The Transformative Freedom Of Surrender

We spend so much of our time fighting back against what is happening (with our thoughts), and not winning. Recognizing we cannot fight a tsunami of causes and conditions, we surrender to it all finding freedom in the surrender.

Transcript

Last week we talked about how we arise through different causes and conditions.

That it's not just everything around us that's impermanent and interconnected and interdependent but that we are interdependent,

Interconnected,

Arising through a million billion different causes and conditions and changing moment by moment by moment based on all these millions and billions and trillions of causes and conditions.

That there is no part of us that is separate from the universe.

There is nothing solid or independent here and that does not mean that we are not having our own unique experience though because all of the millions and quadrillions of different causes and conditions that is giving rise to Meredith in each moment is a little bit different to the causes and conditions of Daphne,

Of Mari,

Of Char,

Of Libby,

Of Sue.

That we are all having our own unique experience because we are all having slightly different sometimes very big differences between the causes and conditions that are arising here in this moment,

In each moment.

So I know for some people when they hear this when we talk about that there is nothing solid or independent in there it can be a little bit disconcerting and it's not that we're saying you don't exist.

Every one of you exists.

I exist.

It's that we don't exist the way we think we exist and thinking being the key word there because we spend our lives lost in our thoughts always thinking,

Thinking about ourselves.

What do I want?

Where do I want to be?

Always in this mind or mostly in this mindset of chasing happiness.

I want to be over there.

I want to finish junior high to get to high school.

I want to finish high school to get to college.

I want to finish college to get a job.

We get the job.

I want the promotion.

I want the next promotion.

I want to get married.

I want to have the kids.

I want to retire.

That even there's these big life moments that we're chasing and then just in each day just always chasing,

Always wanting to be somewhere other than where we are.

Be on the other side of the dishes,

To be on the other side of the errands,

To be at the end of the day,

To be done with the day.

We're always wanting to be somewhere other than where we are and we're doing that in our thoughts.

And so while we're chasing on one side,

I want to be over there.

I want to be somewhere other than where I am.

We're also resisting at the same time because I don't want to be here or I don't want anything that I perceive is getting in the way of me getting over there.

So we are constantly fighting the reality of this moment,

Of where we are in this moment,

In our thoughts.

And it's in these thoughts of I want something,

I'll be happy if I get over there or if I can just push something away,

I'll be happy if I can push this something away.

In these kinds of thoughts,

Which is where we spend most of our time,

These are the most common thoughts we have,

It is out of these thoughts that we create the separate self,

The ego,

The little me,

The part of us that is lacking and incomplete and that is small and fragile and limited.

The part of me that feels so solid and independent,

That sees the world as it is the center of the universe because it is self-centered,

Right?

It is from this view that we create this little me and that we believe this thought-created,

Thought-dependent image of me more than we believe reality,

The reality that we see and hear and touch and taste and smell.

This is what we believe more.

When we are wondering how we're doing in any moment,

We don't look around in our surroundings and see that we're perfectly safe,

That there's food in the fridge,

We have a roof over our head,

That we're not in any danger.

We think in our minds,

Well,

What's going wrong in my life?

Oh,

That's right,

That person criticized me earlier or my boss was really disappointed in that project I did last week or I'm having an argument with someone or someone's doing something that I don't like and that's the little image we believe more.

No,

I'm not doing okay.

I'm thinking about this argument I had five years ago with someone.

I'm not doing okay.

Even though the reality is you're perfectly okay,

You're perfectly safe,

There's not a problem in the world but we believe the thought-created me more than we believe reality and if I were to come up to you in that state,

You're feeling disappointed or you're feeling angry,

You're in some way feeling you've been criticized and you're upset that you've been criticized and if I were to say to you,

Okay,

Close your eyes and look for that little me that's been criticized,

That's so upset.

Now look for it.

Start at the top of your head and work your way down to your feet and look for it and in the looking for it,

You can't find it because you're no longer holding the thought that creates it.

Without the thought that I'm upset,

There's no one that's upset.

Without the thought I'm angry,

I'm disappointed,

I'm insulted,

I'm embarrassed,

I'm humiliated,

That image doesn't exist.

Now a few minutes later after I've asked you to look for it and you say I can't find it,

It's amazing,

It's not here but then a few minutes later those thoughts come right back again.

You're like oh there it is,

It's back again,

It's back again because the thoughts are back because it wasn't based on wisdom,

On really seeing.

