How To Be Kind To Yourself

When well-meaning friends or family tell us "Just be kind to yourself', that can be confusing. How do we do that? This guided meditation draws on mindful loving kindness practices. It introduces you to specific ways to treat yourself with more self-acceptance and friendliness.

Transcript

We begin this practice with an understanding that we can learn to be kind to ourselves in the same way as we may have learnt to be unkind to ourselves.

We begin the practice in the body,

Bringing our awareness as always to the experiential aspect of this moment,

What's here for you right now in your body.

Making a choice about what shape,

What posture would be best for your body for the length of this practice and knowing too that if you need to change at any time you can.

So we start bringing an attitude of kindness to ourselves by attending to our physical comfort and well-being.

What does your body need right now to be comfortable and relatively at ease?

You may want to sit in a chair or on a sofa or lie on the floor on a yoga mat or even stand if that feels most comfortable for you right now.

There's no right way or wrong way of doing this.

And so having made a choice of where to start this practice,

Taking a moment or two to allow the body to arrive in this shape,

In this pose.

You might like to take a couple of deeper,

More deliberate breaths with a longer exhale which really invites the nervous system to settle a little and then allowing the body to continue breathing itself as best you can without any sense of effort or striving to achieve something.

There's nothing to be achieved here.

We're just meeting each moment.

Meeting each moment in the body.

You might like to invite your awareness to rest in the movement of breath.

The rise and fall of your belly or chest.

That sense of expansion and contraction.

Perhaps holding your awareness lightly in the breath.

It doesn't have to be a ferocious kind of concentration but simply noticing.

Noticing when you're breathing in and when you're breathing out.

And we can develop a relationship with our bodies that is caring and gentle even when we find aspects of ourselves more challenging or particularly when we're struggling with some aspect of ourselves.

Can we invite a softening on each exhale?

Acceptance as a kind of letting go of tightness or tension just in this moment.

And if you notice any areas in the body that feel particularly uncomfortable or even painful you may like to rest your awareness there for a few breaths.

Imagining that you're sending the breath to that area.

You may even like to offer yourself a few phrases to repeat silently in your mind.

Really aimed at the body.

May I be happy.

In this body.

In this moment.

May I be at peace in this body.

May I be safe and well.

May I be kind to myself.

May I be kind to myself.

And remembering you can always return to the anchor of the breath.

Noticing what may emerge as you offer yourself these wishes for well-being.

And whatever is there can you extend the sense of compassion,

Of non-judgment even just a little.

To yourself.

To your body.

Being human in this moment.

Now connecting with parts of yourself that you may feel easy to be with and positive about.

There may be times that you've had kind thoughts or done something generous for somebody.

Or even simply the warmth of heart you feel when you connect with somebody close.

And bringing your awareness to yourself perhaps as seen through their eyes.

The efforts you've made to be true to yourself.

The ways in which you show up for your life.

Finding the things in yourself that you can really feel some connection with.

And it may be something as simple as how well you make a meal.

Or the fact that you always call someone at a certain time.

Or something you do that simply makes you feel good.

How is it to connect with those parts of your experience that make you feel okay about being where you are in the world.

That make you feel good about being where you are and who you are.

And again in those places of connection you may like to offer yourself just silently to repeat these phrases.

May I be happy.

May I be at peace.

May I be safe and well.

May I be kind to myself.

May I be kind to myself and acknowledge the good things,

The nourishing things,

The positive things I experience and bring to the world.

Again knowing we can return to the breath any time.

Inviting your awareness to rest in that slow movement of rise and fall.

The in breath and the out breath.

And inviting you now to bring your awareness to some part or parts of yourself that you don't have a strong response of liking or not liking.

Some part of yourself that perhaps feels relatively neutral.

That you may not give much attention to.

Inviting you to take an interest in those aspects of who you are and the way in which you contribute to your own well being without necessarily even thinking about it.

That may be as simple as brushing your teeth.

Things that we don't necessarily pay much attention to but are simply woven into our everyday lives.

You may like to choose one very simple way in which you contribute to your well being without even really thinking about it.

And how would it be to wish yourself well in those endeavours.

Again repeating in your mind if it feels okay.

May I be happy.

May I be at peace.

May I be safe and well.

May I be kind to myself.

May I be kind to myself.

Respecting the everyday endeavours I make for my well being.

And simply noticing what arises as you offer yourself this wish or this intention to acknowledge the ways in which you care for yourself.

And when you notice the mind wandering.

Remembering you can always use your anchor of the breath.

Inviting your awareness to return to this moment by moment experience.

You may like to be curious about what shows up for you when you offer yourself these phrases.

Again gently repeating them in your mind.

May I be happy.

May I be at peace.

May I be safe and well.

May I be kind to myself.

May I be kind to myself.

You may like to become curious at this point about any resistance you may have noticed.

Any sense of anxiety or fear or self judgment.

We may find that our intentions to be kind to ourselves can actually bring up quite a strong response.

Perhaps pulling you in the other direction.

Stories you may tell yourself about being unworthy.

The ways in which you fall short of your own or others expectations.

And rather than trying to push these stories away should they arise.

This is a real opportunity to bring some understanding and compassion to any aspects of yourself that you may find difficult.

As much as feels doable in this moment.

In this practice.

You may like to offer yourself the opportunity to befriend the parts of yourself that you find more challenging.

Knowing that they are not the full sum of who you are.

When kindness meets suffering.

Our natural human response is compassion.

So when there is self judgment or self blame.

Criticism.

This is suffering.

So how would it be to offer yourself some kindness.

Some softness in the face of any aspects of yourself that you may find more challenging.

That you may feel yourself connecting with in this practice.

You might like to say to yourself may I have the courage to face what feels difficult or challenging as best I can just now.

Noticing perhaps where these feelings,

Sensations may be held in the body.

Remembering we can use the breath as an anchor and as a way of helping support what feels challenging.

And at any time you can simply unhook from thought and return your awareness to the breath.

You may like to imagine your sense of compassion expanding softly like a sail in a warm breeze.

Offering yourself the possibility of holding all of the aspects of yourself with kindness.

With understanding and a wish for well-being.

We may even find that we can rest in this more integrated way of being.

Seeing the full picture of yourself.

As a loving,

Flawed human being.

As all human beings.

With a wish to live with less suffering.

You may like to bring your awareness to the heart area,

The chest.

Inviting a sense of softness,

Gentleness,

Calm.

As you connect again with these phrases of well-being.

This time offered to your entire self.

The parts of yourself you feel positive towards.

The parts that are more challenging.

And all the parts you may not give much thought to at all.

All held in this loving wish for well-being.

As best you can in this moment.

May I be happy.

May I be happy.

May I be at peace.

May I be at peace.

May I be safe and well.

May I be safe and well.

May I be kind to myself.

May I be kind to myself.

Noticing what arises as you offer yourself these wishes.

This softness.

This compassion for the human experience.

And then perhaps connecting with other human beings throughout the world.

Also dealing with their joys and sorrows.

Wishing them well.

And including yourself in that wish.

In that community.

In that experience of being human and alive.

May we be happy.

May all beings be safe and well and happy and at peace.

Reviews

It’s not only was very soothing and reinforcing, but help me put myself to sleep really quickly more than once tonight and beautiful way!