Relax With Helplessness

An insightful friend said, “The only way to freedom is the unguarded way.” Freedom requires releasing the guard that we imagine keeps us safe. This talk explores all the ways we spend so much of our lives guarding ourselves—our hearts, our opinions, our time.

We put up walls built with caution tape. We believe that safety lives in control. But in our practice, we begin to see something really startling: what we call control often becomes confinement. It’s the bars we grip while calling them protection.

Transcript

So last week Dee spoke about something that really struck me. She said the only way to freedom is the unguarded way. That just struck me. The only way to freedom is the unguarded way. Freedom requires releasing the guard that we imagine keeps us safe. We spend so much of our lives guarding ourselves. Our hearts, Our opinions, Our time. You know, We put up walls kind of built with caution tape. They're pretty flimsy. We have the belief that safety lives in controlling everything. But in our practice, We begin to see something really startling. What we call control often becomes confinement. They're the bars we grip while calling them protection. And the Buddha spoke about seeing through this guarding, This guarding. When we let our guard soften, Even for just a breath, What we discover, What meets us isn't dangerous. It's life. It's uncertain and unpredictable and profoundly, Profoundly alive. When the Buddha first taught, He didn't start with comfort. He started with a recognition that this life is fragile and it's uncertain and it is not under our control. We are not able to stop aging, Not being able to prevent becoming ill. We are not able to stop death. We are not able to control the world. And this is essentially the first noble truth, That life is unstable and we're vulnerable. So the path is not based on control. It's based on wisdom in the face of the lack of control. Helplessness is not a mistake. It's a human experience and it's a doorway to waking up. We're helpless in relationship to this body and to what's happening on the planet and the future and other people, The fate of species and the inevitability of death. And the Buddha never asked, You know, Well, How do we control these things? He asked, What is dependable, Even when none of these things are? And the answer, Drum roll, What he discovered was this path of practice, The cultivation of these inner qualities that are the eightfold path, That are the factors of awakening. And one of them is confidence. Confidence. Confidence in Buddhism is not blind optimism. It's confidence that awareness, Awareness itself can meet fear. Compassion can exist in a world that is heating up, That is burning. Clarity can exist inside of confusion and dignity is possible even when things are so incredibly uncertain. Confidence doesn't come from knowing the world will be okay. It comes from knowing that the heart can remain open even if the world isn't okay. And that distinction is incredibly important. It's important for me to remember this. And I imagine that it's important for you also to remember this. So confidence in the spiritual sense isn't built from certainty. It's built from intimacy with the unknown. You know, It's really what allows us to walk into the midst of our own unfolding without needing to see what's in front of us, Where the path leads. In that way, We're not constructing a self to kind of hold the world off. We're allowing and being carried. Sometimes that caring is gentle and sometimes it's rough. But we are in the flow of this life unfolding, The flow of what we were once afraid of. The Buddha constantly points to impermanence, Not to depress us, But to awaken what I talked about last week, What Dee talked about. On Wednesday of last week, I introduced this Pali word, Samvega. And Samvega, It translates most directly with spiritual urgency. Spiritual urgency, Like I like actual spiritual courage, Courage. Samvega is what drove the Buddha to leave the palace and become a renunciate. He let go of the guarded security of princely life and was willing to trust the process of awakening, Even when things felt really unresolved in his heart and mind. So when we stop defending ourselves from life, Life begins to teach us who we truly are, What truly matters, That everything is fragile and changing and uncertain. So then what matters is kindness. Presence matters more. Honesty matters more. Love matters more. Awareness matters more. And helplessness. Helplessness actually becomes the ground of meaning rather than the end of it. We are helpless in the face of death, But we're not helpless in the face of how we live our life before we die. In Buddhism, Confidence grows from being on this path, Being on this path together, Becoming this path, Not just blindly following it, Not believing in the path so much, But confidence comes from noticing that I can feel fear without collapsing into it. I can stay present even when things are painful. I don't have to avoid them or distract myself. I can respond with compassion, Even with all of the uncertainty in the world. I can sit in silence, Even when I can't solve the problems. And that's a very different type of confidence. It's not the confidence that the future will be secure. It's the confidence that the heart can remain awake no matter what. This teaching has become very alive and relevant for me in meeting climate anxiety and ecological grief and a teenager that is ready to launch into the world. You know, Instead of saying, I'm helpless, We're helpless, Everything is doomed. I can shift to, We're helpless to stop impermanence. We're not helpless to respond from wisdom and from love. We're not helpless to live honestly. This Buddhist path, It doesn't promise safety. It offers something deeper in a way. The confidence that even in a fragile, Uncertain world, The heart can remain awake. The heart can be compassionate and free. I have confidence in that, And I hope that you do also.

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