that's not enough.

I know it's about you.

Yeah.

You feel that there's some kind of um,

Uh,

Observant authority in the,

In the sky.

Who's not,

Not always kindly,

You know,

Not heavily judging,

But an authority in the sky that you gotta,

You know,

And that's,

That's your ego doing that.

That's your self-consciousness doing that.

So yeah.

So how do you feel right now?

And you don't have to feel any change at all,

But just,

Just how do you feel right now?

Um,

I feel a bit outside of my body.

You live outside your body.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

And that's the sorrow.

Yeah.

I feel a little shaky.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's as if you're not sure that you're really willing to commit to it.

I can feel it.

It's okay.

I just felt this in another student just a few minutes ago.

Well,

It may be up for everybody.

So don't move.

Right.

Yeah.

And I,

I so don't want to admit that I like,

I don't want that to be true.

So I just,

I know you don't,

I know you really don't.

I know your self image is in this very kind of unconflicted seeker,

But the truth of it,

Sweetie,

Is there's a kind of a deep hesitance to go near the,

The meat of the journey more this admitting who Alex really is.

Yeah.

This journey is so Ethan humbling,

Sweet work.

It's excruciatingly humbling.

Yeah.

That,

That relaxes me hearing that and agreeing with that.

Yeah.

It's really true.

It's the real journey is very embarrassing with the exposure because our egos get exposed.

Right.

And I can feel you trust this one too.

So you can't even go,

Well,

She's wrong.

This is great.

This is a great thing about trusting your teacher.

It's like,

Yeah,

That's it.

Yeah.

This is great,

Alex.

This is more progress than we,

You know,

Than,

Than before.

It's a real,

It's a real,

The beginning of a real step into truth.

And at this time,

You guys,

It's the only thing that's going to work.

It sort of goes against the grain.

I can feel it in you.

It goes against the grain,

But that's coming from your other lives,

Right?

You know,

This is the first breakthrough life you've had in a while,

Sweetie,

You know,

So there's this resistance coming from other lives,

But that doesn't let you off the hook because it was the same with me.

I had the same.

Yeah.

I had the same.

Yeah.

Your heart's stronger though.

Just even as we're talking,

Your heart is getting stronger.

Yeah.

This is good.

The truth is so freeing.

If we just stop getting our feelings hurt,

If we just ride it,

You know?

Yeah.

It feels like,

You know,

When you're about to jump into really cold water and it's like the last thing you want to do and it doesn't feel good and you really just have like,

Oh,

But then afterwards you feel so refreshed.

Remember,

It's nothing you have to do,

So there's no recipe for how to be with John or the kids or anything.

It's just that after this,

You will be more in.

Yeah.

Even if just a little bit,

But it may be more,

But you'll begin to feel this.

You're beginning to make friends with your heart more,

Your real heart.

Not just the loving mother,

You know,

Or wife in a patriarchal society who's trying to do it a little differently.

I mean,

Talking at your deeper heart,

Your deep heart.

Yeah.

And that's the best thing for your kids and husband.

Yeah.

I think you're going to have to be patient with yourself.

Sweetie,

The most important thing is whatever makes you feel better is good.

I'm not talking about a phony piece or scrolling the phone.

Not that you,

I'm not,

But you know,

Like scroll the phone to try to feel better.

That's not,

That's not gonna,

But the,

What you're doing,

Staying with it and doing what brings you more peace.

But you see,

Understand,

I mean,

Your anxiety is,

It's kind of,

It's twofold.

I mean,

This is you guys,

For all of us,

Our anxiety is our egos are anxious that we're going to move in truth.

And at the same time,

Our true self is a little bit going,

Danger zone,

Danger zone.

We need to wake up.

Right.

Okay.

Now this is good.

I,

This thing where I said,

Danger zone,

Danger zone,

I need to wake up.

It like got you in a way.

So there's this little,

You've got this little tea cup and you've been filling this little tea cup.

And it's like,

You're putting down this tea cup.

It's like,

It's way beyond any kind of tea cup.

It's way beyond any kind of social or cultural or,

Or,

Or concept of any kind.

It's a real waking up.

Yeah.

There's a little bit of,

You go.

I feel that,

That twofoldness of the anxiety,

Like,

Sometimes it feels more like,

Yeah,

My ego holding on.

And other times it feels more like a really deep part of me urgently saying,

Do this.

