The Philosophy, Psychology & Spirituality Of Success Ep 5

In this 5th episode, we continue the discussion around shadow work and how we understand what we perceive as negative emotions. We dig deeper into shadow work and the various techniques we can employ to really reconnect deeply with ourselves, discover our belief systems, and consciously get curious about what our emotions are telling us.

Transcript

Hello Arjun, Welcome again. Are we back? Wow. I was waiting for this. What do you mean are we back? This is amazing. Boy, We've covered a lot of territory, Haven't we? Yes, We have. And there's still tons and tons more to go. Wow. So thank you again for the last few weeks. Last week we had a really good chat on shadow work, Which is a topic that is so, So, So important, So relevant for all of us. So with your permission, I'd like to keep exploring this more and more. Amazing. One of the things that we discussed which was very powerful for me last week is how when we have what we perceive to be negative emotions, Part of shadow work is creating space for that emotion to exist. And not resisting it and not pushing it down, Not brushing it under the carpet, Not suppressing it, Because whatever we suppress doesn't mean that it's gone. It's just sitting there latent. What you resist will persist. Absolutely. So you talked a lot about giving space and providing an environment where those shadow sides of ourselves can transform by allowing, We basically create space for transformation to take place. Yeah. Now, The thing that's been trotting in my mind is let's say I follow your instruction, I feel anger coming up, I go and express it and allow it to be, And my state changes, My physiology changes, The chemicals released in my brain changes, And I feel different five, Ten minutes down the line. Super. Does that mean that actually the belief that generated this state, Does that mean that the belief is gone? And if not, How do I then tackle the root cause of this anger issue? People call it, I've got anger issues. How do I then tackle the belief itself so that I'm not just fixing the outer manifestation of the emotion that's been caused by that belief, But I'm also shifting the belief and tackling it from an underlying perspective. Where do we start with that? You know, Marianne Williamson, A prolific author, Teacher, Spiritual teacher, Said beware of the tendency, Beware of the tendency to perceive yourself as unfairly treated. She said beware of the tendency to perceive yourself as unfairly treated by others or by the environment. And the reason I say this is, This is the one major belief which causes us to feel anger. At a very core level, The emotion of anger is evoked by our perception of a values violation. So when you or I have a value, And the value could be something connected to egalitarianism, Equality, And now an event takes place in the outside environment, Triggered by an individual or a group of individuals, Family, Boss, Spouse, Friend, Etc. That now violates that value where you believe we should be treated equally and now we're not being treated equally, This is what causes the emotion of anger to come out. So the discovery of belief systems, Regardless of anything we do, Let's say we're doing shadow work and all of that, It's great stuff. The discovery of disempowering beliefs, The discovery and replacement of disempowering beliefs is something that we must continue to do. Darryl Anka very famously said a number of years ago when I heard this, He said let's get curious. So I'm feeling anger right now and I want to now observe this anger and I want to get really curious. The question I ask, Because curiosity is asked via a well-framed question, And the question is what belief have I inadvertently or advertently chosen to subscribe to that is causing me to feel this particular emotion. So that's a question that I put out into the universal field, Into omniscience, And I seek that answer and later on we'll talk about slow thinking questions where this is a question where you might not get an immediate answer but you could actually script this question out. So let's look at words that start with the letter S. So the first S is scripted, Write down the question. So when you write down the question you see what you're writing because you're looking at it, You hear the question because you vocalize it in your mind and you feel the question because you're using a writing instrument to write it up and I recommend writing rather than typing. So script the question. Then the next S is say the question. So once again the question is what belief have I chosen to inadvertently or deliberately, What belief have I chosen to subscribe to? You can use your own words, I'm just giving you an idea here that is causing me to feel this emotion. So you script it and you see the question, You look at it. That's the second S. The third S is you say the question. Now you say it out loud. So you say, You script it, You see it, You say it. The fourth S is you sense the question and the sense of the question is observe the feelings that you feel, Tactile or emotional in your body when you actually sense the question. And the fifth S is sleep over the question. So you script the question, You see the question, You say the question, You sense the question, You sleep over the question and now this question gets deep into the frame of your consciousness and at some point in time the clarity will start to emerge. But we must begin to become really curious about the language, The construct, The semantics of the belief that is the originator