When Sickness Comes: 10 Ways To Respond

When sickness comes, either in a minor form or a serious one, we experience not only the illness, but perhaps anger, depression, and hopelessness as well. This talk presents 10 ways almost anyone can respond in the face of illness, regardless of the diagnosis, duration, and cause.

Transcript

I have spent a large portion of my life being sick.

If you are sick and listening to this,

You probably don't want to hear the laundry list of things I have experienced.

Everyone's experience is different,

And everyone's situation is different.

I feel,

After decades of being sick again and again,

That there are at least ten things most people can do to either make their situation better or alleviate some of their anguish.

I would,

With great respect to whatever you are experiencing,

Like to share those with you.

One,

Accept that you are ill.

It seems like something so obvious that it shouldn't even be on my list,

But many of us do an excellent job of avoiding the issue altogether.

We have an important meeting,

You can never be sick because the kids need you,

You're not the type of person to get sick,

And so on.

Whether you have something mild that will pass shortly,

Or something serious,

Or even life-threatening,

Accepting that you are,

In fact,

Sick is the first key step.

It determines how you handle everything else.

Two,

Get out of your way.

I almost made this step,

Advocate for your own health,

Which is crucial in many cases and situations,

But I feel what needs to happen first is getting out of your own way.

The body,

Successfully or unsuccessfully,

Has mechanisms in place to deal with times of illness.

There are processes,

Like sleeping more,

Resting,

Being congested,

Experiencing pain,

And countless others,

That our ways our body heals or helps us understand what is happening.

If you are fighting productive and useful things your body is attempting to do in order to help you,

You may lengthen the duration of your illness or worsen the severity.

Do not run that marathon when you're congested.

Do not go on a business trip when you've been getting sick.

Do not put your body through more stressors when it is,

Despite what you want it to do,

Fighting to make you better.

Once you can do that,

Advocate for yourself and your care.

Three,

Ask for help.

The time when people least like to ask for help is usually when they are sick.

They can feel disgusted by their experience,

Ashamed that they got sick in the first place,

And the worst,

Feel like they are a burden.

We are not meant to be solitary creatures.

We are not that colorless fish that sits at the bottom of the ocean by itself,

Blinking in the darkness.

We are communal people who live together in cities and towns.

This is how we survive and thrive.

Asking for help may feel humiliating,

But if you need it or would feel better if you had it,

You don't need to overcome anything more than recognizing that this is who we are as a species.

Except in rare circumstances,

We rise to the occasion and help one another.

Four,

Fight the urge to catastrophize.

Only in sickness,

And perhaps in the fear of sickness,

Do we catastrophize to such incredible lengths.

If you have a cold,

It must be pneumonia.

If you have a backache,

Paralysis can't be far behind.

Especially during a pandemic,

Medical anxiety and panic are almost impossible to escape.

Fight anyway.

Get the help you need and know what your diagnosis is.

Then try as hard as you can to not imagine the worst and take it beyond what you know to be true.

Catastrophizing releases chemicals in your body that increase your anxiety and depression,

Which in turn put more of a tax on your body's ability to help you heal or cope.

In my experience,

The best ways I have found to not catastrophize are to not look up medical information on the internet,

To have a sounding board,

And to occupy the mind with something else.

Much of what you will find on the internet for information may,

In some ways,

Be correct.

The manner in which it is presented is usually one that encourages panic,

So that you keep clicking and keep looking at websites.

Listen to your health care provider and get a second opinion if you want more information.

A sounding board can be a friend or relative who knows your situation and can tell you when you are panicking or when you might need further treatment.

For me,

It's like a reality check.

Distraction and occupying your mind with something other than the worst-case scenarios can be the hardest part.

Even listening to music or watching TV can feel impossible when you are very ill.

But even just looking out a window and listing the things you see gets you away from thinking the worst all of the time.

5.

Validate your feelings.

