So this week I want to explore the cultivation of compassion with you.
The cultivation of compassion.
Two meditation teachers that I've studied with,
Jack Kornfield and Tara Brock,
Talk about the path of practice and they use this metaphor in different ways,
But it's the same metaphor,
Of a bird.
And one wing of the bird is awareness.
Awareness practice.
The wisdom wing.
And the other wing of practice is compassion.
The practice of compassion.
And most people I know gravitate towards one or the other.
I'll ask Karen to mute herself,
Please.
Thank you.
So most people I know gravitate towards one or the other.
One of the wings is stronger in the mind.
And for me,
The factor of clear saying,
Of awareness,
That's a stronger wing.
I bring more mindfulness to that wing.
And compassion for me has been a cultivation.
My main teacher,
He shared that compassion is sort of the central organizing principle of his life.
And that may very well be why he's my teacher.
Because the wing in him of compassion is so strong and not as exercised in me.
And what's so beautiful about his teaching is he refines compassion even more.
He simplifies it to something more like care.
Now I can get my head around caring for my suffering and caring for your suffering.
Sometimes what can happen is we think about compassion as some large gesture.
But really,
It just sort of wells up within us.
It's simply being sensitive to suffering in such a way that we have an aspiration to alleviate it.
You know,
It's like when a child scrapes their knee,
They fall and scrape their knee.
There's this welling up of wanting to pick them up and see how they're doing.
Very simple.
And as an example of this,
As it relates to our practice,
Let's say that you have restlessness,
Anxiety,
Sort of a coursing energy in your body,
And it's hard to settle because of this energy.
So when you're working with this uncomfortable energy,
The inclination and the habit of the mind wants to pull away from it and kind of get rid of the that energy,
Whatever that energy may be,
But we're going to say that it's restlessness for today.
The intention then is to calm and relax the energy.
And that's what you're wanting.
And maybe that's even why you're practicing.
Like,
I just want to feel relaxed so I can meet my day.
Completely legitimate intention.
So sensing and getting sensitive that there is suffering in this restless energy.
And there is also not liking it.
This hum of energy in the body.
And that there's this knowing you're suffering and wanting to alleviate it.
And the habit is to get rid of it,
Right?
To get rid of that thing that is causing this suffering.
But what that thing is,
Is energy.
Restless energy.
Is there anything wrong with the energy?
Is there anything bad about it other than it's uncomfortable?
It's just energy,
Right?
There's just this energy in the body.
It's uncomfortable and it's what's happening.
So mindfulness,
The wing of awareness,
Sees the energy,
Sees the not liking,
Sees the pushing away.
And as the wing of seeing gets more refined,
Stronger,
Just also seeing that the energy is a vibrating,
Pulsing,
This frequency of just movement in a way.
Moving and changing.
Also seeing that it comes and goes.
It changes even in the seeing of it.
And yet it still feels uncomfortable.
Maybe there's a density to the energy.
There's a contracting quality to it.
And that quality has suffering in it.
Because we're not letting it be.
There is the suffering of pushing it away.
The not wanting of it.
So we can practice with this particular energy,
Or really any energy that's difficult.
Repeating one word to this energy.
This hard,
Edgy,
Restless energy.
One word.
To whatever that,
Whatever that,
Maybe it's not restlessness for you.
Maybe it's sadness,
Or longing,
Or pain.
One word.
Very simple.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes to this energy.
Yes to this sadness.
Yes to this longing.
Yes to this pain.
Yes to this loss.
Yes to this life.
It's what's happening.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
And maybe you don't mean it at first.
Maybe it doesn't occur as like you,
Like you're just saying it.
Fake it to your make it sort of thing.
But try it.
See what happens.
When,
What happens for me when I say it,
And I mean it.
Really meaning it.
Saying yes.
It's okay that this energy is here.
It's okay.
What happens for me is my whole body relaxes into the yes.
Receives the yes and relaxes.
It's almost,
It's almost like a,
Like a wave that courses through the body.
Just ease.
Yes.
And it's one of the ways that we can cultivate self-compassion.
It's one of the ways that I have found where ease wells up in that acceptance.
Another practice for the cultivation of self-compassion,
Exercising the the wing that's maybe been atrophied for you,
The wing of compassion,
Is the practice of metta.
Metta means loving-kindness.
And the word is a little lofty to some people.
But at its heart,
Loving-kindness,
Metta means care.
Care.
