Interview: Darlene Green ~ Musical Chairs Leads To Love!

Darlene wasn't expecting to meet the perfect love when she entered the room that night...in fact, she didn't even want to be there! But a game of musical chairs, and being shuffled from table to table helped her that night, and changed her life forever!

Transcript

Hi everyone and welcome back to the podcast. This time I'm introducing you to the extraordinary Darlene Green, Who during her 20-year military career earned her MBA and served in three commanding officer positions, Including base commander, Where she led over 1, 200 personnel across multiple departments. But in 2006, She did something that I thought was really beautiful and seriously groovy. She founded the Returning Warrior Workshop, Which is a nationally recognized program that continues to help service members and their spouses successfully reintegrate and reclaim their wellness. As you'll hear, She and I got along like a house on fire, But it was her magical story about how she met her beloved husband that captured my heart. It kind of reminded me of musical chairs, And I know that sounds really weird, But you'll completely understand once you listen to this episode. All right, Without further ado, Here's the amazing Darlene Green. Well, At the same time, Unbeknownst to me, Jim Green, Who was supposed to be at the head table, He was a VIP of the event. He was a carrier air wing commander who brought the Reagan around. He was in charge of all assets that flew in the air, And he was sitting next to Mrs. Reagan and Governor Schwarzkopf and Schwarzenegger, But he was supposed to have two seats for two friends, So three seats total at that VIP table, And they had only given him two, So they were like, Okay, Well, No, You need to make us a new table or figure it out, Because I'm not going to sit at the VIP table without my friends. So they made him a new table. I was seated and re-seated essentially right next to him. How would you introduce yourself? So it's a really fun question. I am Darlene Green. I'm a retired U. S. Navy commander. I have a heart for serving and helping people improve their emotional and physical health, So I'm a wellness consultant. I have been an executive, A vice president at McAfee, A director of client services for a technology network company, A dean of a boarding school. I've had almost 30 years of leadership, So I am a leader by heart, But currently my biggest passion is really around helping people optimize their health through natural means and getting off prescription medicines and getting out of pain and getting to the root cause of the problems that so many people are facing, Because, Kristin, I don't know if you know this, But over 50% of U. S. Adults are living with chronic illnesses, And recently reported by our Secretary of Health and Human Services, More than 50% of children now have at least one chronic illness. That is completely shocking, And I want to talk about that, But I would like to ask this question, Just because your career has been so, For me, It's fascinating. Now you just throw in that you were a dean at a boarding school, And I just think to myself, What? I mean, What a variety and interesting kind of melange of careers. When you were a kid, What did you dream of becoming? Yes, I think I dreamed of becoming an Air Force pilot, Actually. My dad brought home a picture of the first seven women pilots. My dad was an Air Force Colonel pilot, And I saw this picture of these women in flight suits, And I thought, Those are the coolest women on the planet right there. I want to be one of those, Or I also loved National Geographic and Arizona Highways magazine photographs, And I pasted them all over my wall, And I'm like, Maybe a photographer. So those were the things as a child, And then when I did go into leaving high school, Going into college, I looked at Navy ROTC programs, Air Force ROTC programs. I got scholarships for both, But the Air Force scholarship required me to be a mechanical engineer or electrical engineer or some kind of engineer that I wasn't that interested in becoming, And the Navy one was much more flexible. So I ended up, And by the way, Allowed me to go to a school that I really want to go to, University of Virginia, Solely because that was an hour from my boyfriend. These are how decisions are made at this time, Right? It's just dumb. But it was a better school than the other school I was considering, And I could only take the Navy scholarship there because the other one would have required that I had applied to the engineering school. So anyway, All of that, To say, Ended up going into the Navy, And somewhere along my second year, My eyes went bad, And I was no longer able to see the chalkboard. I think it was all the reading and just the work. So pilot was all of a sudden out of the equation, Which is what I had been planning on. And I was saddened by that, But there was an option for me to be a backseater, And I think I was just too proud. Women were barely in airplanes at the time, And I didn't want to be a woman and a backseater in the air aviation community. I was like, It's going to be hard enough to be a woman. I think I'll just go do shore-based management, Which is what I ended up doing, Which was actually phenomenal