035: Four Life Lessons From My Canadian Friend

What if your life was a dance?

What if you could learn to perform it with grace and power?

My name is Tudor Alexander and I want to be your partner as we choreograph the dance of life.

Join me as we share in some of the most meaningful life lessons and strategies that I've discovered in my career as a professional,

Athlete and entrepreneur.

We'll talk business,

Transformation,

Gratitude and everything in between as we dance our way through life.

Together we'll learn and navigate life's changes and dance to whatever the music is playing.

Are you ready?

It's time for the dance of life.

Happy Monday!

Welcome to a new week of your life.

I hope that you have some exciting things this week.

Or if you have some things that you're dreading,

I hope that you can deal with them powerfully.

Today I wanted to share with you a couple of motivational things spontaneously that came to my life as a result of a dance lesson that I was teaching a couple days ago.

One of my students who I will give a shout out to this episode for inspiring me to create this content for today and share it with you.

Her name is Carrie.

She's a very special lady.

I actually see her only once a year for about two months,

Three months at a time.

She lives in Canada,

Way up there in Sault Ste.

Marie,

I think in Ontario if I'm getting it right.

And she's a very special woman.

She's super vibrant and lovely and always jovial,

Always saying hello to everybody.

She is an inspiration because a lot of the challenges that she has had to endure with her health and her life have for many other people just crushed them.

And I am just so inspired by her power and how she dealt with everything.

And we all have our story.

We all have our struggles.

And the point is really,

Can you deal with those things with power?

So like I said,

If this week is something that you're not dreading or let's say something happened to you recently that is terrible,

That is painful,

That is uncomfortable,

That gives you anxiety,

Sadness,

I feel for you.

We all have those moments and I hope that today can inspire you a little bit,

Can give you some tools to chip away at that problem and to create more power in your life.

So this is a shorter episode.

We were talking on the lesson with Carrie about actually my mom came up in the conversation.

And if some of you have been following my social media or some of the previous posts that I made in episodes,

I started a transformation kind of class or not even a class.

It was really more like a project with my mom where basically I.

.

.

It was December of this last year in 2017.

And you can see a video of it on my YouTube channel.

It's called My Mom's Transformation.

And basically what it was is I was getting sick of seeing my mom.

She's retired,

She's not working.

So I just got sick of just seeing her sitting around and being unmotivated and mostly really just her health declining because of that.

Everything is related.

The mind and the body are one.

And if you are unmotivated,

If you are depressed,

If you're sad,

Those things create a particular physical condition and that reinforces the depression and sadness and it's this vicious cycle that we are all familiar with in one way or another.

And so I got her a couple of sessions with one of my friends who is a personal trainer,

Joey.

I actually interviewed Joey in some previous episodes.

I believe it was episode 21 and 22.

He's a really cool guy.

Check him out if you can.

He's very passionate,

Very inspiring dude.

So anyway,

Him and I worked together to create kind of like a Mother's Day transformation thing for my mom.

And so I'm very happy to report that she's doing it.

She is super active every day.

She has started taking some action on her business.

She wants to,

She's a great painter.

I've always encouraged her to get out there,

Get her art out there,

Get some sense that she's creating something and bringing it to the world.

So she is doing that.

She is working out every day.

She can run on the treadmill.

She wasn't even able to walk a couple of months ago.

So she doesn't have any more pain.

I'm super thrilled.

She is independent.

She's strong.

She's working towards a better life.

And obviously,

I posted this on social media and a lot of the people in my life,

My students,

My friends have asked me about her on a regular basis.

And this is how my conversation with my student Carrie came up.

I believe on Saturday,

We were talking about my mom and her journey.

And we just started talking about life and it was just an authentic moment because also that was the last day I was going to see Carrie before she flew off there to Canada.

So it was a very sweet moment.

We got to really connect and talk about life.

And I love it when I get to do that with anybody,

My students,

My friends,

Those kinds of moments when we're sharing and talking about these authentic things like what is our life lessons that we learned about a particular story or whatever.

And those are the kind of moments that I love to create on this show.

When I interview people,

When I do my guided piano meditations,

When I share with you these types of things on a regular episode.

So I'm going to share with you four things,

Kind of like the four life lessons here from my Canadian friend,

Carrie.

So shout out to you,

Carrie.

You're an awesome woman.

Thank you for spending your time with me for a couple months out of the year when you come from Canada and being such an inspiration.

It's always a lovely experience and I've always learned a lot from you.

So here we go.

These four lessons of life.

Number one is be your own parent.

We were talking about being your own parent in the sense of being accountable for yourself.

