Hello there,
It's Mandy here.
Thanks so much for joining me tonight and welcome back to Diary of a Provincial Lady by E.
M.
Dellafield.
Another snippet for you from Edmay's daughter,
Rosamund.
She says,
Although cars were something of a rarity,
This was the 1920s,
We had two.
My father had a small blue car called Crouch,
A make that no one now seems to have heard of,
And its name was Bluebell.
My mother's car was a standard called Pinky.
It had a top you could put down,
But it was a terrible job and people always got their fingers pinched.
Pinky hated going up hills,
And whenever we were about halfway up,
We all had to get out and push,
And when she finally made it,
We would pat her on the bonnet affectionately and praise her.
So,
Before I go ahead with Chapter 32,
Please feel free to make yourself really comfortable.
Settle down into your chair or your bed.
Relax your hands.
Drop your shoulders and soften your jaw.
That's wonderful.
So,
If you're ready,
Then I shall begin.
August the 28th.
Picnic and cook forgets to put in the sugar.
Postcard from Robin's hostess says that he has arrived,
But adds nothing as to his behaviour,
Or impression that he is making,
Which makes me feel anxious.
August the 31st.
Read The Edwardians,
Which everyone else has read months ago,
And I'm delighted and amused.
Remember that V.
Sackville-West and I once attended dancing classes together at the Albert Hall many years ago,
But feel that if I do mention this,
Everybody will think I am boasting,
Which indeed I should be,
So better forget about it again,
And in any case,
Dancing never my strongest point,
And performance at Albert Hall extremely mediocre and may well be left in oblivion.
Short letter from Robin,
Which I am very glad to get,
But which refers to nothing whatsoever except animals at home,
And project for going out in a boat and diving from it on some unspecified future occasion.
Reply to all,
And I'm too modern to beg tiresomely for information concerning himself.
September the 1st.
Postcard from the station announces arrival of parcel that I at once identify as bulbs,
With accompanying fibre,
Moss and charcoal mixture.
Suggests that Robert should fetch them this afternoon,
But he is unenthusiastic,
And says tomorrow,
When he will be meeting Robin and school friend,
Will do quite well.
Memo.
Very marked difference between the sexes is male tendency to procrastinate about doing practically everything in the world,
Except sitting down to meals and going up to bed.
Should like to purchase little painted motto,
Do it now.
So often on sale at inferior stationer's shops,
And present it to Robert,
But on second thoughts quite see that this would not conduce to domestic harmony,
And I abandon the scheme at once.
Think seriously about bulbs,
And spread sheets of newspaper on attic floor to receive them and bowls.
Resolve also to keep careful record of all operations,
With eventual results for future guidance.
Look out notebook for the purpose,
And find small green booklet with mysterious references,
Of which I can make neither head nor tail,
In own handwriting on two first pages.
Spend some time trying to decide what I could have meant by K P P inch twice P W without fail,
Or tell H not 12 inches by 8 inches,
Washable FC to be G apostrophe D.
But eventually give it up,
And tear out first pages of little green book,
And write bulbs and tomorrow's date in capital letters.
September the 2nd,
Robert brings home Robin and friend called Mickey Thompson from station,
But has unfortunately forgotten to call for the bulbs.
Mickey Thompson is attractive,
And shows enchanting dimple whenever he smiles,
Which is often.
Memo.
Theory that mothers think their own children superior to any others.
Absolute nonsense.
Can see only too plainly that Mickey easily surpasses Robin and Vicky in looks,
Charm and good manners,
And I'm very much annoyed about it.
September the 4th,
Mickey Thompson continues to show himself as charming child,
With cheerful disposition,
Good manners and excellent health.
Inquiry reveals that he is an orphan,
Which does not surprise me in the least.
I've often noticed that the absence of parental solicitude is usually very beneficial to offspring.
Bulbs still at station.
September the 10th,
Unbroken succession of picnics,
Bathing expeditions and drives to Plymouth Cafe in search of ices.
Mademoiselle continually predicts catastrophes to digestions,
Lungs or even brains,
But none materialise.
September the 11th,
Departure of Mickey Thompson,
But I'm less concerned with this than with Robert's return from station,
This time accompanied by bulbs and half bushel of fibre,
Moss and charcoal.
Devote entire afternoon to planting these,
With much advice from Vicky and Robin,
And enter full details of transaction in Little Green Book.
Prepare to carry all with utmost care into furthest and darkest recess of attic,
When Vicky suddenly announces that Helen Wills is there already with six brand new kittens.
Great excitement follows,
Which I am obliged to suggest had better be modified before Daddy inquires into its cause.
Children agree to this,
But feel very little confidence in their discretion.
I'm obliged to leave bulbs in secondary corner of attic,
Owing to humane scruples about disturbing H.
Wills and family.