If you can get sick or gravely ill,

Put on a superhero cape and rock your misery,

I would like to meet you,

And many days I would like to be like you.

Truth be told,

Humans are at their most self-centered,

Whiny,

Sniveling,

And emotionally least appealing when they are sick.

Few go through it and are the heroes of the day.

I'm not going to tell you to rise to the occasion and be a beacon in the darkness for other people who are sick.

Most of us have a series of emotions that are not pretty and are hard to handle.

Whether you are sick temporarily or permanently,

You may wish to get help through therapy.

There is nothing wrong with being angry or having grief about what you are experiencing.

Frustration and impatience are normal.

See your emotions for what they are and acknowledge them.

Avoiding them fights your body's efforts,

And wallowing leads to catastrophizing.

6.

Understand your limitations.

Oftentimes the most frustrating and grief-causing part about being sick is realizing that you are limited.

Whether it is in the short term and minor,

Or the long term and serious,

Limitations knock us back,

Tell us that we weren't who we used to be,

And force us to look at different ways of handling our lives.

Limitations can be a pathway to creativity and invention,

And some people do well under new restrictions.

For many people,

Limitations can be a loss.

A loss of capabilities,

A loss of freedom,

A loss of the person you were and loved,

And can't be right now or ever again.

Allow yourself the time to discover what your limitations are.

You can only work against those limitations,

Find ways to adapt,

Accept and let go,

Or scale over them when you know what they are.

7.

The loneliest thing you'll ever do.

There are support groups,

Online Facebook groups,

And hotlines you can call for almost every ailment,

Disorder,

And physical or mental issue imaginable.

If you feel they would help you and not cause you to catastrophize in a group setting,

They can be a valuable resource for many.

However,

In my experience,

Being sick is a lonely task.

You may have an amazing friend or spouse,

A large family to help take care of you,

And the best medical team imaginable.

They cannot change the fact that what happens in your body will always be a unique experience that only you can have.

Even if what you are fighting is something that happens to many,

The way you go through it with your DNA and chemistry will always be unique.

Loneliness about your illness can welcome in all kinds of other feelings,

Like being misunderstood,

Not being able to communicate what is happening,

And the emotionally dangerous,

Why me?

I have no advice for how to not feel alone in your illness.

It is something I still fight today,

But the biggest advance I ever made was in realizing that this was happening.

Eight.

Get out of your own head.

Negative energy,

Low vibrational entities,

And all other nasties love someone who is sick,

And they can make anyone's situation worse.

In my experience,

The most dangerous of all of the options is your own mind.

I could be doing this.

I used to be able to.

If only.

I hate.

Why me?

Not again.

I'll be like this forever.

What did I do to deserve this?

Are all ways of thinking that will keep you in both a catastrophizing and lonely mindset.

If you are physically sick,

Adding depression is not going to help.

If you are mentally ill,

It really won't help.

Getting out of your own head can be one of the hardest things on this list to do.

It requires acknowledging you're sick and fighting to set it aside and focus on something else.

Listening to music,

Looking at art,

Taking virtual tours of museums and gardens,

Watching TV,

Reading,

Listening to audiobooks,

They all may sound like distasteful,

Trite,

And useless ideas.

But if you want the moment to pass,

Even just for one moment a day,

It is worth the effort.

9.

You are whole.

Whether you feel crummy and unattractive,

Or are missing parts of your body that most people have,

You are whole.

Your illness does not define your value on this earth.

If someone makes you feel that you are less whole,

Or have less value because of what you are coping with,

Please recognize this is someone who is making it harder for your body to cope and heal,

And harder for your mind to adapt and cope as well.

History is full of people who did not have perfect bodies.

The fact that we know about them tells us that they were remarkable,

Exceptional,

And memorable despite or because of their illness.

Do not let it define you.

You have value,

And you have worth.

10.

How do you want this to go?

There are countless ways to experience illness.

A baby with colic will usually cry.

It cries because it is in pain,

Wants help,

And feels awful.

