Shedding Old Identities To Become A Better Leader

Become the influential and impactful leader that you desire requires an identity shift from who you are, to who you desire to be. In this talk recorded live, Nik takes you through the necessary steps to understand where the work is to make such a shift. At the end of this talk, you will find a meditation to solidify the learnings from this talk. Grab your journal or notepad and a pen and let's get started! {Intro music is by Cosmos Connection Music available in full on Insight Timer}

Transcript

What becomes more established is our ego,

And our ego is the one who takes charge of our identity.

And we start to attach ourselves to who it is that we think that we are.

Now this is a fallacy because you are meant to change.

You are evolution.

So if that is the case,

Then who it is that you need to be to become your next level leader or to become a better leader is for you to embrace the natural evolution of you.

Welcome to today.

We are talking about shedding old identities so you can become a better leader.

You've joined me,

Nick Chung.

I am a coach and mentor for leaders and change makers who wish to make a huge transformation in the world.

Now,

If you haven't joined me before,

How these work is that we talk for about 20 to 30 minutes on the topic itself.

And then right at the end,

We do a little identity,

Energy,

Meditation session,

Depending on what it is that we need as a collective.

So if you can,

Please hang out for that.

Make sure that you can stay around for the 30 minutes.

It's actually around about 30 to 45 minutes.

So make sure that you can hang out to the end so that you get the goodies.

Also,

If you have on you a journal and pen or a piece of paper and pen,

Or even your phone to take notes,

It's really,

Really important.

Why is that?

During my lives,

I like to give you some introspective questions to take away with you afterwards to really think about what it is that we have talked about today.

So rather than just sitting here and having another live where you kind of listen and then you forget,

Right?

We're kind of those creatures where we listen to a lot of information and then it goes in one ear and out.

What I would really love for you is that when you're listening to this talk,

It makes a huge change to how it is that you are showing up as a leader.

And how it can do that for you is if you take notes or you at least jot down the introspective questions that I have for you to journal and ponder about after we have chatted today.

So if that's a deal,

Let's do it.

Now people forget that we are meant to evolve.

We're meant to change.

We're not meant to stay the same.

We're not meant to be stuck in the same kind of patterns or the same kind of person who we are.

You see this a lot in children,

Right?

The evolution of who they are becoming is really rapid and quick and there's less resistance to wanting to change.

But as we get older,

What becomes more established is our ego and our ego is the one who takes charge of our identity.

And we start to attach ourselves to who it is that we think that we are,

Right?

Now this is a fallacy because you are meant to change.

You are evolution.

You are evolution.

So if that is the case,

Then who it is that you need to be to become your next level leader or to become a better leader is for you to embrace the natural evolution of you.

Does that sound exciting to you or does that sound scary?

I'm really interested to know.

Is it exciting for you to think that you could change and evolve or is there a little part of you that goes,

Whoa,

I'm not sure about that?

Now if there's a part of you that's kind of hesitant to want to change,

Just know that that's the ego.

The ego's role is to keep you safe.

It's to keep you secure.

And how it does that in terms of our personality or our identity is that it likes to have these ideas that are rather fixed about who it is that you are,

What it is that you are capable of,

What kind of leader you are.

Now these are false,

Right?

Because as we talked about right at the start,

You are evolution.

You are meant to evolve.

You are a limitless being who has absolute autonomy to expand.

It's actually harder for you to stop the expansion of self.

And often what happens when we're really stopping the expansion of self or we're really coming up against an ego that really doesn't want to change or is feeling really threatened by change,

That's when we get emotional problems like anxiety,

Depression,

Sadness,

Anger,

All of those sort of things,

Right?

So when we are going through a change,

It can be,

It doesn't have to be,

But it can be really challenging for our ego to step through.

Now it's not only scary for your ego,

It can be scary for the people around you,

Right?

Because their egos are partially defined in the relationship that you have with them.

They know themselves based on your relationship with them.

