Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,
The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true,
Authentic self.
I'm Lisa A.
Romano,
Your host.
As an award-winning author and certified life coach,
I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.
I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self.
My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.
In this podcast,
I'll share insights,
Tools,
And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.
So today,
We're going to be talking about breaking free of the golden child trap.
Welcome to today's session,
Where we're going to dive deep into the complex dynamics between daughters and the narcissistic mothers.
If you found yourself in a situation where you feel like the golden child,
It constantly bear the weight of your mother's emotional dependency,
You're dear one,
You're not alone.
So let's unpack this together.
We're going to understand the narcissistic mother-daughter dynamic.
First,
Let's get clear about emotional dependencies,
The ones that our narcissistic mothers create.
Narcissistic mothers often create a bond of emotional dependency with their daughters.
This is a one-sided relationship where the mother seeks validation and admiration using her daughter as a source of narcissistic supply.
The emotional dependency can also appear as mothers appear to their daughters as the only person who will love them,
Very much like love bombing them,
Causing them to believe that everybody else in the world sees them in an unfavorable light and they should only trust them.
Let's talk about the role of the golden child in this relationship.
Now on the surface,
The daughter appears to be the favored child.
She is often praised and put on a pedestal,
Creating a facade of a perfect relationship.
In certain situations,
This praise could be conditional and manipulative.
For instance,
When she is appearing to favor the golden child versus another scapegoated child in the family.
On the surface,
It looks like the golden child is actually the narcissistic mother's golden child.
But when you look deeper,
You'll understand that there's an emotional dependency that is built on the need for narcissistic supply at all costs.
This emotional dependency is a form of triangulation,
Making it impossible for the actual scapegoated child,
Which appears to superficially be the golden child,
To form healthy relationships with other people.
Let's talk about this a little bit more by understanding triangulation.
Narcissistic mothers frequently triangulate their daughters against others,
Specifically family members,
Isolating them from friends and family.
This tactic reinforces the mother's control over the daughter and keeps the daughter dependent on her for validation and fear of rejection from others.
Now,
The scapegoat dynamic,
The hidden scapegoat dynamic.
While the daughter may be seen as the golden child,
At least superficially,
Especially by others,
She simultaneously takes on the role of the scapegoat.
So there's criticism,
There's blame and emotional abuse.
These become tools of the mother to keep the daughter in line and reinforce her own self image.
This often happens,
In most cases,
Behind closed doors,
Leaving other family members scratching their head and confused about the toxicity when it surfaces between the mother and daughter dynamic.
This reinforces the trauma bond.
The cycle of praise followed by criticism of the narcissistic mother creates a trauma bond.
Isolating her from others also reinforces the trauma bond.
The daughter subconsciously learns to associate love with pain,
Leading to confusion and emotional turmoil.
This bond is incredibly powerful and can make it difficult for the daughter to break free and have healthy relationships with other people outside the mother-daughter relationship.
It also causes identity confusion.
Daughters often struggle with their self identity.
They may feel torn between wanting to please the mother and recognizing the toxicity of the relationship.
She may choose her mother's affection or praise over her own husband's or her children's or even her own.
There's also the dynamic of the constant criticism and emotional manipulation,
Which can erode the daughter's self worth.
The daughter can internalize the mother's negative messages leading to feelings of inadequacy.
She will have difficulty in relationships.
The patterns learned in childhood can manifest in her adult relationships.
She may have trust issues,
Fear of abandonment,
And an unhealthy need for validation that can stem from this dynamic and be incredibly hypersensitive to rejection.
So let's talk about some of the steps towards healing an adult daughter of a narcissistic mother can take on the journey back to the self.
It's important that you acknowledge the reality.
Recognizing the toxic dynamics at play is crucial.
Understanding that you're not to be blamed for your mother's behavior is also crucial.
It's also important to set boundaries,
Begin to create emotional and physical boundaries.
And this can be challenging because mom might become unhinged when you start to do that,
But it's essential for your mental health.
Go to therapy or support groups where you can share your experiences and feelings.
Connect with those that understand your struggle.
This can be incredibly validating.
Focus on self care.
Start prioritizing your wellbeing.
Engage in activities that nurture your soul and boost your sense of self.
Also begin rebuilding your identity.
Take time to explore who you really are outside of your mother's influence.
Engage in self discovery and embrace your individuality.
Get back to who you really are.
In conclusion,
If you found yourself trapped in this cycle,
Remember that you're not alone and healing is possible.
You can break through and break free.
Remember that if you have a narcissistic mother,
Appearing to be the golden child to others on the surface might actually mean that you're her scapegoat child.
And not everyone is going to understand that.
And that's something that you have to really get clear about.
You have to get clear about how toxic the relationship is.
You have to get clear about the double messages that you've received your whole life.
You have to get clear about how your relationships with your siblings might be suffering or whether or not you've experienced parental alienation where your mother has made it impossible for you to trust that your father loves you or that your father really cares about you.
Remember that on the surface,
When you have a narcissistic mother,
Things might appear that you're the special one.
But if you dig deeper,
And it might take decades to see this,
You'll eventually end up seeing that the golden child was actually the mother's source of narcissistic supply,
Both as the golden child and the scapegoat child,
Putting her in complete control of family dynamics,
The daughter's identity,
The need for the daughter's approval,
And thus narcissistic supply.
If you think about how multi-layered this is,
A narcissistic mother that takes this route is securing narcissistic supply from everyone at the daughter's expense.
She can,
At any point,
Go to anyone and complain about how much she does for the golden child,
Which is really her scapegoat child.
And on the surface,
People will believe her.
They'll see the dynamics unfold.
They'll see that the daughter,
The scapegoat slash golden child daughter,
Isn't being very respectful or is reactive towards the mother or has gotten to a point where she can't tolerate this anymore.
But the outside world will just see the effects.
They won't see the cause.
And that is part of why it is so difficult to heal from narcissistic abuse by a mom,
Because you know that no one else sees it,
And below the veil of consciousness,
You have lived your whole life seeking her approval,
Trying to please her,
And worrying more about her feelings than anyone else's feelings,
Including your own.
So breaking free of this emotional dependency is like beating an addiction.
You have to face the trauma bond.
Your mother has made it so that you don't believe that you can live outside of her.
You can't trust anyone else but her.
And at any point in time,
If you start to fidge a little bit or fudge a little bit,
You start pushing back a little bit,
Then your mother scapegoats you,
Complains to other people about you,
How ungrateful you are,
And she and then experiences narcissistic supply in the form of sympathy and being able to complain and appearing like the victim to other members of your family,
Thus reinforcing the separation between you and them,
Giving her even greater control of you,
Thus creating an incredible source of narcissistic supply just from this one on the surface golden child,
Which is really the narcissistic mother's scapegoat child.
I really hope that this has been helpful.
I really hope that if this resonates with you,
I hope that you consider this your wake up call to break through the veil of unconsciousness,
To find your true self,
And to liberate your soul so that you can spend the rest of your life honoring the divine sacred self.
Namaste,
Everybody.
You are enough.
Bye for now.
