The Power Of Emotional Detachment

Today's podcast episode is all about the power of emotional detachment. Emotional detachment is the ability to detach oneself from one's emotions and observe them from a distance. It is a powerful tool that can help us navigate through life's challenges with ease and grace.

Transcript

Welcome to the breakdown to breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa a Romano.

I am a life coach best-selling author YouTube vlogger meditation teacher and expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse I am a believer in the power of an organized mind My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness Rather than living a reactive life May your heart feel blessed your mind feel expanded and your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the breakdown to breakthrough podcast So today we're going to be talking about the power of emotional detachment So before we move forward and we talk about what it means to emotionally detach Let's talk about what it means to detach before we talk about what it means to detach.

Let's talk about what it means to attach so imagine that you have a truck and you have a hitch on the back of your truck and you have this little car that You're you have that you're trailering to another destination Imagine getting to the destination and you get out of your car and now you need to detach the car from the hitch from your truck But first you attach the car to the hitch so you could take the car wherever you needed to go Thinking about this idea of detachment.

I think it helps for us to understand that we attached to something first in The emotional realm it's not unlike the physical realm what happens in one space happens in all space.

So if I am Emotionally attaching and I want to experience less suffering in the world and I want to feel more mental clarity I want to feel emotional freedom.

I want to feel self-confident I don't want to be attached to all of these ideas that I need people to like me or I need to be Validated by this person or this person doesn't have a right to dislike me or that person doesn't treat me Well,

These are all egoic attachments if I don't want to have those attachments Then I need to detach from these emotions But first I have to understand at least it helps me to understand and it helped me master This is by first recognizing that I was attaching to an emotion first So before that I can detach from an emotion I have to recognize that I have attached to an emotion and this is really difficult and The reason it's difficult I think is because most people are unaware that they're unaware most people do not know that their mind is both subconscious and conscious at the same time and that in order to make a Conscious choice we are stepping out of the dualistic mind and we're tapping into a higher Sense of consciousness or a higher level of consciousness And so the average human mind the average person walking on planet Earth is unaware that they're unaware The average person thinks because they walk into a fast-food restaurant and they make the decision to order large fries Versus medium fries that they are conscious.

No,

The average person thinks because they are a nurse They graduate with a master's degree and they have this incredible incredibly successful career that they're conscious not necessarily The brain is designed to live in default mode The brain has what's known as the default mode network And this is the area of our brain that is really operating our lives at the level of subconscious At the level of the subconscious through patterns and programs so patterns and programs of what language patterns thought patterns speech patterns Behavioral patterns and feeling patterns.

We are all walking around Operating through these subconscious patterns and programs and we don't know it most of the thoughts that we think on an average day are thoughts that we thought yesterday and the day before and the week before and What I think is really interesting is that most of what we believe about the world was created before We were even seven years old Because all children up until the age of seven are in a theta brainwave state,

Which is a hypnotic brainwave state So the way that we see the self the value or the lack of value we have in the self Our ability to trust or not trust other people Our ability to feel self-confident in our own right or for us to think that our value comes from outside of us through the validation external validation like a PhD that's hanging on the wall or Money in the bank or the way that we look or whether or not we have friends or we don't have friends all of these ideas that cause us to identify with what value is externally are Are often the result of what happened to us in our childhood when we were impressionable when our brains were downloading information Rapidly into the default mode network so that we didn't have to think about all the muscles that needed to get Activated in order for us to get up and move out of the chair in order for us to make decisions quickly This is the nervous system.

We have the sympathetic nervous system that responds to Fight or flight that responds to trauma or a perceived threat now.

Here's the thing we have to recognize that as human beings today we can feel an Emotional threat as if it's an actual physical threat in other words our body responds to an emotional threat to a thought to a non-physical thought To an idea to a memory as if the saber-toothed tiger was running through the back door Our bodies can't tell the difference our immune systems can't tell the difference our neurological system Can't tell the difference.

I think it's absolutely fascinating That if you imagined that your foot was stuck on a train track If you were dreaming this for instance that your body would respond with all the bells and the whistles With the hormones with the stress response the cortisol your heart would beat rapidly You may even sweat and perspire while you're sleeping your body doesn't know that that's a dream That's how powerful our mind is so our emotions are very strong So what we have to learn to do I think if we want to live peaceful lives is we've got to learn to look at our emotions objectively And I know that's hard because we are mostly subconscious and so when we have an emotion this emotion Hijacks our entire system we can live in fear of what other people think about us we can focus on the gray hair our Wrinkles we can focus on cellulite we can focus on the lack of dollars in the bank I know many many people that have enough money to get by but they're thinking about what they don't have and what might happen Which puts them in a state of scarcity pulls them right out of the now where they could be experiencing?