You know,

This can be read in a lot of different ways because being your own parent,

If you think about what a parent does,

You know,

You have a kid and you have to watch out for them and,

You know,

Make sure that they're fed and clothed right and things like that.

And in the process of life as you develop,

You take on more responsibility and naturally you start to neglect yourself,

Whether it's neglecting your health because you're working on your business too much or you're too much,

You know,

With your kids or whatever,

You know,

Being your own parent in the sense that you have,

You're taking care of yourself as well,

You know,

And that relates to your health,

That relates to your mental health,

That relates to your own goals in the sense of it's okay to pursue things for yourself.

A lot of times when we get wrapped up in other responsibilities,

It's very easy to neglect,

You know,

And water our own plant in the sense,

You know,

So be your own parent.

And that also comes in the sense of also as a parent,

You know,

Being accountable,

You know,

You as a parent,

You always make your kids accountable and give them,

Remind them of good behavior when they mess,

You know,

Make a mistake or whatever.

And that's something that,

You know,

You have to also be able to do for yourself is that you have that conscience,

Right?

You have that little Jiminy cricket on your shoulder.

And being your own parent is both in the nourishing sense and also in the disciplinarian sense that as you go through life,

Remind yourself always what you stand for and are your actions in alignment with your highest good,

Your highest desire,

What are your values that you're operating by?

These are important things to have on a regular basis.

So lesson,

Life lesson number one,

Be your own parent.

Life lesson number two,

You can have that but later.

This was an interesting idea,

Like a little tactic to deal with,

You know,

We were talking about my mom obviously and dieting came up and all these different techniques.

And,

You know,

We talked about allowing yourself to think that it's okay to want something,

You know,

Like let's say I want some chocolate and it's,

You know,

Gonna be extra calories.

So there is a difference between telling yourself like,

No,

I can't have it and say,

Okay,

You know,

I'll have that but I'm just gonna have it later.

By delaying that little bit,

You know,

A couple,

You know,

Hours later or whatever and saying,

You know,

Okay,

Let me have it just a little bit later.

Then you find yourself something to do,

You get busy with something,

You forget all about it and having that and sure,

You know what,

If it comes down to it and the two hours pass and you still wanna have it,

Great,

Go and take a stab a little bit at it but don't eat the whole thing.

Say,

You know what,

I'm gonna have just a little bit more but later.

And that level of delaying your gratification of pushing something just a little bit later without having to tell yourself,

No,

You can't have it.

You know,

Again,

Be your own parent.

It's like parenting but for yourself,

Right?

When you're parenting a child,

It's one thing to tell them,

No,

You can't do this and being restrictive and so on whereas being more flexible with yourself as well,

You know,

Being tolerant of your desires and things like that but allowing them wiggle room in a productive way.

So,

In this way,

You're delaying that immediate desire.

You're not telling it,

No,

It can't be expressed.

You're saying,

Okay,

It can be a little bit later and that kind of diffuses it a bit.

That's the whole science here is that it diffuses that desire by just giving it time to diffuse.

You know,

Like with eating again,

We have an emotional response to eating.

Like when you get hungry,

Like boom,

Okay,

Let me,

I know for me,

When I get hungry,

It's just like I get hungry immediately.

It's not like I'm just kind of hungry.

It's just boom and then if I,

You know,

If I wasn't as active as I was,

You know,

I would have to change my eating habits because I have a tendency usually if I get really hungry immediately,

Boom,

Just to shove as much food as I can immediately,

You know.

And that's not healthy all the time.

That's not very mindful especially if you're stressed out and running around all the time.

So,

You know,

The same thing is with eating and selling yourself,

Okay,

I'm gonna have a little bit later learning to detach from that emotional stimulus,

That emotional response to food or you know,

Whatever it is.

Like,

Okay,

I wanna buy this purse or these pair of shoes,

You know,

At the mall and okay,

Well,

Maybe,

You know,

Let me just later,

I'll put $100 for it next paycheck and then,

You know,

The next paycheck I'll buy that,

You know.

And if you still wanna buy it two paychecks from now,

Then okay,

Then you really wanted it.

But maybe that was an impulse that had you,

You know,

Delayed it a little bit,

You would have realized that you actually didn't really want it as badly.

So,

That is a very effective tool for me because ultimately,

And there's another one in here that's kind of placed to the same tune,

Is that resistance to anything,

Your mental attention on whatever you are fighting against,

You know,

It's only gonna make it stronger because regardless,

It's still getting attention.

So,

If you say,

No,

I can't have that,

You're bringing this wall of resistance and frustration and whatever,

This emotional angst to something that can't be expressed because it's against the rules or I shouldn't do this or whatever,

You know,

As long as you're with your diet and those kind of things we're talking about.

