Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

Help you heal from narcissistic abuse. Our adult lives are mirrors to our childhood experiences. Understanding our pain helps us heal from within.

Transcript

Namaste everybody. My name is Lisa A. Romano. I am the Breakthrough Life Coach and I primarily coach adult children of alcoholics, Alcoholics who are in recovery and are looking for something a little bit more than the 12 step meetings that they're going to. And I am also a life coach for children who have been abused by narcissistic parents or parents who perhaps are very well intended but did a very poor job at helping their children feel seen. And this collective body of human beings that we are, And there are millions of us, Millions of us, Children who were raised by parents who did not know or did not appreciate the importance of helping a child feel seen. And let's just get clear before we move ahead. When I say help a child feel seen, I'm not talking about the color of my hair or the color of my eyes. I'm talking about a psychological visibility. I'm talking about an emotional visibility. A child, And we were all children, So let's go back to the beginning. You know, It's so easy for us to understand that if a child is born with some type of a bone deficiency, Right, At birth or at conception, There's some type of mutation. Or perhaps the mother has drank, You know, During pregnancy and now this poor infant, This poor fetus has been affected by this alcoholism and now is born with fetal alcohol syndrome. People understand that that future adult will be impacted by the uterine experience. And someone's like, Yeah, Of course, You know, The mother drank and now the baby has been affected. You know, The brain development has been affected. And now this kid is 12 years old and there's some lack, Cognitive lack, Not the child's fault. But everybody kind of like across the board will say, Oh yeah, I can see how that experience the mom drank impacted, You know, Brain development. And now, You know, This child's 12, Now he's whatever, 50. And there are these long lasting effects that occurred due to some child experience or uterine experience. And across the board, People don't really seem to question that. It's like, Yeah, Yeah, That makes sense. Because it's something that the mind, Which is ego based, In my opinion, The mind, The unawakened mind is a product of the material world. And so if we can touch it or taste it or link it and we can make, We can link alcohol, Which is physical, Something tangible to an effect on this developing fetus, Then across the board we kind of like all say, Yeah, Okay, We can accept that. It's a very different thing for us as well as others to appreciate when we are, Let's say in utero, And we are being affected or impacted by something unseen. Every fetus is affected by the unseen. I'm talking about the mother's emotional disposition, Socio economic position or situation. Relationship situation. And you know, Not to throw all the blame on moms, I'm a mom myself. But we first have to understand ourselves as a fetus. What happened to us? Without judgment, Without blame. Understand what happened to us. Put the pieces of the puzzle back together again, Or at least see the puzzle and then learn to understand the puzzle. And from that awakening point, Continue on towards ascension. Those of you listening who have taken my 12 week breakthrough healing and recovery program for children of alcoholics and narcissists, You understand that ascension is not something that stops, It is ongoing. But there are things that we have to learn if we are truly going to evolve past our childhood programming. And we have to learn to be patient and accepting. We have to learn the tools we need to learn. And we have to understand key ideas. And that's what all my YouTube videos are about. That's what my books are about. That's what my podcasts are about. That's what I'm about. I'm about sharing key ideas that help awaken sleeping minds. We're all asleep. That's the nature of our human existence. All beings are born and fall asleep. It's no joke. Newborns are born in a sleeping state. That's why they sleep all the time. Anyone who's ever had a child knows that newborns sleep. They're in a sleep state. And they're in a sleep state for quite a while. Up until about six or seven children are in a trance-like state. Everything is accepted. Subconscious mind is being programmed. Anything that you're taught before the age of six or seven is locked in the subconscious mind. Not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It happens to everyone. It happens to everyone. But the good news is we can't awaken. We can't awaken. So one of the key ideas I want you guys to take away from this podcast today is understand that everything affects you, Seen and unseen. And your life will begin to make a lot more sense to you when you start appreciating the vibrational nature of you as a quantum being. Your life will begin to make more sense to you when you begin to understand the vibrations of the people who raised you. Where did you grow up? What part of the world are you from? Is it depressed? Is it suppressed? What faith were you born into? What God were you programmed to believe in? These are your downloads. These are your downloads. They're downloads. That's a key idea I want you to take away from this podcast is understand that what you've experienced before the age of seven and eight becomes a belief. And those beliefs very much are based on vibrational experiences. Children need to feel attuned to their parents. And if your parents were asleep, They were not attuned human beings, So they could not attune to you. So that makes you feel