I don't want anyone to think that being an adult and crying when you're sick is unacceptable.

Nothing has changed,

Just some time has passed.

On the other hand,

You can be an amputee and climb a mountain,

Too.

None of us should look at the experiences and responses of others,

And feel ashamed of how we handle our illness.

My only question would be to ask,

How do you want this to go?

Will crying make you feel better?

If so,

Maybe that is what your mind and body need.

Will climbing a mountain with one leg make you feel better?

If so,

Then maybe that's your path.

Your path.

It isn't anyone else's.

Whatever that looks like,

Straight,

Muddy,

Uphill,

Full of boulders,

It is only yours to take.

No matter how difficult it is,

Please remember,

You still have some choices over how you travel it.

I sincerely hope I have provided some assistance,

Or at least provided a voice that speaks to one of your issues.

But it is only one of your issues.

I will not say be well,

Or feel better soon.

That may not be possible for many,

But I will say that sickness is one issue.

And there is an uncountable,

Innumerable,

And inexplicable sum of numbers after the number one.

If you are listening,

You came to Insight Timer and on some level know that there is something out there besides illness.

Keep reaching.

Whatever you are going through,

The whole world is still out there for you to experience.

However and whenever you can.

Reviews

Very helpful and soothing during this time of illness

That was so meaningful and helpful. Thank you so much. 🙏

Thank you 🙏🏽 . This is so true, informative, kind and reassuring to anyone living with illness. Whether you take one point or all ten, you learn. I found this really useful moving forward. Thank you ✨

I really liked this! I’m a former college athlete who has been dealing with Long Covid for over two years, and have been unable to run. On top of that, I’ve got a cold today :( This talk really resonated with my experience, and I especially appreciated the end of the recording and the idea that even though I don’t feel like myself right now, I can acknowledge where I’m at in this moment and still find choice and agency with how I choose to walk this path. Thank you!

Your voice and your words are very comforting as well as life changing as I deal with some health challenges. Thank you for this beautiful heart-full session.

So well done! This speaks to those that are dealing with a temporary sickness but more so to those dealing with long term health disruptions. Such beautiful insights. I can tell you've been through a lot. Blessings to you!

Thank you very much for sharing this. It was excellent 🌟

Wow! I’m crying because you’ve moved and shifted something inside me so deep and am in awe and gratitude of your clear direct guidance here, thank you so much 🙏🏻✨💕. I’ve been learning to accept the disabilities that I incurred as result of a bad car accident 7+ years ago, and came here today because I simply have a cold and I’m not feeling good; I wanted to hear somebody’s perspective on being sick. So what I found was not only how to deal with been sick, but also things that can help me in dealing with the changes that happened in my life, which changed the trajectory of my life. I especially appreciate the frankness. Blessings and peace 🙏🏻✨💫💜🕊️

Thank you for sharing your insights. I felt seen. I’m new to being ill and it’s wonderful to have such a sensible and experienced guide.
I will come back to this list often.
❤️

Thank you for this thoughtful meditation. I have suffered with fibromyalgia for over 20 years and some days feel quite useless and I appreciate your comments and observations.

Your talk was wonderful. So validating, and helpful. Thank you for talking the time to say these things out loud ❤️

Loved the positive suggestions to apply to whatever ailment you may have. And how to treat yourself when you are vulnerable. ❤️

Superb. U walk your talk. A sincere talk that was informative, empathetic and helpful. Big thanks.

Thank you so much for this. I’ve been struggling and I needed to hear all of this.

I can appreciate your overview.

It is such a moving message, I needed this bc my husband is very Ill. I am hi caretaker. He has so much more to go through. I am going to listen to this often. I wish to thank you for supporting others. Life is so hard sometimes. Thank goodness for people like you.

Wonderful advice. 😊 🙏

Thank you. 🙏

Absolutely amazing. Helpful, compassionate, spot on. Thank you for this gift.

Very helpful. Thank you.