Journey From Cancer Survivor To Spiritual Guide W/ Kim Beam

In this episode, we welcome Kim Beam, a licensed clinical social worker, intuitive public speaker, and podcaster. Kim shares her unique journey from being an English teacher to surviving Hodgkin's lymphoma, which redirected her path towards spirituality and intuition. She discusses her early encounters with the supernatural, her transition from Judaism to Christianity, and how these experiences shaped her current practice of helping others through intuitive guidance. Kim explains the challenges and misconceptions about intuition, highlights the importance of openness and curiosity, and emphasizes the need to follow one's unique journey. She also touches on meditation's role in overcoming anxiety and her current work as a certified tarot reader and intuition teacher.

Please note: This track was recorded live and may contain background noises.

Transcript

Welcome!

Today we have Kim Beam.

She's a licensed clinical social worker and an intuitive public speaker and podcaster.

She was an English teacher for 12 years before surviving Hodgkin's lymphoma,

Which changed her trajectory.

Now she's pressing into her intuition to help people live lives they love.

Welcome Kim!

Hi!

Thanks!

Thank you.

So glad to have you here today.

Thanks for visiting,

Letting me visit.

Yes.

So the first question that I ask everyone is,

What does enlightenment mean to you?

Oh,

That's a really good question.

Well,

It's a journey.

It's an ever-growing process.

When I was little,

I encountered two ghosts,

Actually,

And they freaked me out beyond measure.

I was terrified,

And I want nothing to do with that.

Actually,

I found three of them.

I visually saw them,

And I was like,

I never want to see anything ever again.

That's terrifying.

I want nothing to do with it.

And then travel forward,

And now in my spirituality,

I'm like,

No,

I want to see my guides.

I want to see everything.

Like,

I want to corporeally.

I want to see you in body form.

And wait a minute,

When I was 14,

I told the world,

No.

Like,

I told the universe,

I'm not interested in this at all.

And then,

I don't know,

What am I now?

47?

I'm like,

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah,

Bring it on.

I want to see it now.

And so I think it's just a,

It's a process of realizing that,

That energy is there to support.

And as you're moving forward,

There are ways of picking up signals that help you guide your path into a way that makes you feel more fulfilled.

And as you seek those,

Those paths,

Right,

As you're looking for the paths,

And you're unraveling,

How,

How am I supposed to do this life in a way that is satisfying for me and is life giving for those around me,

As you're pulling at those strings to figure it out,

You realize that most people have that story where they had something happen in a dream,

Or they were at a party,

And they just synchronistically met the person,

Or it all just sort of falls together.

And then there's also asking for the help for those things to happen,

Too.

So I think it's a growing balance.

That's a good way to describe it.

I like what you said about the signals.

And I completely believe in following the synchronicities.

But like you said,

You you do have to be open to them,

You do have to be willing to recognize them,

And to follow them.

Yeah,

And you can shut it down.

I shut my intuition down regularly,

When I hit something that was hard.

For a while there,

I believed I was going to marry this guy.

And this guy was a total schlub.

He was,

There was nothing good about him.

In fact,

I didn't want kids with him.

Because if I had kids with him,

Then I didn't want them to be like him.

Like,

Right,

Like,

I that's how much he was not okay.

However,

When I realized that I was hearing wrong,

But the universe was using it to help me learn,

Right,

They use the opportunity to teach me more about how to hear.

So that was really fascinating for me that it was it's not quite right,

But we'll let it stand for a while,

Because we're going to use it.

And once I realized the truth,

And I felt really stupid.

And I was like,

Well,

Why was I believing for that?

Because I didn't even want that person.

I was like,

That's it.

I'm done.

I shut it all down for three years.

I'm not hearing anything.

I don't want to hear a thing.

Don't tell me a thing.

I don't want to know a thing.

I don't want to.

I don't want to be wrong again.

I'd rather be shut down and not hear than to hear wrong.

Yes.

And I think so often people shut down their inner guidance.

And that's part of the reason why people don't remember their dreams and so or say they don't dream because they actually have subconsciously shut it off that access.

Yeah,

I could see that.