like you don't have an anchor, You're kind of floating out into space somewhere, Just floating, Floating. And your mind thinks you need other people to help you feel anchored. And it's right. We came here to connect to our parents. And a good connection to our parents would have allowed us to have a good connection with self. And with that good footing to self, We would have learned to honor how we feel. And that would have been our guidance system. And we would have been able to navigate life pretty well. Avoiding people who harass us, Avoiding people who can't see us, Because that would have been not right. That would have been does not compute. That doesn't feel good. Because we would have had the download of feeling seen, And that would have felt good. So I've created this podcast because so many YouTube viewers have asked me, Okay, Now I know that I dissociate. What the hell do I do about it? How can I stop dissociating? I can't answer that type of a question in a YouTube comment post. It's too deep. It's really, Really deep. It's like someone asking me, Lisa, Show me how or tell me how I can be human. Show me how I can integrate mind, Body and soul. We're talking about a sacred, Sacred journey. A journey we're all on, Aren't we? Aren't we all here to feel, To express, To know, To ascend out of the subconscious mind? Aren't we here to awaken and to feel integrated and feel connected to the self so that we can be the expressive creative human beings we all are and we're born to be? It doesn't make sense to have a creative center as a human being and to not create something. I want people to think I'm just talking about creating art or by being a painter or a dancer or a singer or playwright, Musician. I'm not just talking about that. I'm talking about being the creator of your life experience. We're all creators. When we look at a car and we say, I want that car, We're creating the experience or the experiences that we will need to follow through with in order to purchase that car. It might mean that we have to work more hours. That's creation, Creating the opportunity to work more hours so that we can net that result of purchasing that car. That's creation. Isn't that the purpose of being born is to create? But here's the deal, Dear ones. You can't create if you dissociate. You cannot create deliberately and consciously if you dissociate. You can't. There are a bunch of steps you're missing. You've been disconnected from the self, Not just you, Me, Everybody. We all have been. Every time we turn on the television and we're bombarded with propaganda, Some news articles, Even news stories that have reached us in the States and across the world from the Middle East, It's been proven. Some of them have been constructed. Propaganda tapes. We're being taught to dissociate from our center when we're being fed fear. Fear takes you out of alignment from abundance and harmony. And if you want to create deliberately, You have to get peaceful. That takes discipline and that takes obedience to the light. If you can obey the light, Then you'll live a life that is full of light and abundance, But you have to obey the light. That means you have to turn away when other people are saying, Look, Look, Look how terrible the world is. Look, Look, Look, Look at the election. Look how terrible the world is. When you hear people, Political figures, Spiritual teachers tell you how terrible the world is, Be very cautious. Why spread fear when you can spread faith and hope? Why? We don't turn the light on in a room by adding more darkness to the room. We turn the light on. And even if it's a big room, We go in and we turn on another light and another light and another light. And fear can grip the heart of the most well intended light worker, Spiritual teacher, Well-meaning empath. That's what fear does. That's what fear does. And it takes courage to look at fear in the face and say, I'm not looking at you anymore. I'm withdrawing all of my energy and all of my attention from you, Fear, Be gone. Be gone. Takes courage, But it's worth it. So it's not our fault that we've been dissociated from the emotional body and a lot of us are very intellectual and high functioning, Which is great. It's made us survive and we've been able to take care of ourselves and we don't need anybody. Our childhoods have taught us that it's not safe to need anybody. So we've built ourselves a little cocoon or a big cocoon or thick cocoon, Whatever. And we act like we have no needs, But secretly we're terrified. And secretly we cry and stuff our feelings by eating or we cut ourselves or we drink or we have sex or we rage and give people the finger on the highway. We don't need anybody. But yet inside we're craving this deep, Deep connection. There's this emotional starvation that we are cognitively trying to push away and pretend isn't there. That's not going to help us. It's not going to help us ascend that will help us descend. We've got to learn to feel. It's another key point. It's scary to feel because what do you do? What do you do when you start to feel that pain from childhood? What do you do? Holy crap. Everybody wants to freak out, Especially if you've been someone who has been accustomed to drinking your feelings away or smoking pot to push your feelings away or somebody who just is such a caretaker that they attract difficult, Problematic people into their lives. And now I'll take care of you and all of your problems so I don't have to take care of mine. That's dissociating from your feelings. It's avoidance of self, Self avoidance through the chaotic managing of others. That's what most of us do. So most people are doing. And if you're really below the veil, You'll care take, You'll