And so in our mindfulness practice where we're bringing more awareness to our everyday experience,

Noticing what's going on,

Paying attention to when we start getting lost in the thought created me and the story about me and being mindful of that tension that comes in every time the ego arises,

Every time the separate self is there,

There's always,

It can be a little bit of tension and it can also be like a sledgehammer knocking us over but there's always a little bit of tension and in being more aware of that tension arising,

We bring our attention to it,

To feel it,

To breathe into it,

To recognize I'm here in this moment,

To feel what's happening in this moment because the feelings are real,

The feelings are real but the story that is not real,

The image of me that's upset or angry is not who I really am.

So we're trying to come more into using our senses,

The sense of feeling,

The sense of our breath,

Of sight,

Of sound,

Of touch and taste and smell to bring us in to the present moment out of the thought created me,

Out of the story that was causing us so much suffering.

But when we come out of the story,

We also need to pay attention to the view that we had that led to the story,

That I was the center of the universe,

That what I need matters most because in that viewpoint that's the suffering.

And one of the words,

One of the translations in the language Pali,

The language of the Buddha,

Sati,

S-A-T-I,

Which is most commonly translated into the word mindfulness,

Another word that is often used is called remember.

Remember who you really are,

Remember you are a part of the universe,

You are not the center of the universe because every time you do that,

You bring yourself back.

So using mindfulness to bring ourselves back,

Our awareness,

Our attention to come into the body,

Feeling what's happening,

Breathing into what's happening and then to remember I'm not the center of the universe and to notice how things open up every time we do that because in that recognition,

In the experience,

In the insight,

In the scene and even just the having faith in the beginning that I am not the center of the universe,

Notice how all of a sudden you've let go,

You've truly let go and you are flowing in the dance of life,

In the energy of life,

The life force,

The prana,

You are a part of it because you are no longer fighting it and our mindfulness is now starting to be based on wisdom,

Not just to pull ourselves out only to get pulled right back in again a few minutes later but to keep recognizing I am a part of the universe,

I am not the center of the universe and the beauty and the wonder and the awe that opens up for us,

All of a sudden the possibilities of this moment become infinite because we've gone from this very self-centered,

Limited,

Finite view of the world of me and what do I want to infinite possibilities because now I'm a part of this,

Seeing how this is flowing,

How I am arising in each moment,

This is what we want,

This is what we want to experience,

To know but we have to stop fighting reality,

We have to let go,

We have to let go of who we think we are to know who we really are,

Not to become something other than who we are but to know who we are,

It's like in the riptides in Australia where I'm originally from,

We have really bad riptides and I remember when I was young and Libby,

My sister's on this call,

I think you were with me,

I think we both got pulled out in a riptide,

I think it was Bronte Beach and the lifeguards had to come and get us but we flailed and we're swimming and we're trying to we're trying to get ourselves out of it,

We couldn't do it,

Thank goodness the lifeguards came along and we were never told at that time how to handle a riptide and I don't know why I finally learned this at some point but the best thing to do in a riptide is to let go,

You can't fight it,

You cannot fight a riptide,

You will exhaust yourself trying to fight it and you will get nowhere,

You will still be swept out but if you let go in the riptide and then eventually pull and yeah it takes you pretty far out but you're not expending all of your energy,

Once you're eventually out of it then you go around and you swim back and this is a good analogy for us,

Like there are so many forces in life,

So many things affecting us in each moment,

It is just like a riptide and yet we try,

We exhaust ourselves fighting it,

Trying to push back on it instead of recognizing,

Oh let me let go and see where this is flowing to and in the beginning,

In the beginning it does require some faith because we don't really trust this,

We thought we trust our thoughts more,

We trust the misery of the thought-created self more,

Even though it has brought us nothing but suffering and dissatisfaction and an insatiable appetite,

We'll never feel complete even though it has done all of those things,

We trust it more because it's more familiar and that which is familiar,

We tend to gravitate towards so it takes a little bit of faith in the beginning to learn to say,

I'm not the center of the universe,

I'm a part of the universe and every time you do that,

To really pay attention to how things are unfolding,

Notice how things open up for you,

That tension melts away even in a difficult situation because you're not fighting it anymore and each time you do this,

That experience leads to greater and greater insights until this wisdom is yours,

Where you really know in your heart of hearts,

You are a part of the universe,

You are not the center of it,

It changes everything for us,

It's adding that little bit on to our mindfulness practice and I know I'll give an example from just the other night,

So where I live down here in Mexico,

We kind of have seasons right now,

Everyone's come down here because it's nice and warm,

So they've left Canada and North America or the U.

