You Can Handle Any Feeling (Even The Hard Ones)

The feelings that we are experiencing in this global pandemic are hard. If you are like me and you struggle with toxic behaviors or addictions, feelings are especially tricky. Our minds tell us we need to tap out, to numb out. The truth is, the only way to navigate this time is to stop resisting our feelings – to feel them. This is only possible if we create an agreement with ourselves, knowing that we are brave enough to stop resisting them. Let's walk into a place where we can feel, so we can be

Transcript

Woof,

The feelings that we are experiencing right now in this global pandemic.

With the lockdown and the fear and the news and the overwhelm and the never-ending questions.

Will I be okay?

Will my loved ones be okay?

When will this end?

How do we go back to normal?

When do we go back to normal?

All of these questions trigger feelings.

And all of these feelings are difficult.

I get it.

I'm not here to tell you to not worry.

I'm not here to tell you to throw those feelings away.

I am here to tell you that those feelings are valid.

They are real.

But you have a way to manage them.

I am here to tell you that you have different tools to use when the feelings get too loud,

Too scary,

Too edgy,

Too painful.

Remember you've done this before.

You're strong.

You are grounded.

You have tools.

Your breath.

Your ability to take things one thing at a time.

And your ability to sit with yourself and know that you will be okay.

When you get into this place where you realize you are here with everyone else and all you can do is take it a minute at a time,

Facing the feeling,

Breathing through it,

Being present,

Being calm and owning your own reaction,

Owning your own boundary of how far you let things go in your head,

In your heart,

Of standing even in the discomfort that you may feel with calm,

With presence.

Just you.

With your higher power and your moment and your silence,

You can do this.

You can handle whatever feeling comes your way.

I hope you enjoy this coaching meditation.

Today's mantra,

I can handle whatever feeling comes my way.

Let's begin.

You know,

Early recovery makes us feel like a baby giraffe,

You know,

Clumsy and awkward.

Everything about doing regular life,

The life that we see everyone out there doing,

Feels really weird and honestly a little intense.

You see,

Much of who we are as human beings gets frozen when we are in active addiction.

What do I mean frozen?

Well think about it.

We're dealing with the things,

We're stuffing them in a freezer,

Out of sight,

Out of mind.

Early recovery is a process of unfreezing these things,

Of thawing out.

This means that all the feelings that we successfully avoided by drinking or using or overeating or the toxic relationship or gambling or porn or whatever your thing was,

All of those feelings are now going to start to come back.

Sometimes slowly,

Sometimes hitting you like a train.

This is normal.

Now we have to figure out what to do with them.

For starters,

It should help you to know that we all go through this.

This is not just you.

You are not the only isolated case.

And sometimes that alone really helps.

Remember you've been using your addiction to avoid all of your feelings.

So the name of the game now is to be patient and compassionate with yourself in this process to starting to feel life again.

And to learn how to handle these feelings so that they don't wrestle you to the ground.

A few days ago,

Our focus was on navigating through your day lightly.

Remember avoiding confrontation.

This is an excellent technique,

But at some point you have to actually start dealing with things.

And today we're going to focus on dealing with what goes on inside.

This is where you start to dive into the deeper work that happens in recovery.

When you're experiencing emotions,

You're actually experiencing your resistance to the emotion.

I remember very specifically one day in early sobriety,

I was in the middle of my workday and I had this intense wave of sadness come over me.

It was the kind of sadness that overtakes your whole body.

And you can't even talk because you feel,

God,

If I emit a word,

It'll just,

I'll burst in tears.

I will implode or explode or something.

So I fought my feeling.

I fought it so hard.

I resisted.

I resisted.

I resisted.

And soon I was experiencing two pains.

First the one of the sadness,

Which just wanted to burst out of my ears.

And the second,

The fact that I wasn't honoring it,

That I was trying to stuff it down into that freezer once more.

See,

I did a lot of that trying to stuff down my feelings and ignore them.

It didn't work.

It just made me more miserable.

Every time you have a feeling come up and you ignore it,

You're disconnecting from the feeling,

But you're also disconnecting from yourself.

And while that may be practical from time to time,

If you do this every time,

All you are doing is stuffing the feeling down and it will eventually come back.

So today I want to invite you to honor the feelings that come up instead of pushing them away.

If you feel anger,

Try to find a safe space for yourself and go have a good scream.

Grab a pillow,

You know,

If you feel sadness,

Find a safe space for yourself and have a good cry.

I tend to go to my car,

Lock myself in there and just have a moment for myself.

If you feel overwhelmed,

Find time to meditate,

Take a shower,

Call your sponsor,

Call a friend,

Call a mentor,

Go for a run.

There's a hundred ways of dealing with everything,

But don't ignore it.

Don't resist it.

What I'm saying is,

Face the feeling by going through it.

Now a little tip,

Try not to ascribe too much meaning to your feelings.

If you're feeling sadness,

It doesn't mean that something is terribly wrong.

All it means is that in that moment,

The circumstances have you feeling sad and you can honor it,

But don't dive into the drama.

When I quit drinking,

It almost felt like a part of me was mourning the death of my addiction.

I mean,

Wine had after all been my best friend for so many years and a part of my life and how I interacted with the world felt like it was dying.

I was sad.

I was deeply sad.

And by recognizing it,

I allowed myself to go through it rather than continue to ignore it.