I care about the way I'm experiencing life right now.
I care about it.
I care about it.
And I'd like to share how metta works with the cultivation of self-compassion from an experience that I've had.
Last year I was on retreat and I was having difficulty with restlessness.
This topic,
This example that I offered.
And I was striving to get concentrated.
I had come to the retreat from Colorado to the Santa Cruz Mountains and I was determined to get something out of the retreat,
You know.
So my practice is deeply rooted in mindfulness of breathing and mindfulness of the body.
So this is what I was doing.
Breathing in,
Aware of breathing in.
Breathing out,
Aware of breathing out.
Feeling the breath just at the nostrils as it comes in and goes through the body.
Feeling how the whole body,
The weight of the body,
The density of the body,
Was experienced in space.
Sometimes it was spacious.
Sometimes it was contracted.
And whenever thoughts and ideas came in,
I would catch myself,
Come back to my breath.
Over and over this was the practice.
And there was this coursing energy of restlessness.
Yes,
This is restlessness.
But I wanted to get concentrated and I was holding on to this goal really lightly.
It wasn't right in the forefront but it was there.
So concentration kept evading me and I got kept getting pulled,
Pulled into the restlessness,
Pulled into the thought process.
And as I saw this,
And it was important to see,
You know,
Mindfulness,
The practice of mindfulness,
It doesn't discriminate about what it's aware of.
Ever.
Awareness doesn't have a preference.
It just sees.
It just sees.
Always seeing.
Always remembering.
Oh,
Coming back.
Coming back.
And then forgetting.
And coming back.
And then forgetting.
So having some practice tools and knowing that metta has been described as being really supportive for insight practice.
The next practice period,
I kind of changed it up.
And instead of mindfulness of the body,
I mean,
I was mindful of the body.
I came into my posture.
I started practicing metta.
And the way that it works in practice,
As a practice,
Is we use these short phrases as the object of attention.
And these phrases are an expression of care and friendliness,
Love even.
And typically the progression is that we start with ourselves and extend those feelings of goodwill and friendliness to loved ones,
To close friends,
To people that we have good feelings towards,
Or animals,
Or objects that we have good feelings towards.
Then the practice moves us more to neutral people and then to difficult people.
And here's where we start pushing our edges a little bit.
Because then the practice is to bring in those difficult people and then all beings everywhere.
So it widens.
And starting with ourselves,
You know,
Isn't always easy.
Because our cultural conditioning doesn't emphasize self-love.
The term self-care is a relatively new term.
It didn't come into use until the 1950s.
So if offering care to yourself isn't natural and it feels contrived,
Well,
That's maybe why.
It's new.
So what we can do is we can start with a being in our life that's easy.
Maybe it's your partner or maybe it's just your pets.
It's a practice of using,
You know,
These phrases to express care and friendliness.
And it becomes like a mantra.
So this becomes the object of attention,
This well-wishing.
And the well-wishing is simple.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I be safe.
May I live with ease.
Something like that that resonates for you.
Just very simple,
Very basic wishes.
You know,
We don't have to have glorious feelings of love for everybody.
But we can be kind and we can be friendly.
And repeating these phrases,
These phrases of well-wishing,
Can kind of break down our separation between ourselves and others.
And between ourselves and our life.
Ourselves in all things.
Ourselves in the restless energy.
Ourselves in whatever it is that's causing us to bristle against life.
So for me,
Repeating these metaphrases had the effect of not only concentrating the mind,
Concentrating the mind,
But the welling up of compassion from the inside.
So and if I can't start with myself,
Which sometimes it's hard to start with myself,
I start with others.
My child,
My husband,
My dogs.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be safe.
May you live with ease.
And as I say this,
Then everyone in my life starts to come in my mind's eye.
My loved ones,
My family members,
My close friends,
My sangha members,
The people that I practice with,
The welling up of compassion,
And then it the people that deliver the mail and bring food to the shelves at the grocery store.
All of the UPS drivers and the delivery drivers through up and down the valley.
All of the people driving on the highway.
All of the people that are trying to make a difference in the world.
All of the people that are deluded,
That don't see clearly.
That wells up.
And all of the people,
And me too,
And me too,
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I be well.
May I be safe.
May I live with ease.
So I'll end here today with this quote from the Buddha who said,
You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and your affection than you are yourself.
And that person is not to be found anywhere.
You yourself,
As much as anybody in the entire universe,
Deserves your love and your affection.
