Navigating Your Boundaries: Diabetes Discussion & Meditation

This meditation is for people who live with diabetes or other chronic illnesses. The session begins with a short discussion of how personal boundaries can be violated when living with a chronic illness. A guided meditation follows that offers healing and peace to the parts of the body most impacted by diabetes. Please join my circle - Better Diabetes Life - to connect and share with other people who know what it is like to live with a chronic condition.

Transcript

My name is Patricia Daker and I am the owner and founder of Better Diabetes Life,

A company that is dedicated to helping people live with diabetes and other chronic illnesses because it takes more than just treatment of the body,

Which is what medicine tends to focus on.

So I am a registered nurse,

I'm a board-certified nurse coach,

And I also live with type 1.

So I get it from all aspects,

To be honest,

And what I bring to you is a culmination of my own experience training,

Both from a coaching perspective,

From a holistic perspective,

And from traditional medicine.

So as I mentioned earlier,

Tonight we're going to talk a little bit about boundaries and setting healthy limits and setting expectations for ourselves and others.

Let's see what else,

If you want to know more about what I do,

My link is in the bio and it's right there on the side.

You can get to that to my website,

It's betterdiabeteslife.

Com.

Housekeeping.

The little hearts are always welcome if you want to ever give me a heart.

I will never refuse that.

I love that.

Makes me know you're listening.

Sometimes I think I'm a little crazy sitting in my office talking to a phone,

But your interactions in your chat and your comment are always much appreciated.

There's also a little donate button that I think they ask at the end,

And if you feel so inclined to do so,

It just helps promote this platform,

Which is kind of cool that it's free and it's around the world and we can all do this.

So that's just a nice thing to do.

Let's see,

We just mentioned the circle.

So if you're in the circle or group,

Again,

Insight Timer is going through a little transition.

Mine is called Better Diabetes Life.

So you can look for that and join.

It's open to anyone.

And you don't have to have diabetes,

Although I tend to spin things that way because that's my world view.

But I think a lot of the coaching techniques and tips are more so about how to manage a chronic illness and not really how to manage diabetes in particular.

I get a lot of feedback that it is appropriate for many different things.

Okay,

So I have a transition.

I've been in mom mode for a little while.

I gotta get into this.

So let's do that.

Let's all take a breath and kind of get ready.

We're going to put pause on all the other stuff we were doing.

And right now we're going to focus in on this time.

Take a breath and relax.

And as you take that breath,

Notice the air entering your nostrils,

Going into your lungs,

Bringing you back to this moment.

So not worried about the laundry later or the to-do list or who said what today that you wish you could have,

Would have,

Should have said that differently.

We all have those.

We're just going to be here with each other.

And I think the key word here is to be.

Sometimes we just need to be with people who understand and people who connect and get who we are and what we do.

And that is good medicine.

Let me tell you,

I've seen people with horrible illnesses with great support do very well.

And I've seen people who really,

I didn't think were that sick and because of feeling disconnected and alone,

They had a harder go of it.

And I can tell you that what we do here being present,

Being connected and imagining ourselves in a room together.

For some reason that always resonates with me,

Hanging out in a comfy room,

Chatting with friends in a place that's warm and safe,

Comfortable,

Place of non-judgment and acceptance.

And that's what this is tonight.

So you might close your eyes for a moment.

Again,

Breathe together,

Collective breath.

And open your heart,

Open your mind,

Open your spirit,

Right?

So that we can hear what we need to hear.

We're aware and we're listening.

So before we get into the talk,

I think I'd like to set an intention.

And so the intention for tonight is may we be aware and notice what is and is not good and healthy for us.

And may we honor that.

May we be aware and notice what is and is not good for us and healthy for us.

And may we honor that.

How often do we not honor what we know,

Right?

We have ideas.

So I'm going to be very transparent.

I'm reading this book and it's called The Boundary Boss by Terry Cole.

I'll hold it up so y'all can see that.

Do you want to give a screenshot?

Boundary Boss,

The essential guide to talk true,

Be seen and finally live free.

I heard a podcast with her on it.

I was traveling one day and I just found it.

I don't even know where I found it.

But it was really,

Really intrigued me enough.

I bought the book and I opened the book every once in a while and I find it to be very,

Very telling.

Joel says honoring what I know to be true.

Why is that so hard?

Well,

There's a lot of reasons.

So I can't obviously read the whole book to you tonight,

But I thought I would draw some parallels and make some connections between what I've been reading and some of the things that I find with coaching and living with diabetes.

And then we'll talk always about tips and how we can do that.

All right.

So you think about boundaries and living with diabetes is nothing but boundaries,

Right?

Don't do this.

Do that.

Do more of this.

Do less of that.

Go here.

Don't go there.

Often we feel like we are victim,

Right?

And the victim,

The boundaries get really gray.

Who's the owner,

Right?

So if you think of someone who is a victim,

Who is in a situation where they don't have a lot of choice,

Your boundary is what you're willing and not willing to do,

Right?

This is okay with me and that's not okay with me.

And if you're in victim mode,

A lot of what's okay still happens,

Right?

So when we live with diabetes,

We have a ton of things that we don't often get a choice about,

Right?

And it can be really,

Really harsh,

I think.

And we,

A lot of times we have boundaries,

Habits around food,

Obviously,

Our behaviors,

Questions,

And we have boundaries for ourselves and for others.

And I think often because our disease gets in the way,

Our personal boundaries get kind of fuzzy,

Right?

So we have to open ourselves and be vulnerable to providers,

To sharing information that we may not really want to share.

You know,

If you didn't have to tell anybody what your blood sugar is,

Do you really want to,

Right?

It's that personal information that is yours and yours alone.