Non-attachment and non-resistance where they could be in a state of appreciation for what they do have For what they have had in the past and what they continue to draw into their experience But this fear of I don't have I don't have I don't have Takes them out of that beautiful state and we all know if those of us who study the law of attraction We know that what we think about we bring about so our emotions when they're very strong when they're negative emotions We have to recognize that below the veil of consciousness.

This is going to trigger an onslaught of Physiological changes in our body,

And I don't know about you But before I awakened before I understood before I got a handle on this before I understood self mastery in Consciousness and childhood trauma when I had a negative emotion I had a physiological response,

And then suddenly I was supposed focusing on the physiological response Oh,

No my heart's beating fast.

Oh,

No my visions getting blurry.

Oh,

No.

I feel like there's an elephant on my chest Oh,

No,

I feel like I'm going to pass out so that only elicited stronger negative emotions what I learned to do while I was dealing with depression and anxiety was I learned to Quiet my mind through meditation.

I felt like that was the first order of business like my emotions are running the ship They're overriding my mind.

I have a monkey mind,

And I don't have control over what's happening in my mind And when you are married to someone who is passive-aggressive Who likes to gaslight you who stonewalls you and you're in this state it is?

Maddening and you're close to the brink of thinking that you're going crazy,

So it's not a nice and happy place to be But in my situation being married to this type of a person having my predisposition to be codependent And seek external validation have a lot of anxiety a lot of unresolved childhood trauma For me being in this situation woke me up to how bad things could be and that is really where I learned to Emotionally detach from what my spouse was thinking Emotionally detach and become non-resistant to his opinion of me Emotionally detach and become non-resistant to his stonewalling and really began to bring the focus back into my own body And how I was feeling about what was happening outside of me Which meant that I also had to emotionally detach from the codependent belief systems that were running the ship It's not good that he's angry at me.

I have to please him if he's if I disapprove of him He'll leave me that means I'm unworthy Yada yada yada we all have these fears that run the ship,

But we're not aware of them so that relationship really helped me Recognize the need to emotionally detach emotionally Recognize the thoughts and the beliefs that were subconscious that were running my life And that was very helpful and and as I continued on my own spiritual path my own Emotional path which I call the sacred healing journey I began to understand that my issues were much deeper That there was unresolved childhood trauma there were Unhealed wounds and fears that's not enough stuff.

I'm just not good enough.

I'm not good enough I have to prove myself worthy and lots of codependence what they do is they sacrifice themselves,

And they think well I'm sacrificing myself because I'm strong if I have no needs that means I'm strong and God would never give me More than I could handle all that bunch of malarkey our life is not supposed to be that difficult Our life is not supposed to be full of suffering We are supposed to be able to come here and find the path to peace Find the path to contentment find the path to joy find the path and the road back to the divine self where we can Bring our gifts and our value to the world and help others and serve others in the highest way which helps humanity But when you're wrought with emotion negative emotion when you're wrought with anxiety and depression And this is fueled by not enough stuff and childhood trauma.

You're stuck on that hamster's wheel for a very long time I firmly believe that in our 30s life starts to implode like all of our Defenses if you especially if you have trauma all of our defenses and our rationalizations They start to unravel and we start to see that wow we got married.

We had the kids were still not happy I went to nursing school.

I got my master's degree.

I'm still not happy I married the guy that I thought I was supposed to marry I'm still not happy or I married the woman that I thought I was supposed to marry and I'm still not happy I got the house.

I got the boat.

I have the car.

I have the great job.

I have the corner off office overlooking The Manhattan skyline,

I'm still not happy.

What the hell is going on.

I drink.

I'm still not happy I have all these women in my life all these men in my life.

I'm still not happy We start to realize and come into it starts to come into full focus that Whatever we were doing did not lead us to the path of happiness and this becomes like an existential crisis all of these negative emotions that All of our defense mechanisms that we thought would push away It doesn't work and so our skin becomes very very thin we start to see cracks This is when we have marital issues.

