If you are seeking wisdom,
Want peace to come your way,
I'd like to share with all of you the best I have to say.
I came to Insight as a teacher a year and a half ago,
With 24 PhDs in psychiatry and a million followers or so.
I'd been published in Swiss medical journals,
And I'd meditated into BET.
Insight Timer accepting me was really a fairly safe bet.
The truth is I'm a librarian,
And I applied because I was mad.
Meditate to deal with assault was said and said and said.
There were no meditations for survivors of sexual assault.
Nothing that applied to me.
It made me feel at fault.
Clearly in the meditation world,
If there was zero on this theme,
The fault was mine alone,
Or the wise would speak to me.
Focusing on chakras that were places of attack did not help my trauma.
It only brought it back.
I'd never made a recording.
I spent three months learning how,
In autistic self-learning software,
I was never going to wow.
The largest meditation site,
And I was trying to sneak inside,
To say what hadn't been said,
What I felt we were told to hide.
I have never had a PhD.
I've never been to Tibet.
I'm about as far from a teacher as you'll ever likely get.
I don't know how I got here,
And with every recording I make,
I'm convinced it is the day Insight will discover their mistake.
I can say that my English degree has now been put to use,
That my writing is what gets me through.
But I don't think that's the truth.
I don't think any value I have comes from being profound,
Comes from great credentials,
Comes from fans the world round.
The best I have to say is that I am hurting too.
The best I have to offer.
If I have value,
So do you.
I'm grateful to the teachers who really know their stuff,
Who have trained and tried and tested the ones who are up to snuff.
I am not that teacher.
I'll never have that sway.
But you are not alone.
I think that's what I'm here to say.