because it allowed me to transition to civilian force very easily. I got all this leadership experience. I mean, I was four years out of college and in charge of 52 people, Ages 18 to 65, Men, Women, Civilian, Military, All of different diversity, And my boss was in another state. And I had, I mean, The budget I had, The latitude I had, The level of customers. So it was unbelievable, The responsibility and leadership opportunities that I had. Wow. I have two questions. So you said your father also served. Did his father, Your grandfather, Serve as well? Is it ancestral in your family? Well, His father did not serve, But his brother did. My children all have, I have two daughters. One went to the Naval Academy, And getting into the academies is a big deal. One went to the Naval Academy and served in the Navy. The other went to the Air Force Academy and is in the Air Force. The two boys, Through my husband, My bonus voice, Both were Marines. One actually got out of the Marines, Used a GI Bill, Went to school, Got an aviation degree, And is now a Navy pilot. What? Yeah, So all four have served. I mean, You can see my, If you saw the pictures of my wallet, I've got like four kids in military uniform. That's amazing. There's a funny story. One Thanksgiving, We were all at a table. There was like 14 of us. And at the table, This particular restaurant did a discount for military. 12 out of 14 of us had served. And the only people that hadn't were my mom and my sister. So it's, Yeah, It was really fun. I don't know how old you are. Here's the next question, Which is just for my own fun edification. So I'm going to put it out there. Yes. So I saw Top Gun in the theaters, The original Top Gun. And I thought to myself, I mean, I really liked that what they could do with those planes. I thought it was just absolutely astonishing. I, You know, And keep in mind that I'm a kid and I'm watching this. And first of all, I think to myself, How are they even able to land on those? Like, I don't even understand that part, But then how do they even take off? I mean, I understand aerodynamics, But no, My kid brain was like, Oh my gosh, But then just the incredible things they can do with those planes. I mean, Did that movie, You know, At any point affect you with your choice of occasion? So that movie, I'm 60. Well, I'm 60 years on the calendar. The, The movie was very funny. I was in the Navy when it came out. And that movie did more for recruiting for Air Force than Navy, Which makes no sense, But they didn't realize it was Navy. They actually thought, Oh, Airplanes, Air Force, But, But my husband did that. My husband was in fact, A naval aviator. He went to Top Gun. He was the backseater like goose. So a really powerful human being with just extraordinary skills and leadership and beloved legend in the Navy. So that was a fun movie. The most recent Maverick movie was really fun for my husband because, And I'm just so grateful that he was still with it enough to, To know what was going on because later he wasn't. But when, When they pulled out that, That old airplane that they have in the, At the back, I mean, The one that he's looking at all the back and he's looking at all the buttons and he's like, What is going on? Oh, My husband reveled. That was his airplane. That was where his buttons, Like he knew exactly. And he just thought that was the greatest thing ever. So really fun movie. And it didn't really impact my career because my choices were already through by then, But I did actually have a lot of enjoyment. That's okay. Good. Good. Thank you. You just I've never been able to ask anyone that question. Take it off, Take it off the box, Take that box. But you know, Before we started recording, I think you've done some pretty spectacular things in the world as far as lifting other people up. And just from, You know, My, I don't know, Observation of what I've read about you, The knowledge that I've gleaned, You seem like someone who sees a need and then you go in and you find a way to help other people. Would you say that's fair? I would say that's fair. Yeah, I would. Um, That's insanely generous of heart and kind and thoughtful. But also, I think only certain people are able to see the need. You know, I think a lot of people walk around these days with blinders on, And they they willingly make sure that they don't see the need. And it's, It's brave of you to be able to step forward into that. Thank you. I think I was one of those people walking around. I think I was just oblivious for many, Many years. And I think I lived this very, I had a golden childhood, You know, A lovely college time. I it was really not until I married very badly. The weekend I graduated from college to a narcissist that ended up being physically and emotionally abusive. And I was a very strong woman. So this was not this was just a Wow, How did I miss this? Got out of that remarried another narcissist, The odds of this are really low, Physically, Emotionally abusive, More emotionally, But had a narcissistic personality disorder and obsessive compulsive personality disorder. Those two marriages created so much trauma, PTSD, Autoimmune disorders, Five thyroid removal, The health issue health challenges that doctors don't have cures for kinds of things. And