And we have to give that out,

Right?

I don't know what made me think of this,

But it's like when you get an exam,

Like,

I don't know about y'all,

But I hate having my feet examined and they always pull my toes open and look between my toes and it's fine.

I mean,

They're fine,

But it's like the weirdest thing.

I hate that.

I don't like that.

I understand clinically why we have to do it,

But it's a boundary.

It's a place that I don't really want to go.

So when we live with something chronic like this,

I think our boundaries get a little fuzzy,

Right?

And so this book has been really,

Really informative.

And so I'm just going to again,

Share it with you.

This is a little bit different because I'm going to read you some excerpts.

The first thing it says is a lot of our boundaries come from our growing up,

What was okay and not okay.

So again,

As we go through life,

Everybody has experiences that affect what we tolerate and how we see ourselves,

What we allow of ourselves,

What we allow of others.

Right.

And so I'm going to pull open a page here.

Hang on.

I got a few things marked.

Okay.

So this was just right at the very beginning of this.

It talks about what were your forbidden feelings?

And I think growing up unintentionally and sometimes it's just parenting.

I think of things I've said to my kids,

But I'm like,

Oh,

I probably shouldn't have said that.

I've had conversations with my mom.

I sure we all have things that have happened,

But there are certain feelings that are culturally probably,

What's the right word,

From an age perspective,

Different generations,

Generational things that were okay,

The way things used to be done.

But this,

I had a little call out on page 19 of the book and it says,

What were your forbidden feelings?

So you're supposed to check the boxes next to any emotions that were discouraged,

Punished,

Or forbidden in your childhood.

So one was happiness,

Joy,

Satisfaction,

And a sense of well-being.

And I do believe there's sometimes where,

People aren't always encouraged to be happy,

Right?

The whole be seen and not heard and thinking about others first,

Things like that.

The second one is emotions that were discouraged,

That were sadness,

Disappointment,

Hopelessness,

And disinterest.

And so we're supposed to act like we care.

We're supposed to act like we're fine.

For me,

I know my mom was always like,

Don't cry,

Don't cry,

Don't cry.

Even if I needed to cry,

Right?

She was trying to keep peace in the household,

But for me,

I had to learn how to stuff those feelings down,

Right?

Girls were not supposed to be angry.

We're supposed to be nice.

Sadness is uncomfortable,

So cheer up,

Right?

How often do you tell people to be sad?

Cheer up,

Right?

How often do you tell people to try to cheer up,

Right?

Fear,

Were you forbidden to feel fear,

Unsafe,

Threatened,

Or activated a fight,

Flight,

Freeze response,

Right?

So again,

It's about being good,

Right?

Don't do anything that upsets or scares anybody else.

Did you have experience as a child where your emotions that were discouraged or forbidden,

Of disgust,

Revulsion,

Disapproval,

And rejection?

For me,

I think of my mom and she's like,

What will people think?

What will people think if they knew that,

Right?

That certain behaviors,

Things we did were not acceptable,

You know,

For acting goofy in church or,

You know,

Being rejected for not behaving appropriately when you're little.

Anger,

Hostility,

Agitation,

And frustration.

I think most women might feel that more so than men perhaps.

So those are just some things that they're normal emotions.

They're normal things that happen to everybody.

And because of,

You know,

Wanting your kids to be good in church or not acting up in the grocery store or doing well in school or keeping peace in the household,

Behaviors and emotions and things you felt were kind of shut down,

Right?

As you move into,

Actually,

And they were shut down because somebody wanted you to be different than you were.

I think that's the key point,

Right?

So we have these boundaries as we grow up and get older,

We learn these things as a child.

And then as we get older,

They become sort of these boundaries that we blur.

And here's just a couple of the things that she shares in her book.

So one manifestation of not having a good boundary could be perfectionism,

Right?

Being,

Doing everything so well so other people aren't disappointed in you.

Getting the right answer,

Achieving,

Being successful,

Right?

So other people don't think bad about you.

Codependency was another one and not just only with addiction,

But also with like fixing others,

Right?

I need to take on all the responsibility of the world because you're broken,

You're not able.

I have to fix everything.

Nobody else can do it the way I can,

Right?

And we create these burdens upon ourselves.

Being really super hard on yourself,

Just judging yourself,

Feeling like no matter what you do,

It's never good enough.

Feeling emotionally exhausted might be another symptom of this where you're trying so hard and so much effort to keep all the balls in the air,

To keep the world okay,

To make sure people like you to get that positive feedback,

To avoid confrontation and to feel responsible.

Like I need to fix all this,

Right?

Like you have to fix your friends' problems.

So one of the things she talks about is staying in your lane.

Like what is yours to fix and what is someone else's?

So if you go back and you think about what we just said,

Certain experiences where what you thought felt,

What was yours,

Your true feeling,

Emotion,

Thought,

Idea was told to be wrong.

And in order to please somebody to win affection,

Affirmation,

Love,

We change those things,

Right?

And that's where that blurring of the boundary can happen.

And we try super hard,

Right?

And so I'm going to pause right there,

Throw diabetes in the mix.

And this one,

I was diagnosed at 26 and I lived alone.

So I didn't have a lot of this,

But I see it quite often is that because you have disease,

Right?

Then you've got to work harder,

Prove that you're better.

You're going to be judged on your eating,

Your activity,

Your sleep,

All the stuff by this number.

And you're also going to make people worry about you,

Right?

So all of a sudden you become responsible for many other people's happiness,

Right?

My blood sugars are out of whack,

Mom and dad worry,

Oh my gosh,

I have to go to the hospital.

I need care.

My medicine is expensive.

I'm imposing a burden on everyone.

So you get these layers of guilt,

Right?