Now if you change,

That means your relationship has changed.

And so their own knowing of themselves has changed because you're like a reference point to them,

Right?

And so some people in your life remain more stagnant than other people in their life.

And it's usually those ones who don't love the change,

Okay,

Or a resistance to the change.

Now it can be really difficult to navigate this,

Especially when those people are the ones who you hold the closest to,

Right?

They're your loved ones,

Your friends,

Your family,

Your really close people.

However,

If you want to become a better leader,

If you want to step into your next evolution,

Your job is to be brave enough and courageous enough to follow your evolution,

To follow your natural evolution,

And to let that happen,

Okay?

And although you may,

You may,

Not necessarily,

But you may leave those people behind,

You know,

Some people do get kind of shed from your group through your evolution,

That space allows people who are more aligned to your expansion to come in and to form relationships with you.

So I definitely resonate with this through my spiritual expansion and my many evolutions of who I be in the world has caused some people to fall away,

Some really close friends or people I consider close friends at the time to fall away.

But in that space,

I then had the time,

Energy,

Resources to be able to cultivate friendships and relationships with other people who were more aligned to who I'd be at that moment in time.

So shedding old identities so you can become a better leader.

Remember that your job is to be the courageous,

Brave self who allows yourself to evolve.

This is your natural state,

To evolve.

And as I said before,

It is actually harder to resist your natural evolution,

Right?

Your ego will work overtime if you are to resist your natural evolution.

And how it works overtime is usually it tells you lies about who you are,

Right?

You're this,

You're not that,

You're this,

You're not that.

And this hits hard,

Especially with clients that I work with.

When they are going for their next level,

Right,

Whatever that next level may be,

Maybe it's next level audience,

Maybe it's next level income,

Maybe it's their next level business model,

But often our ego when we're stepping into a stretch,

An area of stretch in our lives,

That's when it really hits in.

And it gets really mouthy.

And it'll start to tell you stories about who you are.

And I put those in quotation marks,

Who you are,

Because the ego has a fixed way or semi-fixed idea of who it is that you are,

Which as we discussed before is not true.

Because who it is that you are is pretty undefinable.

And if it is the case that you believe that you are a limitless being,

Which you are,

And you are made of source essence or spirit or soul or however it is that you define that ineffable quality of who it is that you be,

If that is your belief,

Then who is it that you are?

The ego will always try to define who it is that you are.

And it defines with you are this and you are not that.

The truth is you are everything all at once.

Which means that in order for you to shed your old identity so you can step into being a better leader,

You just have to choose.

It sounds really simplified,

Doesn't it?

But that's the truth.

You just have to choose.

You have to choose to want to move into that next level or that next evolution of you.

Okay.

So what are the steps that you need to do in order to shed your old identity so you can become a better leader?

Remembering that an identity is a choice.

It is a choice that you have become fixated upon or should I say your ego has become fixated upon and has decided,

Not even decided,

It has led you to believe that this is you.

Your identity is not fixed,

Right?

Because who it is that you truly are is limitless.

Therefore,

Who it is that you truly are is anything you want to be.

Is that landing?

Who it is that you truly are is anything you want to be.

And so your job is to choose.

What is the type of leader that I desire to be?

So here are a few questions for you to go and ponder upon.

The first question is,

Who do you believe you are now?

So for those of you who have your journals or at least write a note on your phone so you can go away and explore this question,

I highly encourage you to do this,

Right?

Don't make this be another talk that you listen to.

It goes in one ear and out the other and you forget about it.

Let this talk today be something that is a catalyst to your change.

So answer this question.

Go and journal about it.

Who is it that you think you are now?

What are the stories that your ego is telling you right now about who you are?

What is it that you can do?

What is it that you can't do?

Who is it that you be?

Who is it that you can't be?

Who is it that you think you are now?

Go and explore that question.

Really start to dive deeply into the beliefs that you have about who you are.