Just let yourself feel things without pushing them away.

That in particular goes a lot for the men out there.

Society has made it more acceptable for women to have a good cry,

To have a moment,

To just vent,

To pick up the phone and call the girlfriend and say,

Ah,

Girlfriend,

Hear me out.

Wow,

You know,

That's what we do,

We're good at that.

But for some reason,

Society has taught us that men don't cry.

If you grew up hearing that or believing that,

Or if that is a core belief inside of you,

I would love for you to let that go right now.

We don't recover as men or as women.

We recover as human beings.

Replace your feelings so that you can move on to something else.

Here's what you're going to do today.

Number one,

When you feel your body rumble with something deep,

Go find a quiet space if you can.

Number two,

Identify where you are feeling the emotion.

Are you feeling the ache or the knot or the tension in your head,

Your throat,

Your chest,

Your stomach,

Your lower back,

Where is it?

Number three,

What are you feeling?

Is it anger,

Resentment,

Shame,

Pain?

Identify it.

Number four,

Breathe deeply.

With every breath,

Focus mentally on the area that you're feeling the discomfort and imagine light coming into it.

Imagine the area of pain through your exhale.

Number five,

If a feeling starts rising,

Feel it.

If you feel like crying,

Cry.

If you feel like screaming,

Scream.

It's time to start going through the feelings.

They're there for a reason.

You are now getting stronger.

You can do this.

You can start facing them.

Number six,

Release by journaling or talking to someone else about what is happening.

This is where connection with mentors and people that can support you is vital.

Again,

This is where I love having a recovery program with mentorship and fellowship.

It's really about finding people who get you and can lend you a hand going through this.

Even online communities are there to support each other like this.

Find your tribe.

Oh,

Personal tip.

I actually record things on my phone from time to time.

I will talk about what I'm feeling,

What I believe is happening,

And I sometimes actually talk myself out of the pain because I'm honoring what I'm feeling through my action of getting it out of my mind,

Out of that place of contraction in my body,

And into releasing of words of my voice,

Just putting it out there.

Again,

This is about letting that drawer open and letting the feeling out,

Opening the freezer.

One final note.

Look,

I'm aware that this is not about solving all of our past issues and the deep trauma by giving a good cry or punching a pillow.

I know that.

But this is the first step in honoring what has been frozen for a long time.

This is how it begins.

A lot of what is coming up in you may actually be pretty heavy stuff and it will need an extra hand so that you can navigate through this.

Recovery also means being responsible for your own healing.

I've said it before.

If you feel like this is a time to connect to a professional,

A coach,

A mentor,

A therapist,

A counselor,

Do it.

I'm not suggesting that having a good cry or screaming into a pillow is going to fix the world,

But it's a beginning.

And at least you're practicing not tapping out anymore.

For the next few minutes,

Close your eyes and smile.

You are now ready to face the day with more wisdom,

With more serenity,

With more bravery.

And today or tomorrow or the next day,

When you feel hijacked by all the feels,

Smile.

Even if just a little.

This is the journey of the warrior.

Traversing the mountain includes moments of lightness and moments of hardship.

You are on the journey to become wise and kind.

With others,

Yes.

But especially with yourself.

Just take three deep breaths.

This is a time to start honoring your feelings instead of resisting them.

This is a time for self-compassion,

My little baby giraffe.

This is a time to heal.

This may mean reaching out for help.

Smile.

You are on your way to discovering the ocean on the other side.

Thank you for being on the journey.

Thank you for being brave.

Thank you for being a warrior.

Thank you for being here.

I am with you today.

You can do this.

I know you can.

This is a time to start honoring your feelings instead of resisting them.

Reviews

I think most of us are in some form of recovery or another. I found this helpful and I believe anyone could benefit from applying these steps and ways of navigating deep emotions. Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙏🏾🫶🏾

Has become my go-to reset button. So grateful! Thank you for continuing to share your story and wisdom, Pamela 🙏

Thank you Pamela for sharing your wisdom and experience 🙏

This was incredible especially if a person has had or is in recovery from an addiction or if one simply needs permission to feel their feelings!

Perfect!

Thank you for this ...... I’d forgotten about me , today I will be compassionate with myself ❤️🙏🏻 have a blessed Sunday

Thank you for shareinf this i was crying for no reason and getting better ❤️

Baby Giraffe! Wow this one is now in my Top 10!! Thank you so much Pamela, so much resonated!

Oh my word! Thank you - so wise, thoughtful, compassionate, helpful. Bless you!

100% what I needed to hear 💕

Beautiful much gratitude ❤️ I can honestly say that this is where I am in my journey. Learning to connect with myself and listen to my inner voice to heal and honour my feelings. Thank you 💖

Practical, inspiring, compassionate, direct - a useful reminder of the journey that is recovery. Thank you, Pamela! 🙏

Thank you Pam! Your voice is half kindness half wisdom. It’s so sweet of you to share it.

thanks for sharing great soothing voice and great tips. namaste

Very helpful, thank you

Absolutely amazing experience. You gave solid tools about how to manage our recovery and associated feelings and thoughts. I’m very blessed to have listened to this awesome meditation!

Thanks so much! Really helpful.

Observe, and attend. No judgement. acknowledge the feeling, and be there. Great reminder.

More of a talk than meditation but very nice 😊

Really needed to hear this tonight. Thankyou my friend xx