10 What Do You Want? (Conclusion)

Jesus repeatedly asks people questions about what they want, what they are looking for, what they desire, and whether they want to be changed. We often assume spirituality means learning to suppress desire. But I think Jesus was inviting us to something more difficult: to become honest about our desires. Not every desire is from God, not every desire should be acted upon, but neither should every desire be silenced. Our desires can reveal wounds, fears, loves, attachments, our vocations, and sometimes beneath all of that, the movement of God within us. This series is not about getting what you want, but about learning to answer honestly when you are asked "What do you want?"

As the series comes to a close, we consider where our desires lead us and look a the place of discernment in deciding whether to follow or let go of the desires we notice.

Transcript

Hello, Friends. This is Mark Ludman, Also known as Brother Frederick James, Your friendly neighbourhood monk in dogs. Welcome back to what will be our last episode of this series, What Do You Want? Now, Through the series, We've spent a lot of time learning to listen to our desires. We've asked questions like, What are you looking for? Do you really want to be made well? What do you want Jesus to do for you? We've explored the difference between what we think we want and what we're really thirsty for. We've noticed how busyness can drown out our desires. We've discovered that sometimes the life we want requires us to let go of something we're holding on to. And last time we asked the question, What do you want now? And so today. We're going to take the next step together because discovering what you want is important, But it isn't enough. There's another question and that's where is this desire? Leading you. And this is where discernment begins, Because Not every desire should be followed. I think if you've had a good look at your desires from time to time, You know that that's true. But at the same time, Not every desire should be rejected. We need to learn how to listen. Think about. A desire that's been growing in you. Maybe. You want a change in your life or you want to leave something behind? Maybe you want to begin something new. Could be a project. An opportunity, A relationship. Maybe you want. More freedom. Or to achieve something. Maybe you're looking for a quieter life. A stiller life, A simpler life, You. . . Might want to serve, You might want to create. May be a part of that is wanting to know God more deeply. Now the desire itself, No matter what it is, Is worth listening to. But the question we need to ask of those desires are, Where would this desire take me? Because there's desires that make our lives larger, And there's desires that make our lives smaller. There's desires that open us and some desires that might close us. There's desires that could make us more generous or they could make us more self-absorbed. Desires that lead us towards freedom. Or maybe desires that possibly become some form of slavery, To put it like that. So imagine. For example, That you might want recognition. Technically, There's nothing wrong with wanting your work, Or something you've done to be valued. But where does the desire lead you? Now if it leads you. Towards excellence. Or the desire to offer your gifts and contribute and continue to contribute, Then Maybe there's some good there, But if it's leading you towards constantly comparing yourself with others, Or if it takes you to a place where you're unable to celebrate someone else's successes? Or maybe if it takes you to a place where your sense of worth goes up and down depending on how people respond to you, Whether you get there. That praise or not, That recognition or not, Then Maybe that desire something else. It's not just a question of, Do you want recognition? It's a question of does your desire for recognition do something to you and what is that thing? That the desire of recognition does to you. Let's try another one. Maybe you want. . . Let's say freedom. Now that's a great desire. I think all of us want freedom, But what kind of freedom do you want? Is it frigidum to love? Freedom to be yourself, Truly yourself. Freedom from fear. Maybe it's the freedom to follow your vocation as opposed to just a job. Or maybe. . . You want freedom from responsibility. Now, Freedom. Can become an excuse for avoiding commitment. So once again, We need to listen. And that's why. . . Maybe one of the important questions in this discernment process is to ask, What kind of person does this desire make me? And that's a very different question from something like, Will this make me happy? Because something can make you happy. And still not whole. You can feel good. And that thing can still lead you somewhere destructive. Something can cost you something. And still be exactly. . . What love is asking of you. Jesus doesn't promise. That following our deep desires will make our lives easier. In fact, The gospel often suggests the complete opposite. Love costs something. Generosity costs something. Courage and forgiveness and faithfulness, All of those things cost something. The cost. Isn't a sign necessarily that we're on the wrong path. Sometimes