Diary Of A Provincial Lady, Chapter 6

Diary of a Provincial Lady, published nearly a hundred years ago by E M Delafield, is a direct ancestor of Bridget Jones' Diary. In tonight's hilarious episode, our narrator finds Christmas shopping rather exhausting. Christmas itself, with its visiting relatives and children's parties, while being festive, is similarly fraught with irritations as well as delights.

This gentle story of the daily ups and downs of domestic life has also been compared with George Grossmith's Diary of a Nobody, also available narrated by me in Free Tracks.

Transcript

Hello,

It's Mandy here.

Welcome back to Diary of a Provincial Lady by E.

M.

Delafield.

It may seem strange to us today,

Battling with overdrafts and mortgage payments,

That someone who employed servants,

Went on trips to London and abroad,

Frequently brought new clothes,

And entertained endlessly,

If unwillingly,

Should chronically worry themselves sick about money.

But this was often the plight of upper and middle class wives,

Forced to keep up a standard of living.

Throughout the diaries,

Therefore,

Great comic capital is made out of the heroine's constant juggling with her housekeeping accounts,

Pawning jewellery,

Selling clothes,

And writing endless placating letters to bank managers and creditors.

So we've reached chapter six,

And before I go ahead,

Please feel free to make yourself really comfortable,

Settling down into your chair or your bed,

Relaxing your hands,

Releasing your shoulders,

And softening your jaw.

That's great.

So if you're ready,

Then I shall begin.

December the 19th.

Find Christmas shopping very exhausting,

And paralysed in the army and navy stores,

On discovering that list of Christmas presents is lost,

But eventually run it to earth in children's books department.

While there,

Choose book for dear Robin,

And wish for the hundredth time that Vicky had been less definite about wanting toy greenhouse and nothing else.

This apparently unprocurable.

Memo,

Take early opportunity of looking up story of the rock's egg to tell Vicky.

Rose says,

Try Selfridges.

I protest,

But eventually go there,

Find admirable though expensive toy greenhouse,

And unpatriotically purchase it at once.

Decide not to tell Robert this.

Choose appropriate offerings for Rose,

Madamoiselle,

William,

And Angela,

Who will be staying with us,

So gifts must be above calendar mark,

And lesser trifles for everyone else.

Unable to decide between almost invisibly small diary and really handsome card for Sissy Crab,

But eventually settle on diary,

As it will fit into an ordinary sized envelope.

December the 20th,

Rose takes me to see St.

John Irving's play,

And I'm much amused.

Over here,

One lady installs,

Ask another,

Why don't you write a play,

Dear?

Well,

Says the friend,

It's so difficult,

What with one thing and another,

To find the time.

Am staggered.

Query,

Could I write a play myself?

Could we all write plays,

If only we had the time?

Reflect that St.

John E.

Lives in the same county as myself,

But feel that this does not constitute sound excuse for writing to ask him how he finds the time to write plays.

December 22nd,

Return home.

One bulb in partial flower,

But not satisfactory.

December the 23rd,

Meet Robin at the junction.

He has lost his ticket,

Parcel of sandwiches and handkerchief,

But produces large wooden packing case,

Into which little shelf has been wedged.

Understand that this represents result of carpentry class,

Expensive extra at school and is a Christmas present.

Will no doubt appear on bill in due course.

Robin says essential to get gramophone record called Is Izzy as he was.

NB,

I'm often struck by disquieting thought that the dear children are entirely devoid of any artistic feeling,

Whatever in art,

Literature or music.

This conviction intensified after hearing Is Izzy as he was,

Rendered 14 times running on the gramophone after I have succeeded in obtaining record.

Much touched an enthusiastic greeting between Robbie and Vicky.

Madamoiselle says,

Ah,

So gentil,

And produces a handkerchief,

Which I think exaggerated,

Especially as in half an hour's time,

She comes to me with complaint that R and V have gone up into the rafters and are shaking down plaster from nursery ceiling.

Remonstrate with them from below.

They sing Is Izzy as he was.

I'm distressed at this as providing fresh confirmation of painful conviction that neither has any ear for music,

Nor ever will have.

Arrival of William and Angela at half past three.