Now people run into problems with this because what happens,

Especially if you're in the coaching space,

Now I know there are a load of coaches here or healers and leaders who are very conscious and aware,

Is that they'll try to coach themselves out of thinking about who it is they truly are.

What I mean by that is maybe you start to unveil a belief about who it is that you think you are that you don't really like.

So then you start to coach yourself and you're like,

Oh no,

Actually,

Well,

You're not like this.

You're like blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And so you try to convince yourself that you're not believing that that is who you are.

This question requires you to be radically honest with your answers.

Don't coach yourself out of it if it's an answer that comes up and it's not desirable to you.

It's not who you want to be.

Don't coach yourself out of it.

Become aware of it.

So remember that any time we resist something,

We actually give it more energy and it grows into something harder to shift.

So this question really is,

Who is it that you think or you believe you are right now?

Don't coach yourself out of it if you're one of those people.

Just let it be.

The purpose of this question is to understand who it is that your ego thinks you are now.

And when we can understand where it is that we are now,

Like truly,

Honestly reflect who it is that we believe we are now,

Then we have a chance to change that.

And it's only through your honest assessment of your belief system without coaching yourself out of it that you're going to have the chance to change who it is that you be.

All right.

Is that clear?

One of the first things I wanted you to really take away today was that you are an evolution.

You are an evolution and this is natural for you.

And so for you to allow this to happen is going to be much easier than resisting it.

And it's natural.

It's meant to happen.

And the first pondering question,

Inquisitive question I have for you to journal about is who is it that you are now?

Right.

Really dive deeply into those beliefs and thoughts about who it is that you are.

What are you capable of?

What can you do and what can't you do?

Yeah.

What kind of person are you?

Are you a nice person?

Are you a bad person?

What is it that you honestly think about yourself?

And when I say what is it that you,

I'm referring to you as in your ego.

What does your ego honestly think about you right now?

Who does it honestly think that you are?

So we have our starting point question.

Let's move on.

Our second question that then we get to ask is who do I desire to be?

What is the identity that would allow me to become a better leader?

Remember that at your fingertips,

Because you are limitless,

You are at your essence,

Soul or spirit or energy or whatever it is that you decide that thing is,

That ineffable quality of you,

That is limitless.

And so therefore you are everything right now.

And your reality,

The way that you experience that is by you choosing.

So this question is going to bring you into the choice point.

So the question again is who is it that I desire to be?

What does my better leader look like?

What is my version of being a better leader look like?

Who is she,

He or they?

And in this question,

We can similarly answer questions like what would that leader think like?

What would that leader believe about themselves?

What would that leader be capable of?

What would that leader be incapable of?

Yeah,

That's equally important.

What kind of person would that leader be,

Right?

So please take that second question,

Go and journal about it.

Do the work,

The changes in the work.

So now we have the first question which got you to the point of understanding who it is that you truly think you are now,

I.

E.

What it is that your ego truly thinks you are now in terms of your identity.

The second question is taking you into the visioning,

Into the magic,

Into the place of soul,

Into the place of limitless essence,

Into the place of source.

And this question is now going to provide you with the gap,

The gap between who it is that you believe you are now and who it is that you desire to be.

Now you're going to start seeing the kind of work that you need to do to shift into becoming the leader,

The better leader that you desire to be in this world.

So now we have the gap,

Now we can see the work that we have.

What you're going to see in this is real discrepancies between the answers that you had for your first question and the answers that you have for your second question.

You're going to see where there's some incongruence between the answers that you have.

You're going to see some even polar opposites of that.

So maybe for example,

Just an example,

Maybe truly what your ego believes you are now or who your ego believes you are now is someone that can only play small.

Someone that can only have a tiny little bit of influence and that you as one person in this world can only make a tiny change and that's that.

Maybe that's a belief of who it is that you believe you are right now from your ego.

And then when you answer the second question and you ask,

Who is it that my better leader would be?

What is the identity that my better leader would be?

What would they hold?