really, I think, Oh, Opened my eyes, I think I finally, For the first time in my life, Could look at another person and see pain in a way that I I don't think I saw before. So when I was in my final job in the Navy, I was a commanding officer at 1200 800 Navy 400 Marines on the space that I ran. And we prepared people to go to war. At any I think at any given time, There were like a third of them, We prepared them in their training and their administration and in their medical. So I had all of these different teams and a lot of different units. And it was a very serious position with a lot of responsibility. And I would sit with folks coming back warriors coming back from these guys mostly guys, Girls to women to would go with very little notice and be gone a year. And then they'd come back. And in the year that they were gone, Many of them were plucked out as individuals, And they went over there, And then they would come back and they were not. They were not well, Coming back, They were not, You know, They didn't in the old days, When you look at long, Long ago, They would have entire months to get home from war. This was a flight, It was a flight home, And now they're reintegrated. And by the way, Because they weren't going as units and coming back as units, They didn't have the ability to speak to others about their experience that were also in the experience, And understand that the traumatic response that they were experiencing was normal, And that they could transition through it. And neither did their loved ones have a support team around them. And so as I would sit with them, Upon their return, I noticed they were not doing very well. And I was like, Okay, You know, We're not really doing anything better in the military than we did in Vietnam. Like, We just don't even have any support systems or programs set up. So, Darling, You need to do something about that. So these are my these are my people. So I stood in front of I don't know, 400 one weekend, And I said, I want to build a program that better supports you in your reintegration, And you and your family. And I actually don't even know what that needs to look like. But I bet you do. So I would like it if you would help me volunteer, This will be on top of your regular job. This is going to be on top of my regular job. But I think we need to build a program. And so anybody interested in volunteering can help. So I got a lot of volunteers spent a year building a program, Got funding, Built a returning warrior weekend program, Built a curriculum trained, The team that would actually do the curriculum had small group discussions where people began to speak about their experience in a very gentle way, And had keynote speakers and addressing of PTSD, Transformational growth. The fact that all the way back to the Greeks and the Trojans, There has been a cleansing timeframe for people to come back from war, And that this is a very normal response. So built this program, Very nervous about it, Because I knew a lot of the guys and the gals had PTSD. And so I was, I was barricading it with safety net doctors, Nurses, Counselors, Chaplains, Like, You know, Everybody, Every kind of support we had, We had here are the support groups. And we did a weekend away. There were small group discussions, Including things like, Why I want to go back, Because marriages were destroyed by those words. And yet, Almost all of them all, You know, They actually did a poll in the in the small group, How many of you want to go back, They all raise their hands. And so the spouses are looking at that going, Oh, This isn't about me. This isn't about our marriage. This is about something entirely different. So that was powerful. They finally started talking, You know, Spouses would say, They've never talked to me about any of this. So I had I had, We took metrics beforehand, Because I'm very analytical. And I knew I needed to prove the program worked in order to get more funding in order to be able to perpetuate it. So we did a data analysis of before the program, After the weekend, And then three months later, 100% of them said they recommended it for other people, And that it was powerful. And I got letters of you save my marriage. So I got one, You saved my life. Like it was really very, The most intrinsically rewarding work I thought I would ever do in my life. I thought, Here I am. I've peaked at this very young age, I've peaked and this is it. I'm never gonna do anything that matters like this in my whole life again, Because this is as good as it's ever going to get. And it was just really that powerful. But it also was hard. So as I retired from the Navy, Well, I missed the point where my commanding my leader in another state said, I want you to roll this out throughout the Southwest. Well, Building it for my team was one thing, But now making it duplicatable through other states was a was a whole new gig. We worked on that we did that. And then it rolled to national. And, And what's really cool is then it got, You know, There were there were so many times when we thought it wasn't gonna happen, You know, I'm sorry, You have no funding, There's no way we can fund this anymore. And, And you're not allowed to ask because it's against inspector general rules. And so what are you going to