I might be one of them.

Yeah.

And it's obviously there's so many other ways that we can access our intuition.

But I find that dream work is one of the most powerful ways.

And so talk a little bit about your journey,

How you went from A to B,

What we mentioned in your bio about you having survived Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Tell the listeners a little bit about your trajectory.

Yeah,

So I started in a reformed Jewish house.

I was raised Jewish.

I had a bat mitzvah.

My mom kept telling me I didn't have to have the bat mitzvah,

But I could do whatever I wanted.

You can have it or not.

But your grandmother,

Who was dead,

Would really want you to have this.

And then after my bat mitzvah,

I felt like when I was in the synagogue and we prayed and we sang and we did all the things,

The energy went up,

But it just hit the ceiling and came back down like it didn't go anywhere.

So then I had a friend in high school who basically told me I was a heathen and I had to go to church with her and to go to youth group with her.

So I went to youth group with her because I was a heathen,

Whatever.

And when we prayed in the church,

I felt the prayers go up and go someplace.

There was a difference.

It felt different.

And I was like,

I think that this is something because of how the energy moved.

And so I became a Christian.

I was a Christian for about 15,

20 years.

I went to a Christian college and I drank all the Christian Kool-Aid and did all the things.

And then I was even single for 13 years because I was waiting for God's guy to show up.

I was waiting for God's man to show up.

I was like,

I am on hold and I'm waiting.

I was a part of a prophetic team in the church and I was like actively involved in prayer groups.

And I was like a layer on of hands and I would heal people,

Literally feel heat come out of my hands and have people's backs be healed or have people's other things be healed.

I never had a blind person see,

But I definitely aided in people.

They had a broken leg and then they would go to the doctor and the doctor would be like,

Well,

You're doing really well.

We can take the cast off a little early.

And so that kind of stuff happened and I was doing the thing and then I was walking in what I call my intuition now,

But I was walking in what I called spirit then to see if I could tap into imagery and words and things for people to know if they were following God's path correctly.

And so I'm really deeply involved in the church.

It was a vineyard church and I was really deeply involved in Christianity.

And then I wasn't dating anybody because I was waiting for God's man.

And then I got super sick,

Like super sick,

Like Hodgkin's is cancer.

So we're talking chemo,

Right?

Four months of being battered by chemo and I was down and out and it was no good.

And my pastor said that he saw the word lymphoma down my back and that it fell off and that he said that he felt like it was going to be like the muffler on the car.

You know how you hit a speed bump really hard?

He said,

I feel like it's going to take your muffler and it might knock your muffler off and you're going to wonder if the speed bump really did some damage.

He's like,

But it won't have,

You'll be fine.

Your muffler will be fine.

All of that was true,

Right?

He got the lymphoma word before I had the official diagnosis.

It was a total speed bump.

In fact,

When I was going to treatment,

The last two or three treatments there were,

Well,

The whole time when I went to treatment,

There were rubber,

Rubber speed bumps that they put in by the University of Pennsylvania because I went to the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia for treatment.

But we had to drive into the city every day,

Every time we went.

And so there were these rubber speed bumps that we had to drive over to get to the hospital for me to get treatment.

And right before the last two doses,

They took those speed bumps out.

Like they weren't there.

They were just these rubberized speed bumps and they removed them.

They've since put in like,

You know,

Asphalt-y ones that are like weirdly squared that you can like avoid with one tire,

But the other tire has to hit them,

Right?

Like they've since changed them.

But at the time,

I was like,

This is,

I'm pretty clear.

Like once these last two doses are over,

I knew based on speed bumps that everything was going to be okay because the rubberized ones had been lifted.

And it was true.

I was totally fine.

But on the other end,

I was like,

I have put my life on hold for faith and for God and for all the other things.

And I was like,

I can no longer be a Christian because I have been,

I am not Job.

I am not Job.

And I cannot be as nailed as I have been in this lifetime and continue to bounce back up and say,

I have faith.

And so once I stopped being a Christian,

I felt like I couldn't tap into my intuition anymore because I wasn't with spirit and I would never,

Ever,

Ever disrespect the Holy Spirit because of all the parts of the Godhead,

I had the most intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit.