Maybe that belief of that leader is going to sound like even though I'm one person,

I can make a huge change in the world.

Yeah,

Polar opposites,

Polar opposite beliefs.

So this is great because now we see the gap that we have to work on between being who it is that our ego has kept us stuck in right now and making the shift into a new identity that can support us to become a better leader.

Now,

In today's talk,

We're not going to go through how to do that.

I'm pretty sure that most of you have tools at your disposal to make mindset shifts,

To make belief shifts.

So use the tools that you have at your disposal right now that can help you to make that shift.

And this is the kind of work that I do with my clients is making these identity shifts much easier on not only a mindset level but an energetic level and an actionable level.

So talking about that,

What are the kind of actions that your leader would do,

Your better leader version of you would do?

What kind of actions would they take?

Now,

I really love this question,

The actions,

Because actions to me are the physical representation of an intention that you have.

So rather than all of the thoughts and the beliefs and kind of just swirling around in your head and your energetic field,

We go out and we action that in the physical world.

This is a really big sign.

I see it as a big sign to the universe that I'm taking this seriously.

I really desire to be a better leader.

And so I am showing that through my actions now.

So to see the gap,

You may also want to answer that in your first question,

Right?

What are the kind of actions that my current identity does?

And then the second question,

What are the actions that the better leader in me does?

And start to do those.

So actions are a really good way of creating an energetic whirlpool that creates momentum,

That creates feedback to then ride into an easier journey of changing your identity into a more desirable one for you to become a better leader.

So let me recap what we have done today and what we've talked about.

Shedding old identities so you can become a better leader.

Now,

Where do identities come from?

They come from your ego.

Your ego wants to keep you safe,

Wants to keep you secure.

And how it does that is it forms a false idea that your identity is pretty fixed,

Right?

It sounds like I am this and I am not that at the crux of it.

Now the truth of who it is that you truly are is limitless.

Remember that ineffable quality that you know exists within you.

Some of you will call this spirit.

Some will call this source.

Some will call this soul.

Some of you will call it something else.

All that is.

But that part of you is limitless and that part travels beyond time and space.

And so in truth,

You are limitless.

And so that means you are everything all at once.

So how do you shift from an identity to one that will help you to become a better leader?

It's a choice.

The first thing that you have to do is become aware of who it is that you believe that you are now.

And when I say who it is that you believe,

I really mean who it is that your ego believes that you are now.

And that's the first question.

Who is it that my ego believes that I am now?

What is the identity that I'm currently occupying?

What is the mindset?

What is the actions?

What is the energy that I hold?

Yeah,

What are the thoughts and beliefs?

The second question is getting you to realize that the identity of the better leader,

Whatever that means to you,

Is right there for you.

And it's to define it in some way so that your mind has something to attach to.

And you have a,

Should I say,

A measuring stick towards you,

A goal to go towards.

And that is,

Well,

Who would my better leader be in terms of an identity?

What are the actions they would take?

What kind of thoughts would they have?

What kind of beliefs would they have?

What is their mindset and energy like?

Then you're going to be able to see the gap between who it is that you be now or who it is that your ego believes you are now and who it is that you need to become in order to step into being a better leader.

Remember that actions speak really loudly.

So if anything,

Work on taking actions as if you are the better leader.

This almost creates a whirlpool.

I call it a whirlpool because I feel like it's like a vortex that grows bigger and bigger with each action that you have.

But you can see it like a feedback loop,

A positive feedback loop that helps to re-establish new ways of identifying with yourself.

When you take action that is maybe out of your comfort zone,

But it's something that your better leader would do,

And you keep doing that again and again,

The story that you have,

That your ego has about who it is that you are now starts to change because it's seeing physical evidence of you being a different person,

Right?

It can't hang on to that old story.

So that is one of the most powerful ways to start shifting your identity is through action.

Equally,

If you have your own ways of working with beliefs and thoughts,

Mindset work,

Do that.