do? And I had I had one set up like in two or three weeks, And I was just like, You don't understand, We have to figure this out. There are there are spouses calling me crying, Like when is the next one I need my husband to be in it. So I said, Okay. And so problem solving was a big part of this. And I actually, I actually managed to get funding without breaking any rules. And we continued it and it perpetuated and and I am proud to tell you, It's one of my proudest things of my life. My kids, My kids are first, Very proud of my children. But the but this was so hard. And the fact that it's still going 20 years later, That then that it's still protected funding, That it's still helping so many people and their spouses. I love it was a team that put it together with me like I did not do this alone, By any stretch of the imagination. But I will say it was powerful and impactful and born out of my own trauma, Because I really don't think I would have noticed or seen it. If I hadn't experienced PTSD myself or hadn't been experiencing pain or the kinds of things that they were going through. Wow. Just I mean, It is it's fascinating. You know, There are some people that go through this world, And they might have PTSD. And they might have experienced trauma. And they ignore it, They decide not to do or try to heal or go to therapy. Then there are other people who think, You know, I really want to get a handle on this. I want to not be so reactive, I want to be in the world intentionally, Consciously aware of how I'm responding or what triggers me. And and they go and they do the work, Which, You know, Is not fun. And it's hard. And you probably cry a lot. But then there's this third group that does all that. And then they take what they've learned, And observed and healed from and they go out to give blessings to other people, You know, And they create and you are the third. You know, I'm a fan of anything where I can just still lay in bed. So it's like, If I can just do all this and lay in bed, Then why not? But yeah, I really commend you for being just, You know, Prescient. I mean, Of course, You witnessed and saw what you saw you experienced what you went through. But then you saw the need and you took everything to the next level. And now it's national. I mean, That's just gobs I'm gobsmacked. That's, That's incredible. So thank you. Thank you for not giving up, I guess, Is what I want to say. I will tell you, If there were, There were very serious obstacles and mountains. And, You know, One of the things I love about my military experience is you are taught, You climb the mountain, You dig under the mountain, You go around the mountain, You figure out how to get the mission accomplished, You just do right. And so no, No, Didn't mean no, In terms of you can't do this, It meant we're just gonna have to figure something else out and figure out how to get this done in a different way. And so, You know, It was and my team watched that, Like, They would watch me arguing with my superior over and over again, You know, That's not legal. Okay, Well, Can I try this? No. Okay, You know, You don't know, You know, So we would figure it out. But, But thank you for that. I appreciate that. And I, I do want to be that third person. I think, I think we all have hard lives, Things that are hard in our life. We all do. Life can be very hard. We are we're going to lose people we love, We're gonna, We're going to go through health challenges, We're just going to have hard things happen in life. And that's okay. But what do we do with that? And how do you respond to that? What do you, What do you do with the knowledge of your experience of that? And that, That is never more obvious or prescient to me than it is this year. Really, This has been quite the year. And I know we spoke my, My husband died in March of early Alzheimer's. He was diagnosed since it's age 64, And died four years later. And it was quite the journey for us. But that, That grief losing your best friend, He was so so I finally got it right, By the way, He was an angel on earth. And if there was ever, You know, I know, We talk about miracles, This isn't going to be the miracle I talk about, But boy, Was he a miracle in my life, He was just a gift from God, And all the angels hand me exactly what I needed, The sky parted, The clouds lifted, And the sun came in my life in the form of Jim Green. He was funny, And just made me laugh all the time. All every day, All day long. If he was talking, He was making you laugh. So I best friend peaceful life, Like I'd never beautiful marriage, Better marriage than anyone I know, In my whole life. We just had this just a love affection. It was it was perfect. Until this tragic news, Right until the memory started slipping. And initially, I I fought it and was like, I don't believe you. Like, No. So you want to talk about you want to talk about work. I went to work. Okay, Let's check mold can mold detox mold can actually look like dementia. Maybe he has mold, He did have mold. Okay, Well, Let's detox, You know, Challenging the doctor. Well, How do you know it's Alzheimer's? You can't really know until you do an autopsy, Right? So maybe it isn't mold, Maybe it's something else with and did hyperbaric chamber, Ozone therapy, All the meat mold