of this emotion of anger. And one of the aspects of beliefs is rules. You know with rules in NLP they say for example, The rules are if then, If someone stares at me then they are ruled therefore I must be angry. Right. So if then therefore, That's a belief. It's a rule, Belief, It's the same thing. So now this is a rule that we made. Somebody else might have a different rule saying if someone stares at me then they must be crazy therefore I must laugh. And there are folks who have that rule as well. So same situation, Somebody staring at you, One person gets angry, The other person experiences entertainment because they have a different rule set which is again a belief set about the meaning that you assign to an external event. So this is where the whole anger paradigm comes from. So shadow work, Yes, We must do that to create immediate relief, To provide you with a fascinating way to develop not just emotional intelligence but emotional wisdom. And emotional wisdom is what shadow work is all about, Permitting that emotion to just be, Allowing yourself to feel the depression, Letting the anger expand, Observing the guilt within your body. And we can talk more about how we do the observation of the emotion as part of shadow work. But in response to your question, Absolute, We have to go back to the belief system and use this tool that I've shared with you, The asking of the question with the five S's and then just when we're doing both of these things concurrently, Over a period of time you're going to start seeing change. And you know the whole thing about emotion, We said in an earlier podcast, Emotion, Energy and motion. And energy, We learnt this, I learnt this in 8th grade physics or 7th grade physics, Energy can neither be created nor can it be destroyed. Energy can only change form from one form to the other, Light energy to heat, Electrical energy to kinetic potential, Whatever, That's the nature of energy. And the emotion of sadness or guilt or anger is nothing but an energy which we cannot revoke, Remove or rescind. Rather we must use a strategy to transmute it. And the most plausible strategy is shadow work when accompanied by working on your beliefs. Now it starts bringing about some magical transformation, Transmutation. Arjun, Would you say that those questions that you just discussed now, Would you say that somebody can do this on their own? Would you say that they need help to explore these questions? Because sometimes it can be challenging to do this work on your own. Although I understand that shadow work is inner work, It is, You know, Nobody can do the work for you, They can hold your hand, They can guide you, But the work needs to be done by you. Would you advise people to do this on their own or with the support of a tool, A person, A coach? What's your take on this? Look, You know, As a principle, As a broad principle, Teamwork makes your dream work. And humanity has always achieved miracles when they've come together in teams, When they've communed, When they've worked as a community. And we've seen this on small scales and we've seen this on large scales, Solutions to problems, Discoveries, Scientific breakthroughs, Huge acts of compassion and what have you, Certainly. And there is no shame in asking for help. Les Brown says, Ask for help, Not because you're weak, Ask for help because you want to remain strong and keep asking until you get help. So it is a powerful thing to seek out assistance, Whether you seek out assistance professionally via a coach or a therapist or via just a friend, A confidant, Someone who you can rely on, Who you can lean on at least in the short term until you're able to sort yourself out. You've got to be careful here to make sure that the person you're working with does not become a crutch rather as a tool. So you leverage their presence, You utilize their help, You ask for their help. And you can also define what kind of support you want from that particular person. Maybe that's a conversation for you to have between you and either the coach or the friend who you're working with. So I encourage it, Especially in cases where the emotions are intense and recurring and are now starting to affect various areas of your life. So the short answer is yes, I encourage it. I don't insist on it, But I certainly encourage it. Definitely. I think in my personal experience anyway, I've found that talking to people who can just hold space, Sometimes you don't need an answer. You just need somebody to hold space. It gives you the space to vocalize. So thank you for that. Tell us more about Shadow Work because there is so much to be said about it. One of the things that I'd like to explore more is obviously when we are doing Shadow Work, It happens every day, Perhaps at different moments of the day, Most likely at different moments of the day, And it can sometimes be uncomfortable, Exhausting, And tiring. How do we cope with that? Great. Okay, So this is good. So coping is one thing, But let me just use a real example. Recent situation. Gentleman, Type A personality, Achiever, Go-getter, Make it happen kind of person, Dealing with occasional bouts of depression, Which are debilitating and kind of really pulling him down. Did a few sessions with him, Became very open to the idea of trying Shadow Work because he had tried everything else. And what he was trying was to remove the depression, And the more he tried to remove the depression, The more the depression would expand within him. What you resist will persist. So I got him to lay down on the couch and he very automatically lay down