Yeah.

That's it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you see,

You guys remember,

We all know underneath,

Like,

Hey,

Alex,

You knew this.

Right.

You knew this.

Yeah.

Sometimes we might need some support from mama to help us live it a bit more.

But I just want to point out that everything I say to you,

You guys know underneath.

And more than that,

You know,

Underneath,

You know,

Alex knew this.

Right.

It's almost like you,

You're going to have to let your heart break,

Sweetie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I can feel this kind of a dark,

A veil of darkness as we're going into your heart,

Going beyond the teacup.

The thing that kept the,

The work,

Your spiritual work kind of a smaller and controlled was this teacup thing.

And,

But beyond that is,

Is darkness in your heart.

So it's like,

You know,

It'll be where you lost track of your own light as a little kid.

That will be the roots of this.

And this stuff doesn't go away,

You guys.

We either deal with it or we don't in,

In our lifetimes.

How do you feel right now,

Alex?

I,

I feel sort of paused.

Yeah.

Like I'm,

I'm waiting,

Like,

Okay.

Like I'm waiting to sort of feel this darkness or have some,

You know,

Memory of being a young child.

And I don't have either of those.

So I feel sort of waiting for what's next.

Right.

Okay.

So what you avoided just as I talked was an experience of this darkness.

You went into trying to fix,

Or you removed yourself and you went up into your head.

Well,

I,

Where's the memory or I want you to have a direct experience of what it feels like to be walking around with this darkness in your heart.

Right now.

There's no expectation.

I'll just know,

I'll just know what's useful and what isn't.

So don't worry.

It's like a surgical procedure.

Don't worry.

It's not personal.

It's not,

We're not measuring Alex and how good or bad she is.

It's just,

We're surgically,

There's an opportunity to surgically remove a veil and it will either be done now or later.

It doesn't matter.

How do you feel right now?

Kind of the same.

I'm kind of,

I'm like,

Okay.

Yeah.

Like,

I'm like,

Okay.

Okay.

Yes.

I want,

I want this and not sure what to really do about it.

Yeah,

Totally.

That's good.

It's good.

Yeah.

Just let me take a minute for what's wanting to happen.

So,

Like I said,

Alex,

This is,

This is way,

This is a shift into more innocence.

Okay.

And I can feel it on the heels of our phone call of the movement since then,

Actually.

But Sweetie Pie,

It's like the thing I'm being guided to tell you is that you go home alone.

We're born alone.

We die alone.

It is our relationship to our true nature that matters.

That is our greatest gift.

That is the gift that we're here to give.

And we can love people and live with people.

But we were born alone and we die alone.

And our responsibility is to our true nature.

I can feel there's kind of a heaviness and it's just the truth of things.

And can I say that this is the bravest work of human being can possibly do.

It's like with this work,

It's like,

It's like Sufi work.

When the Sufi's not writing the poem,

Do you know what I mean?

So,

The poems are so beautiful,

But the level of struggle the Sufi goes through in order to get the wisdom to write that kind of poem is immense.

And it's interesting,

I'm talking about this because you're a poet,

So this is actually key to you.

It's,

You know,

Just go through what you go through and write poetry.

And don't have any,

Don't hold on to anything,

You know?

Yeah,

Accept the truth.

Yeah,

I feel the scariness of that,

You know,

You go home alone,

Like it feels scary on the one hand,

But it also,

I also feel,

Yeah,

The exhilaratingness,

Like the opportunity of that too,

Like that's,

Yeah.

That's the thing,

I mean,

You're a poet,

It's kind of like,

That's where that,

That,

You know,

Rumi,

Hafiz,

You know,

That's where their poetry came from,

You know,

They know the journey inside and out.

Sleepless Nights,

You know,

The University of the Sufi,

It's like,

You've got three little kids,

So just do it as best you can as a wife with three little kids,

It's okay.

But that's the territory,

Sweetie.

I mean,

I actually think you should write about the spiritual journey and even write about,

You know,

Your tricks and make it about you and your journey.

Yeah,

That would help women,

Because we all have these tricks.

I mean,

The men have tricks too,

But,

You know,

There's some particular female tricks.

Yeah.

Yeah,

That sounds fun,

Imagining that right now.

Well,

Yeah.

The writing of it,

Yeah.

Yeah,

Exactly.

It gives meaning and a point to it,

And it is your dharma.