And I was like,

I am not going to disrespect the Holy Spirit by tapping into intuition where it's not aligned with the Godhead anymore.

I'm not going to disrespect it.

And so I started to learn about meditation and I started to learn other ways of being in the world.

And once I got into meditation,

My anxiety disorder completely just quieted down and no longer have anxiety like I used to because meditation has totally helped that.

And I started to learn how to become a qualified meditation instructor through the UMass Medical School.

I do the mindfulness-based stress reduction.

I'm a qualified mindfulness teacher.

And while I was doing the trainings for that,

We had to go on silent retreats as part of the training.

And so I was sitting in a silent retreat at Omega Institute and I would go to the bookstore almost every day and they're like,

Don't read words,

Don't look at words,

Just be silent.

And I'd go to the bookstore and look at tarot cards.

I'm like,

I'm not reading words.

I'm just looking at cards.

And I got drawn to cards and I got drawn toward.

And in the silence,

I heard you were most alive when you were listening to your intuition for people.

Don't be afraid to tap into that again.

You really came alive when you were listening to your intuition for other people.

And you really like being able to help people that way.

And so once the meditation retreat was over,

I bought a set pack of tarot cards.

I brought them home.

I started to try and learn how to do it.

I started to try and figure it out.

And I'm now a certified tarot card reader.

But I don't always use cards when I read for people.

I just read the energy.

And now I'm a certified intuition teacher as well through Atmana.

So I'm taking all the things and pulling it all together,

Like all the walks of how it all works together.

So that's the long rambly how I got to where I am.

It's a wonderful journey that you actually were able to come back to yourself,

Give yourself that permission to tap back in to what that inner knowing that you had throughout the whole thing.

You just weren't giving yourself the permission after to actually still step into that and have it be part of your existence.

So yeah,

And I think so many people have that same struggle.

Struggle,

Whether it's because of their religious background or because of the way they were raised or just their perspective on the world and their concerns about judgment and being rejected because of whatever knowingness that they have,

But they don't understand how to step into that,

How to integrate it into their existing life,

How to make sense of it with the rest of the dogma that they might be carrying around.

So it's really a journey in itself,

Just coming home to yourself,

Right?

Actually,

Part of the process was I always listened to my intuition when I was writing a card for somebody.

I would sit down and I would do it for my students even.

I would sit down at the end of creative writing and I would be like,

These are the strengths I've seen you.

These are the things that I appreciate about you.

And then here's a challenge or two about growth areas.

We all have growth areas.

So I would give a card like this to every student at the end of my creative writing class with that.

So I knew tapping into my intuition was easy for me when I was writing cards and I had a friend who got married and it was right after cancer.

It was when I was struggling with faith in God and I sat down to write her a card about the wishes and the hopes and the vision for the future.

And I got a blank wall.

I got absolutely nothing.

There was nothing coming in at all.

And I was like,

Oh,

So this is how it feels to not be able to hear.

And this is what happens when the spirit cuts you off because you've cut yourself off.

Well,

The truth is they got divorced two years later,

Right?

It wasn't that I wasn't hearing.

It's that there was nothing to hear.

And so I didn't know that at the time it was a derailing event for me at the moment because I was like,

I'm not hearing anything.

I must be broken.

And because I'm not tapped into God and the Godhead and spirit,

Then I no longer have this gift.

It's been taken from me.

And in reality,

No,

There was nothing to hear.

They didn't have a future.

Interesting.

Well,

What's your favorite thing about what you do now?

I love the aha moment when you nail it.

This is what I'm sensing.

And this is what I'm picking up.

And this is what I'm feeling for you.

And this is what I think the energy is saying.

And this is what I think I'm getting.

And then I pull out something very specific that not a lot of people would know or maybe nobody knows or the thing or the thing that the person I'm talking to knows that I don't know it.

And then I come out with that thing.

Then they're like,

OK,

Now I'm a little weirded out because you didn't know that.

And you just said it.

I really also like pressing in and knowing more.

