Namaste everybody.
So today we're going to be talking about the number one mental health wound caused by narcissistic abuse.
And we're going to name something that so many of you have lived through but struggle to explain.
And I would dare to say only someone who's been through this could really understand.
We're going to be talking about narcissistic abuse and specifically the number one mental health wound that it creates.
It's like the single thread that causes all of these other problems.
The deepest wound narcissistic abuse creates is the destruction of self-trust.
The abuse teaches you to doubt your own perceptions,
To doubt your own feelings,
And to doubt your own memory,
To doubt your own knowing.
And when a human being can no longer trust their mind,
Every other struggle grows from that brokenness.
It's a broken root.
And as always,
Dear one,
This conversation is educational.
And it's important to remember that working with a trauma-informed professional is a beautiful act of self-care.
It's a beautiful act of self-love.
Learning to understand how narcissistic abuse affects you is even an act of self-love.
So let me walk you through three types of narcissistic abuse and show you exactly how each one dismantles your inner knowing.
The first is gaslighting.
Gaslighting is the systematic rewriting of your perception of reality.
You saw what you saw.
You heard what you heard.
And then you are told that it never happened.
Or your perception of reality is marred by things like they say you're too sensitive,
Or they say that you're crazy,
Or they say that you're imagining things.
Now,
Here is what we all need to understand.
One lie doesn't break you,
It doesn't break a person.
But hundreds of small rewrites over years.
Teach the brain a devastating lesson.
My perception is not reliable.
So you begin outsourcing your reality.
You check with the narcissist before you trust your own eyes,
And that's not a weakness.
That is what any human mind does when its reality is denied over and over and over by someone it loves,
Has learned to trust,
And depends on.
The second is intermittent reinforcement.
The idealized and cycle.
First comes the idealization.
Many call it the love-bombing phase.
You're going to be adored.
You're going to feel chosen.
You're going to feel seen like never before.
Then,
Without warning,
The coldness,
The criticism,
And the withdrawal begins.
Then the warmth kicks up again.
Now,
Research suggests that the unpredictable reward is the most powerful conditioning pattern there is.
It's more gripping than consistent reward.
It is the psychology of the slot machine.
And what it does to your mental health is cruel.
So you stop asking,
Is this relationship good for me?
And you start asking,
What did I do to lose the good version of them?
The inconsistency becomes your fault and your problem to solve.
Your worth now rises and falls on someone else's weather.
So they give you validation,
And then they take it away,
And they give you a little bit more.
And then you're left wondering when they're going to take it away again.
The third is covert erosion.
The quiet abuse no one else sees.
The subtle put-downs dressed as jokes.
The silent treatment.
The smear campaigns that turn everyone else against you.
The scapegoating where everything wrong in the family or the relationship somehow traces back to you.
It's always your fault.
This form is so damaging because it is deniable.
When you try to describe it,
It sounds like nothing.
It sounds like you're making something up,
Like it's no big deal.
So you conclude,
Maybe I really am the problem.
The wound that you're experiencing is invisible to everyone,
Including eventually you.
Nervous system piece because what happens psychologically happens to our nervous system.
Living inside these patterns keeps Amy,
Your amygdala,
On constant alert.
Your body learns that safety depends on reading them.
On predicting their behavior and of course on appeasing them.
Now the research suggests that chronic relational threat conditions the nervous system.
To orient outward.
Scanning the other person for danger instead of inward,
Sensing your own gut signals,
Sensing your intuition,
Sensing your inner reality.
So after narcissistic abuse,
It is not just that you don't trust yourself.
Your nervous system was literally trained to tune you out.
Your gut still speaks to your one.
You were just conditioned to change the channel.
So I want to offer you one key practice today.
This is one tangible daily practice and I want you to do it every single day.
It is called Keep One Small Promise.
Every morning,
Make one tiny promise to yourself.
I will drink a glass of water at noon.
I will step outside in the sun for five minutes.
Small,
Almost laughably small goals.
And then keep it.
And when you do,
Pause and put a hand on your heart and say,
I did what I said I would do.
I am becoming someone that I can count on,
Because self-trust is not rebuilt through insight.
It is built through evidence.
Every simple,
Small,
Kept promise is a deposit.
And over time,
Your nervous system begins to believe the most healing sentence there is.
I am safe with me.
I can trust my reality.
I can take care of me.
It sounds very simple.
But I promise you that if you make that your goal,
You're orienting inward.
Narcissistic abuse,
It trains your nervous system to orient outward.
So you're not listening to you.
It's not your fault.
It's just your programming,
But we have to start somewhere.
I so hope that you try this daily practice,
And I so hope that this has been helpful.
Until next time.