So,

I am almost spoon-feeding you your dharma,

And I'm doing it because you've got three little kids,

And it's like,

I get it.

You know what I mean?

It's what you need,

A little bit of spoon-feeding encouragement,

Because you've got three little kids and all this stuff,

But you can do it.

And as you get more,

That you live basically alone,

We are alone,

You will become more loving,

Truly loving with your family.

You know,

All my mistakes with my boys came because I was too attached to them,

So I didn't see them properly.

I didn't see clearly.

Yeah.

You know,

When we become more non-attached,

We don't see our own egos.

We see people more clearly.

Now,

It's uncomfortable to become that,

To move into non-attachment at first.

It's like,

You know,

We see people's darkness.

We see the other darkness,

But really it's our own darkness.

And when we get through it all,

Everybody around us has more space just to be themselves,

And so do we.

Just do your best,

Sweetie.

It's like,

You know,

You're on the right track.

You know,

Everybody wants,

Like,

Blue,

You know,

Silver stars for the journey,

But the teacher's just seeing the ego that needs to be cut off.

You know,

There's no stars.

I mean,

There's a little bit of,

Hey,

Good that you keep turning up.

You know?

I mean,

That's the big star.

If you keep turning up,

Your ego will shrink.

Okay?

That is the star that is available to everybody.

That's kind of it.

And when I hear innocence,

I'll say it.

But otherwise,

I'm just seeing,

Like,

These big,

Hunking,

Horrible egos,

You guys,

That is covering your beautiful light.

So sometimes I'll yell at you.

But look,

She's got three kids right now.

Three boys.

So just do your best with it.

But this is a good reframe around your poetry.

So that's good.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks so much.

This is the energy I'm feeling.

I'm seeing a tree,

Kind of,

But it's going like,

This is about the group.

And I think it's because nobody's coming forward,

And they need to come forward.

So I'm getting this tree going.

So somebody knows they need to come forward.

At least somebody.

It's okay.

You know,

It's not like I don't cook people.

Stephanie,

Good.

Yeah,

Sweetie.

Um,

I just wanted to,

It's more of a comment,

I think,

Or just a feeling to speak,

Just to say,

Like,

All the work.

Yeah.

You know,

All the ups and downs on this ride,

Especially between our relationship and,

You know,

Getting my ego chopped off.

I just,

I've come into a deeper understanding of the value of the work.

I think I always was surface level.

And I'm sure it's still surface level now to a certain extent,

But definitely a deepening since I last saw you as well.

And the urgency around the peace prayers,

And how much this work helps humanity.

So I just wanted to say,

How just for me to stick,

Keep sticking with it,

And for everybody else to just keep going,

Because we all are helping each other walk home.

And when Alex speaks,

Or,

You know,

Someone else speaks it,

You know,

Being in this group,

It's exactly what I also need to hear.

So I think it's just the feeling the need to keep going and to encourage others just to keep going,

No matter how hard it feels.

You know,

It's funny,

Because you've talked like this before,

But now it's like,

I'm welcoming it.

Because you're speaking from a level of depth that is helpful.

Before you used to speak like this as part of your ego position,

As a supporter of the group of this work,

You know what I mean,

Master of Ceremonies,

I've talked to you about before.

But you have actually shifted now into this bigger understanding.

So you're speaking from it.

And so yay.

I welcome this.

You see,

You guys,

You will not be able to decode the way I respond to you until you shift.

When you shift,

I'll change.

So both Stephanie and Anna have got very close to the fire.

And it has been profoundly uncomfortable for both of them.

And they keep on turning up and Jenna has had a little bit of this experience too.

But if you keep coming,

You will move into self-realization because anybody around me who's coming in close,

That is the level I'm working at.

And it is the hardest way of all.

But if you can just get over yourself,

Like I had to get over myself,

Really,

I had to do it,

You guys.

Remember when I studied with Abraham and that came to an end,

And I was thrown back on myself,

I had nobody.

I was mothering kids and I just had my will of,

I want this more than anything.

And then it would bring me to,

So months later,

I have a beautiful encounter with a Rinpoche and who's in town.

And that keeps me going for a while,

You know,

It was so,

You know,

Fingers on the edge and a thousand foot drop below for me,

That was how I lived.

And that's where this knowledge came from.

Because when you get like that,

God comes in.

And if you keep going,

No matter what,

And you look at things,

So instead of going into like self-pity or resentment,

You go like,

I obviously had to get a lesson.