S.

And come down,

But it's very quiet over the summer,

It's so peaceful,

It's so nice and there's a lot more parties going on and you can kind of hear music going on around the neighborhoods and the other night I was out taking one of my dogs out just to have her final restroom break of the evening and I was hearing this music playing and I'd heard it a few nights in a row and it was that Macarena song,

So no doubt it was probably Americans playing it,

I don't think the Mexicans play this,

But all of a sudden I started resisting it,

My mind was oh gosh this music,

It's so loud,

It's so annoying and it was so fast,

So fast,

This recognition,

The remembering,

Oh I'm not the center of the universe,

I'm a part of the universe and in that moment immediately it still comes up like it will come up but it drops immediately and then I was dancing,

I'm waiting for Mia to go to the bathroom and I'm dancing to the song that I didn't like a few minutes ago,

It changes so quickly our experience,

Not in the sense of like I've got to hold on,

I've got to,

I've got to accept this,

Right,

It's a surrender and we use the words accept and surrender quite synonymously even though they really have very different,

Not very different,

But there are subtle differences where I mean we can accept something but still not be happy about it and we can also accept it while not having any wisdom around it,

Like accept it thinking well it will change,

It'll end soon,

I can accept this because I see it's causing me suffering,

Right,

But surrender,

Surrender is very different,

Surrender is acknowledging there is so much happening,

Millions,

Billions,

Trillions of causes and conditions,

I am a part of this,

Let's see where it goes,

Let me let go of what it is that I'm fighting here because I'm not winning,

I'm still getting pulled out in the riptide,

I'm just exhausting myself and I'm unhappy,

Right,

And let me see where this goes,

So surrendering when we surrender,

Surrendering with the understanding I am not the center of the universe,

I am a part of it,

It changes everything for us and even in the difficult,

Really you're experiencing,

You're feeling overwhelmed,

You're dealing with a lot,

An ailing parent or a partner or a child,

You're physically sick or experiencing some pain or some grief,

Some loss,

Even in those situations to surrender because what else can we do,

We can layer pain on top of it,

Layer suffering on top of it or we can let go and be with whatever it is that's arising and in the letting go there is a power,

There is a force,

It's grace,

When we truly surrender even to that which feels so unbearable,

We are supported,

There is some life energy force that when we stop fighting against it and go with the flow and we may be getting pulled out to sea but we're not fighting it any longer and it's beautiful even in the midst of pain and suffering when we truly,

Truly surrender.

There's a common or a well-known story about Krishnamurti,

The great Indian sage,

Where he was once giving a talk in Berkeley,

Thousands and thousands of followers and in the middle of his talk,

Mid-sentence,

He just stops what he's saying and he leans into the microphone and he asks everyone there,

He said,

Would you really like to know what my secret is?

Of course,

Everyone's like,

Yes,

What is your secret?

This is why we've been coming to you and he said,

I don't mind what happens and when we hear that,

When we hear that like,

Ah,

I don't mind what happens,

Doesn't that sound nice?

Yeah,

I'm just going to do that from now on.

I'm not going to mind what happens and it lasts for about an hour and then we're minding something if we're lucky.

It lasts for an hour before we're starting to mind something that's happening because what he's saying is so deeply profound.

He's not just saying I don't have preferences.

What he's saying is there is life is the culmination of so many millions,

Billion,

Trillion,

Quadrillion different causes and conditions all coming together,

Arising and changing moment by moment.

How could I mind that?

How could I mind that?

I would be fighting.

It's like fighting a tsunami.

It's like telling the weather don't rain today when it's raining.

It's the wisdom of understanding how you are arising in each moment,

How everyone is arising in each moment,

How everything is arising in each moment.

It's not that we don't exist,

We do exist,

Just not in the way that we think we exist,

Not as something solid or independent,

That there is nothing independent in here.

Every part of Meredith that's arising is interconnected and interdependent,

Arising because of all of you here right now,

Arising because the internet is working,

Arising because one of my dogs isn't sick right now,

Right?

Everything is arising interdependent and interconnected and the more that we practice surrendering to that,

Surrendering to I'm not the center of the universe,

I am a part of it,

Then you have the experience that we talked about last week because the implications of understanding who you really are,

Not that you are something and not that you are nothing,

You are not a thing,

You are a process arising in each moment.