We have career issues We have issues with friends that we've had for many many years We start to doubt our faith like we really start to have these crises in our minds and our hearts in our body and that's not a bad thing because It means that the stuff that we've relied on that we thought was going to make us happy We're recognizing does it so it's an opportunity for us to break through this clay or break through this armor that we've been carrying around Unconsciously,

It's an amazing opportunity.

I know many of my clients that come through the 12-week break the coaching program Many of the clients that I coach one-to-one their breakthrough started to happen between the ages of like 33 and 43 Like oh,

I'm not happy again It's not a bad thing as long as you understand the process the evolution evolutionary process the psychological process That you're going the growing that you're going a lot of us don't we get stuck there We repeat our patterns inside another relationship,

Or we continue to run from the things we should be embracing so emotional detachment is about us learning how to Withstand negative emotion without running from it without fleeing from it without pushing it away Without us saying I wish I didn't feel this the way really is to embrace the negative emotion without resistance and just let it come up in us as if We're observing the sunrise as if we're watching the sunset We don't attach to the emotion as much as we learn to observe the emotion and this really does take time It takes practice I believe meditation is one of the best things that you can do all of my programs include meditation and journaling So when I sit to meditate and I've got this monkey mind I have to recognize that it's going to take about 20 minutes for my mind to just relax Because the mind is just doing what it does It's just racing thoughts racing thoughts what we do is we think we are those thoughts.

You're not your thoughts What's happening is the 5% of you?

That's conscious is observing what's coming up through the subconscious field those are not your thoughts Those are your patterns those are your defense mechanisms.

That's your armor Those are survival strategies the real path to emotional freedom is to understand.

What is Responsible for those defensive strategies could it be abandonment trauma?

Were you raised by an alcoholic were you raised in chaos or you were child of divorce?

Were your parents dirty fighters did they yell and scream at each other did they really try to hurt one another?

Was there a lack of respect and lack of boundaries in your childhood home?

Were you adopted you spend a lot of time in foster care at any time in foster care?

Did you grow up feeling invisible and unheard like your pain was irrelevant to anyone if?

Any of this sounds familiar to you then that would be the root cause of Why you have this negative emotion and why you have these net these defense mechanisms?

Which are like armor that are really keeping you stuck?

You're like inside a tight shoe and the only way to really break through is to untie those laces and Allow yourself the ability to withstand these negative emotions long enough so that they can come up through you So I highly recommend meditation I think we have to recognize that the mind is going to do what it's going to do it's going to run negative thoughts until we gain control over it and It's sort of like just allowing yourself to have the negative thoughts don't attach to the negative thoughts That's what it means to emotionally detach.

So I'm going to see a negative thought.

I don't have to attach to attach it It's a pattern.

It's a program.

It's something that I've recycled for many years It could represent my mother's thought process or my father's thought process.

I'm not going to get jacked up about it I'm just going to allow it to float float out of my consciousness if you get really good at meditation Then you're going to be able to slow your thoughts down at any point in time And then the next step is to be able to actually choose a new thought what is creation?

Creation means I'm thinking a thought that I never thought before as I gained Emotional mastery over negative emotions and I began to understand the power of an organized mind When I began to understand it wasn't me It was just my programming when I began to look around my world and thought oh my god Where have I been who has been running the ship?

My inner child was running the ship and my ego told me no,

It's me It's big Lisa running the ship absolutely not the wounds of my inner child we're running the ship and my ego was designed to defend that reality and to keep me safe and the Only way it knew how to do that was through ego defense mechanisms,

So I was stuck I was in ego,

And I didn't know it and it wasn't until my life completely imploded and I my life completely Went through the ringer,

And I became someone that I did not recognize and I realized What I was doing to my own children like where is their mother?

Where is their true self when I realized that that is when I was able to step into gentle accountability and say I surrender I know I know That whatever is wrong is inside of me,

And I believe that I have the power to change that But I don't know how to do that,

But the first step is recognizing.

It was me Patterns and programs it wasn't my fault Below the veil of consciousness below all of this trauma.

I am enough.

