How To Get A Narcissist To Respect You Or Leave You Alone

Do you know someone who likes to intimidate and bully you? Do you live in fear of crazymaking communication, rabbit holes, and nonsensical circular arguments? If so, this episode by Lisa A. Romano the Breakthrough Life Coach is for you. She is an expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery and she has expert tips on how you can get a narcissist to leave you alone fast.

Transcript

So today we're going to be talking about how you can get a narcissist to leave you alone fast.

It seems that everybody's talking about narcissists lately and I would just like to throw my two cents in the hat and add some clarity to the conversation.

So if you're wondering about if your friend is a narcissist,

If your wife is a narcissist,

Is your husband a narcissist,

Is your boss a narcissist,

Is your parent a narcissist?

You'll have more clarity by the end of this session to make those types of educated decisions.

And of course I'm not a psychotherapist,

I am not a licensed psychologist,

So I'm not diagnosing.

I'm just sharing the information that I've gained throughout my life on the road to healing from codependency and recognizing that I was codependent in narcissistic relationships and didn't even realize it.

And that's why I was stuck living below the veil of consciousness,

Reacting to childhood wounds and gravitating towards people that mirrored the energy of my parents,

The parents who my inner child felt abandoned and rejected.

I was just repeating the pattern of the past and I didn't even know it.

And without life skills,

You cannot awaken,

You cannot reprogram the subconscious mind without the tools necessary to do so.

And so I would like today to talk about how you can get a narcissist to leave you alone fast because this is something that I've learned to do in my life and it has proven completely beneficial and it's something that I teach my one-to-one coaching clients as well as those who participate in my coaching programs.

Now when we're thinking about a narcissist,

I think it's important to clarify that a narcissist is someone who shows a pervasive pattern of lacking empathy for other people.

It's not just once in a while that someone has a bad day,

Your wife has a bad day,

Your husband has a bad day,

Your mother has a bad day,

Your dad has a bad day.

No,

This is someone who when you take a giant step back and you look at this person,

They lack empathy for the neighbor,

They lack empathy for people they don't know,

They lack empathy for groups of people that they don't understand,

They lack empathy for their coworkers,

They lack empathy for their employees,

They lack empathy for their children.

So across the board,

You're seeing someone who is just not a kind person.

You're seeing someone who doesn't have the idea or doesn't know how to look outside of themselves and consider how other people feel.

You're talking about someone who has a pervasive pattern of entitlement.

So this is someone who lies to get their own way.

This is someone who cuts the line at the grocery store.

This is someone who feels entitled to exploit anybody in their vicinity that is in their way of gaining what they want.

So if you work with a narcissist,

It's not uncommon for a narcissist to sabotage the work experience and for them to take credit for work that you've done.

So you're just in the way.

The narcissist wants the promotion and he or she will figure out a way to sabotage you and sabotage even what people think about you in order to get their way,

In order to get the promotion.

They don't care what it does to you.

They don't care about what it does to your career.

They don't care about what it does to your reputation.

They want what they want and they move forward to do it.

We're talking about somebody who is exploitative,

Especially those who can do nothing for them.

A narcissist will exploit the vulnerabilities of other people.

You tick a narcissist off and they're coming for you and they're not going to be happy until they've annihilated you in any way,

Shape or form.

So if you have a business,

They're coming for your business.

If you have a family,

They want to turn your family against you or they want to hurt your family.

This is someone who will harass you online.

This is someone who just does not let go.

They are vengeful people and it's not just with you.

You'll see that when the narcissist gets ticked off by anybody,

It sets them off on this pattern.

If you are the target of a narcissist,

It's very difficult for you because you feel like there's a bullseye on your back.

You want to let it go.

You want to move on,

But a narcissist will not allow you to move on.

This is because they need to dominate and they need to feel powerful.

So if you trigger a narcissist and a narcissist feels like you are slighting them,

That you are mortifying them,

That you're humiliating them,

And oftentimes it's all in their head.

You could say something in passing and a narcissist just assumes that you are trying to slight them and they still react very,

Very poorly.

So if you want to get a narcissist to leave you alone,

What you want to do is you want to maintain very clear boundaries.

The last thing a narcissist wants to do is to waste their time with someone who has strong boundaries.

The last thing a narcissist wants to do is give their energy to someone that they cannot intimidate.

