Learning To Love Yourself

This guided meditation uses affirmations to remind us all how important it is to love ourselves before we can truly love another. I speak about my own path in learning to love myself, and my hope is to support you in doing the same.

Transcript

Hi everyone. I'd like to remind you that everyone can meditate. Don't believe all the stories your mind tells you. Is it funny or is it sad that we can so easily find ourselves loving another and yet have a hard time loving ourselves? For the past few weeks I found myself sitting in a lot of self-loathing, Beating myself up for lots of things. For not being more aware of our country's checkered past, Someone who considers herself a huge history buff. My dad and I were avid readers and museum goers when he was alive. We read tons of books together. Book club before book clubs were a thing. And I can tell you after watching that documentary The 13th, I was appalled at how little I knew or how what I knew was completely skewed or just wrong. My dad is up there somewhere rolling his eyes and pissed off I'm sure. But I'm starting to move past it, Not forgetting how much black lives matter, But remembering that I can help to educate myself and my kids so they get the full picture of our history and don't fall into the same story I was told about it. I'm also remembering that I can't truly love another person unless I'm willing to look at myself and love myself first. How can I go about loving humanity if I haven't put on my own oxygen mask first, Right? And that means I have to love even the parts of me that are not so lovable. The parts that look outside of myself for validation and confirmation that I'm a good person, A good friend. The parts of me that crave attention. The parts of me that want to be seen when maybe it's not the best time for me to be seen or it's not my moment to shine because there are more important things at work. Some of this is old stuff that I learned when I was little. Learned that in order for me to be loved and appreciated I had to have that told to me over and over again. I had to perform or act a certain way and then I would be praised. I used to do that with my ex-husband a lot. I used to constantly tell him I love you and if he didn't say it back right away or got annoyed that I was saying it again I would get upset that he didn't love me as much as I loved him. What the what? I can see now that I was just so busy feeling unlovable that I needed someone to tell me they loved me to keep me from going off the rails. I wasn't coming from a place of genuine love. Not to say I didn't love him. I did. But I needed to hear it all the time. Needed someone to be walking around constantly filling me up because I wasn't able to do that for myself. I don't totally understand where it comes from. I have amazing parents so it's not like my story is all that terrible. That I didn't get loved as a kid. And yet I still struggle to love myself first. And what does loving yourself look like? I think mine has shifted in 2020. I'm finding more and more silver linings with this time alone. Before COVID-19 if I needed to feel love for myself I did things externally. I went to this restaurant called Nick's and got butter cake. I would sit at the bar with my sparkling water and lime and eat the whole thing myself and pay in cash so no one knew I'd been there. It was like I was being bad. But what else did I do? I got a massage. I got my nails done. I had my hair highlighted. I called any manner of friends to confirm they still loved me. I'm not even kidding. I would call my friend Hannah and literally say to her, You still love me right? This is also old stuff. Stuff for my mom. Someone who I truly love very much but who still to this day will call me and say I'm having a bad day. Make me happy. I'm not kidding. She does that. Like I have that kind of power. Because I would do anything. Anything. Outside of looking inward to find love. I didn't realize how much this was hurting me until my drinking got out of hand. That was another way of masking when I wasn't getting the love I needed. I drank so that I didn't have to feel the things that were hurting me. So I didn't have to feel like I wasn't loved. I needed that to fill me up too. But now? Now I still struggle with self-love. But I can sometimes look inward and find it. Find that I have a lot of love to give. And some of that love has to go to me. And that's not selfish. That's just having some common sense. So once you have yourself in a comfy position, I want you to lightly close your eyes. I'll give you a minute to get comfortable. Get that little half smile on your face. And as I've liked to say before, I lie down when I meditate. But get into whatever position is comfortable for you. If you're not comfortable, You'll just be thinking about how you're not comfortable. I invite you all to come here as the most authentic version of yourself. Leave all your preconceived notions of meditation aside. Just be here, Present in this moment with me. First, I want you to create your own grounding cord. Think of whatever bright color feels right for you. You don't have to see it. You can feel it or you can hear it. The point is to imagine a cord of light. Imagine it running from the base of your body into the center of the planet. Literally imagine a cord of light running from you into the earth, Miles and miles down. Anchor it into the planet. Acknowledge the gravity pulling on you and your body. Set your grounding cord on release so that your energy is going into the center of the planet and getting neutralized. This is also a time when you can let go of any energy that isn't yours. You can picture dark colors leaving, Stressful energies are being released. Take a breath. Any worries you have, Let them go down through your grounding cord. So here you are with your eyes closed in a comfy position. Now let's get into the center of your head. This is your control tower. You're safe