detox DNA testing, Gene testing, Pulse, Low electromagnetic frequency, Hydrogen, Hydrogen water, You name it, Brain tap, Exercise, Diet, No alcohol, No soda, Organic, Only no seed oils, You know, You name it, We did it. And he was a very willing, Graceful patient of mine, Like, I put him through the ropes. And he we were very like, The whole day was therapeutically aligned to make the most possible. And we even went out of country four times to get stem cells via IV and injection. And I got him to because I had those autoimmune things, Right? Yeah, Thing. I mean, Yeah, I can't even imagine that journey. My father has dementia. And so it's been interesting witnessing him. You know, He's had it for about 10 years. And, You know, He'll be fine for a while. And then you'll notice that the plateau has, He's gone down, And then he'll be fine and maintained for a while. And, And then so, Thank you. I am, I just love your whole description of the sun coming down and all of this stuff. So let me ask you, When you saw him for the first time, Do you think he's the one? Oh, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, It was actually very serendipitous. I was in San Diego, I worked on this at the pier, And right in on Harbor Drive, Right next to USS Midway, The museum. And there was a very big event happening on Midway for this, The homecoming of the port of USS Ronald Reagan, It was coming around. And my public affairs officer had said, Arlene, I need you to, To go, You know, You need you want to go to this event, This is a $500 plate dinner, It's it's a, You know, The black, Black tux, White tux, You know, All of the trimmings, And you want to go to this. And I said, Okay, So I invited my, My girlfriends couldn't come, Like, I had three that just bailed that couldn't make it at the end of it. So I wasn't gonna go. And he came around again, That day, I had my uniform all ready. And he's like, You're going, Right? I go, No, My girlfriend can't make it. I'm not doing this black tie event alone. Right. And he said, You really need to go. No, You, You really, You know, Your job, Like, This is your peer, You know, This is your and I'm just like, Oh, Come on. He's like, You know, I'm like, I'm not gonna know anybody, There's gonna be 5000 people there. I'm not gonna know anybody. And he said, No, You need to go. So I was like, All right. So I remember walking at the brow of the ship thinking, I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm all decked out right in the long gown, The slit at the side, The gold cummerbund, It was, You know, It's a beautiful uniform. And I'm going by myself. And I ended up being seated at the table with Dr. Seuss's wife was so much fun. They had these ties that were all sparkly. And we were laughing. And it was just really fun. And this was at a time in my life where I didn't have a lot of laughter, I was going through a court battle, I was trying to protect my daughters from a father that had no boundaries. And I won't get into their story. That's their story. But a tough, Tough time, There was not a lot of sunshine. So that was really fun. And then I got tapped on the shoulder that the person who they thought wasn't coming actually came and now they needed my seat. So I got popped out of that seat. Well, At the same time, Unbeknownst to me, Jim Green, Who was supposed to be at the head table, He was a VIP of the event, He was a carrier airwing commander who brought the Reagan around, He was in charge of all assets that flew in the air. And he was sitting next to Mrs. Reagan and Governor Schwarzkopf and or Schwarzenegger and the son Reagan and even famous movie stars, Very several. But he was supposed to have two seats for two friends. So him and so three seats total at that VIP table. And they had only given him two. So they were like, Okay, Well, No, You need to make us a new table or figured out because I'm not going to sit at the VIP table without my friends. So they made him a new table. I was seated and reseated essentially right next to him. Well, Susan, My dear friend Susan, Who was basically had decided that day that she was going to find him a girl. She said that mean, Jim, We're gonna find you a girl. And I sit down at the table and she's like, Elbowing. I'm like, No ring on, You know, And, And he's like, I see your eyes here. But I am in a space and time that I'm never going to date again in my whole life. Like that's where I was because my picker was broken. Obviously, I had done this badly twice, Very naively. I thought I was marrying this great guy both times. And then it's a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Shine scenario after the wedding day, Right? So I'm never dating again. I'm never married again. And certainly not right now in the midst of this chaos. So no, I did not. I what I saw next to me was a guy who was beloved by all these people that came up to him. And when I did wanted to tell you saw love pouring out for him. That was very interesting. I'd never seen that before for a man in my actually, Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen it for a woman even, But this was very rare. And then he was funny. And we bantered with humor, Which was fun. And he was very much a gentleman. So but he was not flirting with me. He was not, You