into a fetal position, And he was lying down crouched. That was clear to me now that he was experiencing that emotion of deep, Dark depression. And we had a conversation, He was on the couch, I sat on the floor, I said, Where in your body is that energy, Is that feeling? And then he points to his belly button, I said great, Okay. So which, And typically you feel this in your lower chakras. What's the colour of it? And he described the colour. Typically it tends to be a darker colour, Sometimes it can be a lighter colour, It doesn't really matter, But we're trying to identify, In NLP we're trying to V A K O G, Essentially we're trying to create form from what does not have form. So, You know, What colour is it, What size is it, Is it, What shape is it? What sound does it make, Is it expanding, Is it two dimensional, Is it three dimensional? Is it growing, Is it static? Does the sound move outward, Is the sound just contained within a particular space? What texture is it, Does it feel like glass, Silk, Wood, Nylon, Cotton? And so he started to define it, This is what we're doing. If you were to take a deep breath, What does it smell like? And then what does it taste like? And you know, As a coach we kind of write all of that down. Now, After that, What we do, What I've done with a lot of people is, Let's say for example he's called it brown as the colour, I say what's the opposite of dark brown? And it doesn't matter, I say don't use your head, Just whatever comes out. What's the opposite of this shape, What's the opposite of this dimension, What's the opposite of this size, What's the opposite of this sound, This texture, This smell, This taste? So we do that and little by little we start influencing the change of it, But before that we allow it to sit. So we say okay, Just talk to it and ask it what is it that it needs from you? Just ask it the question and see what comes through. And there's a response that comes, I just need you to be with me. I'd like you to say yes, I'm happy being with you, Go ahead and say that to me, So do that. And then I also tell them, And I say this before and I say this during, I say treat this energy, This dark deep depression as you would treat a guest in your home. Welcome, Come in, Have a seat, Are you comfortable there? Would you like me to turn up the air conditioner? Can I get you a cup of coffee, Would you like some fruit, How about some nuts? Is there anything else that I can do to make you feel comfortable? Would you like to talk or would you like to sit in silence? What would you like to talk about? How would you like me to be there for you and with you? This is the conversation. I just shot off these questions but these are the typical type of questions that you might ask to somebody who you graciously invite into your space. So now you're a host and you're welcoming this person. And the moment you become a host to this energy form, You will find that the moment you become a host you're no longer a hostage to that emotion. And the emotion of sadness, Depression, Fear or very often even agitation and irritation cannot remain in its original form when you are extending this kind of unconditional love towards it. Either it transforms or it seeks to exit. And now because I've worked with this person a few times and I'm going to introduce you to what I call as advanced shadow work or shadow work plus plus or shadow work on steroids, You pick the label and then he says to me that it wants to leave. And then I ask him is it leaving? He says yes. I said where is it leaving from? He says it's exiting via my tailbone. It's kind of literally like going out, Which is an interesting metaphor in and of itself. You know like the waste kind of going out of your system. And I looked at him and I said I want you to pull it back in. And he says what? He said it's leaving. I said no, Pull it back in. I raised my voice. I had like a look of anger on my face. Oh okay alright. So I said are you doing that? I said yeah use both your hands. Pull it back in. Get it back in the house. Okay? And look at it and say you're not going anywhere. You're my depression, You're staying with me. Treat it like you would treat your child. This is your creation. It's your production. It is your progeny. And hold it in there. And now what's happening? It wants to leave. Don't let it go. Hang on to it. Well it's fighting. Well I want you to win the fight. Now there's a tug of war. And it's an interesting tug of war because for the very first time the depression is fighting to go out and he's fighting to pull it in. And at some point in time it breaks and I said okay now release it and it runs out. Which has never happened before because every single time it's been running in. This is how we've kind of, So we call it reverse psychology, Call it a paradox or what have you and woo it's gone. So that's one aspect of it which is a powerful aspect and the reason why we calibrated the submodalities that we did with the VA KOG to define it and then what is the opposite of. The other thing you can do is if you're not doing the advanced shadow work you can ask him to use his mind to change the color brown to his chosen color. Change the shape to his chosen shape. Change the dimension to his chosen dimension, Sound, Texture, Smell, Fragrance etc. And then communicate with it again. So these are tools, These are ways for you. Now what are you trying to do here? All you're trying to do here is you are trying to build a better relationship with this disempowering emotion. This is an energy form. It is an intelligent energy form. It is