And when you see that and know that,

There are no more regrets because you wouldn't have done anything differently.

There's no more anger or ill will or hatred towards other people because they're just,

There are conditions arising just as I'm my conditions arising,

It's not personal.

So there's true compassion for even someone that's harming us,

Wow,

They are really suffering and if I had their causes and conditions I would be exactly the same.

So true compassion comes out of this and it's not that we're trying to back end these implications into this view,

This is the nature of reality that there is nothing solid or independent about us.

So we have this view,

This thought created me out of thinking about ourselves that sees itself as the center of the universe that's never satisfied,

That's never happy.

I mean,

If it's happy,

It's only happy for a few moments and typically because the wanting is just gone for a few moments because you got there,

Only for it to start back up again.

It's never satisfied and it's always lacking and it's filled with doubt and worries and fears and it always needs validation from the outside world,

Always needs validation and it's never enough praise and the slightest criticism wounds it and yet it is just a thought created me.

So this is what we are also seeing,

It arises through thoughts and it goes away,

It arises,

It goes away.

It cannot arise without a thought,

Everything is interdependent,

Interconnected but it's not you,

You are arising in each moment based on a million,

Billion,

Trillion different causes and conditions,

You are a process,

Change happening and it's hard for us to see this sometimes because we appear so solid but of course already there's been changes that have been happening since this call,

Right?

Since we began and we can look over periods of our lives,

I mean at 58 definitely look very different than 48,

38,

28,

18.

The views and opinions and beliefs that I had all along there are very,

Very different,

The experiences kept adding on,

Changing,

Different.

We are not the same being from moment to moment,

Just as you cannot step into the same river twice,

You are not the same person from moment to moment.

Every person you're interacting with,

The weather,

The animals,

The trees,

The plants,

Your dogs,

Your children,

Your partner,

Everything and I mean we just go on and on and on.

All of these things affecting who you are in each moment and causing you to move forward to the side,

The other side,

All nudging you along.

So in our mindfulness practice,

What I offer or what I ask or invite you to do as you practice mindfulness,

Being more aware of your experience,

Using your senses,

Using the breath,

Coming in and feeling the body,

Hearing,

Using your different senses to ground you into the present moment.

Add in this last bit,

Remember,

Remember you are a part of the universe.

Notice what changes for you in that moment because it might be that the mindfulness is getting you to some level of acceptance but let's get you to surrender.

Surrender is where you want to be.

It doesn't mean if you're uncomfortable that you can't get up and move.

It doesn't mean that if someone is being horribly unkind to you that you can't set a boundary with that person,

No longer spend time with that person,

Right?

It doesn't mean because of course those causes and conditions create another cause and condition but this understanding that you are a part of this just flowing,

Having this experience,

Enjoying the ride,

The ride isn't always pleasant.

It's not always pleasant but the more that you understand that you are in this part of this flow,

Nothing separate,

All of the self-created suffering goes away which is a massive chunk of our suffering is self-created,

Thought-created suffering.

All of it goes away and then the unpleasant conditions that we all experience just aren't that unpleasant because we understand,

Ah,

This is how I'm arising in this moment,

Right?

It opens up.

All of a sudden there's infinite possibilities when I understand I am a part of the universe not seeing it from the viewpoint of I am the center of the universe because that is a very limited view.

I'm not happy and I need all of these things outside of me that I don't control to change.

It's a very limited view.

This is an infinite view and it's where we flow and it's what we are working towards in this path and I hear what you're saying Marcy.

I think I'm reading that correctly saying I wish it was.

I'm not saying it's easy.

I'm not saying it's easy.

It is the level of identification of the thought-created self is unbelievable.

We have identified with it our whole lives.

I'm not saying it's easy but when you bring your practice into it the right way,

Bringing wisdom,

Bringing wisdom into your practice of remembering I am a part of the universe and seeing and saying that to yourself like as you go throughout the day,

Notice how you end up in one place versus another.

What were all the causes and conditions that led me here?

It felt like I was directing this but now when I think back it was the phone call that I had that then caused me to do this and then cause this and then the weather and then I got here and now I'm here and now I seem like it seems like I'm making a choice to do this versus the other to reach for this drink versus another drink or this type of cereal versus another type of cereal in the supermarket and then you watch it and you go well how is that choice being made and you see how it all starts flowing.