Should like to hurry up tea,

But feel that servants would be annoyed,

So instead offer to show them their rooms,

Which they know perfectly well already.

We exchange news about relations.

Robin and Vicky appear,

Still singing Is Izzy as he was.

Angela says that they have grown,

Can see by her expression that she thinks them odious and very badly brought up.

She tells me about the children in the last house she stayed at.

All appear to have been miracles of cleanliness,

Intelligence and charm.

A also adds,

Most unnecessarily,

That they are musical and play the piano nicely.

Memo.

A meal,

The most satisfactory way of entertaining any guest,

Should much like to abridge the interval between tea and dinner or else to introduce supplementary collation in between.

At dinner we talk again about relations and ask one another if anything is ever heard of poor Frederick nowadays and how Molly's marriage is turning out and whether grandmamma is thinking of going to the east coast again this summer.

I'm annoyed because Robert and William sit on in the dining room until nearly ten o'clock,

Which makes the servants late.

December 24th.

Take entire family to children's party at neighbouring rectory.

Robin says damn three times in the rector's hearing,

An expression never used by him before or since but apparently reserved for this unsuitable occasion.

Party otherwise highly successful except that I again meet recent arrival at the Grange on whom I have not yet called.

She is a Mrs Summers and is said to keep bees.

Find myself next to her at tea but cannot think of anything to say about bees except does she like them,

Which sounds like a bad riddle so leave it unsaid and talk about preparatory schools instead.

I'm interested to note that no two parents ever seem to have heard of one another's preparatory schools.

Query,

Can this indicate an undue number of these establishments throughout the country?

After dinner get presents ready for children's stockings.

William unfortunately steps on small glass article of dolls furniture intended for Vicky but handsomely offers a shilling in compensation which I refuse.

Much time taken up in discussing this.

At 11 p.

M.

Children still wide awake.

Angela suggests bridge and asks who is that Mrs Summers we met at the rectory who seems to be interested in bees?

A,

Evidently more skilled than myself in social amenities but do not make this comment aloud.

Christmas Day Festive but exhausting Christmas.

Robin and Vicky delighted with everything and spend much of the day eating.

Vicky presents her aunt Angela with small square of canvas on which blue donkey is worked in cross stitch.

Do not know whether to apologize for this or not but eventually decide better to say nothing and hint to mademoiselle that other design might have been preferable.

The children perhaps rather too much on evidence as Angela towards tea time begins to tell me that the little Maitlands have such a delightful nursery and always spend entire day in it except when out for long walks with governess and dogs.

William asks if that Mrs Summers is one of the Dorset she a lot a woman who knows about bees.

Make a note that I really must call on Mrs S early next week.

Read up something about bees before going.

Turkey and plum pudding cold in the evening to give servants a rest.

Angela looks at bulbs and says what made me think they would be in flower for Christmas?

Do not reply to this but suggest early bed for all of us.

December the 27th departure of William and Angela slight shock administered at 11th hour by Angela who asks if I realize that she was winner of first prize in last week's time and tide competition under the pseudonym of intelligentsia had naturally no idea of this but congratulate her without mentioning that I entered for same competition myself without success.

Query are competition editors always sound on questions of literary merit judgment possibly becomes warped through overwork.

Another children's party this afternoon too large and elaborate.

Mothers stand about it in black hats and talk to one another about gardens books and difficulty of getting servants to stay in the country.

Tea handed about the hall in a detached way while children are herded into another room.

Vicky and Robin behave well and I compliment them on the way home but I'm informed later by Mademoiselle that she has found a large collection of chocolate biscuits in the pocket of Vicky's party frock.

Memo would it be advisable to point out to Vicky that this constitutes failure in intelligence as well as in manners,

Hygiene and common honesty.

To be continued.

Reviews

Nothing has changed; managing Christmas for your household is exhausting; I was thinking about how its just around the corner the other day! Thanks for reading Mandy🙏🏻

She is witty— not quite as funny as another certain female author I know, but great 😂😘😘 thank you ✨🙏🏼✨

Thank you Mandy! 🙏🏻📖💖
One question: did Vicky ask for a “toy greenhouse”? That’s what I heard. Odd wish if true.