there, It comes and it goes. It's been bothering you thus far. How about you make peace with it? Be a master peacemaker. Reach out. Be the diplomat. Welcome it. Be unaffected by its presence. Surprise it. Do something different. Thus far you've been trying to push it out. Now surprise it by insisting that it stays. You know a really good host when the guest wants to leave would say, No no no don't go why don't you try something else. Hey let's watch some TV. I love your company. Until it gets to a point where the guest says dude I need to leave. Which is essentially what we're doing out here. But it is so powerful and Masima I say this with experience when I've done this with people and I've also done this with myself. It is so empowering. The joy, The exhilaration, The happiness, The empowerment that you feel at the end of a process like this and it doesn't take too long when you do it and you don't have to do it too many times before you now are sufficiently transformed to get on with many aspects of your life is indescribable. Absolutely indescribable. It's ecstatic. Because all of a sudden you feel like you know Wonder Woman, Superman. You've freed yourself right? Essentially you've chosen freedom. And again it reminds me of what you resist persists. So this is so fascinating. I call it a superpower. Once you do this it really becomes a superpower. And then you're less and less affected by those darker emotions. Even when you are you're affected the intensity of the effect is mitigated, Vastly mitigated and the frequency of its occurrence is hugely reduced. So lesser intensity, Lesser frequency. Now that by definition is progress which is what all of life is about. And voila. Excellent. I have one last question before we close today's podcast. And the question is what do you say to somebody who says to you, I don't want to release my negative emotions because it is my negative emotions that propel me to go forward. This is my fuel, That anger, That resentment, All of those negative emotions that are boiling inside of me. This is what is making me take action on the external to change my reality. What do you say to that? So I really honor that comment because I've been there. And I've been there for a truckload of years perhaps, Maybe a few decades of the earlier years of my life where anger was my fuel and it drove me and it gave me the energy not only to construct physical fitness and the martial arts that I pursued at the time and some of the competitions that I took part in, The body conditioning and also to acquire knowledge through dedication and hard work. I relate to you. Let me say this however, Having experienced that and then now, And I still call anger a state of desperation versus say gratitude, Excitement and joy as a state of inspiration. So having experienced utilizing anger to then now utilizing the power of gratitude, Joy, Ecstasy. I can tell you with conviction that using these higher states I can do more with my pinky finger today than what I did with the state of anger. So while I'm not telling you to stop utilizing anger to do what you're doing and you do it so well and you know whether you're a stand up comedian or a corporate professional or a sales professional or a general manager, Sports doctor, Whatever you may be and that anger drives you, You have experienced success because of that anger. How about you also try out experiencing success with utilizing, Leveraging the emotions of inspiration and observe how much more of a stretching capacity the inspired emotions have in comparison to the desperation emotions and you will be surprised. And maybe you've tried it, Maybe you haven't but I'll bet you if you're asking this question you haven't tried it to its full capacity because if you had it would blow your mind away. Quantum physics science in terms of vibration and energy and magnetic fields measures these emotions so when a human being steps into an instrument called a magnetometer, The magnetometer measures on a computer screen, Depeats a magnetic field around the human body. Spirituality calls this the aura, Science calls this the bio-magnetic field. Science that's it, Dr. Joe Despense has done heaps of work in this area. That magnetic field is measured via a metric. The metric to measure the magnetic field is Hertz, H E R T Z or H Z for short Hertz. And they have found that the frequency, The Hertz is higher when you are in a higher emotional state and lower when you are in a lower emotional state. A higher strength magnetic field actually also strengthens the body and changes the body's biochemistry. They've done tests, Dr. Deepak Chopra, Dr. Rudolf Tansey, Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn. Dr. Deepak Chopra, Rudolf Tansey, Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn. Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn was awarded the Nobel Prize in medicine for her discovery of an enzyme called telomeres. Telomeres or telomerase which depending on which pronunciation, Enunciation you subscribe to is like a little shoe button at the end of the DNA. And Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn proved that your biological age is a measure of the length of your telomerase. Now when she got together with Dr. Deepak Chopra and Dr. Rudolf Tansey, Dr. Rudolf Tansey by the way is director of genetics at Massachusetts General Hospital. These guys are eclectic, They're evolved, They're medical doctors and practitioners. Dr. Rudolf and Deepak wrote a book called Super Genes and Super Brain before that and Super Gene and they've put much of this into the book. They conducted empirical studies. These guys need data, They need proof, They need blood tests, They need DNA samples and Deepak Chopra and Rudolf Tansey conducted experiments where they got groups of people together. So you take a DNA swap, A blood test and say a bio-magnetic field reading before and you do the same after. So you have data evidence prior, You have data evidence post. And what you do in between is using certain tools you do G and G. So G and G is G for generosity and G for gratitude. You permit people through exercises to experience the emotions of gratitude and experience the emotions of generosity. And you do that for a day, Two days, Three days and you keep taking these tests and they showed that the length of telomerase with majority of people and they have the statistics out, I'm not completely aware of the exact stats but this is out, That the length of telomerase grew which means even though people chronologically aged five days during the five day seminar, Biologically they experienced backward aging and they became younger. When putting themselves into the state of these higher emotions, The two G's being gratitude and generosity, They've done the reverse also with emotions of guilt and anger and depression and they've done gene marker readings before and blood test before and you know magnetic field readings before and after and they found the exact opposite. So now there is empirical evidence to support that these higher emotions affect you at a physiological level and when you're affected at a physiological level, The brain operates very differently in a state of inspiration than it does in a state of desperation. When you're inspired, Your prefrontal cortex or your forebrain, F-O-R-E brain is active and that is the seat of your higher consciousness, Wisdom, Dreams, Goals, Creativity is at its best when your PFC prefrontal cortex is active. Your prefrontal cortex is what differentiates the human brain from an animal brain. Some animals have a prefrontal cortex but there is no animal on the planet that has as evolved a prefrontal cortex as a human being does. Dolphins come close but not close enough and this is what makes us the superior species on this planet and there is higher activity in the prefrontal cortex when experiencing these emotions. So yeah, Short question, Long answer but this is, I'm very passionate about this and I've done so much studies around these areas but I'm just, I'd ask that person to really explore some of these ideas and then kind of judge for themselves. Thank you, Thank you so much for this answer because I think a lot of people are in that state and I'm glad you shared your experience with us as in you've been there as well. You know, It's almost, The idea of it's my anger that fuels where I want to go now is great but again, Not sustainable because at some point, There's going to be a point where you either break or you go back or you slip back. So you know anger also causes the body to, Your adrenal gland produces a hormone called cortisol and here's what they found. Let's say three to four minutes of anger, Feeling the emotion of anger for three to four minutes. The cortisol, Let me tell you what cortisol does. Cortisol essentially thickens your blood and clogs your arteries, Limiting your heart's capacity to pump blood to various vital organs including areas of your body that need healing. So this is what, This is the effect that cortisol has on your blood, Thickens your blood, Clogs your arteries. Okay, Science, Again science 101. Three to four minutes of anger causes the cortisol to stay in your blood for approximately three to four hours. So you felt anger for three minutes but it stays in your body for three hours after. So there you go. The converse is also true with endorphins and serotonin which are released or the emotion for gratitude is called immunoglobulin A. Every time you and me feel grateful, Thankful for something, The plasma cells in our body secrete IgA, Immunoglobulin A. And immunoglobulin A essentially increases the capacity of our white blood corpus cells to fight off infection. And ten minutes of feeling gratitude three times a day. Ten minutes, Three times a day, Three days in a row. So think of it this way, You go to the doctor, Says okay, Take the blue pill three times a day, Three days in a row. Okay, So three gratitude sessions, Gratitude, Feeling gratitude, Appreciation, Thankfulness. Ten minutes in the morning, Ten minutes in the afternoon, Ten minutes in the evening times three days increases your IgA by, Hold your breath, 50, Five zero percent. Wow. Five zero percent. Let me complete that. If a pharmaceutical company produced a product that would increase your IgA by 50 percent in three days having one tablet three times a day, They would make billions overnight. Yeah, For sure they would. And that product does not exist except that it does exist when you just practice gratitude three times a day. And this has been done empirically by Dr. Joe Dispenza as well. So powerful, Powerful stuff. You hear some of this stuff. Most of the science, Masima, Has become available to human consciousness around about 2012 onwards when these studies started to come out into the mainstream and being released into books. And now it's there, It's available and you can't argue with data. Definitely, Definitely, Definitely. Amazing, Inspiring, Thought-provoking, Fun, Exciting as usual. Thank you so much, Arjun, For another amazing episode. We look forward to having you next week and speak to you soon. Thank you again. Until next time. Bye.