Welcome,
And I hope that each one of you will come to find peace within yourself.
Today I want to talk a little bit about self-judgment,
And this meditation is based on a live session I did recently.
In recent weeks I've talked about self-belief,
And I was asked about self-judgment,
And it's kind of a tender thread,
Isn't it?
It often masquerades as self-awareness,
But underneath,
Self-judgment can carry the weight of shame,
Or comparison,
Or unmet expectations.
It's that little voice that says,
I should have done better,
Even when you've given it your all.
And yet,
It's also a signal,
A longing for growth,
Or integrity,
Or alignment with your values.
In mindfulness,
We try to learn how to notice that voice without becoming it.
To observe the inner critic is just one part of the chorus,
But not as the conductor.
When self-judgment arises,
It can be met with curiosity.
What is this part of me trying to protect?
What fear or hope lives beneath it?
Self-judgment often thrives in silence and in speed,
So the antidotes tend to be practices that slow us down,
That invite comparison,
And create space.
I know that after I had my strokes,
When I was in my thirties,
I was often very critical of myself.
I was critical of how I did physical therapy,
Critical of the way my left leg dragged,
Critical of how my left arm was no good anymore.
But over time,
What helped was being kind to myself and talking to myself.
That's right,
Talking to myself.
I'd say things like,
Come on,
Michael,
You've got this.
And that's something I still do,
Because thoughts and words have power.
They truly do.
They have the power to change your life.
When you're negative in your thoughts and words,
You get negative results.
But when you're positive,
You can do great things.
There are some practices that can help to soften self-judgment,
Like a loving-kindness meta-meditation,
Or offering yourself kindness.
May I be safe,
May I be kind to myself,
May I accept myself as I am.
And even if the words feel distant,
Repeating them plants seeds of warmth that grow over time.
And I'll say it again,
Your words and your thoughts have power.
They have the power to change your life.
Another thing you can do with self-judgment is journaling with a twist.
Write down your judgmental thoughts,
And then respond to them as if you were speaking to a dear,
Trusted friend or a child.
And that reframes the inner dialogue and reveals how harsh we can be to ourselves,
And how capable we are of kindness.
And of course,
As always,
Practices like mindfulness and breath-led movement shift our focus from mental critique to our felt experience.
Close your eyes now,
And let's begin to get in touch with our breath.
It doesn't matter if you're sitting,
Standing,
Or lying down.
The only thing that truly matters when you meditate is that you're comfortable and alert.
So as we begin to settle in,
Let's get in touch with our breath,
Just breathing in and breathing out,
One breath at a time,
And then the next,
And then the next.
As you start to breathe and focus on your breath,
Let's scan our body.
Relax your forehead,
Unfurrow it,
And unclench your jaw.
Relax your neck.
Relax your shoulders.
Look for any tension in your chest and belly.
Relax your arms and your hands,
And your legs and your feet.
And as you begin to settle in,
Let's focus even more on our breath.
Our breath is our anchor.
It's there for us in all moments,
When we're happy,
When we're sad,
And when we're judging ourselves a little bit too harshly.
Our breath is like a river,
As it flows in and flows out.
So just let your breath flow.
You don't need to force anything.
You don't need to do anything.
Just inhale gently and exhale completely.
If you have thoughts,
Just let them go.
They're like waves on a lake or clouds in the sky.
Now I'd like you to bring your attention to that little voice inside.
That's a voice that whispers,
I should be better.
I'm not enough.
I messed up again.
You don't need to push it away.
Just notice it,
Like clouds passing by.
Can you name this voice inside you?
Not as a truth,
But as a habit?
As a part of you that learned to protect,
To perfect,
To perform?
Say gently,
I see you.
I hear you.
And I'm still here.
I see you.
I hear you.
And I'm still here.
Now if you will,
Imagine that voice is a small creature.
Maybe a little mouse or a baby squirrel or a tribble.
And think about it.
This little creature isn't scary.
It's not cruel.
It's just a little anxious.
Trying to help in the only way it knows.
And what would happen if you offered it kindness?
Maybe a warm blanket or a soft place to rest.
A whisper,
You don't have to fix me.
I'm allowed to grow slowly.
Let your breath cradle that part of you.
Inhale,
Compassion.
Exhale,
Release.
Now if you would,
Bring your awareness to your heart.
Place a hand there if you like.
Feel its rhythm and its quiet persistence.
Quickly scan your body from head to toe.
And notice where any tension lives.
And then just say,
You are allowed to soften.
And let each breath be a balm.
Let each exhale carry away a layer of judgment.
Not with force,
But with grace.
And you need to offer yourself permission to be imperfect.
To be in the process.
To be worthy of love,
Even when you forget.
And if you will,
I'd like you to repeat the following positive affirmations.
You can say them silently or out loud.
And I'll say each one twice.
I am learning.
I am learning.
I am learning.
I am enough.
I am enough.
Last one.
I am allowed to be kind to myself.
Let these words settle like seeds.
You don't need to rush their blooming.
Just trust the soil of your own heart.
And continue to focus on your breath.
Breathing in and breathing out.
One breath at a time.
Often,
Most of us tend to be hard on ourselves.
We tend to judge ourselves.
But what we also need to do is to learn to be kind to ourselves.
You all know how I like quotes.
So I want to share one from humorist Will Rogers who said,
Good judgment comes from experience.
And a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
And that's very true.
As we come to a close,
Open your eyes and come back into the room.
Wiggle your fingers and toes and stretch.
And feel how good it is to be alive.
How good it is to be in this moment.
I hope this has been a beneficial and calming session for each and every one of you.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
You can do the things you put your mind to.
And being kind to yourself will help make your life better.
And remembering that your words and your thoughts have power.
Think good things and good things will happen.
Till next time.