This is a lesson to help me.

If you shift out of the ego stuff as quickly as possible and go,

Just open a little window,

A little door going,

Well,

This is obviously what I needed to happen.

Please show me.

Please help me love myself.

Please help me get through the day without eating a chocolate cake to comfort me,

Which is,

You know,

This is the kind of human things we do.

Right.

And then you get more and more data about that God exists.

And you get,

You get more and more peace,

And you get more and more love power coming in.

And you start seeing the ripples of the way you're living.

But I kind of,

You know,

There's just this tipping point is now getting very extreme.

So I'm getting just increasingly clear and blunt,

But still loving,

Still loving.

But yeah,

My hat off to Anna and Stephanie,

Particularly,

And Jenna,

As far as you've gone,

You're showing the same willingness to come close,

Even if you get rebuffed because you're an ego.

It's terrible.

But,

You know,

Think of what it was like for me living like with not much help and just,

You know,

Holding on for dear life to the idea that maybe God really did exist.

And,

And trying to prove it with my life,

Like,

Being good to people,

Doing whatever I could to just help things on the earth plane.

Yeah.

I mean,

I remember once the cat brought in,

Or the dog brought in a rat.

And left it on the kitchen on the floor.

And I didn't notice it.

And I stepped on it.

And you know,

My first thought was,

Oh,

I'm not as revolted as I would have been five years ago.

That was my first thought.

It wasn't like,

Oh,

There's a rat mining was like,

Hey,

I'm more equanimous about it.

Yeah.

I remember bumping my head.

This is,

You know,

In my late 50s,

I bumped my head on the car getting in.

And I thought to myself,

My first thought was,

Amma,

What do you want to get through to my thick head?

And this was when I felt like I was making more progress just living like that.

Yeah.

And don't don't,

If you're going into feeling bad about yourself,

Don't just don't just go,

Just what you do with this is go,

Oh,

This is another way I could live.

Or I could do this too.

You see,

If you go,

Oh,

I'm not doing it right.

Like,

What am I supposed to do with that?

What do I do about that?

I can't do anything about it.

Only you guys can do something about it.

Like love your humanity,

Forgive your humanity.

Really?

This is the obstacle in our current time.

It is our hatred of humanity.

Truly.

It's our hatred of humanity personally.

And then of course,

It gets directed outwards.

This is what the problem is.

We hate our own humanity.

And it was my problem too.

You have to,

I'll tell you what,

If you keep just the sad things,

Help this,

Okay?

Because this work is just an extreme around the embrace of humanity.

It's a real extreme for it.

And it's a emotional work,

Which again,

You see,

This is really,

I mean,

Personally,

I think this is why the things don't get more rating or people watching because it's the emotional level.

It is the human level.

It is exactly what is taboo,

But it's exactly what will stop the human race from going extinct.

You see?

Yeah.

And for us women,

You know,

The emotional realm is the realm of the feminine,

The amount of pain that women are in,

Not feeling allowed to have their emotional life or feeling it's bad.

It's crippling them.

See,

And when you let God come in,

It comes,

God's energy comes in physically and emotionally.

This is where it first comes in.

And then our heads get it.

Then our heads get it.

You get an experience of unconditional love.

You feel the relief of it,

How great it is.

And then your intellect changes its viewpoint.

Otherwise,

You see,

We live in hell.

If we don't allow this love in,

It's just like this property manager who lives in hell.

But hopefully less after this,

You know?

Because he was really.

.

.

You guys really,

It's like people fall in love with me,

Right?

It's like he falls in love with me.

It's like,

I just can't believe this love is coming,

This kind of acceptance and everything.

And it's like he just,

You know,

All his motherhood deficits are up.

It's just like he looks at me like,

You know.

I remember the psychic psychiatrist I might have mentioned,

He said to me that,

You know,

In a patriarchy,

It's like the males,

But also the whole patriarchy society doesn't know whether to kill the feminine or just fall madly in love with her.

And,

You know,

I think that's about it,

Truly.

And I think the resistance to this emotional human level is like the same as the resistance to the feminine.

And when people get it,

They just get so disarmed.

I mean,

Their egos are dead.

So,

It's like,

You know,

The ego wants to kill it before it gets killed through this higher awareness.

We'll talk about this more tomorrow.

I'm going to really bring it up about the accepting the humanity.