enable, You'll take care of and when the object of your affection does not do what you want them to do, Then you're angry. And when you're angry, You feel centered because that's what anger does. Anger says, Oh, There I am. I'm angry. I can feel that. That's what anger does. But there's a better way. There's more. So we're almost 18 minutes into this podcast. And so I want to spend the next 10 minutes talking about what we can do to stop dissociating. So like any problem you're trying to solve, You first must identify the problem. So if you walk around on planet earth, Not feeling your feelings, Or if you walk around planet earth, Dissociating from your feelings, Drinking your feelings away, Avoiding your feelings, Managing chaos, Stuck in your head with negative loops of thought. How many of us are stuck in our heads with negative loops? The tape is just going wah, Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah, It doesn't stop. It's not going to stop until you learn how to stop it. And that's what I teach people to do. I want you to be in control of your mind. I want you to draw your subconscious programming out into the light. I want to help you ascend so that you can take control over your life. Direct it the way you want to, In love and in light. Once you can do that, You're good, You're golden. But you need your feelings, You need your emotional body, You need to be connected to your emotional body in order to do those things. And that's what I teach people how to do. Through my 12 week coaching program, Through my books, Through my YouTube videos, Through the articles, My blog posts, Go to my website, Look at my blog, Read it, Print it, Do what you have to do. Get these ideas straight in your mind, Start there. It's okay if you never give up, You'll be okay. The problem with most human beings is they give up. There's no such thing as failure. There's only giving up. And if you're really, Really depressed, That's because somewhere you gave up. You said this is the way my life is supposed to be. This is the way it was for my mother, This is the way it was for my father. You got stuck in a thought pattern, And that thought pattern was in complete agreement with the vibrational feeling you were in. So you're stuck in that groove. And incrementally, You have to move yourself out of it. That's why I create these podcasts and these videos, Because the feedback that I get from my community is that a video helps someone do that. An audio helps someone do that. Reading one of my books helps people do that. They feel one way, Which is really negative, And they watch a video and they feel a little bit less negative. They feel a little bit more hopeful, A little bit more curious. And that shift is scientifically proven to help reduce anxiety. When the mind goes from fear, Dread, And doom to learning, Anxiety lessons. So if you stay on the learning path, You will eventually overcome your anxiety. And every time you feel anxious, Go into learning mode. The program that I created, People who purchase it, They get it for life. It's lifetime. I'm not interested in helping someone for 12 weeks. I want to help them for life. That benefits the world. That benefits all of us. So if you're anxious, Go into a learning mode. So right now we're going to talk about what you need to do in order to feel your feelings. At least begin. Starting today and every day, When you wake up in the morning, I want you to ask yourself how do I feel? Get a piece of paper, A journal. I feel tired. I feel hopeful. I feel sad. I feel indifferent. Try to identify a feeling word. Make a list of as many feeling words as you can imagine. Go online and look up feeling words. Look for emotional charts that you can actually identify that will help you identify how you feel. I remember when I started therapy many years ago, My therapist suggested I do something like that. And I was like, What the hell is that going to do for me? But I went online and I printed out some sheets of paper that had these different faces on them. And below the face was an adjective to describe what the face was feeling. Embarrassed, Shame, Guilty, Fearful, Terrorized, Abandoned, Resentful, Angry. And I started to begin to understand that feelings were like Skittles, You know, The candy Skittles, So many different colors. It's like a box of a giant box of Crayola crayons. Like there are that many feelings in the world that I could identify with. And the more I identified the feelings like a like a color in a box of crayons, The more vibrant I felt, The more alive I felt, The more flavorful my life began to feel and be. It was awesome. I became obsessed with how do I feel? How do I feel? How do I feel? Oh, That makes me feel happy. When I look at that tree, I feel happy. When I look at the sky, I feel inspired. When I look at that little girl looking up at her mommy smiling, I feel joy. I feel joy. When I think about my future, I feel really excited. This is awesome. When I eat that ice cream, I feel delighted, Sometimes guilty. When I swing on that swing, I feel childlike. When I see my children happy, I feel proud, Exuberant, Delighted, Content, Peaceful. I feel harmonious. I feel in alignment with where I am and who I am and what I'm doing. This is the journey. But it begins with first identifying how you feel, Becoming curious and inquisitive about how many feelings there are that you could actually experience. Write them down. And then what you do is I'm going to share with you the one, Two, Three process that I've created to help people stop dissociating and learn how to feel and associate feelings to their experience so that they can identify them and feel grounded in them. Step one, Ask yourself how you