know, I figured if a naval aviator was interested in me, I knew it like, I knew it. And he did not give me any vibe like that we danced one time and Susan took a photo of us, Which I still which I still have, Which is really precious to me. Because but I remember at the time dancing by why are you taking our photo? That's the weirdest thing ever. Like, So, So no. And then they contrived a party. The party had just 12 people. But you know, Brett, Brian and Susan are having a party, They thought it would be a great idea for you to come. But you know, Would you like to go? And I'm like, Oh, I love Brandon says, Yes, I would love to go. So I, I go to this party during the party, He starts massaging my shoulders. And like I was sitting on the floor. And I'm like, What do naval aviators think they can just touch? Like, What is going on here? Like it was so I proceed to tell him all the garbage going on in my life. Well, Like, You know, Anyway, It was very funny. And he's just like, Whoa, But then he still says, You know, I had a really good time. Would you would you like to? Oh, I'm not dating. I'm not dating. I can't date. No, I'm not dating. And I and I meant it. But, But I did tell him like I had a really good time tonight. It was really fun. And so basically, She frightened Susan and Jim, And tried all these group activities. There was a sailing expedition, There was a thing there was just they did all these group things that I could do group things, I was willing to do group things. And over time, I got to really enjoy really all of them. And then he kind of said, You know, Would you let me would you let me take you on a date? And, And I did. And then and that was even that didn't really matter, Because he was going to be moving across the country. So I'm certainly not going to get involved with somebody moving across the country. But then, But then he kissed me, Like way late in the game, Like way late in the game, The week he was moving, Actually. And the, You know, The world kind of rocked. And I was just like, Oh, Oh, Dear. And then when he moved away, Every single day, We talked every single day, After he moved, And I he wasn't even out of the he was driving from San Diego to DC. And before he left the Sandy, Like, It was six o'clock in the morning, I woke up like I miss you already. I barely had barely like dated this guy. And, And he laughed and said, I'm not even I'm not even out of San Diego. But that's, That's how it was. And so we, We just we didn't really see each other until New Year's. And somewhere in February, March, I said, You know, I feel like we're kind of engaging in an exercise of futility. You know, I'm, I'm moving to Arizona, You're, You're in the DC area, You're gonna like, I don't want what are we doing? And he said to me, I don't engage in exercises of futility. He said, I can't move to you right now. But when I get out of the Navy, I can. And anyway, It was it was, It's truly a love story. That is very sweet one. But to say no, There, There was no part of me who thought who saw him and you know, No, No. So it was really serendipitous. And I've actually reached out to the public affairs officer who made me go to that event and said, Thank you. Thank you, Because you changed my life. And you don't even know this. I've been, You know, I was married to this incredible guy. And it's all because you made me go. Well, You know, I can relate because my pickers bad as well. So hearing your story gives me some hope. That's all I'm gonna say. Right. I'd love to ask you the second question, Which is silly, Because we've been talking for so long. But there we are. I'd love to know, Did you grow up in a religious household? If so, What did that look like? And then how was it? I mean, Has anything changed over time, Your relationship to the divine if you even have one? Yeah, That's a very interesting question. So my mom was Catholic and my dad Baptist, And both from very religious families, Very Catholic, Very Baptist. So when they were first married, They tried to find some middle ground somewhere. And they just they couldn't, They couldn't find a middle ground. So I did not grow up in a religious household. Although I did go to church, I went to I remember going to Sunday school. I remember in high school, Going on my own, Actually to church and becoming Methodist and getting baptized. And so I went through, You know, I was church going. I in college, I took a class on religion, And all different kinds of religion, Which perhaps changed my mindset more than more than most things, Because the books are very different in different religions, But they're also very similar. And the similarities spoke to me in a way that structured religion didn't. And I think I believe that, I guess it helps me come to a point in my life where I absolutely believe in God. But I believe in God differently than structured religion would speak to it, Because I think God speaks to people in different ways, And in different religions. And I don't believe there's just one kind. I'm Christian, But I don't believe you have to be Christian to go to heaven. And I believe there, There's a spiritual nature to all things living and all that we're, We're all divine, That we have God within us, That the animals do that we we are, We