And I think it will help you.

Yeah.

Laura,

Sweet one,

Please.

Thank you for your patience.

No,

Thank you,

Brenda.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow because I'm having a hard time with my humanity.

Yeah,

It's easier to feel compassion for other people and that they're doing the best they can.

I'm having a hard time turning it towards Laura.

Yeah,

I know.

I know,

Sweetie.

I know.

You know,

It's this religiosity that you've struggled with that's come from other lives.

And,

Yeah.

And again,

The religious traditions or the religious patterning of this kind of judging humanity,

Being too hard on our human nature.

Yeah.

So,

I was listening to a very wise gentleman,

And he mentioned that,

You know,

The spiritual traditions,

When stuff is too tough on sexuality,

It then gets really distorted into real ugliness.

And this is what some of our religious traditions have.

That's one element of where we've distorted our own humanity trying to be holy.

But coming back to you,

I can feel it here.

Actually,

I can feel it in your heart.

I'm seeing it as a cross,

But it's an intellectual understanding of,

You know,

Yeah,

Again,

The spirituality.

I'm really glad you're speaking up about this.

Laura,

You're more open than I've heard you be before about allowing this to be healed more.

You're more open to actually address it.

My mom is coming this week.

And part of me is really happy she's coming,

But that's where so much of my religious religiosity came from.

Laura,

Have you ever had the experience of turning inside and going into your heart rather than going out?

I feel you need to have this experience where you,

You know,

Lie down and you,

Instead of facing out,

That you turn inside and you turn towards your own heart.

Because you see,

This is what you do.

Your mom's coming.

So,

You know,

And this is,

And it's not wrong,

Sweetie,

What you're doing.

She was involved with this conditioning and she is coming.

So,

Your ego would love to make it a big deal and a big defensive deal about her,

You know,

And a big point of focus.

But,

But you're the one carrying it now.

It's not solvable with her.

It's solvable if you,

Like,

See everything as a,

You know,

Get clinical,

Become like a scientist and really observe what happens with you and your mom and observe what happens in your body.

But it's also possible that you have an experience like what happened with me and the building manager,

Where something changes.

Laura,

It's like the problems in you,

It's you,

But not,

Don't,

Don't take this in,

In a blaming way.

There's no blame,

Sweetie.

Okay.

Okay,

Good.

But inside,

I don't know how.

I don't know how.

You said you'll be brought to it.

You'll be brought to it.

I hope so.

All I can do is put one foot in front of the other,

Showing up.

That's it.

And actually what I saw was kind of this,

This cross being,

Coming out and,

And like,

How do I put it?

It was like an opening to eternity in the best way was,

Is being made in your heart,

In your etheric level right now,

In your etheric body.

And that will translate,

That will come down into your physical.

Physical is a train wreck.

Pardon?

What?

My physical is a train wreck at the moment.

Okay.

But,

Okay.

I want to,

Okay.

Yes and no.

It's like,

Sure on that concrete level,

But it's like this power that we're talking about and working with is capable of anything.

Right.

This was your mistake.

You thought you're just a human.

You see,

When we accept our humanity,

We get to God.

So here,

Laura.

Yeah.

It's part of you.

I can feel it.

It's like,

You thought you were just human,

But you're God in human form.

And,

And you believe this,

You know,

And on one level it is happening.

You have this illness,

It's,

It's costing,

But on another level,

You know,

On a miracle level,

I mean,

Even with this illness,

Like don't put a ceiling on stuff,

You know?

There is no ceiling,

Just like you said.

Yeah.

It's like,

There's nothing stopping you having this breakthrough,

Laura.

Truly.

Even,

You know,

The old pattern of religiosity,

Any of it.

It's like,

You know,

When I tell you that it's happened on the etheric level,

It's already happened.

This is where you trust your teacher.

You see,

I see all your levels.

This is you guys,

Please.

The amount of data I get about you is enormous.

I do trust you.

Yeah,

Like this has happened on the etheric level.

I mean,

The only way you could stop it would be if you really fight hard to stay in the old box.

Why would you do that?

Maybe you're feeling part of you wants to fight it.

Maybe part of you,

What are you feeling right now?

It's like stepping off a ledge.

Stepping on the ledge.

Yeah.

Stepping off the ledge.

It's safer.

The box doesn't fit,

But it's safer.

Right.

