Episode Ten: The Byte-Rachel

In this byte-sized interview, find out how a hummingbird came to mean everything for Rachel just as she was giving birth to her first child. Sometimes being in the presence of our ancestors can make all the difference.

Transcript

Did you mud wrestle while eating the Captain Crunch?

No,

But this was even weird.

They had this one,

It was a contest.

Now they would fill your mouth with cereal and with milk.

And it was this contest where two people were laying on the table.

And I was one of the people that was laying on the table and I had the cereal and the milk in my mouth.

And people like,

This is so not like,

This is never going to happen again in life.

Okay.

Like that's one of these stories.

And so my mouth is open.

I have cereal and I have milk.

And they are taking spoons and people,

It was a contest.

People are eating out of someone's mouth.

I have,

You know,

For instance,

My great aunt and my great uncle own the church.

And so,

You know,

Whenever we would go and visit them,

We were always going to church.

And that was more on the side of evangelical.

I feel like I grew up in,

You know,

You know,

My,

My folks are divorced.

And,

Um,

I look at my,

My father's side.

Right.

And it was like conservative type of Lutheran,

You know,

Very,

Very quiet,

Very well mannered when you're in church.

And I always think of like the more like the church hymns,

Right.

And then going to the evangelical church where you'd walk in and people would be speaking in tongues and bawling and crying and speaking in tongues in the top of their lungs,

Then grew up going to a Pentecostal church and then to a Baptist church.

And that was a really cool experience because we were the only white people there.

And I thought that was pretty rad.

And the music and the soul of that church was really cool.

But then it was funny,

You know,

Because we would always have,

I think I'm saying his name right,

Thich Nhat Hanh,

Books,

You know,

On our house and Buddhist literature.

And my mom would always have Buddhas and she would always smudge and we'd have runes.

And,

Um,

I have,

I know since I was a kid,

I've always had tarot cards.

So,

You know,

Like,

It was just like a lot of different,

Different viewpoints coming in.

Yeah.

And I think a lot,

I actually think a lot about Christian camp.

I freaking loved Christian camp.

But the one thing I think that does freak me out a little bit is like thinking of the songs that we would sing.

Like I did,

I would,

I remember we would chant these songs and then it was as I was an adult,

I listened to the song.

This is like a year ago.

I like,

What was that song?

It was by the newsboys.

And it was something like,

Um,

Let this song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in hell,

Like the lyrics of the song is like Captain Crunch is waving farewell and just let the song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in hell.

And we used to like chant that song,

You know,

And I would sing it like that.

You know?

And I had no idea that I was what I was actually saying,

But,

But yeah,

We had fun.

You don't exactly strike me as the Captain Crunch type.

The Captain Crunch cereal?

Yes.

Yeah,

No,

I've never been a cereal person.

Yeah.

I don't like cereal.

I think that's so interesting that when they talk about putting the fear of God to someone and for you kids,

It was the withholding of a sugary cereal.

Yeah.

I think that was a hard part of me,

You know,

Part of it with religion for me,

Honestly,

Because I remember,

I think it was like grade school,

I kissed a girl.

And,

Um,

Then I remember being in church and them like talking about being gay,

You know,

And I was like a kid and I was like,

I mean,

I'm gay cause I kissed a girl,

You know,

Cause I was totally like sexually curious.

You know what I mean?

Like my sexuality,

I didn't have it like pegged when I was a kid.

And,

Uh,

I just remember thinking I was going to burn in hell because I kissed a girl and that was,

That was really the moment that I was like,

This isn't for me.

I had a hard time with that.

The judgment,

They did.

I feel like they just,

They brought me,

They brought me comfort and they brought me,

They made me more curious about things that I'm always going to be curious and always going to be open because I just,

I just don't know.

I could,

I could put an explanation to everything,

But I really,

I'm just,

I really can't in some way,

You know,

Like I think it makes me more humble because you just can't,

You can't make sense of everything and you just,

I just don't,

I don't know how,

How the world works or even how cosmic it is.

And when you have these like literate little flickers of cosmic occurrences or these things that happen,

I don't know.