And so what happens is in order to feel like you're okay and like you are worthy and to feel better,

Right?

We kind of blur our boundaries.

And so what does that look like,

Right?

I think that can look like doing things you don't want to do,

Saying no,

Saying yes,

When you mean no,

Feeling like you're the only person that can fix everything,

Holding yourself to the super high standard,

Beating yourself up if you ever fail or change your mind,

Right?

So we are allowed to do these things.

We are allowed to feel those.

And I think often it's much easier to deflect that to other people than to deal with our own stuff,

Right?

So it's much easier to fix them and notice all the broken problems of the world and all the things that we want to be angry about because people don't understand,

Don't get it,

Don't get it.

We think they're judging us,

Whatever that may be like.

Sometimes it might be a boundary issue where really deep inside what you really want,

You're sacrificing.

You're sacrificing for other people's happiness,

Other people's wellbeing,

Because you think they think something.

Anyway,

It gets very complex.

So I want to read you this other piece and it's called,

I guess y'all chime in if you're,

As I'm looking for this page,

Let me know if this resonates.

Do you find yourself having some of these feelings or emotions,

You know,

Really just feeling like the bar is so super high,

Right?

There's a lot of things you have to do and we try to do to be the best we can.

And,

You know,

It's hard to be a pancreas.

Let me just tell you,

It's not an easy chore.

Okay.

So one of the things she has in her books is,

And really,

I think this is one way,

I can't,

I couldn't begin to describe everything that's in here,

But I do want to,

So there's a million things,

Right?

My purpose tonight is really to open up your ideas.

And I got,

I have two more things I want to say.

So I want to read this bill of rights because I think this,

When one of these,

If one of these,

If something resonates with you,

This is the place to start.

Okay.

So often with coaching,

With behavior change,

With learning something about that helps you deal with what is true in your life.

It has to be a start.

It has to be a little,

A little niggling that says,

There's something that's just,

It's eating at you like that,

That does something to me.

So as I read those,

Just be mindful to see if any of these things,

Like,

You're like,

I know what she's talking about.

Right.

Okay.

So these are,

Again,

I'm reading from Terry Cole Boundary Boss.

That's the book.

And it's just a book I'm reading.

So I don't have any affiliation with her.

I just find it very interesting and it resonates a lot with my coaching.

So I thought I would share.

Okay.

So the Boundary Boss Bill of Rights.

And I'll read these kind of slow and I'm taking fast notes.

I am recording this and maybe tonight I actually don't have anything.

Maybe I'll edit this one and repost it.

Okay.

So the right number one,

You have the right to say no or yes to others without feeling guilty.

You can say no.

Right.

And I think this comes up a lot with my providers.

I've said no to a lot of providers when they said,

Oh,

You can't do this.

You know,

You can't work nights.

I can't have children.

There are all these things.

And I actually said no.

But I also know what it means to feel guilty when you don't want to say no and you do more than you should,

Or you,

You know,

You take on the project when really you didn't have the bandwidth.

Right.

You have the right to say no to others without feeling guilty because you don't have to do it just because someone asked you.

You have the right to make mistakes to course correct and to change your mind.

This is that perfectionism piece.

Right.

You can try something and you can say,

I'm going to do this.

And if it's not working,

You can change.

You can fail.

Right.

We can learn.

I feel like I think there's a lot of,

A lot of,

We have to do it perfect all the time,

Which doesn't allow for any sort of margin of error.

Okay.

Number three,

You have the right to negotiate for your preferences,

Desires,

And needs.

I would say this one really big in healthcare too,

Just because your doctor told you to that's where it starts,

But you can negotiate.

Like I really don't like that.

I want to do this.

Can I do this instead?

What's a good balance?

What's a good in-between even with parents and friends about,

You know,

Food choices,

When you want to eat,

How you want to eat,

You get to negotiate.

So I had a client once and he he would,

He would go hypoglycemic because he didn't want to say he needed to eat sooner among colleagues.

Right.

He has the right.

You have the right to go,

You know what,

Y'all I need to eat now.

So I understand whatever I'm going to do a little bite now,

Whatever that looks like,

You have the right to negotiate that.

Right.

You have the right to express and honor all of your feelings.

If you so choose.

So right.

You are allowed to feel your feelings.

You can share those with others,

But first you got to share them with yourself.

You have the right to voice your opinion,

Even if others disagree.

We are all,

You know,

Especially in this day and age of being very politically correct.

Everybody has a unique perspective and a different opinion.

So you talk to people about how to treat diabetes,

Talk about a million different opinions on what works.

Right.

We have the right to voice our opinion of what we're going to do.

I think it comes back to doctors a little bit.

I can say I don't like doing that.

I want another option.

I want to try something else.

You have the right to be treated with respect,

Consideration and care.

Healthcare once again,

Right?

Just because our pancreas is not 100% functional,

Does it mean we are less deserving of care and compassion?

And whatever happened in your past.

Also,

This is,

I think a lot of people feel,

You get a lot about feelings,

How I feel about things,

That you've done something and somehow you don't deserve what everybody else gets,

Right?

You read that one again.

You have the right to be treated with respect,

Consideration and care.

You have a right to determine who has the privilege of being in your life.

Right?

Same thing.

Sometimes we don't always have that right.

Sometimes if we're really sick,

We don't get that choice.

But it is the right,

I guess you could say no.

Like if you're in an inpatient place,

Like you get confused to have a nurse take care of you if you don't like them,

You can say no,

You can fire your doctor.

But even on a personal level,

Even family,

You don't have to have,

You know,

Brothers and sisters,

Siblings,

Cousins,

Sometimes it's good to love them from a distance,

Right?

They don't have to be in your life,

In your business,

Or in your diabetes,

Right?

