Brahma Vihara Of Compassion_Karuna

So this talk is about compassion. It’s the second talk on what is known as the Brahma Viharas, these are considered to be sublime attitudes that are boundless when we cultivate them. Meaning they are not just reserved for your friends and family. Boundless reaches all people, all sentient beings. One definition of compassion known in the Pali as Karuna is the trembling of the heart of good people.
The vibration of the heart of good people and we’re all good people.

Transcript

So my humanity is bound up with yours and we can only be human together.

That's Nelson or I'm sorry that's Desmond Tutu.

And basically that's that's the talk for today.

There'll be more.

There's a teacher in this tradition who after many years of practice in Asia came back and a friend of his invited him to a hospital where there was a woman who had been in an iron lung for 20 years and he thought that because of his depth of practice he might be able to help in this to help this woman in some way.

So he went to the hospital and when he got there and he tried to imagine what it would be like to live in an iron lung for 20 years it was just unfathomable.

And so he asked how have you been able to stand this?

And she said that every once in a while in the summer during the course of the day a nurse would come into a room and sometimes the nurse would open the window and sometimes the breeze would come into the room and would touch her cheek and she said that the breeze would tell her all she needed to know to be deeply touched by the breeze and it will be truly enough.

It's extraordinary.

So this talk is about compassion.

It's the second talk on what are known as the Brahma Viharas and these are considered to be sublime attitudes that are boundless that we cultivate and this cultivation of the Brahma Viharas of these divine attitudes mean that they're not just preserved for your friends and your family and your children.

Boundless reaches all people all sentient beings.

My humanity is mixed up with your humanity.

One definition of compassion and this word is known in the Pali language the original language of the Buddha as Karuna and one definition is the trembling of the heart of good people.

The trembling of the heart of good people the vibration of the heart of good people and we're all good people.

We're all capable of being good people and so to be able to relax into that goodness to find that goodness and to care from that place the practices that we're doing are really a cultivation of what already lives within us and may be covered over by some of the conditions of our life.

So cultivation is sort of the the loosening of the hard exterior the loosening of soil the loosening of our life's conditions so that we can penetrate and get nourishment and access to our original goodness.

I think it's important as we explore compassion to understand the differences between empathy and compassion.

Empathy is the ability to is the ability to not only understand another's feelings but also to become one with other the other's distress to put yourself in their shoes.

So what is often called in our culture compassion fatigue is actually empathy fatigue.

Compassion is the ability to feel for another living being and a willingness to relieve the suffering of another or be present for the suffering of another.

So I invite you to reflect for a moment on if you've ever felt connected and alive and nurtured while being with someone who's suffering.

There is something about compassion that not only gives to the other person but also feeds us.

You can ask yourself when you've been in a painful situation what has been most helpful for you?

Has it been the person who is around you making sure that whatever the situation is gets fixed?

Is that the most helpful?

The person who is so distressed by your distress that you feel like you should be taking care of them?

Or you need to downplay your pain because that person can't handle what you're going through?

So that's not so helpful and maybe that's been you at some point or maybe you've experienced that at some point.

It's okay just to know.

Or the person who makes you feel seen and heard in your suffering but who's not distressed like you but calm and confident and can stay with you.

Somebody who doesn't abandon you in your pain.

That's helpful right?

In situations like that words are not always necessary.

Just being there is enough.

So compassion is this wish,

This care for all sentient beings,

All beings to be free from suffering.

It counters cruelty.

So for example when a mother sees her son or daughter seriously ill she'll naturally be moved by compassion and wishes that they may be free from the suffering of their sickness.

In the same way most people have experienced the feeling of compassion when they see the suffering of a relative or a schoolmate or a pet or a friend.

All of these are examples of ordinary feelings of compassion.

To become a sublime state,

This Brahma Vihara,

This divine home,

Compassion has to reach beyond the limits of our groups of individuals or beings who we love and it needs to extend out to all beings.

The Dalai Lama said that there's no denying that our happiness is bound up with the happiness of others and there's no denying that if society suffers we ourselves suffer.

Aren't we seeing that?

He also says nor is there any denying that the more our hearts and minds are affected by ill will the more miserable we become.

So therefore he says we can reject everything.

We can reject religion.

We can reject ideology.

We can reject all received wisdom but we cannot escape the necessity for love and compassion.

So that's a pretty strong statement coming from a spiritual leader.

We can reject all of it but not love and compassion.

Not the necessity.

When we get this it's pretty hard to believe that acting in selfish ways or propping ourself up as separate from everybody else will actually make us happy.

So compassion has this quality to attune with what matters most.

It doesn't have any shoulds or agendas or judgments.

We certainly can't help people if we're trying to change them,

Right?

Compassion kind of snuggles up with pain.

It says I know what it's like to suffer and I'm right here with you.

It's a willingness to be with what's uncomfortable and what's hard and what hurts and we're training in that.

We're training in that.

We're sitting with our minds.

What crazier place is there?

We often describe compassion as a relief from suffering but sometimes it just gives us the capacity to stay with suffering.

To stay in the room when things get tough.

When we started this series,

I introduced the series by reading from the Dhammapada and the words go roughly all things are created by mind,

Led by mind.

And what that means is that whatever we pay attention to grows stronger.

Whatever we think about frequently becomes the inclination of our mind.

It really it's amazing.

We're growing areas of the brain that didn't exist before when we're practicing just by paying attention.

John Kabat-Zinn,

The founder of the Center for Mindfulness at UMass says that whatever you do on a regular basis you get good at.

So if you're angry a lot then you get really good at being angry.

You know have you noticed whatever you ruminate on you become really good at that.

If you're a if you worry,

Boy you are a solid worrier right.

So the question is what are you really training yourself in without even knowing it?

Just to know like okay I've been training myself in anxiety for 20 years.

This is good to know.

This is the information that we need and is there another way that you want to be?

Is there some other way that you'd rather become really good at?

And so one of the biggest change motivators is self-compassion right.

Because we could go and say oh I'm really good at anxiety or I'm really good at depression or I'm really good at worry or overthinking.

It can be many things but when we bring self-compassion to motivate ourselves with support and love and care compared with beating ourselves up or speaking to ourselves meanly you know when are you more likely to take risks and to move and to change?

When you're internally yelling at yourself or when you put your hand on your chest or your back and you say I've got this.

I've got this sweetheart.

I've got you.

You can do this.

You can do this.

It feels very different right.

So we practice.

We practice changing what we tell ourselves.

We practice changing what we pay attention to.

We practice patience and when we catch ourselves when we are overcome by afflictive emotions or habit patterns that don't serve us we turn towards it rather than run away from it.

We see it.

There's no use blaming ourselves or blaming others.

Avoiding these parts of ourselves won't work.

Wishing things were otherwise doesn't really serve.

So we allow the difficult to be present with this dignity,

This sitting and we forgive ourselves.

It's okay.

We're not our fault right.

We're just causes and conditions.

Many many generations of causes and conditions.

So these are my reflections on compassion on this second Brahma Vihara.

Thank you for your kind attention.