It just makes it just,

It's pretty cool.

It just makes me more open to things,

More open and more humble.

And for me,

It's always,

You know,

Kind of evoke this feeling of gratitude.

Oh yeah.

So much gratitude for like the most simplest things,

Right?

Even just go to your garden,

Right?

And you harvest some broccoli and a few flowers and you just get so much gratitude for the earth and for what's around us.

I wonder what,

You know,

Those people at your church camp would think of that.

Yeah.

I wonder,

I wonder what they're up to.

They're probably stuffing their faces with Captain Crunch.

You know what's weird is we would mud-wrestle at that camp,

Which is like,

So I think of these like different things about that camp.

It's just so strange to me,

Like the mud wrestling,

The Captain Crunch song.

Yeah.

Those are two things that pop up.

Did you mud wrestle while eating the Captain Crunch?

No,

But this was even weird.

They had this one.

It was a contest.

Now they would fill your mouth with cereal and with milk.

And it was this contest where two people were laying on the table and I was one of the people that was laying on the table and I had the cereal and the milk in my mouth and people like,

This is so not like this is never going to happen again in life.

Okay.

Like that's one of these stories.

And so my mouth is open.

I have cereal and I have milk and they are taking spoons and people,

It was a contest.

People are eating out of someone's mouth.

What?

Yes.

And it was like a big,

Like,

I remember like,

I was just thought I was so cool when I was at camp in sixth grade.

I was,

This is the height of my life.

I am mud wrestling champion.

I get to be the chick that is being recorded with their eating the cereal out of my mouth.

And then I upshucked it up.

Like I had my gag reflex and it was caught on the video and I was,

That is so cool.

Because all my friends would laugh.

Like we were just thought it was hilarious.

But that's never going to happen again.

I mean,

Honestly,

I think I'm,

Gosh,

I was like thinking of my daughter the day she was born and the fear that took place.

Like I was so afraid when I wasn't,

When I was pregnant with her,

I was just so afraid.

I even did like,

That it's like the emotional release technique.

I went to people for that.

And like,

I was just trying to do all these things because I was so afraid of giving birth.

I just wanted to keep her in my belly,

You know,

In my uterus or whatever,

Like forever.

Like I just felt like I,

Like I had like something was going to happen,

You know?

And I remember it was in October and my grandmother loved,

My grandmother loved hummingbirds,

So she was always having these like massive hummingbird feeders when they lived in Arkansas and it was like a massive amount of hummingbirds that would come.

And it was just like this magical thing to like see all these hummingbirds coming and getting the food or the nectar that she would leave.

And I can't,

It was October in Portland and I'm sitting there and I'm in labor and I,

My labor was so long with her and I had her at home and it was,

It was like,

It was like a day and a half and I just,

She was crowning for hours and it was at that point where she's crowning for hours and I like look out the window and there's a hummingbird looking at me through the window in October and I just was,

Oh,

Okay,

Cool.

I'm okay.

This is okay.

And my grandma was alive,

But I just,

I felt like that was still her.

I felt like my ancestors were showing up in some way being like,

This is,

This is a symbol.

This is,

You're going to get through this.

We're all here with you.

And while I gave birth to her,

I did,

I felt like the room was full of people and I just felt like I met this portal of like life and death and this realm that was just surrounding.

This has been episode 10 of Bite-Sized Blessings,

The podcast all about the magic and spirit that surrounds us if only we open our eyes to it.

And whether you listen to our Bite-Sized offering for that five to 10 minutes of freedom in your day or the longer interviews,

We're grateful you're here.

I need to thank Rachel McKillip for sharing her story today,

As well as the creators of the music used.

Music L.

Files,

Sasha End,

Frank Schroeder,

Music Hald,

Agnies Valmajia,

Rafael Crux,

And Alexander Nakarada.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

And remember that's bite spelled B-Y-T-E.

On the website,

You can find links to other episodes as well as to books and music I think will lift and inspire you.

Thank you for listening.

And here's my one request.

Be like Rachel.

Honor and immerse yourself in the natural world and then listen to what it has to tell you.