Okay,

Now this is what this one faces in all of you,

And why I yell at some of you.

Because there's nothing I can do about that choice.

You can pull back.

But on another hand,

There's the understanding of our human nature that yeah,

Our ego and all the patterns of the past,

They all make it seem safer to stay in the old box.

But it gets to the point where the box is more painful than the fear of stepping off the ledge.

Out of the mouths of babes,

That's it,

You guys.

And that's when the fear of staying in the limited viewpoint gets bigger than the unknown,

You shift.

And for any seasoned seeker,

Really,

You get to the point where you're scared to try to hide an ego like that.

You know from past experience that that's dangerous.

Because you experience the losses that happen when you hold on to your ego and sell your soul.

Because the world will show it.

Teachers will warn you.

Because the world will show it.

Teachers will walk away.

Whatever happens if you're doing that,

Like you will get feedback that it's not going to work.

And then after you pick yourself up from that,

You get really,

Really humble and really,

Really sincere.

That was my biggest fear that I would never get past this stuff.

The old stuff.

Okay,

This is really good.

You know,

Laura,

It's not in your conscious will about what you choose.

You're just going to see what you choose.

Okay,

You guys,

This is important.

You get this.

A lot of you think that your head is in control of whether you grow or not,

And it's not.

The decision is made very,

Very deeply.

So,

Laura,

I feel you already made the decision because I saw it in your etheric body,

So I wouldn't worry too much,

Sweet one.

I felt something.

I feel much more spacious.

You feel much more peace?

No,

Spacious.

Not holding so tight.

Spacious.

Okay.

Okay.

You guys,

Please get this.

When you make a shift out of your ego,

You will feel spacious or peace.

That's your data.

Thank you.

It's interesting teaching at this time because you know,

If it was 40 years ago,

We had all the time in the world,

You know,

But we don't now.

So,

It's a little bit of a stressor.

But on the other hand,

This intensifying on the earth plane is its solution.

You know,

Really,

We're in the kingdom of heaven.

We are actually in our soul energy having this dream.

Okay.

So,

You know,

On our soul level,

Nothing is happening,

Really.

We're just in peace.

We're in bliss.

What I'm wanting to see is this,

And everybody who spoke made the shift,

It's this just understanding that your journey isn't done by your head at all.

And if you keep following your head,

You're just going to go round in circles,

Diluted circles.

And the truth,

If you give it a chance,

You know,

If you have,

You know,

Meditate enough that you get periods of quiet in your head,

Then your soul can speak to you.

But if your head's running thought after thought after thought,

There's no room for your soul to talk to you.

Like,

I would sometimes just get something bubbling up for me.

Like,

And again,

It would be an energy,

It would be words,

But not words coming from my head at all.

It would be something like,

It would be something like,

You don't have to do this again.

If I was like about to like go round in my ego again,

It was like,

You don't have to do this.

It's like making space enough that our soul can communicate with us.

You know,

Abraham used to talk about,

You know,

Being a cow,

Chewing the cud,

An empty mind.

No,

We go after the journey,

We analyze,

We actually destroy the journey this way.

Better to just be like a cow,

Chewing the cud,

Letting the insights bubble up.

Really?

That's it.

It's sort of like have the deep intent to be on the journey and then forget about it enough that you can have a peaceful head.

And it's so interesting in India that the cows are sacred.

It so makes sense to me.

It's like the peaceful head,

Just,

And it's very feminine.

You see,

This is part of the cost of the patriarchy,

Because we're so do,

Do,

Do,

Fix,

Fix,

Fix.

We forget about just the feminine energy of just space,

Dreaming,

A little vacant in the best way,

You know,

Just open,

Receptive,

Receptive.

That's what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

This agenda,

You know,

Be okay with not knowing,

Be okay with.

I just don't know much.

If you know,

This is,

You know,

I think this is what this one was good at.

I was good at,

I don't know much.

I need help.

And actually,

I was too good at it,

Because I would receive help from people who weren't qualified till I got a little wiser.

Then I was more careful.

Okay,

Good.

Good.

It's very good.

Isn't that funny?

I'm getting this.

I'm getting that you're also fortunate.

We're also fortunate.

Because we can,

We know Amma,

Many of us know Amma,

And we can come together like this and how fortunate we are that we have this kind of a,

We can plug into the battery,

You know,

Get a recharged.

Yeah.