actually have the ability to do godly things as well. If we believe we just can't tap into not everybody can tap the power that the divine has within them, But that we actually have that power. We don't remember it, But we have it. So yeah, I'm a much and one of my daughters is now Catholic. And so initially, We had a lot of like, She wanted me to be more like that. And I said, Look, I have encouraged you girls to do whatever feels right for you. You're on your own spiritual journey. Don't try to mess with mine, Mine. I'm a six year old woman who loves where I am. And when I believe you do whatever you feel is good for you. And I encourage you to do that. I'm not going to shape that for you. That's your decision. That's your connection. That's your relationship with God. It's not mine. That's okay. Yeah, I'm, I'm just I think a little shell shocked right now, Because you said that you're one of your I mean, I'm a Catholic and a Baptist, I'm just kind of, And, And that both of them were very passionate, And deeply steeped in their respective religions. And all I can think to myself is how did they get together? That's right. Well, I will tell you, My dad told my mom, At one point, You know, I, There are three problems. One, I'm never I'm not going to get married till I'm like 30. I could never marry a Catholic. And three, I don't remember what the third one was, Right? Like, So these things and but they were so in love. It just it just, And it was it was divine intervention to my dad had run into my mom three times in a week. And my mom will tell the story. My dad didn't realize it was the same woman that he was hitting on in those three occasions. But it was my mom in the third occasion, He cut in and asked her to dance at a thing. Isn't that funny? Um, Um, But they started to see my mom fell absolutely head over heels in love with my dad, They had, They have had the most beautiful love story. Second, Only to mine, But they they have a beautiful marriage. They're over, I think, 65 years of marriage. Now, They still have this love and gorgeous marriage that is, It has been a bedrock for it. It was, In some ways a compass, Because I would look at it and go, Oh, This, This first marriage or the second marriage, That's not what it's supposed to look, It's supposed to look like this. And mine does not look like that. And that's what I deserve, Respect and equal, You know, A lot of the things. And so I, But I also think in some ways, My dad's a little bit at fault, Because I thought all men were these very upright, Upstanding men of integrity treated their wives with respect, You know, Equal partners, Solid, Truthful, Just men, That's, That's what men were, When I was growing up, I didn't even it didn't even dawn on me, They were lying. So I was very easily hoodwinked. Well, I mean, When you have that kind of example, Why would you think anything different? I had never I'd never known anything different until I was married to it. Yeah, I really, I mean, I'm thinking about your story. And about this kind of funny little table swapping thing happening. And the seats and Dr. Seuss's wife, Which is like, The most wonderful and random person to be seated at a table when you go into a party. I mean, Into me meeting Jim was so I mean, You could call it synchronistic. It was, I mean, Absolutely. It was the stars aligning, Right? I wasn't going I wasn't going I wasn't going Yeah, You're going. I'm sitting here. Oh, No, You're not sitting here. You're sitting next to Jay like it was just so many things. Well, And what I wasn't, Wasn't dating either. Like so, So many things, So many things. I mean, I think what it illustrates for me just again, And something that we should understand every day, When we get up out of bed is that you don't know if something's going to happen that day, That is going to shift your entire axis. You know, Right, Right. Well, And maybe we can create the things. I don't know if you believe in that, Kirsten. I'm a big Dr. Joe Dispenza fan. I really believe we can manifest our future and create it. We can change the cellular structure. I listened to I think it was Elizabeth, But I can't remember one of the gals that you're talking with on your podcast and talking about the water experiment where you know, You speak to the water and it changes shape and then you freeze it right and what talking to plants and everything that changes as a result of not just touch, But even how we talk to ourselves, Even all of it, I think really can shape your day. So I start every day, Meditating, Creating a vision of the day I thought ahead of time, I am going to have the most wonderful, Wonderful time with Kirsten, We're going to have this great podcast, It's going to be just a friend from afar, It's just going to be lovely. And I envisioned it before we met. Oh, That's amazing. Yes. And here we are. I just finished reading this book. Have you heard of it into the magic shop? No, It sounds fun. Oh, It's fabulous by Dr. James Doty. He's a neuroscientist. And basically, He grew up in pretty desperate poverty with an alcoholic father and a mother who was a pretty severe depressive. And he was a kid and his home life was really, I mean, I would say tough, But that would be an understatement. And, You know, Here he is, He's, You know, 