The last thing a narcissist wants to do is wrestle with someone who is so strong and so convicted in who they are and is pretty sure that they're dealing with a narcissist,

They don't want to deal with someone who has the potential to see through their mask.

And so a narcissist is going to want to cut you loose.

If you think about dealing with a narcissist at work,

Let's say for instance,

When you confront a narcissist or even if a narcissist confronts you on something mild and you present yourself very calmly,

Very intelligently,

And you just stick to the facts,

You don't deal in the emotional realm,

You deal with the facts.

So Charlie says to you that he believes that you sabotage the project,

Which is projection.

And you ask Charlie what the facts are.

So tell me about the facts,

Charlie.

What are you basing that feeling on?

Charlie is not going to be able to withstand a long conversation with someone who's logical and who's reasonable.

So when you're dealing with a narcissist,

You want to try to remember to not allow yourself to get emotionally activated.

Once you get emotionally activated to what a narcissist says,

Then they've got you because they're going to feed on your emotions.

And when we're emotional,

We're not thinking clearly,

We're not thinking logically,

Our own patterns can get activated.

When you're dealing with a narcissist,

What you want to do is you want to stick to the absolute facts when dealing with them.

When they use words like,

I know you're doing this,

You say to them,

Oh,

You're fortune telling?

Oh,

You know that?

How do you know that?

By what analysis are you making that conclusion?

Like what facts do you have?

Oh,

Well,

I feel.

No,

No,

No,

Tell me about what you know,

Because I feel a lot of things too.

So tell me what are the facts regarding that situation that you are basing that idea on?

When you approach someone from this angle who is highly narcissistic,

They're not going to want to waste their time with you,

Especially if you hold your ground.

If they start name calling you and you say,

Listen,

That's your prerogative to see me any way you want.

I don't feel that way about myself,

But you're entitled to your perception of me.

You are not reacting.

What the narcissist is trying to do is get you to react.

They want you to respond.

Why?

Because they can't maintain their own energy,

If you will.

And when you react,

When you react negatively,

They feel like they've gotten power over you.

We see this with narcissistic mothers.

Narcissistic mothers that will scapegoat one child will not leave that child alone until that child breaks down.

Once that child breaks down,

The mother feels like she's been able to have power over the child.

And it happens.

When I deal with scapegoated daughters,

When I deal with scapegoated adult wounded children and they describe this dynamic with the narcissistic mother,

It is so painful because if you're not in that situation or you haven't survived that situation,

It's almost hard to believe that a narcissistic parent will weigh on their child,

Will gaslight their child,

Triangulate their child,

Humiliate their child,

Just really criticize that child until that child absolutely starts to cry,

Breaks down and has a fit almost and reacts to this torment by the parent.

And if you think about what's happening is the narcissistic parent was trying to gain power and control over the scapegoated child.

And when the scapegoated child is stoic and trying to hold onto themselves,

The narcissistic parent isn't gaining the power that they want.

But when the scapegoat breaks down,

That's when the narcissistic parent feels like,

I got them,

I got them,

I got them,

I got them,

I got them.

And they suddenly have power again.

So when you think about this,

When you think that a narcissist wants you to get emotional,

If you want them to leave you alone,

You can't get too emotional.

You can gray rock them,

You can shutty shutty,

Which is basically not giving them any ammunition for them to chew on in which will excite them,

Which will activate their narcissism and will actually keep the cycle going between you and them.

If you want a narcissist to leave you alone,

You have to spend time thinking about the dynamics of the relationship.

When you're dealing with someone who is highly narcissistic,

They want to manipulate,

They want to control,

And they will do anything,

Almost anything to do that.

They will lie to you,

They will gaslight you,

They will blame shift you,

They will turn the words around,

They will use word salads and crazy making communication.

When you spend time away from the relationship to really think about the person you're dealing with,

When you take the time to identify their character traits and you know that you're not wrong,

You know in your mind this person did this with this person,

Behaved this way with that person,

This person has a pattern of behaving this way in this experience,

You know that you're not crazy.

These are actual facts that you have.

When you rely on these facts before you have a conversation with someone that you think is highly narcissistic,

You have to hold onto yourself.

When you're dealing with someone who is highly narcissistic,

Their agenda is to get you to doubt your reality.

They want you to swoon,

They want you to swerve,

They want you to let go of what you think about them.