See,

If you don't really sincerely wish at this point in time,

To really stay true to the highest possible that you can,

The,

You know,

There's a likelihood of just getting pulled into the denser energy.

You see,

If you don't have that intention,

There's nothing I can do.

Without that kind of intention,

You will just keep circulating around in your ego.

Yeah.

That's kind of why I've been shouting at people.

Masuda,

Can I ask you something?

Even if I risk you yelling at me and me just circling in my ego,

I just really have this question.

In the middle of the satsang,

I had an experience that somebody came from behind and putting a blanket over my head and pulling me away.

And I was like,

Startled,

But it was,

I left it and tried to observe it.

And then I felt like I had a choice.

I had the choice to say,

Like with my mind,

It's okay.

It's just my ego trying to cover me with a blanket.

And that made me feel better.

And then after a while,

I started feeling the feeling of being covered under the blanket in my heart.

And my heart started feeling like a brick.

And I'm not sure,

I feel like I have a choice.

When I go in with my head,

It feels better.

I feel more at peace.

And when I feel it in my heart,

It feels painful.

And after all what I heard,

I'm wondering,

Is this my ego talking?

Is this my soul talking?

Or is it my head talking?

Where does that experience come from?

Okay.

Saskia,

I'm so glad you spoke up.

Okay.

Now,

You guys,

When I'm talking about the yelling and everything,

The yelling is to get you to expose this level,

Like what Saskia just exposed.

Okay.

This level of experience.

Okay.

So,

Saskia,

The ego works energetically too.

Saskia,

It's just a deeper level of truth.

The deeper level of clearing of the concrete that we've talked about,

It must be pretty uncomfortable for you these days.

Is it?

It changes.

I have experiences where I find an inner child coming up,

Which makes me feel very happy.

Yeah.

And then it changes and goes back and forth.

You may be being birthed into a deeper intention.

So,

Is this going back and forward a lot?

Or do you get periods of peace in between?

There's something coming up,

Some experience,

Some feeling,

Something I understand,

And then I feel peace.

So,

It goes,

Something happens,

I sit with it,

It resolves,

I feel peace.

That's kind of the circle,

Not the circle,

How it goes.

There's something happening inside,

Like an experience,

An experience,

Something I feel,

I understand,

And it resolves.

Okay,

Good.

And then it starts again,

Some experience,

I understand,

It resolves.

Okay,

This is what I think.

I think that you need to jump into a greater commitment to the journey,

A greater intention.

Okay.

Yeah.

A greater commitment.

Actually,

I'm seeing this in several of you.

And,

You know,

It was how Alex's resolved was a shift into the deeper commitment.

There's nothing to hold on to,

Saskia.

It is empty here.

It's an illusion.

There's nothing.

There's,

You know,

Good to understand your child self and what happened to you,

But understand with your heart,

Not your head.

You guys,

You all this tendency when I'm talking about with a little child,

To kind of understand her with your head,

But I'm talking about loving her,

Really loving her.

Right.

And when we really love her,

We solve the wounding,

The wounding gets solved.

I think,

Yeah,

You're just a little,

It's just showing you a certain degree of,

I don't want to say ambivalence,

Because it's not like you're ambivalent.

It's just you don't understand how deep you have to go.

And I'm saying,

Yeah,

You,

There's got to be a deeper shift into,

You know,

It's sort of like not caring about anything else other than your connection to the divine.

Nothing else matters.

And then living like that.

And you see the bricks come up because you've got a level of concrete,

A belief in concrete reality that's coming up to be cleared.

And it's how your ego could hook you in one way.

But now it's the ego is giving you a great gift by showing you this.

Yeah,

Because you wouldn't have known.

How would you have known that you had a belief in concrete reality,

You know,

Deeper than you thought?

Right,

You're not doing it wrong or anything.

Luffy,

You guys,

The spiritual journey is so big.

Our egos have many,

Many lifetimes behind them.

And I just feel like there's so much concrete.

It's that you believe in it.

You don't see the God.

Right.

Right.

Right.

It's it's see,

It's not.

It's it comes back to you about what do you see?

Do you feel the God in you?

Or do you just think you're a flawed human being,

You know?

I can see this light wanting to come through your heart.

And you're almost embarrassed about it.

You know,

That's the thing.

You're almost embarrassed,

Like shamed of it,

You know?

Your ego,

That's how your ego feels about it.

How does that sound to you?