September the 20th,
Letter from county secretary of adjoining county,
Telling me that she knows how busy I am,
Which I'm certain she doesn't,
But women's institutes of Chick,
Little March and Crimpington find themselves in terrible difficulty owing to uncertainty about next month's speaker.
Involved fragments about son coming or not coming,
Home on leave from Patagonia,
And daughter ill,
But not dangerously,
At Bromley,
Kent,
Follow.
President is away,
Further fragment about president being obliged to visit aged relative,
While aged relative's maid is on holiday,
And county secretary does not know what to do.
What she does do,
However,
Is to suggest that I should be prepared to come and speak at all three institute meetings,
If,
As she rather strangely puts it,
The worst comes to the worst.
Separate half sheet of paper gives details about dates,
Times and bus between Chick and Little March,
Leading on to doctor's sister's two-seater at crossroads between Little March and Crimpington Hill.
At Crimpington,
County secretary concludes triumphantly,
I shall be put up for the night by Lady Magdalene Crimp,
Always so kind and such a friend to the movement at Crimpington Hall.
P.
S.
Travel talks always popular,
But anything I like will be delightful.
Chick very keen about folklore,
Little March more on the handicraft side,
But anything I like.
P.
P.
S.
Would I be so kind as to judge recitation competition at Crimpington?
I think this over for some time and decide to write and say that I will do it,
As Robert will have returned to school next week and should like to distract my mind.
Tell Mademoiselle casually that I may be going on a short tour speaking,
And she is suitably impressed.
Vicky inquires,
Like a menagerie mummy,
Which seems to me a very extraordinary simile,
Though innocently meant.
I reply,
No,
Not in the least like a menagerie,
And Mademoiselle adds,
Officiously,
More like a mission,
And by no means at one with her here,
But I have no time to go further into the subject,
As Gladys summons me to prolonged discussion with the laundry,
Represented by man in white coat at the back gate,
Concerning cotton sheet,
Said to be one of a pair,
But which has been returned in solitary widowhood.
The laundry has much to say about this,
And presently Cook,
Gardner,
Mademoiselle,
Vicky,
And unidentified boy,
Apparently attached to laundry,
Have all gathered round.
Everyone except boy supports Gladys by saying,
That's right,
To everything she asserts,
And I eventually leave them to it.
Evidently all takes time,
As it is not till forty minutes later that I see Gardner slowly returning to his work,
And hear van driving away.
Go up to attic and inspect bulb bowls,
But nothing to be seen.
Cannot decide whether they require water or not,
But things perhaps better be on the safe side,
So give them some.
Make note in little green book to this effect,
As I'm determined to keep full record of entire procedure.
September the 22nd.
Invitation from Lady B,
Note delivered by hand,
Await reply,
To Robert and myself to come and dine to-night.
Reads more like a royal command,
And no suggestion that short notice may be inconvenient.
Robert out,
And I act with promptitude and firmness on own responsibility,
And reply that we are already engaged for dinner.
Query,
Will this suggest convivial evening at neighbouring rectory,
Or rissoles and cocoa with old Mrs Blankensop and cousin Maud?
Can conceive of no other alternatives.
Telephone rings in a promptery manner,
Just as I am reading aloud in chanting book,
The Exciting Family,
By M.
D.
Hilliard,
Surely occasional contributor to Time and Tide,
And I rush to dining room to deal with it.
N.
B.
Must really overcome foolish and immature tendency to feel that any telephone call may be prelude to a.
Announcement of a fortune,
Or alternatively,
B.
News of immense and impressive calamity.
On snatching up receiver,
Unmistakable tones of Lady B are heard,
At once suggesting perhaps rather ill-natured,
But not unjustifiable,
Comparison with a pea-hen.
What,
She inquires,
Is all this nonsense?
Of course we must dine tonight,
She won't hear of a refusal.
Besides,
What else can we possibly be doing,
Unless it's meetings,
And if so,
We can cut them for once.
Am at once invaded by host of improbable inspirations,
E.
G.
That the Lord Lieutenants of the County and his wife are dining here informally,
Or that Rose's Viscountess is staying with us and refuses either to be left alone or to be taken to Lady B's,
Which I know she would at once suggest.
Or even that,
Really,
Robert and I have had so many late nights recently that we cannot face another one,
But do not go so far as to proffer any of them aloud.
Am disgusted,
Instead,
To hear myself saying weekly that Robin goes back to school day after tomorrow and we do not like to go out on one of his last few evenings at home.
This may be true so far as I am concerned,
But can imagine no suggestion less likely to be endorsed by Robert and trust that he may never come to hear of it.
In any case,
It instantly revives long-standing determination of Lady B's to establish me with reputation for being a perfect mother,
And she at once takes advantage of it.
I return to the exciting family in a state of great inward fury.
To be continued.
