Today,
We're going to explore two emotions that often get tangled together,
Guilt and shame.
People sometimes use the words interchangeably,
But there's a subtle and important difference.
Guilt says,
I did something bad.
Shame says,
I am bad.
Guilt is usually tied to a behavior.
It arises when we believe we've acted in a way that violates our values,
Like when we've caused harm or failed to prevent harm,
Or feel somehow responsible for another person's suffering.
Shame,
On the other hand,
Is tied to identity and worth.
It often emerges when we feel we are flawed,
Unworthy,
Or fundamentally different in a way that threatens our sense of goodness and belonging.
It can stem from actions or inactions,
And also from cultural messaging,
Family patterns,
Or simply being different from the dominant norm.
Sometimes guilt and shame show up even when we didn't directly do anything wrong.
We might feel these emotions when we're witnessing suffering of others,
Carrying inherited family or cultural burdens,
Or facing the weight of systemic injustice.
These feelings may not reflect personal wrongdoing,
But they still sit heavy on the heart,
Especially when we feel powerless to correct or change a given situation.
Both guilt and shame often arise from an instinct to make sense of pain and to regain agency.
If we believe we caused a painful outcome,
Then maybe we could have prevented it,
Too.
That narrative,
While harsh,
Can feel more tolerable than confronting just how unpredictable or uncontrollable life can be.
There are also protective intentions behind guilt and shame.
Guilt tries to help us avoid repeating mistakes by reminding us how painful they were.
Shame tries to preserve our place in a group by warning us to hide parts of ourselves we feel others won't accept.
They reflect how deeply we care about our impact,
Our relationships,
And our values.
Much of what we carry guilt or shame about makes better sense in hindsight.
We often judge ourselves with the wisdom we've gained over time,
Forgetting the limits of what we knew or were capable of when we made choices that may have had undesirable outcomes.
It's helpful to remind ourselves that our choices are shaped by many factors,
Including stress,
Fear,
Fatigue,
Or past wounds,
Essentially by the reality we are navigating at any given moment.
Whether the guilt or shame you carry is personal,
Cultural,
Or collective,
Healing doesn't come from punishment.
It comes from softening,
From recognizing that mistakes,
Missteps,
Or even inherited burdens do not define us.
We grow by acknowledging harm when it's present,
Making amends when we can,
And choosing compassion over self-condemnation.
Self-compassion isn't about excusing harm,
It's about cultivating the internal safety needed to stay present with what's hard,
Take responsibility when it's ours to hold,
And to learn from the experience without letting shame and guilt shut us down.
Guilt and shame are often misunderstood and labeled as bad because they feel so heavy,
But their weight reflects how deeply we care.
Both guilt and shame point to our longing to live with kindness,
To our integrity,
And our value of connection.
And those are things worth honoring,
Not punishing.
So today,
Let's gently turn toward any guilt or shame that's present.
Not with judgment,
But with care.
Let's reconnect with the values beneath the pain,
And offer ourselves the compassion we need to move forward.
Find a comfortable position,
Seated or lying down,
And if it feels okay,
Gently close your eyes or soften your gaze.
Take a slow breath in,
And a slow breath out.
Allow yourself to feel held and supported.
Now,
Bring to mind a moment that carries guilt or shame.
It might be something you said or didn't say,
Something you did or didn't do,
Or a choice you've second-guessed.
You don't need to dive deeply into the story.
Just allow the feelings to gently arise,
And see if you can meet them like a visitor.
Where do you feel it in your body?
Is there a tension?
Heat?
Heaviness?
Maybe a tightness in your chest or a sinking in your belly?
Remember,
We aren't trying to fix,
Eliminate,
Or do anything with these feelings.
We're simply noticing.
If it feels okay,
Place a hand on or near that part of your body.
Offer it warmth,
Compassion,
A gentle presence.
Now,
Silently repeat or simply take in these words.
I acknowledge this feeling.
I see how much I've carried.
I know I was doing the best I could with what I knew at the time.
I offer myself kindness and compassion.
Now take a moment to reflect.
What matters to me here?
What value might be underneath these feelings?
Is it love?
Integrity?
Acceptance?
The desire to do no harm?
Let yourself feel the pull of that value,
Not as punishment,
But as a reminder of the goodness at your core.
And if it feels right,
Offer yourself these closing words.
I am learning.
I am growing.
I am worthy of compassion.
Taking one last deep breath in and a soft breath out.
Begin to bring gentle movement back into your body.
Wiggle your fingers and toes.
And when you're ready,
Opening your eyes.
Before we close this session,
Here are a few journaling prompts you could use to deepen your understanding of your guilt and shame.
What arose for me during this practice that I wasn't expecting?
What deeper value was revealed underneath my guilt or shame?
How does recognizing that value underneath my guilt or shame shift the way I view this experience?
What would it look like to carry this experience with grace rather than self-blame?
Thank you for being here and for offering yourself this moment of compassion and care.
This is tender work,
And you are deeply worthy of love and understanding.
Be gentle with yourself and take good care.