It sounds like true.

I feel that light sometimes.

And when it comes up,

I do something to stop it.

Not on purpose.

But I noticed that.

I don't want to be embarrassed.

I just,

You know,

It's almost like it feels good.

And then I yeah,

Okay,

It's still there.

And I'm moving on with the concrete.

Right.

Right.

So there it is.

I know.

It's like,

That is who you are.

The concrete is just illusion.

But be true to that.

Embrace that.

Put that first.

It's the same,

Anna.

That's the same.

That's what I'm wanting with you too,

Anna.

Just that shift.

Yeah.

Right.

Where it's more important than the concrete.

It's everything.

Really,

Because the concrete is so dead.

It is concrete.

Like,

You look at it.

Look at,

We're drowning in concrete energy.

Everything is this concrete.

We've got these drab,

Brutal architecture.

It's just so ugly.

We're drowning in it.

Yeah.

So hold on to that light.

This was what I was feeling.

And Laura,

And you Laura,

The light wanting to come.

Yeah.

I know.

And you know,

The West,

We're such an extroverted culture.

We're so outward.

It's a miracle that any of us are doing this.

I can hear you saying to me,

I can't decide,

Prama Sutta.

I can't decide.

I can't decide what's more important.

So just sit with it.

Just sit with it.

Then what can you do?

You're going to have to ask Amma to bring you to it.

I'll tell you what,

Sweetie,

Is life will bring it to you.

Life will show you.

That sounds scary.

Well,

Yeah,

This is where I get to where I got scared to play in the ego than anything else.

I just got like,

No,

Dangerous alarm bells.

No.

Yeah.

But also,

Sometimes we have to give space to our ego.

You just walk around with,

But you're undecided.

And then think about that,

You know,

You're in this really high-level satsang group,

And you're not 100% sure that it's really talking about the truth.

Maybe it's just bullshit.

No,

Think about it.

That's what you're saying,

Though.

If you go undecided,

I mean,

That's what you're saying,

That we're talking nonsense.

And it's the same for you,

Anna.

It's that same shift.

There's a choice.

So think about it.

I used to go,

When I went through periods of doubting,

I'd go,

Well,

My son healed from leukemia.

That would keep me going.

I'd try again.

But,

You know,

Sometimes we do feel we can lose faith for a while.

It's okay,

You can just be in the doldrums for a while.

You know,

Just let yourself be.

Saskia?

Really,

I mean it.

Just let yourself be,

Okay?

You have permission just to be in the doldrums.

And all of you have permission to be in the doldrums sometimes.

It's okay.

It's what we're like.

It's human.

It's like pregnancy.

It's slow.

How do you feel,

Saskia?

Well,

First I felt really embarrassed,

But now I just feel sad.

Yeah,

Yeah.

The sorrow of being disconnected from our essence.

Yeah,

It's the sorrow of the child.

See,

This is what I was talking about.

This is the stuff we don't want to feel,

Because we're biased against the emotional.

But this is where it is.

Yeah,

You feel the sorrow of being disconnected from truth,

And it's like it just makes life meaningless.

And,

You know,

The exposure is necessary.

We don't grow without being exposed often.

I mean,

It's good to step up and let yourself be exposed.

Sweetie,

That's about as good as you can get.

Do you know what I mean?

It's all good.

Yeah,

Having this stuff exposed and listening to me.

And when I say the yelling,

You know,

I don't really yell much,

But I'm just wanting to make the point that this is a very high-level satsang,

And we're not having tea and crumpets.

Yeah,

And sometimes I feel I have to remind people about that.

Yeah.

I feel like a total idiot,

You know.

Well,

PhD in idiocy,

This is what we're like.

Can you love yourself anyway?

Try.

Yeah,

Just try.

I mean,

Sweetie,

You know,

I love you.

This is actual self-love that you brought it forward.

You see,

By stepping forward like this,

You're actually loving yourself,

Because you got the help so the light within you would be strengthened.

We,

You know,

We make it.

It's like all of you guys.

See,

We all have to get over ourselves.

Me too.

It's all good.

It's kind of generic.

We always have to get over ourselves all the time.

That's just part of our homework all the time.

You're a very noble goof.

Really?

Think of it like that.

You're very noble.

Yeah,

A noble,

Very noble goof for exposing this stuff.

Yeah.

Fantastic.

Okay.

Thank you.

Okay.