The Wisdom Of Loneliness

In this meditation, we’ll use a poem from Rilke’s Book of Hours to help us describe the pain of loneliness, as well as the courage to surrender to the presence of a love we cannot see. There’s a hidden gift in describing what it feels like to be you, to describe the precise ways that you feel stuck. Once you articulate the painful details of your loneliness, you’re on your way to healing and to understanding how you belong in the world.

Edited by Nadia Greenspan

Transcript

In this meditation,

We'll use a poem from Rilke's Book of Hours to help us describe the pain of loneliness,

As well as the courage to surrender ourselves to the presence of a love we cannot see.

Here's the poem.

It feels as though I make my way through massive rock,

Like a vein of ore,

Alone,

Encased.

I am so deep inside it,

I can't see the path or any distance.

Everything is close,

And everything closing in on me has turned to stone.

Since I still don't know enough about pain,

This terrible darkness makes me small.

If it's you,

Though,

Press down hard on me,

Break in,

That I may know the weight of your hand,

And you,

The fullness of my cry.

We all experience loneliness.

It doesn't matter how many close relationships you have,

Or how many people you surround yourself with.

When we feel lonely,

We start to feel invisible,

As if we're not really here,

As if no one sees us,

As if we don't matter.

It feels as though I make my way through massive rock,

Like a vein of ore,

Alone,

Encased.

Ore is a naturally occurring mineral in a rock.

It's a source of valuable material.

It's as though each of us is a vein of ore,

Pushing through massive rock,

Pushing against the cold hard surfaces of the world.

Deep inside a mountain,

We can't yet see how we gleam,

For we haven't yet been touched by the light of the world.

We are in the dark,

And we feel stuck there,

Alone,

Encased,

And unable to move.

From here,

We cannot see the truth that,

At the core,

We're a precious,

Gleaming vein of gold.

We're an undiscovered treasure,

Not yet seen as something of great value and great beauty.

We don't yet see ourselves in the light.

Before we can understand how valuable we are,

We are deep inside the mountain,

Alone and in the dark.

Rilke says,

I am so deep inside it.

I can't see the path or any distance.

Everything is close,

And everything closing in on me has turned to stone.

Since I still don't know enough about pain,

This terrible darkness makes me small.

Loneliness makes us feel small.

It causes us to feel separate and disconnected from those around us.

When you're deep inside your own darkness,

You no longer see the path,

And everything seems to be closing in on you.

This pain of loneliness is an essential aspect of being human.

In order to feel the fullness of love and belonging in the world,

In order to feel that connection,

We must first experience its opposite,

The isolation of being alone and in the dark.

There's a wisdom in this darkness,

A wisdom in enduring what is sometimes an unbearable solitude.

But you may be thinking,

Who could possibly want this?

What wisdom could there be in enduring deep loneliness?

It's this.

When you come to fully accept the pain that binds you,

Without fighting,

When you allow your lonesomeness,

Only then do you become capable of fully expressing it.

And the gift of expressing it is that it finally allows the pain to move through you.

And this movement begins to unbind it from you.

When you're ready to free yourself from your loneliness,

You must allow yourself to be heard.

When you're ready to find your place in the world,

You must allow the world to find you.

You must cry out from this place of loneliness.

You must cry out from this place of pain.

Rilke says,

If it's you,

Though,

Press down hard on me,

Break in,

That I may know the weight of your hand and you the fullness of my cry.

By declaring your desire to know and to feel a deeper connection with the world,

You allow yourself to be found.

When you cry out,

You risk being heard.

When you risk being heard,

You become visible in your pain.

You make yourself vulnerable.

When you admit that this loneliness hurts,

You've stopped pretending that you're impenetrable.

And only then do you become open to being penetrated by a power greater than you can see.

There's a hidden gift in describing what it feels like to be you,

To describe the precise ways that you feel stuck.

Once you articulate the painful details of your loneliness,

You're on your way to healing.

You're on your way to understanding how you belong in the world.

