From my experience,
I've come to learn as a binge eater.
That I am seeking comfort,
Solace,
Soothing.
Love.
And connection through the food.
Is it possible to find the comfort I experience from food elsewhere?
Logically,
I know overeating will not take care of or get rid of my feelings of loneliness.
It only distracts me from the feeling.
Only later to return needing more comfort.
Needing more food.
It's a cycle.
Is it possible to get out of this cycle?
When I ask myself if binging feels good.
The answer is no.
It's chaotic.
It makes me feel sick.
And it gives me an open door to berate myself.
This is not what I want.
I don't want chaos.
I want peace.
I don't want to feel sick,
Full,
Heavy,
Bloated.
I want to feel light.
Satiated and energized.
I don't want to keep beating myself up.
I want to be kind to myself.
So why do I continually turn to food for comfort when I know it will never give me what I want and need?
In the moment,
It may taste good.
It may feel good.
These good feelings are fleeting.
If I chew each bite 20 times.
That's roughly 20 seconds.
20 seconds of pleasure.
To maintain that pleasure,
I must keep eating.
Hence the issue.
My continuous seeking and searching for pleasure and escape.
From what I am thinking and feeling in this moment.
If the pleasure from food is fleeting.
That means the feeling I am trying to escape from is also fleeting.
Feeling lonely is one of my biggest drivers to seeking food for comfort.
The lonely feeling will not last forever.
It comes in waves.
Can I ride that wave without seeking out food to distract me?
Numbing the lonely feeling.
Or escaping from it.
Is the comfort found in doing absolutely nothing?
In just allowing the thoughts,
The feelings,
And the sensations to wash over me until the next wave?
Comfort is not in the food.
Comfort is in the observing of the feelings I am trying to escape from.
The feelings I don't want to feel.
Instead of sitting with them,
Allowing them to be.
Reaching for food and harming my body.
Only creates more suffering.
This level of suffering is now twofold.
Can I find comfort in my breath?
Comfort in the here and now.
Just being.
Instead of running.
Numbing.
Escaping from it.
Into a jar of peanut butter.
Or a bag of potato chips.
Food is not what I want.
What I truly want is love.
Connection.
And comfort.
None of which food will ever give me.
I have 18 years of evidence proving this to be true.
Never once after overeating or binge eating have I felt love connection,
Or comforted.
In all honesty.
Quite the opposite.
I will see comfort in the present moment through my breath.
Through simply being here and not wanting to be there.
I will stop resisting the fleeting feelings,
Because all feelings are fleeting.
Good,
Bad,
And in between.
Comfort is in the here and now.
This is where I will choose to focus my attention.
I want to feel good.
Overeating and binge eating does not feel good.
Comfort is found in the present moment.
Not in the next bite of food.
May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you live with ease and comfort.
Namaste