the cost is the evidence. That the desire is something that's deep enough. May be important enough to matter to us. The question is, Well, How do we discern? How do we begin to tell the difference? Between a desire that's drawing us towards life and one that's drawing us away. From life. And so once again, I think we could probably begin with some questions. First, Does this desire make me more free? So again, Not can I do whatever I want. But am I becoming freer to love, Freer to give, Freer to be myself, Freer to tell the truth? Freer to choose what's good rather than just what's easy. Another question you might sit with is, Does this desire make me more loving? What happens to the people around me when I follow this desire, Or what might happen. To the people around me. If I were to follow his desire. Would it make me more generous, More patient, More compassionate? More available. Or to make me more stingy. Or increasingly preoccupied with myself. A third question that's worth considering is, Does this desire make me more alive? Now, This is a tricky one. You could be very excited about the desire, But it's not just that. Alive? Does something make you become more awake, More present, More courageous, More yourself? That's a more fuller understanding of what alive is. Don't get me wrong, Alive will probably mean that you're excited by it as well. But those other things are just as vital. And then a fourth question, Does this desire draw me towards God? Or away. From God. Now be careful because there's a simplistic sense. That everything. . . Religious or spiritual is somehow automatically good. But does following this desire make you more receptive, More truthful, More humble, More capable of love, More willing to receive life as gift? You might even consider putting it through a matrix of the fruit of the spirit. If we really want to know we're on the right track with something. If we were to do this thing, Would it make us more loving, More joyful, More peaceful? More patient. Kinda. But it bring out of us more goodness, And so on, And so on, And so on. Put it through the Galatians 5 verse 22 and 23 test and see what comes out. And again, Don't be fooled. We can be made to think that if something. . . Is a spiritual endeavor perhaps, Some sort of mission or vocation that has a religious or spiritual nature. That it will instantly fit those things, And it might for some people, But if you're honest with yourself, It might not for you. You may have this desire to enter into some sort of, Let's say, A mission project. But the reality is, If you go into that, You're not going to become a more patient person. You're not going to become more faithful, Perhaps. So make sure you're honest with your answers to all of those questions. None of these four questions give us easy answers. They're there to help us listen. The answers will be hard, Perhaps even hard to find. But more than that, Once you do find them, They could be hard for you to hear. Not that you'll hear something that says to you, This desire's wrong. But maybe this desire's right. But again, This thing could cost me something. But remember. . . The discernment process. Isn't about discovering magical signs that tell us exactly what to do. The discernment process is about becoming the kind of person who can recognize where the movement of God is happening in the midst of our desires. And sometimes that takes. And being human, We can often be impatient. We want certainty about things. We want God to tell us with certainty. Banners in the sky. This is definitely the right choice, But I'm going to suggest to you that no discernment will ever tell you that. And by the way, I don't even think there is a. . . Right choice. There might be four right choices and part of the freedom you have in God is to choose. And quite often, In discernment, What we're actually given by God is something that's a little bit more quieter, More gentle, More subtle. And maybe it's just a growing sense of peace. Gentle, Quiet, Still, Small voice that's nagging with that invitation. Maybe the desire gets deeper and stronger. Maybe you find your heart widening. Maybe there's a sense that something's becoming more truthful to you, Or maybe there's an increasing awareness of something that you're pursuing but it's making you smaller. You see where the inverse comes in here. Maybe the thing is making you more anxious or defensive. Or obsessed or afraid. Maybe they're signs that they're not. Things that you should consider following, Desires you shouldn't consider going after, Or if you're going after them already, Desires you need to steer away from. So peace isn't always a yes, And difficulty isn't always a no. The right thing. Can be difficult. And fear can appear precisely because something matters. That's why it's there. And so we must learn to pay attention over time and watch the fruit and see what the desire produces in us. What happens when we begin to live towards it? Who are we becoming? And while we've quoted Paul, Let's not forget that Jesus also speaks about trees and fruit. A good tree bears good fruit. And maybe we can borrow that image. Think about our desires. Look at the fruit, Not just the feeling or the excitement or the fantasy