feel. Use your feeling charts. Step two, Feel it. And I mean, Feel it, Associate it, Tie it to and anchor it to your body. How do you know you feel anything? You know you feel something consciously by the way that you feel physically. Can you see the connection to the conscious mind and the physical mind? There is one, But most of us are dissociated. It's like our feeling body and our mental body is a river and there's this giant boulder blocking the river from being able to flow into one another, Through one another. And I'm just trying to kick that boulder out of the way, Dear one. Accept how you feel. Don't judge it. Accept how you feel. If you feel anxiety, Feel it. I feel anxious right now. I'm going to an ACOA meeting. I'm going to his 12 step meeting. I feel anxious. Okay. Take a deep breath. Accept it mentally. Tell your mind mentally it's okay. It's okay that I feel this anxiety. It's normal. It's okay. Whatever I feel is okay. Feel it in your body. How do I know I feel this? Oh, My chest. I feel heaviness in my chest. That's the way my body tells me I feel anxiety. My hands are shaking. I'm trembling. My body is telling me I'm nervous. Of course it's nervous. My mind knows I'm doing something different. And whenever you do something different, The body, The brain exudes cortisol, Adrenaline. And so the body has a physical response to that adrenaline. Okay, Okay. I can feel it. I can feel that. Accept it. Feel it. Don't judge it. And the third step is decide what you want to do about it. Now there are three things that you have to remember. Most people are stuck. They can accept how they feel and they can feel it. But the third step, They don't know what the hell that is. That's just a foreign idea to them. Because we have not been permitted to feel our feelings in childhood, So we have been stunted cognitively and emotionally. Psychologically, We've been stunted. It's like our parents or experiences or our religions or whatever. Put this giant boulder in place in this river and now we can't flow. We don't know what the hell to do with our feelings now. And so I want you to imagine that you and I are both of us. We see this big, Big dark boulder and you and I are both pushing the boulder off onto the side of the shore. Pushing it and pushing it and pushing it. And your emotions are beginning to flow. You're beginning to accept them. When you accept them, You create flow. And the mind is saying, Okay, Okay, I get it. I can feel that flow. And okay, No problem. Now what? Right now, I want you to imagine that this river forks off. Right? You can go left. You can go right. You can go to a bunch of different, This river can branch off into a bunch of different streams. And you and I are standing at the bank, The shore of this little river. And we are at the point now because we've created the flow. We've moved the giant boulder out of the way. And so now we're at this part where the river begins to branch off. And you and I are looking at each other and we're smiling at each other. And I said, Dear one, This is where you get to choose what you want to do about how you feel. The third step is decide what you want to do about how you feel. Now there are three subsets to the decision making process. And that is you need to accept what you can't control. First you have to identify what you can't control. Identify what you can control. And then ultimately make the decision that nets you the feeling you want to experience. And my suggestion is to go for relief. Go for allowing. Go for non-resistance. So make a decision that will net you the feeling of non-resistance so this stream that you are can flow. So let's say that you're walking into a new ACOA meeting or 12 step meeting, Right? And you want you're playing with the emotions of anxiety. So you get out of the car and you're anxious. You have to accept that. Okay, We accept that. You can feel your feelings. Okay, I can feel it. Third step, Decide what I'm going to do about it. What can't I control? Well, I can't control that I'm nervous. That's a normal response. I can't control how the meeting turns out. I can't control who's in the meeting. I can't control how the meeting goes. You know, There are other creators involved. There are other people involved. There are other people projecting. Other people have their own ideas, Their own backgrounds. You know, I'm going to be in a room that is full of people and their childhood experiences. I'm going to be in a room full of people who are awake or asleep. I'm going to be full. I'm going to be in a room of other people's projections. I have no control over that. Okay, What do I have control over? Well, I have control over what I do about what happens in the meeting. I can leave. I can excuse myself. I can stay. I can remind myself to just accept, Accept, Accept how other people feel. You know, And if I'm really uncomfortable, I can always leave. I can always go for a walk. Go do a meditation. Go sit in the park. Go feed some birds. Buy some peanuts and go feed some squirrels. I can go pick some flowers. I can go sit at the beach. I can go take a bath or shower. I can go buy a homeless person a cup of coffee. Plenty of things we can do. The third thing you want to do is ask yourself, How can I get to where I want to feel? So what is going to net me non-resistance? What decision do I have to make that's going to net me non-resistance? And you, Dear one, Will eventually realize that the only way to experience peace and harmony is to be non-resistant. And so the decision that you make must be one of non-resistance, Which means the way to be happy is to accept, Not judge, Allow, Be responsible for the self, Be non-reactive, And proactive. Focus on the