11, He's struggling, His older brother just locks himself in his bedroom, The family life is not great. He's confused because he doesn't understand, You know, His family supposed to be like this. It's summer, It's like 105 degrees. He's biking across town and he bikes past this kind of decrepit mini mall in his town. And he looks over and there's this magic shop that he hadn't noticed before. And so he goes inside, And the owner, The owner's mother was there for six weeks on vacation. And she saw him and I would say, You know, In the book, He says, I had no idea why Ruth picked me. I had no idea why she picked me. But obviously highly intuitive, Saw a kid who needed a hand, Needed to lift up. And she said to him, Do you want to learn some real magic? And so for that six weeks, He would go and spend some time every day. The first thing she taught him was meditation, Mindfulness, Mantras. And then she said, I'm going to teach you how to open your heart. And she said, All the things, Number four is the big one that I'm going to teach you. But you need to understand that opening your heart and having, You know, Have being oriented to the world with your heart is going to make you successful with the fourth one. And you won't become drunk with power. Well, He forgot about that part later on, And got a little drunk with power. It's such a great book. But the fourth one was how to get anything you want in your entire life. And so and he did it since a child every day he would do he'd practice and practice. And he had a life that most I mean, Most people will be like, Oh, My God, I can't even believe that. But you know, Ruth said one of her things before she left, She said, I want you to tell as many people as possible about this. You know, When you can just let people know that they can do this. And so now he has this best selling book that is absolutely astonishing and gorgeous. But all that to say yes, Yes, I do believe you. Awesome. Now have you done it? Well, I you know, I am I'm getting in back into the meditation thing. So I actually am oriented. My heart is already open to the world. It's already open all the time. So I'm already I've done step three. It's the it's the meditation and the mindfulness. It's so hard. Oh, My God. Well, It's only hard if you think if you think you're not doing it well. But if you just relax, And don't worry about that, And know that even when you think you're doing it really badly, You're actually doing it perfectly. It helps. And I think when you have your first couple of true manifestations of things that you just there's no way that's ever going to happen. And I have had about four or five of those in my lifetime, Big ones, $100, 000, A new car twice, You know, Twice, Like, Crazy. I'm gonna win that car. I'm gonna everybody needs to know when I win this car. I envisioned it. I basically celebrated it. I was excited by it. I knew it was gonna I knew it was gonna happen. I knew it was a drawing. It was just a random drawing. I had one entry, Everybody else had one entry when the car mean just crazy things. So it's, It's really possible. And so it makes me kind of go, Okay, Well, Why don't you do it every like do it really with that level of intention every day. And even I don't do it with that level of intention every day I do meditate I do envision I celebrate with excitement I feel I feel the joy as though it has happened. And I envision it with that level of reality so that my body is programming my body to be ready for the you know, For the universe to make it happen for me. Yeah, Yeah. What I especially love about this process is that, You know, It causes you to be in direct conversation with the universe with that energy out there. And so you're kind of co creating or in cahoots, As I like to call it cahoots. I love it. Who doesn't want to be in cahoots every day. It's just such a cute word. I hope you all enjoyed Darlene and her incredible storytelling prowess. I have to say that it was kind of seamless and so easy to be with her and have a conversation. And yeah, I enjoyed every single minute I spent with her. I just have to say that once again, She reminded me that, You know, We can wake up one day and not even comprehend the kind of magic that the universe is going to bring into our lives that day. And so talking with her, I really understood that, You know, There's a reason to get out of bed every day. You never know what kind of surprises are in store. I need to thank Darlene for coming on the show and being so vulnerable and telling all of her stories. Thanks to every single one of you that listens. As you know, I'm always looking for ratings and reviews. So if you like what you hear, Hit the like button or the five stars or write a little review. You have no idea how happy that makes me. Thank you for listening. And here's my one request. Be like Darlene. I mean, She's in love with the magic of the world and she believes confidently that the world has her back. So be like Darlene and dream big, Wish big, Create big and bring your own brand of beauty and creativity and imagination into this world. We need it. We need each and every one of you to create your own brand of magic and beauty. Thanks for listening. And I'll see you next time for the very next episode of the pod.