I'm a sovereign being I'm a divine being I have innate gifts I have innate talents,

And I'm a worthy being and So recognizing all of that is factual and then understanding the subconscious mind and understanding that the mind can be Reprogrammed made me extremely curious it made me extremely hopeful and it made me extremely compassionate for myself for my inner child for my Children and for all the people that I had hurt in my life by being codependent by being unaware by needing to be needed It was an amazing time in my life,

But it was also the worst time of my life I mean,

That's just the way it goes But I'm here to tell you that if you take up that sword if you say I want a better life And I know that my trauma has infected me But I also know that if I stick with this and I learn about emotional detachment if I learn about Becoming non-resistant to what what is if I learn about what it means to heal from codependency?

What it is to heal from being the adult child of an alcoholic or the adult child of a narcissistic parent if I understand?

How abandonment and rejection and childhood trauma?

Being marinating in trauma as a child if I understand what chronic stress does To this little brain of mine or what it did to this little brain of mine And how my ego had no other recourse but to live in a defensive state if you take up that sword And that becomes your mission in life,

Then you will find the path to enlightenment You will be able to understand what it means to live in a higher state of consciousness and at that point You now can become the creator of your life in other words now You're able to think a thought that you've never thought before and that is what creation is I mean is there anything that is?

That wasn't first a thought form whether it's a skyscraper Or a car or the chair that I'm sitting in or the painting on the wall first It was a thought form and so before the person who will create the painting on my wall There had to be this new thought this idea that was never here before My book the road back to me before that book could manifest it was a thought in my mind It was a new thought There was a time in my life where I never thought that I would be able to write a book and have the guts to Publish it and yet here.

I am eight books in eight best-selling books in in fact codependent now What it's not you your it's your programming and codependency manifesto were voted one of the 100 best books of all time Written on codependency and as a matter of fact USA Today Suggested included my book codependent now what for those who want to expand their personal development journey?

But 20 or 30 years ago this was not in my mind But along the path to emotional recovery as it began to understand all the pieces of life And how human beings suffer because they're living below the veil of consciousness And they haven't learned to master their emotions.

They don't even know what their emotions are they don't even know where they come from they Don't know that they're running from their emotions and worse running from the trauma Responsible for the emotions once I began to understand that I got excited about sharing this information With other people and that has been my journey over the past two decades And it will be until I can't do this anymore,

So there is great help out there for you There is there are great resources out there for you,

But you can't give up Failure only happens when people decide to give up and if you're anything like me you don't want to give up you can taste It you're a truth seeker.

You're a truth teller You're here,

And you know that there's more out of life even if you're in your 50s your 60s your 70s your 80s You're in 90s.

I think I would prefer to live two days above the veil then One day below the veil I want to know what the truth is I would rather be in pain and knowing my truth Then not knowing my truth or being pain and not knowing why I'm in pain so the truth really does set you free So emotional detachment means that you are able to recognize an emotion But you're not attaching to it and from a higher state of awareness you're willing to allow the emotion to come up without Resistance without judging it without saying it shouldn't be here and at the same time you let it go you let it process through your Your body from that place once you gain some of those mastery skills those emotional mastery skills Then you're at a better place to be able to really look at your childhood trauma deal with it head-on through meditation through journaling and through online courses and Through working through therapy and whatever healing modality works for you now.

I'm just a everybody I really hope that this has been helpful,

And I really hope that it has allowed you to become a little bit more curious About what happened to you and the power that you have within you which is your human superpower?

To think about the way that you think scientists call it metacognition I call it the human spiritual superpower namaste as I bow to the love and light that is absolutely in you Bye for now if you're ready to break through the past and begin the inner transformation journey that will lead to inner confidence spiritual growth relationship contentment and financial abundance That's what we break the coaching program is for you.

It is the inner transformational blueprint you need to live a successful life visit www.

Lisaaromondo.

Com to learn more

Reviews

Very spot on.

Thank you 🙏

You’re dynamite, I cannot even express my appreciation for you sharing your gifts here !!

I love you and what you have presented to the world about childhood trauma and narcissistic abuse! You have taught me more about myself than any other person to this day. I am on my way to getting help, healing and finding hope in my life at 67. Don’t ever give up anyone!
Thank you Lisa Romano!!! Jeannine 💞

❤️ vos cours et votre livre "it's not you it's your programming" sont entrain de changer ma vie.....du fonds du cœur MERCI

Excellent! This one definitely inspired me. Thank you.

Just what I needed!!!

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

love all your talks

You are so important to me. I love it when you say, you'll behave like this and it's not your fault. It's your preverbal imprint. It allows me to let in the changes I can make. Ty