You can have people that you love that are family,

And they don't have to be in your business,

In your medical business.

You have the right to communicate your boundaries,

Limits and deal breakers.

So I think this is again,

This is one of my five principles.

Talking about communication and why it's such an important skill to negotiating and navigating life with a chronic illness,

Right?

You have things that you're like,

I'm not going to do that.

Right?

Those are deal breakers.

Like,

I can't do that.

I won't do that.

There are certain things,

Right?

Certain things we'll eat,

We won't eat,

We like,

We don't like.

What's the limit?

Like,

How much can I do that?

There's a limit to like,

What,

How many devices can you have on your body?

How many times can you check your blood sugar?

How many times can you go to the doctor?

There are limits and you get to have those limits because just because someone asks you to,

Does not offer aid to.

I love this one.

You have the right to prioritize your self-care without feeling selfish,

Which is what we are doing here.

And right?

Self-care is needed.

We can't just give and give and give and go and go and go and try and try and try and try and go and try and try and try and the bar so high.

Sometimes we have to give ourselves back up,

Fill ourselves back up first,

Right?

It's the whole oxygen mask on the airplane scenario,

But you have the right to prioritize your self-care without feeling selfish.

It is important that you take care of you.

And the last one,

You have the right to talk true,

Be seen and live free,

Right?

We have the right to talk true,

Speak our truth,

To say what's real,

To be seen and not hide,

To be who we are authentically and live free,

Right?

To be able to live and pursue what lights us up.

And I think on that last one,

That doesn't mean living with diabetes means you can't do those other things.

It may be more challenging.

You may have to put a little extra effort,

But that is your choice,

Right?

So we're going to go back.

I know there's a lot of extra people on here now talking about boundaries and living with chronic illness,

Living with diabetes,

How we have a lot of boundaries that blur because of the nature of our condition,

Right?

We have to be somewhat vulnerable,

Let people in.

At times,

We probably didn't want to just for our own safety and making sure we have someone that has our back,

That sort of stuff.

A lot of our growing up impacts our boundaries,

What we think is okay and not okay,

What we think we can ask for and not ask for.

And so we can develop these behaviors,

Right?

And so the book goes into a great amount of detail about how to work through some of these boundaries.

And the first and obvious step is awareness,

Right?

Like,

Did you even realize that maybe your perfectionism was a boundary issue?

Who knew,

Right?

Your codependency,

Your needing to fix other people is a boundary issue.

And sometimes it's making sure you stay out of your own boundary and fix everybody else because then we don't have to deal with our own stuff,

Right?

There's a million,

Million ways.

And I'll wrap with this because this is,

It's always part of something I talk,

One of these symptoms on here is often that boundaries that are violated,

Show up as fight,

Flight or freeze.

And we've talked about that quite a bit.

So the fight,

Flight or freeze is your sympathetic nervous system.

It's that defense mechanism,

It's how we cope with stress and threats.

And obviously these boundaries are a threat.

If someone crosses your boundary,

And if you think of your boundary,

Like let's say your home,

Your yard,

You know,

Wherever you live,

Someone comes in your door,

They cross your boundary,

Fight,

Flight or freeze,

Right?

Those things happen.

And if you think of,

Let's just keep with that home analogy,

If someone,

You might fight them,

Right?

You might,

Somebody comes in your house,

You might just go to town and get them the heck out of there,

Right?

You might run,

Flight,

Flight,

Flight,

Flight,

You might run,

Right?

Get the heck out of there.

Somebody comes in,

You don't know who they are,

They're big and scary,

You're gone.

Or you might freeze,

Right?

You just might be so shocked you can't do that.

So those same things happen when our personal boundaries get violated.

And so,

You know,

We may be really defensive and angry and want to show them what for.

If somebody says something about our diabetes or,

You know,

Expectations,

Especially when we're trying really,

Really hard and we feel like the world doesn't get it,

There's a lot of times we see anger there.

Flight is sort of that same sort of mindset of abandon,

Right?

Like,

We're just,

That's not the word I'm looking for.

Ah,

Hang on one second.

When you ignore something,

I lost it.

Go on,

Flight,

Ignore it.

It's not ignore,

Can't think of where it is.

But right?

If we put our head in the sand and we act like it's not really happening,

It's not going on,

That's that flight,

Right?

Like,

I'm not going to deal with that.

I'm not going over there.

And often that's that fixer of us coming out to fix others is the flight.

Like,

I'm not going to deal with me,

I'm going to deal with them.

And freeze is that sometimes have you ever been in a situation where something just happens and you don't even know what to do?

You just stop,

Right?

Somebody says something to you,

They cross the boundaries,

They make you feel threatened in some respect.

So it's amazing to me how all this stuff kind of comes together with the same things we've been talking about.

So I think the last one that she said,

And I'll wrap with this one is you are allowed to make agreements with and for yourself,

Right?

So all of these boundaries,

You get to decide which ones you let someone cross and which ones you don't.

And you can tell,

You can first you have to make those agreements with yourself.

So first be aware.

And then two,

As we read through some of these,

If some of these are ringing true for you,

Or you're struggling with it right now,

You have the right,

Right?

To decide what agreements you're going to do,

What things you agree to,

What you do,

And once you don't.

And then you have to make those agreements and let them be known to others.

You have to communicate that.

So a couple little last little windups,

It's okay to have a past,

Right?

We all have one.

Everything happened to us.

It's not like we have to go back and undo it.

It doesn't serve us very often to try to change our past,

Right?

That doesn't work.

Being aware of what happened and habits and patterns are certainly important.

It's okay to change right now.

You can just,

You can say,

You know what?

I've been doing it this way.

And guess what?