They want to attack you from all angles.

They want you to worry about what they think about you.

So if you take that off the table,

If you do not worry about what this person is saying and you only stick to what you know,

When you know that this person is going to try to use a word salad,

They're going to use words like you're the narcissist or you're trying to control me and you know that is not what is going on.

You cannot react to when they do this.

When they use words like you should have,

No,

No,

That's you telling me what you think I should do.

Let's stick to the facts.

Let's stick to A,

B and C.

You're accusing me of A and I need to know what fact you have to back that up.

Narcissists very oftentimes talk in accusations.

They talk in feeling.

They talk in fortune telling.

I know why you did that.

I know why you said that.

You did that on purpose.

If you're not careful and especially if you have trauma,

You can be triggered by this type of conversation because the last thing that you want is for someone that you care about to actually think this way about you.

You want to make sure that you don't fall for that.

That is a pitfall.

That is a narcissist trying to drag you in the ring.

You don't want to go.

When you're dealing with a narcissist and you want them to leave you alone,

You have to stand in your power.

Take the time to acknowledge what you're dealing with.

Take the time to make a list,

A list that identifies the character traits in this person that you recognize as highly narcissistic.

Do you share this list with a narcissist?

Absolutely not.

You do not do that.

You keep it close to your chest.

You know what you're dealing with.

If you want the narcissist to leave you alone,

You be armed with logic and reason.

Their agenda is to not allow them to trigger you.

Under any circumstance,

You will not become emotional when dealing with someone who is highly narcissistic.

If you feel yourself going down the rabbit hole,

That's when you put your hands up mentally,

Emotionally or physically and you say,

I got to hit the pause button.

I need time to reflect because I don't like where this conversation is going and I prefer to have conversations about facts.

I prefer to feel heard and I want to be able to hear you,

But the words that you're using are making me feel like you're attacking my character and I'm not so sure that we're going to be able to get from point A to point B.

That's you telling this person I'm not playing.

One of the major things that a narcissist is afraid is going to happen in this situation is they're afraid that you are so spiritually ahead of them,

So quantumly ahead of them,

So much more emotionally intelligent than them that you are going to be able to see how manipulative they are.

They are afraid of people who hold them accountable.

They are afraid of people who can see past the mask.

They are afraid of people who can call them out.

So a narcissist is actually terrified of the person who is confident,

Who has clarity and who has ownership over their own being and who understands what they're dealing with.

So if you want a narcissist to leave you alone,

Get clear about what you're dealing with.

Take the time to figure out what the facts are.

Take the time to identify the narcissistic traits in the other person.

Take the time to hold onto your energy and be sure to hold those boundaries with yourself when the narcissistic conversation starts to flow.

Namaste everybody.

Until next time.

See you in the next one.

Reviews

Great thank you

So very helpful!

Excellent insight and advice. Thank you for that. Navigating 3 years of co-parenting since learning that my kids dad is a narcissist Every encounter is unpredictable and he tries so so hard to get me emotionally. I’m a lot better at not reacting these days but holy cats does eclipse season add a whole new level to things.
Thank you for your content. It’s been very helpful 🙏praying my two little ones turn out ok and don’t see his behavior as acceptable or normal.

This is so helpful. So far going no contact has seemed to mostly work because the person has lost manipulation & control over me. Thank you.

Thank you so much x I love that you just tell it as it is...no tip toeing around such difficult issues. Sad, but great stuff 💓

My doubts about whether or not I was dealing with a narcissistic person have.been resolved. I now know that I have been correct in my approach to dealing with this person by refusing to engage when they are busy name calling and gas lighting
Thank you

Thank you. 🙏

thank you for taking the time to create each and every one of these talks on narcissist. i get something new from each one 🙏🙏🙏

Excellent clear and useful advice, thank you!

Thank you for your insight 🙏 made me reflect, so much to learn 💛

So true. I love this one - thank you ❤️🙏

Lisa Romano will help you take you from disappeared to a person your inner child trusts and is excited to have take care of him or her. How is your inner child doing? They love you.

This answers so many questions I has about one particular friend. Lisa’s wisdom has shown me what I’ve presumed all along. This hurts because it’s a 35 year friendship. I started seeing the “real” person about 4 years ago after I divorced the narc. Wow…. This video made light bulbs go off!!!! Feeling validated ☺️