here in the center of your head. Let it be very easy for you to see yourself there. It's behind your eyes just a few inches back. There's really no thinking that goes on in that part of your head. I personally see a purple light in the center of my head but some people envision a chair where you can sit in the center of your head and be in control of your body and your life. Just breathe into that space. There's no right way to experience this but there is a sense of calmness there. Now say hello to yourself there. This is a neutral space that is calm and expansive. Now remember the point isn't to completely clear your head of thought. It's to focus on the center of your head. I want us to start off by holding ourselves. You can wrap your arms around yourself or place them on your heart, Whatever feels the most comfortable for you. I just want you to hold yourself for a moment. Feel yourself inside your body. Feel your arms around you, The earth beneath you. Feel that you are safe and whole and loved here with all of us. My dear friend Meg has me doing this thing where when I'm experiencing self-loathing I put my hand over my heart and I cup my heart and I say how I'm feeling to myself. I want you to do that as you're holding yourself. Say, Oh sweetheart I can see that you are feeling whatever it is you're feeling in this moment. For me it's fear. I'm afraid of what my life is going to be like now. That I'm letting go of all this old stuff, All these old patterns. What is going to be left of me after I do that? How will I pick up all of those pieces and turn them back into me? Who will I be then? So I hold myself and I say, Oh sweetheart I can see that you're feeling a lot of fear right now. I love you and it's okay that you're feeling this way. Do this for yourself right now. Are you feeling a lot of fear? Are you feeling anxious? Are you feeling like you haven't been authentic with yourself, With another person, Spoken your truth? Are you feeling lost? Are you coming from a place of scarcity and lack that isn't really you anymore? If you're feeling any of those things, Get quiet here with me. Hold yourself and say this with me, Oh sweetheart I can see that you are feeling so many feelings right now. I love you and it's okay that you're feeling this way. You're going to be okay. You're doing great. This feeling will not last forever. You're in the process of becoming the person you were created to be. From this feeling we'll be born another feeling. A thousand feelings for a thousand moments and all of them are just feelings and as I said they will not last forever. You are going to be okay. You're going to be oh so much more than okay. I love you. I love you so deeply. See that me inside of me that isn't perfect? Are you looking at me now? Are you looking at the true me? The one that sits inside and judges me too harshly? You are going to be okay. Sit with me a while. See that as you feel love for me that we can then love others more, Be more present. That I can let go of the past and I can love myself. You are going to be okay. I need to love myself not despite my faults but because of them. They made me who I am. They made me this glorious soul. They made all the things that I am right now. You are going to be okay. When my mind starts thinking of all the ways I failed I want you to come find me here. I will remind you so you don't forget. Don't forget all the ways that you are picking yourself up today. Remind you that even though you're not done or fixed that you can still love every last inch of yourself. You are going to be okay. There is no good or bad, No right or wrong. There is only this love in this moment right now here with me. Take a moment with that you inside of you. You are going to be okay. I'm right here inside of you. I have been here all along. I'm going to be here for you forever. There is no greater love than the love I have for you. You are the great me, The little me, The happy me, The sad me. You are all of these things. These feelings. You are going to be okay sweetheart. You are going to be oh so much more than okay. Just keep coming back to me. Keep coming back to me and I will remind you I won't let you forget how much I love you. Now I want to call all that glorious energy back to you that we sent down your grounding cord. So imagine a golden sun or a ball of light on the top of your head. Let it grow bigger. Let it call back your life force, Your spirit. Let it gather up your energy wherever you left it. Watch the golden sun change and grow larger as you do this. Notice where your attention has been. Notice where your energy comes back from. See your bright colors and energy returning to you into this golden sun. See self-care and validation coming back to you. When the golden sun is full, Allow it to come into the top of your head and fill your entire body, Your cells, Everything with this beautiful neutral gold energy. Like solid gold up in there. Take your time. This is for you. Let some of the golden sun go into your aura and your grounding so you're in the center of a golden ball of your own light. Take a really good breath and release and let yourself be replenished with all of this light. Honor yourself for taking the time to be here with me today. Human connection is something we're all craving right now and we are all one in this moment together. Now you can bend your head over like you're gonna touch your toes and sit up and dump off the excess energy. Stretch out and slowly open your eyes. Meditation is just another tool like exercise. For me it's about the insides matching your outsides. Thank you for being here with me today. My light will forever see your light and as I always like to say, Don't forget to hydrate.

Reviews

Just what I needed at 5his time of my life.

Thank you so much for sharing your story, it really resonates with me. I’m also grateful for your insights and inspiration. Please be well and healthy!! 🙏🏻😊

I enjoyed this. Thank you 💙