I want to change.

You're allowed.

It's okay.

And it's okay to let go.

There are some things we cling to really tightly because this is who we are and it's our,

Our identity.

Sometimes it's okay to let go.

The last thing I'm going to rewrap,

Because this is my favorite,

Self-care is not selfish,

Right?

Doing things that are,

That make you feel uncomfortable,

That put you on edge are not okay,

Right?

You think it's okay to have healthy boundaries.

And you can do it in a way that's kind and friendly,

But that communication back to the rest of the world,

That's not okay.

I don't like when you said that,

You know,

I need to go right now.

I'm not going to answer that question on and on and on,

Right?

We can do those things and,

And then don't apologize and don't explain,

Right?

Very hard to do.

I'm not saying it's an easy skill and I'm,

I'm a work in progress as well.

I want to see what y'all are saying.

There's some things in the chat.

Let's see.

Brooke says,

I find myself thinking I need to care for myself and diabetes so I don't get special treatment to appear as normal as possible,

Which is essentially is caring about what other people think.

I absolutely get that.

Right?

So you want to be normal.

I guess it's that balance between,

Are you playing the victim or you,

Or the martyr?

Are you the martyr?

Like,

I'm not telling anybody because I can't let anybody know that I need something,

Right?

That's very different than who I am,

Right?

Like you can be diabetic and be normal because guess what?

Everybody else.

I've been a nurse for a long,

Long,

Long time.

Everybody has something.

Nobody is normal.

The only normal people are the ones you don't know.

Right?

So I think we all have this expectation of the rest of the world is okay.

And we're the only ones who are like dealing with something.

That's not true.

Everybody's got a little something.

So yeah,

Maybe there is no normal.

Alicia says,

Hello.

I'm late but so happy I'm here.

Hi,

Alicia.

The jewels.

I did not realize my perfectionism is tied to what others think of me.

And it's a boundary in agreement.

Yes,

Absolutely.

I'm a recovering perfectionist.

So trying so very hard to do all the right things so you get the right feedback.

And the risk in that behavior is there is no perfection.

With diabetes,

There's no perfection.

You can never keep all the people perfectly happy because every person in the world wants a little something different.

So when you are seeking perfectionism and trying to do it quote unquote right all the time,

You've given that control to other people waiting for them to tell you you're right.

So right.

So I always talk about we practice persistence,

Not perfection because there is no perfection.

You're gonna mess up.

We're human,

Right?

There is no we're gonna we're gonna eat the wrong thing.

We're gonna have a high blood sugar,

We're gonna have a low blood sugar.

We're gonna not care someday and just not want to deal with it.

Right?

We are human.

So there's grace in that forgiveness and tolerance of yourself that that it's okay not to be perfect,

Right?

Every day of blood sugar is not going to be perfect.

You're gonna have wacky weird numbers,

Right?

No matter what metric that you're trying to track in your body,

Whether it's blood sugar or blood pressure or you know all the different things that might be a symptom of someone living with a problem,

We never perfectly control them because again the only time anything is perfect is when it's not moving and that's when we're dead.

Right?

Like that's the only time the human body,

The human ecosystem is stable.

It's always imbalanced.

It's always shifting.

There's a chemical that changes another chemical.

There's a hormone that's released that causes a cascade of reactions.

Everything inside of our body is constantly shifting,

Moving,

Reacting.

So the idea that something's flat,

Even our heart rate when you really look at it on a monitor,

It's constantly kind of up and down,

Up and down.

Our respiratory rate,

All that stuff.

So it's okay to be variable,

Right?

That's a good thing.

Okay,

So let's shift over a little bit.

Again,

I'll wrap up.

There's a lot of new folks on here.

So my name is Patricia Daker and I'm the owner and founder of Better Diabetes Life.

On Monday nights at seven,

We're usually here talking a little bit about diabetes and other health chronic conditions.

Tonight,

I was just recapping a book,

Boundary Boss,

Talking a little bit about boundaries,

How they,

How violation of boundaries show up in our lives and how that can really play a part in how you manage your diabetes or other chronic illness.

So the key steps are A,

Knowing that it's actually happening,

Like what's the root cause of the behavior?

How is it showing up in your life?

And then starting to dig into what boundaries were crossed.

And the hardest part is to know where do your boundaries lie?

Like what are you willing to do and not willing to do?

And that's sort of an evolution I think that goes on forever.

So as we gather again,

We're going to move into the meditation portion.

So if you are not already lying down or cozy in a blanket or warm,

Do that.

Get somewhere comfortable,

Shut the door,

Get the kids out of the room.

We're going to talk a little bit about boundaries again.

The theme is,

Actually,

So talking about that,

The theme for tonight's meditation though,

Is we have the right,

As we talked about the rights we have,

We have the right to feel good.

We have the right to relax and we have the right for self-care.

So what we're going to do now is perfectly wonderful good,

Even though it's nothing.

All you're going to do is lay there and listen.

It's indulgent.

Even if you feel like you're not doing anything,

We are going to shift your body from a very vigilant,

Hyperactive,

Exhausting,

Alert state,

Fight or flight,

That sympathetic state,

And shift over into a parasympathetic state,

Which is relax and rest and restore.

It takes the energy that you would be looking outward in your mind or in the world.

We're going to allow that to be present on our inside to care for our organs,

To help adjust and balance all the pieces and parts of us that need some of that TLC.

Let's see,

What else?

Housekeeping.

So again,

For those of you who joined,

If you're enjoying this,

Little hearts are always welcome.

So feel free to hit that little button.

We have a donate button up there and that is just a wonderful way of showing support for the platform and for all the teachers who are on here.

And thank you in advance if you choose to do that.