But really,

Allowing it to say,

Yeah,

Okay,

It's okay for me to have that just a little bit later,

That totally diffuses the situation because then you feel just by saying that,

You know,

Okay,

I can have that,

You feel like almost a sense of completion with that,

You know,

So it diffuses it instantly.

And then by delaying your gratification,

You reduce the risk of overeating or overspending or whatever it happens to be.

So,

Very neat little strategy,

Lesson number two is you can have that just later.

Number three,

Hit the board,

Not the bullseye.

I love this one.

I talk about this all the time.

You know,

We talked about the idea of 80-20 or,

You know,

Just basically having a majority of the things that you are hitting and not worrying so much about a perfect score.

You know,

Perfectionism is something that we all struggle with in one various form or another and I often use this analogy with golf actually.

I'm terrible at golf but for some reason,

I like to use this analogy.

I think it's very cool which is the hole-in-one idea.

There's no such thing as a hole-in-one.

I mean,

Most of the time,

You know,

You can get a hole-in-one every now and then but most of the time,

It is a hole-in-two or a hole-in-three.

And what that means is you get really close,

You know,

You develop your skill and your discipline and whatever it happens to be appropriate to whatever we're talking about.

If it's a career,

You know,

You get your skill and your discipline and your knowledge to be able to land very close to that perfect mark.

And then you adjust,

You know,

And that might take you another shot,

That might take you two extra shots,

You know,

But getting really good at being in the 80% desirable range and leaving the 20% for that excellence,

That final extraordinary stuff,

You know,

That's what really it's about because it gives you acceptance.

All of these things have a common theme of acceptance,

Of tolerance,

Of self-acceptance,

Of,

You know,

Going with the flow,

Not being attached to one particular way that something has to be,

You know,

Because when you're easier on yourself,

When you're easier on your goals,

When your outcomes,

And not in no way compromising their quality,

Mind you.

That doesn't mean you have to be lax on what you want to achieve.

I think that ultimately,

We always should be pushing ourselves,

You know,

For greatness,

But you should also at the same time utilize these tools to help you remember the good things that you do achieve in the process,

You know,

That it's on the road to greatness and pursuing a worthy goal.

It's easy to get wrapped up in what we're not achieving.

I can speak from experience on this.

So,

You know,

Hit the board,

Not the bullseye,

You know,

Learn to be okay with getting close and then adjusting,

Getting close and then adjusting.

And then,

You know,

Every now and then,

You're gonna get that perfect score and it's gonna be great.

And those are the moments that you relish,

You learn from,

You share with others.

You don't take credit for those moments either.

None of my failures or successes matter.

They are just tools to improving your process and what you can learn from them because at the end of the day,

Time is the ultimate.

It is the ultimate factor.

So,

Regardless of whether you win the championship or you lose it,

The next day is the next day and the deed has been done and it's gone forever and that is the ultimate truth.

So,

Really all that matters is what carries forward through time which is the blueprint,

Your process,

The thing that generates those results.

So,

Failure is a tool and so is winning.

So is that perfect score.

When you got that perfect score,

Don't,

You know,

Sit on your laurels.

Look at it for our,

You know,

Enjoy it and look at what you can learn and continue improving your game.

The same that you would do even if you got an absolute zero if you failed utterly.

You know,

It's the same actions.

There is no difference and I think when we can detach from those results,

That's something that I talk about often.

So,

Hit the board,

Not the bullseye.

And last but not least,

Number four,

Say you can't but do it anyway.

And this was,

We're talking about,

You know,

I can't do this,

I can't go for a walk or I don't feel like going to the gym or this and that.

And again,

It's allowing those frustrations a place to be expressed because when you repress your feelings,

It's only going to cause a problem.

But the difference is that you do it anyway.

So,

You know,

It's like,

I remember Carrie was saying,

You know,

Okay,

I'm not,

I don't want to do this.

I don't want to go to the gym.

I don't want to do that.

You know,

We're doing an example.

She's like,

Yeah,

But you know what,

I'll still get dressed anyway or I'll still do this and move forward.

And I really like that.

I really like the idea that you can keep talking and say you don't want to do something in this but,

You know,

Put your gym clothes on,

Start walking to the car,

You know,

This and that.

And pretty soon,

You have already created a pattern in your mind that subverts those negative thoughts.

It's like trying to be angry and smile at the same time.

You can't,

The physical,

The external is overpowering the internal.

And this is where it's interesting to me because we always look at the internal as the cause and the external as the effect.

And while that is true,

It is also true that the reverse is,

You know,

In the same order.

So if I can go from my internal and change my attitude about something,

And that's going to reflect in how I behave,

But I can also go inversely.