I like how much if I press in,

My pastor who taught me how to do all of this would say it's like a box of tissues,

That if you get a tissue and you pull it out and you give what you're getting on the little bit,

The next tissue will pop back up.

And then if you give what the next tissue is,

It'll pop.

Another one will pop up.

But if you choose not to give what you're getting,

Then you won't get anything more.

You have to give what you're getting in order to get more.

And so there's a desire that I have to get more.

So like I said earlier,

I want to see people's guides.

I want to see like my instructor,

Heather Alice Shea at Atmana Institute for Intuition.

She said that she was at a party and there was a spirit standing next to her who said his name was Phil.

And I was like,

I want that gift.

I don't have that gift right now.

And maybe it's because I shut down that gift when I was 14 years old.

But I want to reopen that.

I have crossed people over after they've died.

I have had conversations with people from the other side who have come back and said,

Hey,

Listen,

I have something for you.

I've had people like an ex-boyfriend's mom showed up and was like,

I get what you're trying to do,

But you do have to break up with him.

You do have to let him go.

Right.

Like I have had people like spirits from the other side come back,

But they're not.

They're just like a sensing,

Knowing that they were there.

I never actually saw them.

And so now I'm getting into the space where I sense it.

But now I want to be like,

Give it to me.

And like,

So my eyes see it.

That's where I am.

Yes.

Really asking the universe to show you what you're ready to see.

Exactly.

So what are some common misconceptions people have about what you do?

That I'm always right.

And that's actually a misconception of mine,

Too.

Like,

That's something I struggle with.

If I say something and it doesn't resonate or I'm flat wrong,

Like I say this thing is going to happen and then it doesn't happen.

I sometimes go through a washing machine.

I put myself through a ringer.

It's emotionally really challenging for me because I heard and saw and I knew it down to the very core of me.

And I wouldn't,

If I don't feel it and know it that deeply,

I tend not to give it.

Like if I'm not confident in it,

I brush that bit aside and say,

OK,

Give me something else that will make me feel that confidence that is worthy of sharing.

And when I get the confirmation that I'm wrong,

Because there are plenty of things that you can go and check and learn and see if you're right.

And if I get the confirmation that I'm wrong,

It does have the possibility of knocking my knees out and making me feel like I stumble and fell and made a mistake and I'm no good.

Would I really be doing this?

And am I hurting people with what I'm saying?

Because it's not right.

And that's something I wrestle with.

It's something I wrestle with.

Yeah,

I think sometimes I feel like when you say something like that and then it doesn't happen or doesn't come to fruition,

That perhaps we're just dealing with different trajectories,

Different parallel universes.

And so then by saying that,

It actually changed the course.

Right.

So it might have been in one trajectory and now it's not,

But it doesn't make you wrong.

There's also free will that comes into it.

There are so many factors of an event to occur.

If one of the little dominoes doesn't fall properly and it falls to the right and it goes off into a different path,

It leaves the one that needs to fall for that thing to happen still standing.

And so,

Yeah,

I see where the train is headed,

But that doesn't mean that somebody up ahead isn't going to switch the levers so that the track switches and then the train goes in a different direction.

So what would your suggestions be for the listeners about how they can tap into their intuition based on your journey of turning it off,

Then turning it back on,

And bringing it back into your life at will?

Yeah.

I think it just comes from a deep desire to know and be curious.

And I mean,

I've read a lot of books.

I've talked to a lot of people.

I found the people who were doing it and basically said,

I'm going to sit at your feet until I learn how to do this too.

I had a hunger and that hunger when I was in the church led me to the group,

Right?

I saw the head guy that the pastor turned to all the time.

He would always turn to this guy named Steve.

And I was like,

Steve is going to be the man I learn from.

I'm just going to ask Steve all the questions.

I'm just going to basically sit at Steve's feet and learn from him.

And he and his wife took me in both metaphorically and physically at times.

I was in their house the night I found out I was being diagnosed.

So Steve and his wife were instrumental in helping me be who I am today.

And I found the people that would encourage me when I was feeling discouraged.

I think one of the reasons I shut down my intuition when I quote,

Heard wrong about the guy was because I didn't have anybody around me to bounce this off of.