Yeah.

All right.

That was a brief summary,

And I hope that I got everything.

So let's dive into the last part of today.

Let me just see what we need collectively so we can anchor all that we have talked about today in terms of shedding old identities so you can become a better leader.

Okay,

Fun.

Okay,

So what we're going to do today is we're going to practice the jump.

We're going to practice the jump,

The leap,

Between who it is that your ego believes you are now and who it is that you desire to become to become a better leader.

Yeah.

Now,

I think this is going to be really fun.

Why do I think this is fun?

I personally love high adrenaline things,

But I felt into the group,

And what was feeling like needs to be dealt with is the courage to take the jump.

So we're going to do that today in today's meditation to end this life.

So if that sounds like fun for you,

Hang on in,

And we'll be about 10 to 15 minutes.

All right.

So if it is safe for you to do so,

Please close your eyes.

Find yourself in a really comfortable position.

So adjust your legs.

Have them unfolded ideally.

Have your feet on the ground.

Rest your palms wherever they need to go.

And if it feels good for you,

And you would like some energetic assistance through today's meditation,

Just say yes in your third eye,

And I will provide some energy work,

Energy transmissions through this meditation.

If you would prefer to not have that,

Then just say no,

And that's all good.

Okay,

So just settling into a nice,

Deep,

Long breath.

Become aware of your breath and purposely control it,

Making it deeper,

Making it slower,

Making it fuller.

All of your attention on the breath.

Feeling the sensations of the body as you breathe in,

And feeling the sensations of the body as you breathe out.

With each breath in,

You create more space and stillness.

And as you breathe out,

You let go of anything that isn't that.

And as you breathe in,

You notice areas of tension.

As you breathe out,

You let that tension go.

Nice,

Deep,

Long,

Full breaths,

With 100% attention on you.

So now I want you to bring to mind the idea of who you are according to your ego.

Who is it that you are according to your ego?

What are you capable of?

Is there a cap on that?

What can't you do?

Who is it that you truly believe you are?

What kind of mindset do you have?

What kind of thoughts and beliefs are prevalent?

What is the energetic vibration that you tend to return to as you in this identity?

Who is it that you be?

Now,

I'm assisting those who said yes,

Just to get really clear and honest with who it is that you be,

Or who it is that your ego thinks that you are.

I'm just clearing away any tendency to want to coach yourself out of things,

Any tendency to hide.

The ego will put up defenses to hide the truth.

So we're just clearing those away.

We're getting radically honest,

Taking nice,

Deep,

Long breaths.

Everything is welcome.

Everything is safe.

You are safe.

And now just sitting in the vibration of who it is that you be now.

Now,

Let's clear any resistances that you have to feeling this,

Or any want to reject this experience,

This honest experience and revelation of who it is that you be.

Let's take away any of the judgment of this being bad or good.

It just is.

And just sit in this space for a second.

Breathe it in.

Feel it in your body.

Notice what your mind is like.

Notice where your energy exists and how it flows.

And now we take your attention to who it is that you desire to be.

So what is your identity as a better leader to you?

What is the identity that you need to become?

And I invite you to think about the thoughts and the beliefs that this better leader version of you has.

What kind of actions they would take?

What kind of person are they?

And I just want you to think from your current identity as you are now,

Think about the identity of you as a better leader and bring that in clearly.

And I am assisting those who said yes to really allow that honest vision of themselves as a better leader to come through.

So we're just clearing any egoic strangleholds on your imagination and your honest vision.

And we're clearing any fear of thinking about this.

It's okay and it's safe.

And we're just making even more clear and clarity on that vision of you as a better leader,

Whatever that means to you.

Beautiful.

Now,

Become aware of the gap between who it is that you be now and the vision that you hold of yourself as a better leader.

For those of you,

You may feel a tension in your body.

This is normal.

This is okay.

This is your ego being slightly afraid of the leap that we are about to take together.