Let's see,

If you want to know more about what I do,

My link is in my bio.

We have a circle on here,

Circle slash group called Better Diabetes Life.

And we can continue these conversations and I share some,

I don't know,

Things that I might find useful or interesting for you there.

All right,

So we are going to shift into this mode,

Probably last about 20-30 minutes.

I just want you to all remember that we are gathered together.

We are in a safe place.

This is the time to be nice to yourself.

At the beginning of this practice tonight,

We pulled a little card from a deck I have.

I'm going to read it again because I thought it was pretty cool.

Every cell in my body is conscious and it communicates with each positive thought I have.

So interestingly enough,

That's kind of how we do this guided meditation,

Right?

We go and we talk to every cell in our body,

Every organ,

Every bit and part of us.

And we give it a little blessing and care because life is hard and life with diabetes and life with any illness is hard on our physical body.

So we engage our mind and our spirit to boost that side up because often our mind is busy and again outwardly vigilant.

And so right now we're going to turn inward.

So again,

Gather,

Know that you're safe.

Relax.

Then we'll do a breathing into a little breathing exercise to get started.

This is polyvagal breathing and it stimulates your vagus nerve which actually helps you shift from your fight or flight,

Your outward vigilant state into your internal sort of health and healing state which nobody gets enough of.

So you cannot do this enough and you can do this anytime during the day.

It's free.

It costs nothing and if you can count to eight,

You can do it.

So we will breathe in and out through our nose with our mouths closed.

I'm going to count for you.

When you breathe in to a count of four,

Fully expand your lungs.

Make sure those ribs open up.

Take up more space.

And when you exhale through your nose,

Mouth closed,

We're going to exhale for a count of eight.

Fully and slowly exhale.

That long slow exhale and that complete release is actually what shifts you from a physiological standpoint.

So into a count of four and out to a count of eight.

You can do,

You know,

Three and six or two and four,

Whatever works for you.

If your breathing is different,

I just choose four and eight.

That's what I like.

But the key here is that you exhale longer than you inhale.

And if my counting isn't working for you,

Just feel free to do your own thing.

But we'll do this for a couple minutes just to help us shift.

So we'll start with one large deep inhale and relax.

Let the smile go across your face.

Notice how that smile changes you on the inside.

And let that smile wash over you as we do our breathing.

We'll begin now.

So breathe in,

Two,

Three,

Four,

And breathe out,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

In,

Two,

Three,

Four,

And out,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

Fully breathe in,

Two,

Three,

Four,

And let go,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

Breathe in,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Relax and let go,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

Deep breath in,

Two,

Three,

Four,

And let go,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

Big breath in,

Two,

Three,

Four,

And let it go,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

Expand fully in,

Two,

Three,

Four,

And relax out,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

In,

Two,

Three,

Four,

And let go,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

Shifting and slowing,

Breathe in,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Relax and melt,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

Last time,

Big breath in,

Two,

Three,

Four,

And let it go completely,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

Breathe in normal,

Relax.

Notice how your body feels,

Maybe a softening,

A little bit of release of anxiety.

Hopefully you feel good and safe.

We'll repeat our intention for tonight.

May we be aware and notice what is good and what is not good,

And may we honor that.

I'll repeat it once again.

May we be aware and notice what is good and what is not good,

And may we honor that.

May we be aware and notice what is good and what is not good.

May we be aware and notice what is not good.

Let's say out loud whatever seems to resonate with you.

We say with truth and authority,

I am here.

I am breathing.

I am able.

I am wise.

I am aware of my likes.

I am worthy of comfort.

I am entitled to my wants and needs.

I am able to speak my truth.

I am willing to face my fears.

I am able to choose what is best for me.

I am in charge of me.

I am safe.

I am okay.

As I lead you on this journey through your body,

I want you to notice and see if you can imagine the boundaries between the parts of the body we'll discuss.

See if you can imagine where they start and where they stop.

Notice where they are.

Notice if there is tension or emotion,

Thoughts and feelings stored in these parts.

Notice what they need.

Notice what they don't want.

You are allowed to think and feel all of these things.

Your mind,

Your body,

And your spirit.

I want you to notice your physical body being supported by that hat which is beneath you.

The chair,

The bed,

The sofa.

Notice where you touch that thing.

Can you feel gravity pulling you down?

Can you surrender your body?

Loosen your muscles and let go.

You are safe and you are calm.

I'll start with the outermost part of you,

Your skin.

See if you can notice your skin,

Your outside,

The part the physical world sees.

The front of you,

The back of you,

All around you,

Your face,

Your arms,

Your torso,

Your legs.

Notice the boundary of you that separates you from the outside world.

Can you feel energy outside of you?

A boundary beyond your skin?

The safe zone that is okay for you?

Can you visualize it?

Can you imagine it?

Do you know where it starts and stops?

Can you honor this area and this space that you need?

It is okay for you to need this space between you and the rest of the world.

Thank your skin for being this outer protector that separates you from others.

Now turn inward underneath your skin to your insides,

To the flesh and blood and bone of you,

To the body that you've been in since the moment you were conceived,

The vehicle that allows you to travel and journey on this earth,

The systems that play together to create experience,

Sensation,

Emotion.

We'll start with our feet.

Move your awareness to your feet,

The part of you that is most distant,

Furthest away from your heart and your brain,

Therefore susceptible to impairment of circulation.

Notice your feet.

Notice what they need,

What they want to tell you.

Open and allow your body to send anything in their direction.

Nourishment,

Pain management,

Calmness,

Blood flow,

Oxygen,

Whatever they need.

Notice the boundaries of the bottom of your feet that touch the earth.

Notice where your feet connect to lower legs,

The calves,

The boundary between your feet and your calves or your ankles,

Where one stops and the other starts.

