Empaths & Narcissists

In this episode, we discuss the traits of Empaths and why these amazing qualities make us targets for narcissistic abuse. Empaths process the world through the ‘feeling space’. We crave alone time and enjoy deep conversations. A narcissist is someone who will exploit our desire to connect more deeply with others. Narcissistic people love that an empath will want to take care of them, rescue them, and easily forgive them.

Transcript

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Bestselling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

So today we're going to be talking about empaths and why being an empath is a wonderful thing,

But also it makes us a target for narcissistic abuse.

So empaths are highly intuitive,

Highly sensitive,

And we are feeling beings.

We process the world through our feelings and we come into this world with a deep need to rally behind the underdog.

We don't know why,

But we want to help people.

We want to fix people.

We want people to be well.

We want to,

Like I said earlier,

Champion for them.

And this can be a great quality,

But when we don't know that we're an empath,

It sets us up for being abused by narcissistic people,

Predator type personalities.

We are the type of people who,

Like I said earlier,

Are highly sensitive and intuitive.

We enjoy one-to-one conversations,

So we enjoy alone time.

We are not people that like superficial conversations.

We are actually drained by superficiality,

Again,

Because we are energized by feelings.

And so when we feel like we can connect with someone,

We absolutely feel energized by that because we are feeling beings.

Now that's a problem for us if we don't understand that we're an empath because a narcissist loves that.

A narcissist wants to hook you.

A narcissist loves that you crave to feel seen and crave the need to be one-to-one with someone.

A narcissist loves that perhaps you're the type of person that enjoys being alone.

There are going to be less witnesses to what's actually happening to you if you're an empath and you've attracted a narcissist into your life.

And a narcissist actually will look for somebody with high empathy so that they can act out this abusive cycle because a narcissist needs to have control over someone else.

That's how they live.

That's how they thrive.

And empaths are easily drained.

And we have to understand this because we're constantly absorbing the energies of others.

And we actually take on the feelings of other people.

And it becomes really difficult for us to say,

Wait a minute,

Are these my feelings or are these someone else's feelings?

Now,

You add gaslighting,

Which is a form of brainwashing,

To the empath situation with the narcissist.

And it's easy to see how convoluted our emotions can become and how frightening it can become to be in this type of a relationship.

That's why I believe in awareness.

I believe in talking about these issues and making this information available in as many ways as possible because we have to up our level of self-awareness.

We have to know our traits.

We have to know how we relate to the world.

There are people that relate to the world very cognitively,

Very rationally,

And very logically.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

But we have to understand as people who come into this world as feeling beings,

We are not adding thinking to the equation in lots of times.

We're just feeling and we're doing.

And so if we meet somebody who has high narcissistic traits and they suck us in with love bombing,

We feel seen,

And we can get wrapped up in this because we're so,

Like I said,

We're so feeling.

And we think,

Oh,

This is it.

This is the romantic partner I've been seeking my whole life.

He doesn't like crowds either.

And we're going to have this magical relationship.

And he needs me.

And oh,

When I take care of him,

He loves that.

Look how well he's doing.

Or look how well she's doing.

And empaths are both male and female.

I have had plenty of clients who are men who are pulled in by narcissistic females and plenty of clients who are females and pulled in by narcissistic men.

So I just think it's,

You know,

I'm hoping it's becoming more balanced where men are understanding,

Wait a minute,

I have high empathy for this woman who has all of these problems and she's cheating on me and she has no empathy.

I'm home taking care of her children and she has no empathy for the fact that I have three jobs and she's having affairs.

You know,

She keeps telling me it's my fault.

This happens in our society.

And so if you are an empath,

You know,

Because you are nurturing,

Which is a great quality,

You're naturally nurturing,

You want to nurture people who seem wounded.

And so you might be the kind of person who might even know that this person has that you're dealing with,

Has issues with other people,

Can't keep a job or the people he ends up or she ends up getting fired a lot or there's issues with the family.

And when people try to hold this narcissist accountable,

Whether it's,

You know,

They get a ticket for a DUI or they go into jail,

It's never their fault.

Right.

They're always telling you it's not my fault,

Baby.

It's not my fault.

It's a misunderstanding.

You know,

They're trying to railroad me.

Right.

And you might fall for this because you want to be there for this other person.

They have caused you to,

You know,

Be hooked through trauma bonding and your high ability to forgive and to nurture.

And because you are a feeling being you has too much empathy for what this person is going through.

So they show up at your doorstep crying because they've been arrested or crying because they have no money to get themselves out of trouble.

And you empty out your bank account helping them.

And you have no understanding of the consequences,

The long term consequences this is going to have on you.