So imagine that this leap is going to require of you immense focus,

Dedication to the leap,

And a little bit of strength and might,

Grit to leap from who it is that you be now to who it is that you desire to be.

And I want you to take nice deep breaths and prepare your body for this.

Prepare your body,

Prepare your mind.

And let's prepare your energy too.

So how we prepare the energy is we expand our field.

Expand it out.

Expand it so it can encompass the vision of who it is that you desire to be to become a better leader.

And for those of you who said yes to more energetic assistance,

I'm helping you to expand your energy fields out to encompass that,

Allowing it to be part of who you be now.

Beautiful.

Now I want you to check your attitude to the jump that is just about to happen.

And I laugh because the attitude that we get to choose is one of fun,

Of joy,

And of excitement.

This is so natural for you to evolve.

This is so natural.

You are evolution.

Get excited about this next evolution of you.

And I want you to breathe into that excitement.

Breathe into the fun of the change.

And some of you may feel a huge smile,

A grin coming to your face as you get ready to take this leap.

And we're going to breathe and we're going to go in 3,

2,

1.

And I want you to leap yourself,

Your mind,

Your energy to land and be the version of you who is a better leader.

So take nice deep breaths,

Pump up the excitement,

The fun,

The joy of the evolution that is so natural to you.

And we're going to leap in 3,

2,

1.

Go.

Some of you will feel like this is smacking you in the face.

Some of you will feel like this is melting into the essence of who you are.

Some of you will feel it right at your feet.

Now,

If you're feeling it in just one particular place,

Start to breathe it into every cell of your body.

This is who you be now.

You as a better leader is here now.

Breathe it in.

Revel in it.

What are the thoughts?

What are the beliefs?

What are the actions?

What is the mindset?

What is the energy that this version of you has now?

And you may notice that your body is now settling into this new vibration that you chose to courageously leap into.

Thank you,

Body.

And thank your ego for allowing this to be a fun,

Natural evolution and step for you.

For some of you,

This was scary.

This is scary.

And just offer your ego some comfort.

You are safe.

This is natural.

I've got you.

This is going to be a wild,

Amazing,

Fun ride.

Give it words of affirmation that it needs to settle here in this new vibration of who it is that you be as a better leader.

And I'm just giving some assistance to settle your energy into here,

To settle all parts of you,

Your ego,

Your body,

Your soul,

Settling it into this new frequency of you as a better leader,

Whatever that means to you.

And we're anchoring this into every cell of your body.

We're settling this into the deepest part of your heart for now.

We're anchoring it down in through the feet and the ground.

We're pulsing into the palms of the hands for you to take action,

Into the throat for you to speak as this version of you,

Into the mind for you to think and believe as this version of you,

And into the rest of your body so that your nervous system can settle.

This is natural.

This is the new you.

This is natural.

This evolution is natural.

And as you breathe deeply into this new way of being,

In your mind's eye,

Open your eyes and just have a look around at all of the doors that are opening for you and the pathways that are clearer and illuminated as you have stopped fighting your natural evolution and you have gone towards you as a better leader.

And you are there.

And this choice of you evolving,

You shedding old identities,

You becoming the you that you desire is always available to you.

And when you're ready,

Staying in this vibration,

But slowly returning to here and now,

Maybe wringing your fingers,

Rubbing your palms together,

Fluttering your eyelids open,

Taking a nice deep breath,

And returning to the space with me,

Ready to go about your day as the person who is the better leader in whatever definition that you gave that.

Go be that now.

Go be that now and be that in the future until it is ready for you to naturally evolve.

Go do that.

You joined me,

Nick Chung,

Conscious Leadership Coach and Mentor.

For those of you who wish to create huge change in your workplace,

Your businesses and your life.

I hope that this was a contribution to you and that you found this useful.

Ciao for now.

Reviews

So enlightening! Great pace, great questions. Helped me reflect on who I am and who I want to be. Thank you!

Really felt into the expansive exercise. Thank you.