self, Only the self. Allow other people to be who they are. Be responsible for the energetic being and vehicle that you are. Surround yourself with a ring of golden energy. Know that you have the ability to control the energy that is you. Honor that energy. Respect that energy. Cultivate that energy. Respect the energy that you feel in your body and do what you can to create non-resistance in your life. This will help you to stop dissociating from your feelings. This is just one step. This is just one key idea amongst the many that we who have been dissociated from our feelings. And let's, Again, I'm going to reiterate, We all are. When we're born, A great sleep falls upon us. We are born into unconsciousness. The goal is to awaken and to become conscious and to become non-resistant so that we can flow with universal laws of abundance. There are natural laws that are at play in this universe and no amount of kicking or streaming or bitching or moaning is going to change that. The universe is a lot bigger than you are collectively. And I mean in terms of being able to change the way the universal laws work. We can't. We have to change with them. All energy that we put out returns to us. It just does. Unless the person that we're sending energy to, Negative energy to, Accepts that negative projection of themselves, Their aura, Their energetic body will actually capture that energy. And that's why parents don't understand, You know, When they tell their children that they are a disappointment. If that child, If there is a, Imagine the child's body being a slice of Swiss cheese, You know, If that child has a hole in their being that is large enough or is labeled disappointment, That child will actually capture that parent's energy, That negative energy, And that will stick inside one of these holes in this child. Now imagine a child with high self-esteem or who has learned to esteem himself or herself as an adult and dad or mom says you're a disappointment. The child like whips the head around and says, No, I'm not. I'm not a disappointment. I love myself. Actually you disappointed me when you taught me that I was a disappointment to you, But I know that I am enough. And I know that the only reason I had a hole in me at all was because you put it there. Maybe you didn't mean to put it there, But you put it there. And so when we become our own light bodies, When we activate our own light bodies, All those holes fill with our own divine light and we're no longer Swiss cheese human beings. This is what I hope to teach you. This is what I hope you teach your children. This is what I hope you bring to your work, Whether you're an accountant, A real estate agent, A jewelry maker, A shoemaker, A candlestick maker, Or you bake bread for a living. And everything that you can you do, You can flow love and light. That's a beautiful thing. That's how we change the world. When we change each other, When we change ourselves, When we change, The world changes. Namaste, Beautiful people. Thank you for listening to this podcast and for sharing it with your friends. And for those of you who are interested in my 12 week breakthrough coaching and healing program for adult children of alcoholics and children of narcissistic parents or anyone who's who is in need of connecting to their feelings so that they can ascend fully and embody the work that they feel that they were born to do here on planet earth while we are in physical bodies. This program is for you. And for those of you who have already taken my program, I am earnestly working on my master program which will help you ascend even further and higher and bring even more light into this amazing, Amazing earth. So go out there today, See something beautiful, Claim it, And ask yourself how you feel and then sit in that energy. Milk that energy of something beautiful today. See a bird. Excuse me again. See a bird. See the beauty of it, The aerodynamics, The miracle of the aerodynamics of a bird. See it in flight. Imagine what it feels like to take off of a giant tree and to float above the water. Imagine what it feels like to be that bird. Feel that freedom. Allow that feeling to spread into all the holes that other people have created in your life. Meditate on that feeling. Bring that feeling of joy into your life experience. Know that you are enough. And know that this is an incremental journey. And if you never, Ever give up, You will ascend into such high realms of consciousness that it will boggle your mind that you were ever depressed or angry or anxious or uptight or pissed off that people didn't do what you wanted them to do. It's my promise to you, Dear one. Never give up. I bow to the love and the light in you. Please check out my website at https://www. Lisaarimano. Com. In love and light, Dear ones. Bye for now.

Reviews

Thank you so much. Follower of you on YouTube for 10+ years. I know that you know how it feels, and you offer a solution. Much like the program of ACA's readings, you talk about the problem and the solution.

I have been on a healing path for about twenty years and this has helped me so very much to see what I need to do. Thank You Lisa

Lisa is an excellent teacher and explains codependency and the path of light and love so very well. Thank you Lisa!

I love that you talk about ascendance here. I really vibe with the language used about consciousness and your talks are like water in a desertland. Rock on, goddess and may we all undergo radical healing. 🤍🪽

Thank you for the uplifting words and solutions to help scrape me up off the ground again. I am seriously seeking help and functional support… just what I was asking for last night when I was journaling. Thank you for being here and sharing.