Alright,
Today,
Like I said,
I hinted at the emotion yesterday,
And I'm going to guess some of you got it.
So here we go.
You don't throw your trash on the street.
You don't serve yourself first,
And you don't cut in line.
It's called civilization.
Frustration.
The place you suffer is the same place you care profoundly.
Fair enough to act.
In order to do this,
I have to let go of my own present way of seeing things,
And I discover I often can't.
Who can?
I'm afraid to lose the control that I think I have over the life that I think I'm living,
And I'm addicted to what binds me to it.
Can we unhook from the illusion of an isolated self that has to make it on its own?
Frustration is most often a result of not getting what we planned for,
Or things not going the way we hoped.
In short,
Frustration is a response to not having control where we thought there was control.
I'm a victim of frustration more than perhaps any other negative emotion.
Why?
Because I like to control my environment.
I like to plan and execute.
Yet when you plan and execute,
One must also be prepared to pivot.
Today,
Frustration.
I woke disgruntled,
A nut still poking at my insides,
Left over from yesterday's spilled paint and anxiousness about this latest painting coming together.
What do I do with this?
I journaled,
Questioned why it existed,
That cranky,
Found no explicit reasoning,
So I took Quinn for a walk.
Cancer,
New moon.
Ah,
Of course.
The astrological house associated with emotions.
Cancer.
The moon,
The planetary ruler of Cancer.
The emotional home.
Why else would I be hosting this ten-day incubation with a theme of emotions at this precise time?
The sun's been there,
In Cancer,
Since June 20th.
The moon joined it,
Just last night,
Something like 1028 PM Eastern.
Again the moon.
Emotions.
Cancer,
The fourth house of Mother,
And care,
And nurturing,
And emotional acuity.
Of course.
Tender.
That is also my word for today.
Frustration is the emotion,
But tender is the word for the care I'm choosing to give it today.
There's no reason for the frustration,
But there is frustration nonetheless.
Can I sit with it,
Smile with it,
And do my work,
Still not letting it call the rules?
Can I be that conscious?
Part of me wants to be the child,
Emotionally throwing a fit on the ground.
I tried,
I called my husband,
But I am not the child.
I get to play the conscientious adult,
To tenderly hold this inner child,
And even if I can,
Take it by the hand,
Lift it to its feet,
And bravely walk with it into the day.
What I know is this,
Tomorrow,
I'll be so proud of myself for moving around with frustration today and consciously making choices for myself that didn't let it take the wheel and drive me around in circles.
Happy June 30th everyone.
We are halfway through 2022 and we end with this emotion of frustration on this June 30th day and I look forward to where the painting takes you,
Takes me,
And the 20 minutes.
Are you ready?
I think we're ready.
If you haven't yet today,
Spend some time standing and stretching,
Maybe just observing and being quiet with your art,
Your body,
Then do those things first.
But if you're ready,
You're prepared,
Then dive right in and let's get painting.
20 minutes.
20 minutes.
You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You