There wasn't somebody around to encourage me and be like,

No,

He was supposed to be,

But he decided not to,

Right?

Like it was part of the plan,

But he decided to go in a different direction.

And so now you're going to be single for the next 25 years.

Good job.

And if somebody had been around to guide me,

I think I don't think I would have shut it off quite as much as I did.

Okay.

So what are three takeaways that you hope listeners learn from today's talk?

Everybody's intuitive.

Everybody has the gift.

Everybody has the potential.

It's just a matter of learning how you hear.

So if you're somebody who's a visual person,

Or if you're somebody who's an auditory person,

Step into what works for you.

I don't know if there's exactly three,

I guess the road that you're on,

The road that you're on is the road that you're on.

And there's no shame in that,

Right?

What you need to get to where you need to be is your road.

So I've got a friend who's,

I feel like she's eons beyond me.

She's got a quick link into her guides.

She's really super able to hear.

And she's built two businesses that are very,

Very successful.

And she's working on building a new social media platform.

And when I first met her,

I felt like,

God,

She's 10 years younger than me.

And she's got it all together in such a way that I don't.

And then when we talked about things,

She was like,

Yeah,

I did that in 2010.

And I was like,

Yeah,

In 2010,

I was being diagnosed with cancer.

And that was my trajectory.

And I had to go through that to get to where I am right now.

She was able to do it on in her way in her time,

With the support she had when she was little.

And so everybody's journey is their journey.

And comparing yourself to somebody else's journey just really isn't helpful.

It just slows you down and makes you feel like you're not good enough.

Yes,

I couldn't agree more with that.

Absolutely.

It's so much better for us just to avert our eyes from what other people are doing so that we can focus on ourselves.

Because the more that we do look at everybody else,

It just reinforces that imposter syndrome and that self-doubt.

And we just fall so easily into putting so many blocks and roadblocks in front of ourselves and start telling us all the reasons why what we're doing isn't enough.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Or why we're not good enough,

Or why we don't measure up,

Or look at how much further they are ahead of you.

Why are you even starting?

These are all thoughts that I have.

Yes.

I think everyone does.

Yes.

And I don't know why that's our default versus the other way around,

But it's so easy to be that way versus the other way.

Right.

So as an example,

I'm throwing a party and I'm inviting very,

Very big names in Philadelphia.

I'm throwing this party and there's a voice in the back of my head like,

Who's going to show up for you,

Kim?

Right?

The invitations went out this week.

And I'm like,

Who's going to show up for you?

And so that's part of the imposter syndrome and the fear.

You're stepping out in bravery.

What happens if only three people show up?

Well,

If only three people show up,

We are going to have the best freaking dinner ever.

Yes.

And the three that do are the three that are supposed to be there.

Exactly.

I keep telling myself,

Whoever shows up are the people who are supposed to be there.

Correct.

Yes.

And it's so hard to step out into that.

Like you said,

Everyone faces that with everything that they do.

And we just have to brave forward and believe that there is a different level of how we consider it a success,

Right?

It's really changing your definition of,

Well,

Is this going to work?

Is this going to be successful?

Am I going to be recognized?

Is it going to be helpful?

It's changing all of those definitions into something that allows you to do it freely without worrying about those results.

One of the things I like to say is that success for me is did I do the thing?

Did I let fear stop me?

Yes.

Or did I do the thing?

And so there's a part of me that is like excited and scared,

Right?

I'm excited and scared.

And I was like,

Did I let my fear stop me or did I let the excitement propel me?

And that right there means that this evening,

No matter who shows up,

Was successful.

Yes.

I completely,

I'm right there with you.

Yes.

And I think that's a great message to end with.

I think that's a really inspirational message and I hope that ripples.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Awesome.

Yeah.

Awesome.

Well,

Thank you so much for being here today,

Cam.

I really enjoyed our conversation.

I think what you're doing is wonderful and I hope that it really inspires all of my listeners to take that step and really just embark on their own intuitive journey.

Yes,

I agree.

All right.

Well,

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

Thanks for having me.

Thank you.