It's become really clear to me how hard I've been trying to succeed,
I guess.
I feel like I've been running a race,
Like,
For most of my life,
And I don't really feel like anybody asked me if I wanted to be in this race.
It's just the way life is here.
You know,
I live in the States,
In the United States of America,
And I just feel like the mentality here just doesn't work for me,
You know?
I am tired.
I just feel like we've all been told that life's a bitch and then you die,
That you have to work really hard,
That life isn't fun,
That it's always a struggle,
And I don't want to live like that.
I want to enjoy my life.
I want to do what I want to do every day.
I don't want to feel like I'm forcing myself to do anything.
I don't want to feel miserable every day.
I don't want to feel burnt out and exhausted and physically and mentally exhausted at the end of every single day and then look at my life and go,
What is this?
This doesn't work for me.
Why are we all doing this?
Can we just change the rules now?
And I think part of the problem is there's been this development of placing our value on status and success and accumulating titles and money and cars and wealth and more and more and more and more and more,
And we're fed to want these things.
We're conditioned to want these things,
And it just leaves us feeling terrible,
Strung out,
Not enough,
And I don't want to put my value there anymore.
My example from my real life today was I had this really great energy session with my friend this morning,
And then I had all these things planned for my afternoon.
I have my own business,
So I was going to do some stuff for that.
I had appointments with other people to do some business building things,
And it was all things that I find enjoyable.
But after the session,
I just felt so tired,
And I heard this voice say,
Cancel your day,
Do nothing.
And I was like,
You know what?
That sounds about right today.
I just don't have it in me.
I just don't have the energy to show up the way I would want to for these things that I actually really love doing.
It just didn't feel like a good time.
And my mind took over and said,
No,
You should still do it anyway because you want to be successful and you want to have a lot of money and you want to be successful.
So even though my body was telling me,
Just go ahead and take the day off,
My mind piped in and was like,
No,
You shouldn't do that.
You should do what you had planned because if you don't,
You're sacrificing your success.
And that was so impactful to me because I realized that's how I move throughout my day is now I'm just stuck in this routine of always being tired and I have to get out of it.
Otherwise the cycle is never going to end.
So I have to not listen to my mind in that scenario and I have to say,
What if my life was more aligned with the things I really want and how I want to feel every day?
So for me,
I just want to feel calm and I want to feel like I'm not forcing myself to do anything that I don't want to do and I don't want to feel like I'm sacrificing my success if I just do what I feel like doing that day.
And I think that's such a foreign concept to most of us where it's like,
No,
Life is meant to be a struggle and it seems just like so unreasonable that you could even have a life where you woke up every day and you were just excited about what you had to do and you knew that you were going to have a great day and you knew that no matter what,
You could just function the way you wanted to and that everything would still be okay.
You know,
Who lives a life like that?
I don't know many people that feel that way.
We're all on the struggle bus and I don't want to be on the struggle bus anymore.
I don't want to be there anymore.
I don't want to subscribe to Life's a Bitch and then you die.
Who made that up?
And why did we all just decide to believe it?
Like oh yeah,
That's how it is.
No,
This is not how it is.
I don't want to believe that.
I'm done running the race.
I guess I shouldn't say I'm totally done.
Maybe some days being in the race feels fun.
You know,
Some days you want to run a race.
Some days you feel like running a race and other days you don't want to run the race.
Maybe that's the point of this.
Maybe it,
You know,
It always comes back to balance,
Right?
That's what has felt the best in my life is I come back to center instead of being all the way to the left or all the way to the right about something.
I just find a little cozy spot in the middle and that usually works out pretty well.
So it's not to say that I don't ever want to be in the race but I want to be okay with the days that I don't feel like running instead of being so hard on myself about it or instead of feeling like I'm never going to make it or yeah,
I just instead of feeling like I'm never going to make it,
I can know that this is just a day that I don't feel like running and it doesn't mean I'm going to blow the whole thing.
It just means today I'm going to sit and I'm going to rest.
I'm going to listen to my body.
It's today for me.
