Welcome to the Happiness Habit podcast.
I'm your host Kara Payton,
And this is the podcast for becoming the happiest person you know.
Oh,
This last week has been so great,
And I have so much to share about something I feel like at the depths of all of us,
We can all relate to this.
Last week,
I crashed in on myself hard,
Resentful of the way I was created and who I am.
I let it come,
I fell to the depths,
And I washed away in it.
When I say that I was in bed,
Frozen with the repeated narrative of why are you this way,
What is wrong with you,
Why,
I don't even want to be here,
What is going on with me,
Why do I keep doing this.
And when I calmed down,
I learned slowly with the grace of just listening to small voices and just getting really quiet and open that while the things that make me so complicated and intense of a person,
And you can fill this in with what you would say is a complaint about you or a contest like I just don't like this one thing about me what this is my,
This is my thorn this is that thing that gets in my way all the time I stumble upon this.
And I remembered that being a complex and intense person that is also responsible for everything that's also wonderful about me about you about everyone that you've ever come in contact with that has this thing about them.
And perhaps only when I attempt to disavow this nature within me does it become something venomous to the life around me to my relationships to my perhaps if I let it flow without my judgment.
The alignment will fix every complication I have,
And where it becomes so negative.
Perhaps blocking it is the problem and not it itself.
Perhaps our only work in this life is finding the way back to who we were before we started changing to belong and leading it out from behind all the barriers we tried to hide it with and letting it lead the way going within finding that core and barreling through to the surface of who you are,
And letting it be your identity again.
Perhaps the only reason our lives ever run crossways of the life we dream is because we're not living as ourselves.
And so we live lives that are not ours and resign,
The life that is ours to our dreams.
I realized that I don't fit anywhere.
Who you are your nature for acceptance.
I realized I don't fit anywhere.
When I view myself from that keyhole.
I don't belong and have never belonged anywhere here.
I literally used to hate this.
I never stayed in one place long for a long time my family moved all the time I was,
I was okay with that I liked the reinvention I liked all of that.
But because I thought that there was something I started to define that into a story that meant there was something singularly wrong with me that that wasn't normal I saw consistency and stability,
All around,
Except for me.
And in a society where we just kind of tend to compare by nature just we tended to do that and see okay do I belong to you do I belong to you where are we similar where we similar.
And I saw something wrong.
And it was just saw saw something different I defined it as saw something wrong.
But I did I had groups of friends that I would grow in and out of and I just never had that that one friend from life at the beginning to life now and I used to envy people that just like they grew up from kindergarten,
All the way.
And while that's wonderful for them and that stability is just wonderful.
I was never meant to have that for me.
I would have a group of friends,
And I would not outgrow them but I would change I would evolve in a different way to where our values and our similarity and our common ground was no longer on the same plane.
There was nothing wrong with this,
But I used to defend define it as something wrong.
And I spent most of my days on the fringe with those trying to find themselves or those who voluntarily lost themselves and somewhere in my teens.
I that that identity problem that I was having became this almost this spite this out of spite,
I would change who I was and I would do it for the benefit of shock.
I was like,
Okay,
If I can't find myself and figure it out that I'm going to present something and it's going to be big.
I used to hate all of the movement.
I thought I wanted evergreen and stability.
But little did I know the stability would have come if I'd held on to myself and rooted in that instead of looking for roots in the faces of what I felt I needed to belong to.
I am only too much for the limits.
I am only too wild for the shore.
I am only too colorful for the evergreen.
And perhaps my discontent is my gift.
And after all for a creative.
What is discontent but a curiosity that you don't follow.
Follow your heart to heal it.
How could you love the thing about you that you once tried to hide away.
Is it really what you say it is.
When I resist this reality of who I am I face plant into a deep self worth vacuum.
But when I accept it I am ever changing and moving layered beyond my human comprehension.
I actually think it's as if I've been given in advance the lifetimes of thought burning desires questions and love I will feel for all of my lives at once.
And when I look at it through that lens.
I can understand how that would be a lot and a lot to love and not a lot to complain about and not a lot to have contention about where is that part of you that you come back to because you will all it's your nature it's who you are it's within you your higher self will always call you back to acknowledging this core.
So you will always come back to that place of reconciliation and the opportunity to go.
Yes,
Here I am your true nature.
Bring me with you.
I have the way to go.
That is a question.
I would love to hear where it took you.
In the meantime,
Thank you for joining me for another episode of the happiness habit podcast big question.
Big question.
And I want to hear your responses.
Until next time,
Keep moving forward toward becoming the happiest person,
You know,
Because the world really does need that higher self within you.