You see how ah this is all just flowing and there is a lightness to it and you keep looking and you keep looking until you eventually really do see it because that is the reality.

Every physicist would tell you that there is nothing independent.

Everything in this world is in this universe is causal,

Interconnected,

Interdependent.

Every great sage would tell you this and anyone who has experienced this directly would tell you this as well.

You are a part of the universe.

You are not separate from it and it is not out of our capability of knowing this.

We have set this up as this difficulty to try and get there as though it's something out there,

Something over there.

We imagine that coming back to seeing who we really are is we imagine it's more difficult than it really is.

Again I'm still going to go with it's not easy.

It's not easy.

The identification with the ego is strong.

It's very strong but if you keep paying attention in the right way not just bringing yourself back to the present moment and moving on because that thought created me is going to just come right back again.

Keep paying attention.

Remember who you really are.

You are not the center of the universe.

You are a part of it.

Pay attention to how you are arising in each moment.

Pay attention to how you are arising in each moment.

How you got somewhere.

Take a pay attention to how you got here in this exact moment thinking about all of the millions and different causes and conditions that led you here in this moment.

The things that did happen and didn't happen.

This is what we have to see.

This is the part of spirituality that we ignore.

We are all happy to want to get rid of the unworthy,

Unlovable small little me but then hang on to this control over here that there is something independent.

I'm not saying choicing isn't happening,

Decisioning happening,

Sometimes voluntary actions versus involuntary actions,

More conscious decisions versus unconscious decisions and yet every single one of those are interdependent,

Interconnected.

Until we see that that there is nothing that is independent we will still believe in the thought created me because thought is thought that comes in to claim it afterwards.

It's still thought.

It's still the ego.

So pay attention.

Remember.

Remember to just every time you ground yourself or just as you're going throughout the day just how did I get here?

What were all the things that arose?

Wow.

Right?

Notice how when you walk away from one conversation or one interaction doing something how quickly that little regret comes back comes up in the form of thought,

The ego.

Right?

We think of the big regrets in our lives.

We're constantly regretting because we think I could have done something differently back there not based on the causes and conditions in that moment.

There were millions,

Millions,

Billions,

Trillions of things happening.

You couldn't have done anything different.

Now given what happened doesn't mean same situation arises or similar situation arises in the future,

New causes and conditions,

New information.

Right?

Now it changes a little bit but it's the difference between having a healthy reflection.

Oh yeah that maybe didn't go exactly the way I would have liked it to go.

Okay.

I'm not going to beat myself up because I wouldn't have done it any differently but I can reflect on that and I can if I need to apologize go and apologize of course but I can reflect on that and then going forward yeah probably a new condition now it probably won't happen based on a healthy reflection.

Beating ourselves up hasn't stopped it from happening again.

Pay attention.

Remember you are not the center of the universe.

You are a part of the universe.

Keep bringing that into your attention,

Into your practice.

Pay attention to that.

That's the light bulb moment.

Oh my god and it can be a little scary.

I do acknowledge it can be a little bit scary and they say in zen you know the bad news is you're in free fall.

The good news is there's nowhere to land.

There's nowhere to land.

We're just fighting the riptide.

We're fighting the riptide.

We are the river.

We are the ride.

We are the flow and we keep fighting it.

So try to see as best you can that you are a part of the universe and not separate from it.

See for yourself in your own experience.

So it becomes your wisdom,

Your insight and then just like Krishnamurti you say I don't mind what happens.

How could I possibly mind the tree falling on the house?

How could I possibly be mad at the tree?

How could I be mad at the hurricane?

And in that same way how could I be mad at that person over there?

How could I be mad at myself?

It's all happening through causes and conditions.

That's where the liberation is.

That's where the freedom is.

Reviews

I am not the center of the universe. I am a part of it. I don’t mind what is happening. You have become central to my thought process. Thank you

Brilliant talk. I will return to it. There is so much information to reflect. The concepts explored have the potential to transform, how we perceive our place in the universe and how we live, if we are open to surrender . Thank you

Meredith, such wisdom and learning to do.

Namaste ❤️ 🙏

💜🩵💙💚💛❤️🖤🧡⚘️🪻🌷🌼🌻⚘️🌱🪴🌲🥀🌹🐕‍🦺🦮🐕 🐈‍⬛

Excellent! I was at the live and I missed a couple of things you said. Thank you, again, for making these available! 💕🙏🏼

The riptide example resonates: go with the flow. Thank you!