Notice the boundaries between your femur,

Your upper leg and your lower leg and your knees.

What do your legs tell you?

What do they need?

What don't they want?

Can you give yourself permission to unclench the muscles,

To relax and let go?

Their work is not needed at this moment.

Let your hips and pelvis relax.

Notice how they join to your body,

To your torso,

The boundary between extremity and your body.

Travel up to your upper extremities,

Your arms,

Your shoulders,

The boundary between where your head connects to your body.

Can you let the shoulders drop the weight of the world?

Let them loosen and soften.

What do they want to put down?

What do they carry that isn't theirs to carry?

Can you give yourself permission to put down that weight?

And as you do so,

Can you feel a lightness that radiates from your shoulders to your arms,

Your upper arms,

The boundary between your upper arms and your forearms and your elbows,

Where one stops and the other starts,

Onto your forearms and the boundary of your wrists?

Notice your arms that do so much work.

Give them permission to rest at this time.

Let them loosen and soften.

Notice what they want and need.

Do they need a hug?

Do they need help?

Do they need a gentle caress?

Notice what they don't need.

Perhaps more work.

Give them permission to be as they need to be.

Move your attention to your hands,

The interface between you and most of the world through communication,

Gestures,

Writing,

Typing.

Your hands which are expressive.

Your hands which can tell secrets,

Show emotion,

Attract or repel,

Which can caress and be gentle or be firm and slap and hit if in danger or afraid.

Notice what your hands need.

Feel the aliveness inside,

Many moving parts.

Thank your hands for their work and their effort.

From our outer extremities,

The boundaries,

The extremities that move and guide us,

Moving inward to the organs protected by bone and muscle,

By spine and ribs,

By fascia.

Notice the inside of you.

In your lower abdomen,

Your digestive organs.

It's hard and difficult to know where everything is in the inside of you.

But it's okay to have a general sense of where they are,

What they're doing.

Do they need ease?

Do they need peace?

Do they need pain relief?

Relax and let that be.

Let me tell you of the emotional needs that you have.

Often our digestive organs,

Our stomach,

Our gut keeps our secrets.

Maybe listen.

Notice how they feel when they feel protected and safe and how they feel when they feel threatened or crossed.

Move up a little bit behind your belly button to where your pancreas is.

Imagine it nestled in between the other organs,

Blood flowing,

Functioning at some level,

Perhaps at some more than others.

Your pancreas,

If you live with diabetes,

Can often be a victim of jokes,

Pain,

Anger.

What does your pancreas want?

What do you want of your pancreas?

What can you offer it at this moment?

Allow your organs and your resources to gift your pancreas with what it needs.

Move your attention to your kidneys,

Above your waist,

Towards your back,

Tucked beneath your rib cage.

Can you think of them,

Imagine them,

Separate from the rest of the inside of you.

Imagine them whole,

Perfect and complete,

Functioning and filtering and regulating with ease and effort.

But what do they want to tell you?

What do they need from you right now?

Without thinking about it,

Give it,

Give it free.

Whatever it is,

They can have it.

You have plenty.

Move your attention to your liver,

The right upper side of your abdomen,

Large organ with many lobes,

Filtering blood.

Imagine it tucked in inside of you.

It moves as you breathe.

Separate piece of you whose functions you'll never know.

But there it is,

Taking care of you every day.

Notice how you feel in this area.

You think of this part of you,

Do you notice things and other parts of your body?

Do you have a reaction?

Do you have a need?

Does this create a desire in you?

Allow your liver to be open,

Fluid,

Functioning,

Happy,

Healthy,

Restored.

Let this be true.

Move upward into your chest for a moment.

Notice your breathing.

Remember that you're breathing even when you forget.

For in your lungs,

The boundary between inside and outside is very thin.

Air that is part of you effortlessly leaves and air that was outside of you effortlessly comes in,

Constantly exchanging,

Blurring the line between you and the rest of the world.

Your breath,

Which is your conduit to change emotion,

To restore,

To transform,

To shift.

And as you breathe and shift and exchange,

Nestled inside is your heart beating,

Circulating.

A strong and rhythmic movement.

What does your heart want?

How does your heart feel?

Can your heart let go right now?

Can it let go of fear,

Of worry?

Can it just be for this moment?

Can it just be there,

Being strong?

Keeping you healthy and whole.

Radiating love,

Care and concern.

Can your heart speak to you?

What does your heart need?

What does your heart not want?

What needs to stop to go away?

Let that go.

Let your heart be at peace.

Let your heart be open to receive and give.

Let all the vessels and the blood that's flowing to your heart travel easily,

Effortlessly,

Bringing all that is needed.

Healing,

Comfort,

Restoration.

We'll continue our journey upward through your neck,

Your throat,

Which is the voice.

Perhaps the voice,

The part of you that sometimes feels silenced.

In this moment,

There's no reason to not say anything.

Your truth is allowed.

Swallow.

Relax the muscles of your neck.

What does your voice want to say?

What is okay to be said?

Who needs to hear your voice?

What is your voice afraid to say?

Listen.

This is your truth.

This is the part of you that needs help.

Who is the voice?

What is the voice saying?

You can give it permission in a safe space.

And if today is not the right day,

You can also wait.

Let your neck and your throat relax.

Be open and supple.

If it needs care and comfort,

Allow it to be.

Travel upwards inside of your soul.

Wash across your face.

Relaxing your cheeks,

Your tongue,

Your forehead,

Your scalp.

Moving inward to the brain,

Which is your electrical center.

Processing,

Sensing,

Creating,

Thinking,

Wondering.

Your brain that is a mystery.

What does your brain need?

Does it need a break?