To cry out in pain is to call out to the world for help.

It's to stop pushing your way through massive rock.

It's to surrender to the presence of a love you cannot see.

Close your eyes now.

You're going to articulate what it's like to be you,

What it feels like to be in the dark,

To describe how it feels to be alone and encased.

Acknowledge where you are,

Here in the dark.

Approach this darkness with curiosity,

Even reverence for its mystery.

While darkness is where your fears usually live,

In this place of darkness,

Where your fears usually live,

In this place of the unknown and the unknowable,

Darkness is also the generative place of beginnings,

Of birth,

Death,

And rebirth.

Stay in your darkness.

Freely allow yourself to feel stuck here.

For the next thirty seconds,

Just be here.

Say what you feel.

Do you feel despair?

Confusion?

Anguish?

Whatever it is,

Name it.

Do you feel shame?

Shame is one of the most difficult feelings to recognize.

Shame says,

I shouldn't be here now.

I shouldn't be feeling this.

I'm not good enough.

Or,

I should have figured this out by now.

Shame is judgmental.

It paralyzes you,

Blinds you,

And silences you.

Perhaps shame is what led you into your loneliness.

For shame can only live in the dark.

To say what you feel is to allow yourself to be heard.

And when you can be heard,

You can be found.

Naming your pain casts a small light on it and draws it out of the dark,

Where it can begin to transform you.

If you feel lost and alone,

Say it.

If you're afraid of the unknown,

Say it.

If the darkness feels terrible and makes you feel small,

Say it.

It might be as simple as articulating that you feel stuck,

Or that you need help,

Or saying the words,

I surrender.

If you feel helpless,

Cry out for help.

Go ahead and try it yourself.

Allow yourself to be heard.

If you feel helpless,

Cry out for help.

If you feel helpless,

Cry out for help.

Go ahead and try it yourself.

Allow yourself to be heard.

Speak your pain into the world,

Even if your world is an audience of one.

Before you can be heard,

You must be able to hear yourself.

Asking for help is an act of courage.

In declaring your longing to feel connected,

You open the channel for that connection to happen.

And when you open that channel,

You discover that your pain is not yours alone.

Your experience of pain is an essential part of the transformation that is beginning to happen in you.

Open your eyes now.

You are in pain.

Yet the world isn't closing in on you.

It's opening you and holding you dearly.

There is no need to struggle.

Your courage to cry out is what allows the world to find you.

You,

A brilliant vein of gold,

Experienced in pain,

And now gleaming in the light,

And ready to tell how it is to be alone,

And no longer afraid of the dark.

Reviews

Thank you for this wonderful opportunity to see a different aspect of my life in solitude. This was a most helpful practice. Namaste

That was so painful, yet beautiful at the same time. Thank you 🙏🏼

Thank you so much for this. It sure opened me raw, I cannot stop crying. Word by word it spoke to my heart, exposing all the pain I am sitting with right now as the walls seem to be closing in on me. But for now I will sit with it and surrender. 🙏🏾

Thankyou, I really needed to hear this today. Blessings to you 🙏

Wow, this was so beautiful! One to come back to! Thank you very much for your guidance. Much appreciated. 🤍🙏✨

Thank you for sharing ur wisdom. U opened so many connections like shame and hearing ineself cry out and a pathway to engaging the world differently

This resonated as I break out of my strong desire to be alone - emerging to a desire to connect

Very effective and powerful meditation ! I needed that ! Very grateful to you for offering it ! Namaste 🙏❤️

Thank you. How do I adequately describe the shift this allows within me? I find respite in your voice and the grace of these words.

"No longer afraid of the dark." I can't thank you enough for what I just heard, Michael. Much gratitude, will listen again and again 🙏🌬 💖🌸🌈🪻🙏

🙏🏾🙏🏾

Thank you. This is beautiful beyond words and reminded me that there is deep healing in going through these feelings with love.. Heal my inner lonesome abandoned child instead of distracting me.. So i can then really feel connected eith myself amd others.

Thank you 🙏