I can affect my behavior and that's going to change my attitude,

You know,

And in this sense,

It's a powerful tool because a lot of times we just dwell on a negative attitude and we try to change that attitude by thinking about it differently and sitting there and reframing it and,

You know,

Whatever other tools and ultimately you're sitting in your mind.

Sometimes you just have to be in action regardless of whether you hate it or not.

You know,

Like this morning,

It's Sunday night right now,

I'm just recording this,

But this morning,

I mean,

This weekend has been absolutely nuts for me.

It has just been crazy.

It doesn't even matter what I was doing,

But it's just been absolutely nuts.

And I woke up today,

Sunday morning,

I had a full day of appointments and meeting people,

Talking to them,

Interviews,

All kinds of stuff that I honestly,

I didn't really feel like doing.

I woke up,

I just like,

Man,

I need a break.

I need just like a day.

I just need a day just to do nothing and I can't,

I can't afford to do that right now because there's so many things that I'm excited to create and bring and move that I can't and it's not like I don't enjoy those things,

But I just wanted some time off and regardless,

You know,

You can allow your mind to just think those things,

But keep moving,

Keep brushing your teeth,

Keep putting your shoes on,

Keep doing this,

Get in your car and then pretty soon you've started your day and you've forgotten all about those things.

So stay in action and the mind will catch up.

And sometimes you have to address it internally and change the mind so that the,

You know,

Body can catch up.

So the point here isn't to tell you the right way,

It's to tell you a way and to use those things as tools.

That's the whole thing with the seven transformations that I,

You know,

This podcast is really something that I will be sharing a lot of things I want to create in a book probably.

I hope to finish this book in about a year.

It's a sum of all of my personal growth experiences through ballroom dancing,

Through energy work,

Through,

You know,

All kinds of things like personal growth seminars and the whole point of these things is that they are tools.

You know,

The tool is something that has a particular scope,

It has a sphere of influence,

It is designed for a certain set of things and it's good for those things.

A shovel is good for digging dirt.

You can't bake a cake with the shovel or you might,

You know,

You could if you really try but it's just not within the sphere of a shovel or at least it's way on the fringe of possibilities.

So the point is that you need different tools and every tool has its limitations as well as its,

You know,

Places that it's optimal for.

So everything to me is a half truth.

This is one of my life philosophies is that everything is a half truth and that doesn't mean I'm non-committal.

It doesn't mean that,

You know,

You don't fully commit to any one truth because I think ultimately there's a value to using that as a tool too.

I'm going to believe in something 100% because that's something I believe and I commit to it.

It gives me action but I approach life philosophies like these lessons,

Life lessons and you know,

Strategies for life and all these things.

I approach those as half truths meaning that they are never the full picture,

They're just a tool.

How can I use this tool,

This informational tool to create a life that I love?

What is the scope of it?

What is its limitations?

Where does it work and where does it not work?

You know,

So same with this.

You know,

You can say something that you don't want to do but do it anyway.

That is a tool.

Behavior change your behavior so it changes your attitude.

Sometimes that's not going to work.

Sometimes you have to change your attitude to change your behavior.

I don't know.

That is the dance of life when you have to figure out which tool to use.

That's what makes life interesting but the more tools that you have,

The better.

So thank you so much for listening to this episode.

I hope that it has contributed to your life.

Remember to never give up.

This has been the theme of my life in the last couple months and certainly the people who I've interviewed even today,

I had two interviews with people from very different backgrounds and the common theme that I keep hearing is never give up.

You know,

Never ever give up.

Getting that little boost that you need is right around the corner and you cannot access it unless you keep taking action regardless of what it is.

You know,

Michael Jordan lost so many games.

He missed so many shots.

He was trusted to win,

You know,

Shoot the game winning shot and he missed it like 30 times and you know,

People don't think about that but it's true and it's,

He has the most,

Some of the most failure out of any player but it's because he also has some of the most action.

So take that to heart and remember to never give up.

So four life lessons,

Be your own parent.

You can have that just later.

Hit the board,

Not the bullseye and say you can't do it but do it anyway.

So allow yourself to be tolerant of yourself,

To be accepting and move forward regardless.

Never give up.

You're listening to the Dance of Life podcast with your host,

Tutor Alexander.

Join me weekly as I discuss my most meaningful life lessons and strategies on entrepreneurship,

Transformation,

Gratitude,

And how to dance your way through life.

For the latest content and bonus material,

Make sure you get subscribed using your favorite listening platform and if you like today's episode or want to contribute to a future episode,

Share your ideas and keep the conversation going at www.

Dancelife.

Com.

And remember,

Life is short so you might as well learn to dance your way through it.

Until next time,

I'm Tutor Alexander and this is the Dance of Life.