Does it need understanding?

Does it need answers?

Or perhaps it doesn't need stress,

Intention,

Feeling judged.

Allow the blood flowing through your brain to restore and replenish,

To easily access every cell,

Every neuron.

Allow your brain to shift into its most comfortable and restorative and relaxed state.

Perhaps even thinking of an ocean wave rolling in and out,

Gently and rhythmically.

Providing calm and peace.

Move your awareness to your eyes,

The boundaries between what you see of the world and what you see of yourself.

A part of you that knows what the world is.

That sees things coming.

That spills a tear when they're sad.

Let the orbs rest and relax in your socket.

Again,

Let your eyebrows relax.

Let your eyes be.

Perhaps with your eyes closed,

You see into the darkness,

And you can sense beyond yourself.

And you may get the sense that there is a boundary out there far beyond you that is limitless.

This peaceful place is always accessible.

This inner part of you that is vast and safe.

And where your truth lives,

You can visit it whenever you need to.

And from this internal boundless part and aspect of yourself.

Just be there.

Allow this aspect of you to be in charge.

From this deep,

Deep place within you.

This vast expanse of your awareness.

We repeat.

I am here.

I am free.

I am able.

I am wise.

I am aware of my likes.

And worthy of this comfort.

I am entitled to my wants and my needs.

I am able to speak my truth.

I am willing to face my fears.

I choose what is best for me.

I am in charge of me.

I am safe.

And I am okay.

Breathe deeply.

Notice how your body feels relaxed,

Calm.

Think every organ,

Every aspect of your physical body for the hard work that allows you to carry on this journey.

From the intelligence deep within you.

Take a deep breath.

And as you breathe,

Guide all the healing that is necessary.

Allow it to be true because you deserve it.

Remember what this feels like.

And if you are drifting off to sleep,

I'm going to say goodnight.

Know that this very gentle and wonderful state of your nervous system,

Your parasympathetic state,

Is full of healing and restoration and goodness.

May that journey with you all night.

Sweet dreams.

If you want to come back,

I invite you to take a deep breath together.

Move a little.

Notice your body.

Notice the boundary as you come back to this time.

As we left where you were.

We come back to this place,

This virtual space.

Among friends and with others.

As you gather in this safe place.

Imagine many of us in this room,

Looking to our right and to our left.

As you gather in this space,

You are going to see all of light to the person on your right as a gift and receiving the same from the person on your left.

Exchanging energy.

Exchanging bits of each other.

Connecting our spirits.

I hope you enjoyed that and begin the book that I was talking about tonight was Boundary Boss by Terry Cole.

Thank you,

Brooke,

So much for your donation.

I appreciate you so much.

I'm reading this book currently so I was sort of inspired to share that because it really aligns and resonates with them.

I have my coaching practices.

For those of you that joined later,

I am a board certified nurse coach,

Registered nurse and I also live with type one diabetes and so we talk about our bodies a lot and what it's like to live with a chronic illness and how to navigate that.

Not really medically but giving ourselves comfort and tools and awareness and new insights about ways that we can serve ourselves better.

I read a quick card tonight.

I'll read it one last time and I thought,

I love how these things pop up.

Every cell in my body is conscious and communicates with each positive thought I have.

So what we just did in our meditation and I did not pre-pick that card,

But that's what this meditation is all about,

Right?

Every piece of your body has some sort of consciousness and awareness.

It's working,

It's doing a job independent of your understanding of what's going on.

It's happening without your knowledge and positivity is a very,

Very welcome and necessary part.

So giving yourself some gifts back,

Some comfort,

Some attention,

Some release of stress is helpful and very healing.

Dwayne,

Thank you.

He says,

Good thoughts to all.

May the angel of love light a candle in your soul.

I love that.

Maybe that's the light we passed back and forth.

I'm going to say that is true.

So as we imagine passing lights,

We're going to say we,

The angel of love light lit that candle in our souls and we shared it with everyone.

I love that.

That's beautiful.

Super.

If anyone has any questions,

Please feel free.

I am here most Monday nights and I should be here to make sure I don't think I have anything next Monday,

But my typical cadence is Monday nights at seven once a week.

We also have a circle slash group called Better Diabetes Life.

If you found this helpful,

I love the comments.

I love the feedback.

As I said,

Sometimes I'm sitting in my office and it feels kind of weird talking to a phone,

So I love to connect to hear where you're from,

To hear how that resonated with you.

If you just happen to zip by on a live,

I do that almost many times a day.

I just see who's on and what they're doing.

If you know someone that lives with diabetes or other chronic illness and they could use some support,

Some insights,

Some encouragement,

Some friends.

Please,

Please,

Please share this.

They can find me.

My name is Patricia Daecker.

And I think after this is over,

You'll get my link.

I am a teacher here,

Obviously,

On Insight Timer.

I have a link to my website.

And then also there is a group that they're welcome to join,

Better Diabetes Life.

Diabetes is not an uncommon thing,

Right?

There's so many of us that have to live with additional mindfulness and awareness and burden because it is a burden.

But I will also say it's a gift because I'm still here.

So even though I have to deal with life a little bit differently,

I am very grateful and thankful for the tools and the medication and the gizmos that keep me going.

All right.

I'm going to hang out one more second.

If there's questions,

Let me know.

I'd love to hear from you.

If anybody else is still awake.

I always think people fall asleep on these in the evening.

So if I was part of your journey to sleep.

That's a good thing too.

All right.

Well,

I am going to wrap.

It kind of went a little bit long tonight and I might just try to record this one and upload it.

Actually,

It is recorded.

I just need to edit.

Well,

With that,

Thank you again for joining me.

Be well,

Be healthy and take good care of yourself.

Thanks.