Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.
My name is Lisa A Romano.
I am a life coach,
Best-selling author,
YouTube vlogger,
Meditation teacher,
And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.
I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.
My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.
May your heart feel blessed,
Your mind feel expanded,
And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.
Somebody who is wondering if they are dating a narcissist or if they're married to a narcissist or if their friend is a narcissist,
This might help make things a little bit clearer.
So I have a right to lie to you at any time and especially if I feel you're going to try to hold me responsible or accountable.
So this is a truth that a narcissist will hide from you.
The truth is that a narcissist feels entitled to lie to you and if you begin to confront or challenge a narcissist,
A narcissist is going to dig their heels in deeper.
The narcissist is not going to tell you this,
But if you've met or married a narcissist or been in a relationship with a narcissist,
What you may notice is that when it was obvious the narcissist overreacted,
When the narcissist lied or manipulated a situation,
And you dare confront the narcissist just to even have a conversation about it,
What you'll notice is that there's no accountability.
They will either get angry and lie or just lie and remain calm,
But what you'll notice is that they feel entitled to lie and maybe you won't notice that right away,
But upon reflection,
When you begin to put the pieces of this crazy-making puzzle together,
You'll notice like,
Wow,
You know,
He did that or she did that,
Where rather than say,
I'm sorry and I see my part in it,
He or she just dug her heels in deeper.
And so a narcissist is not going to tell you they feel entitled to lie to you and especially when you try to hold them accountable.
The next thing that they hide from you is,
I'm not that interested in you and I'm only interested in keeping you interested in me.
A narcissist is not going to tell you,
They're going to keep this truth from you,
That they're really not all that interested in you.
They are superior to you in their head.
You are a minion.
You are going to be kept around for entertainment purposes only until something better comes along and the more interested you are in them,
The better.
But the truth is,
A narcissist is not all that interested in you.
They don't have the ability to be interested in you because when it comes to a narcissist,
They're operating from a position of grandiosity,
Where they are better than you.
And so no,
They're not going to be all that interested in you.
They will pretend to be interested in you,
But in time,
You will notice that they begin to marginalize you and devalue you and ultimately discard you.
The next thing,
You are disposable,
Dear one.
Yes,
You are disposable.
Narcissist is going to hide that truth from you.
They may even be hiding that truth from themselves.
They will have a string of unhealthy,
Unhappy relationships and it will never be their fault.
It will always be the fault of the person that they're with,
Even though they are the common denominator.
And even though people are saying the same things about them,
That they treat them with indifference,
That they are aloof,
That they are condescending,
That they are disrespectful,
That they act entitled,
That they're rude,
That they're a bully,
They want to dominate,
They want to control,
They're pushy.
They'll hear these things over and over and over,
But it will always be the fault of someone else.
And this is because in their head,
You're disposable.
When a narcissist enters a relationship,
They're not entering it from the point of empathy and wanting to really bond with you,
Spend time with you,
Get to know who you are on a heart level,
So that the relationship can grow.
They're not interested,
Dear one,
And they're going to hide this truth from you.
And you will know this by the way that you feel,
By the emptiness that you feel,
By the confusion,
By the lack of connection,
By the fear that you feel when you consider confronting the narcissist for treating you like you're disposable.
You will feel the fear from wanting to discuss anything with this person who is training you to be afraid to question them,
Who is training you to be afraid of expecting to be treated with respect.
Because the truth is,
Dear one,
They think you are disposable and they really feel that way.
And so this is a truth that a narcissist will hide from you.
Another truth is,
I mean nothing I say.
So really mind-bending that a narcissist feels entitled to say whatever they want,
Whenever they want it,
To change what they say at the drop of a hat,
To have zero accountability for what they're saying and how it makes you feel how it makes your children feel,
Lying to their friends about where they're going to be and when they're going to be there.
And so they mean nothing that they say.
And you show up in a relationship wanting to connect to this person and you mean what you say.
You really want to get to know them.
It's coming from your gut,
From your root chakra,
Right?
Your heart space.
I want to get to know you.
I mean it.
I really want to get to know you.
And a narcissist,
Those words might come out of a narcissist's mouth,
But they don't mean it.
And in time you will notice the other signs of narcissism.
You'll notice the traits,
The negative personality traits in this person.
You'll notice that they are highly disagreeable,
That they are unforgiving,
That they are rude,
That they are arrogant.
In time you're going to see the other negative personality traits begin to surface.
But a truth is that they don't mean anything that they say.
Another truth is that I will hold you accountable for everything that you say and I will gaslight you until you are terrified to challenge me.
And so there's this double standard,
Right?
So a narcissist will hold you accountable.
They will listen to everything that you say,
Not because they care about you,
But because they want to hold your butt to the fire.
They want to say,
Oh you said this,
But you said that.
And they will hold you accountable.
They will twist your words.
You will feel persecuted,
But you're not going to be able to do that to the narcissist.
And in the process they are going to work at making you feel less than.
They will tell you that you have some emotional ineptness.
They will talk about your childhood and remind you of how defective you are.
They will remind you of all of your failed relationships.
Everything that you've shared with a narcissist,
They're going to use it against you.
And there's a reason.
They do this so that you feel like they're your savior.
That's why gaslighting works.
And so you'll feel like this person is your savior,
Your hero,
Your rescuer.
And in the meantime,
They're putting you down and making you feel less than,
Which is crippling your ability to challenge them on anything.
And so you will not be able to hold a narcissist accountable because they've crippled you from the inside out.
And this happens over time.
It doesn't happen all in one shot.
And so they lure you in good.
They make you feel seen.
They tell you what you want to hear.
They mean nothing that they say.
You will feel seen like never before.
And you will be gaslit to the point where if you dare to hold them accountable,
You'll be persecuted and punished.
And you'll be conditioned to believe that the punishment is just too painful.
It's just not worth confronting the narcissist.
And you end up becoming a bobblehead.
You end up feeling like you have mashed potatoes for brains.
And that's what happened to my mom.
So she just got so tired of confronting my dad that she just ended up saying,
Okay,
Whatever you say all the time.
And she died that way.
So this stuff is very serious.