of what will happen if we do it, But the fruit. What is this desire producing? Not out of what you do, But in you. Because if you're feeding the homeless, That's a very good thing to do. That's good fruit. But if it's not doing anything in you, If it's not stirring up the right things in you. Then a really good question is if you're not doing it in love and for the sake of love. Why are you doing it? Now, You might have been wanting to do something for a very long time and every time you imagine having that thing and doing that thing, You feel excited. That's very much. Worth taking notice of. But also ask questions like, What happens. . . When I actually begin to move towards it. Thinking about it's one thing. What about when the action hits the road? Do I become more generous and peaceful and courageous? Or do I become more obsessive and secretive? More anxious, More protective, And self-protective even. The desire is. . . Not necessarily the problem itself, Maybe it's the way you're holding the desire. We can want something good. With an unhealthy intensity sometimes. We can want love. And become possessive. We can want success and still be consumed by success. We can want justice and become cruel. We can want holiness and become judgmental. We can want freedom and become irresponsible. So is this a good thing to want is not necessarily the right question. But what's happening to me and within me as I want it. That's going to give you some pretty good signs. May be one of the deepest things. That this series has been trying to uncover is exactly that, That our desires tell us something about the person that we're becoming, Not just what we should or shouldn't do or have or shouldn't have. Every desire, In some sense, Is asking, Will you give yourself to this? And every time we say yes, Were being formed. And this is why this matters so much, Because your life isn't just shaped by the things you achieve, It's shaped by what you desire, What you repeatedly want, What you pursue, What you make room for. Over time, Your desires become habits, And your habits become a way of life, And your way of life becomes a person, And that person is you. So don't be afraid of desire. Listen to it, But then discern it. Bring it into the presence of God. Ask, What is this revealing? What is it asking of me? Where is this leading? And pay attention to the person that you become. As you follow it. And so what I'd like you to do. . . For just the moment is to choose one desire, Just one. Something you've been thinking about. Maybe you're pursuing it, Maybe you're longing for it, Maybe you haven't yet. And imagine placing that thing before God. Don't ask God to give it to you. Right now, Just place it there and say, God, This is what I want, And just sit with that. And then ask the question, Where would this desire come from? Take me. What would happen to your relationships. What would happen to your interior life? What would happen to your capacity to love? What would happen to your relationship with God? Who would you become? And maybe you'll discover that the desire is something you should move towards. Or maybe you'll discover that it needs to be purified a bit. Or maybe you'll discover. . . That this desire is covering up a deeper longing. Or maybe you'll discover that you just need to let it go. And then again, Maybe you'll discover. . . That the desire you've been afraid of is actually inviting you into a life that's more truthful and more generous and more alive. So the question to go with today. Take the desire you've been carrying, Bring it honestly before God and ask, If I follow this desire, Who would I become? Would I become more free? Would I become more alive? Would I become more loving? Because deep down the ultimate question isn't what do I want or what do I really want? The deeper question is. Is what I really want, Worthy of the life that I am going to give it. And as you sit with this question. . . As you contemplate the response. And as in time, You discover that thing and start to consider moving towards it and living it. May grace, Peace and love hold you, Protect you, Strengthen you and give you the courage to say yes where you should say yes, But equally to say no where you should say no. Today and always. I hope you've enjoyed this series of contemplating, What do you want? And I pray that as you sit with these questions and go back over them perhaps, That you'll be able to refine not just your ability to discern, But that deep longing of your heart. What do you want, Friend? May you go in peace to love and serve God. And your fellow human beings. Amen. Until next time. Peace be with you.

Reviews

Mark, thank you for another thoughtful and wise series. I have listened, often with tears, as I place the desires of my heart before Jesus. Who knows where I wil land... that's the exciting part.
Thank you.

Heartfelt and moving

Thank you for this awesome series, Mark. I appreciate the time, the energy and the care you put into human souls. Your teachings and spiritual direction have been a source of learning and great comfort. Your love of Jesus and for humans is authentic and refreshing.

Woa — a lot of food for thought.

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