So empaths,

The type of people who immediately want to take care of other people and who are not thinking about the consequences that taking care of others has on them.

So if you recognize these traits in yourself,

What I'd like to suggest to you is that you do a couple of things when you wake up in the morning,

Make sure that it's you know that it's your priority to know who you are.

What are your goals for the day?

What are your needs for the day?

What are the types of things that are happening in your experience that are your feelings?

You want to start disidentifying from the emotional world of others and start creating boundaries for yourself.

You need boundaries as an empath because without them you're permeable and a narcissist.

It's like an octopus and they're like energy vampires.

They're just going to suck all they can from you emotionally,

Spiritually,

Physically,

Sexually,

You name it.

They're going to exploit you.

And so waking up in the morning say,

Wait a minute,

Who am I?

What are my dreams?

What are my goals?

What drains me?

What don't I like about this person?

What don't I like about myself?

What would I like to change in my relationships?

How might I be being exploited?

How am I allowing people to violate my boundaries?

Where can I work on my boundaries?

How can I take care of myself?

Empaths need to ground.

We ground most often and most efficiently in nature.

We love the water.

We feel attracted to the water,

Whether it's a lake,

A river,

A stream,

Or the ocean.

We connect with the sky.

We connect with the stars.

We connect with earth.

We connect with the ground.

We connect with the trees.

So we have to get back into nature.

We have to find ways to commune with nature.

So it's very important that every day you value grounding yourself because this is going to help you feel connected to the self.

And it's going to help your mind,

Your psychological mind,

Better answer these questions.

So it's so important that you know who you are.

It's so important that you recognize where you began,

Where other people end.

It's important that you recognize what upsets you.

It's important that you recognize patterns of behavior.

Also what I do suggest is that you look back into your childhood.

Were your feelings ever validated?

Were your feelings exploited?

Were the patterns with your own family,

Were do you see any codependent narcissistic traits in your family?

Understanding the patterns from childhood will better help you today moving forward.

Be willing to set boundaries with yourself.

Be willing to say no.

Be willing to work on codependency if you suffer from codependency symptoms.

You can join a coda group.

You know you can journal.

I believe that mindfulness meditations,

Body scan meditations,

Meditations that allow us to better connect to our own feelings,

A feeling journal and learning to love ourselves and take our experiences more seriously will help us enhance our life.

It'll increase our level of self care and self love and it is a personal development tool that empaths have to take seriously.

So I hope that you feel more understanding,

More balanced and more grounded about a few certain things especially when it comes to learning to set boundaries for yourself as an empath so that you are less attractive for a narcissist.

Thank you so much for being here.

Namaste.

Thank you for now.

Reviews

Thank you Lisa, plenty of food for thought in these words. Namaste 🙏🏾☀️

Im the Scapegoat apparently. The knowlege is new to me. My situation has been life long. I am now completely alone. Trying to stand again.

Nice one 😻

Thank you so much for that much needed information. I am on a long path to recovery and your podcasts are a breath of fresh air. Now EVERYTHING makes sense. Thank you 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

I want to be less attractive to narcissists!

Very informative ! I enjoy listening to your podcast ❤️

Great suggestions for empaths to try. Namaste. Thank you, Lisa.

Thank you for this information! For me, this relationship pattern expresses itself in platonic friendships with men and women. I just stay away from people now because it’s the same pattern of bonding, then deluge of compliments on our friendship, then bullying while I bend over backwards to try to bring back the friend they used to be . I truly feel like if my trust, loyalty, and caring just brings out the worst in people then it’s better for me to be alone.

Thank you so much Lisa. When I’m feeling brave I come back and listen to these to gain insight little by little and understand my situation better.

Excellent. Most cogent analysis I’ve heard yet. Thank you

wow🥺 you truly hit home. so much i can now see that i didn't see or perhaps didn't want to see🤦‍♀️. thank you 🙏

Very enlightening!! Thank you! 💗🙏🏻

im a big fan and an empath who did not realize her full potential until a crisis. Healing has been a blessing and i expect it 2 b a life-long journey thank youbfor being here Namaste 🕊💛💪

Thanks, so true👏🏻I have a lot of questions, where can I find the group for Codependency? 💕

That was so good. I can really see where I went wrong. I attract the narcissist. I totally get it.

That was brilliant! I thought I was fully over everything that my last relationship caused me to feel but after a recent fight with someone close to me, I realised I’m not. This talk was straightforward with really great advice you can actually use. Thanks!

Such a short but insightful observation for myself and those I surround myself with. Thank you. 🙏💕👏

It’s good to have language and definitions around the felt experience. A starting place. Thank you.

Very helpful. Thank you🙏

Trauma bonding...what a worm on a hook...