I find it difficult to maintain focus on my breath and to keep my thoughts at bay when meditating.
I know that Venerable Pomnyun Sunim asks us not to judge our meditation experience,
Not to call it good or bad,
But I am getting discouraged that it is not useful and I am not making progress.
I would like to ask for your support.
When we are talking about driving a car,
We are talking about driving a car,
But we are not talking about driving a car.
We are talking about driving a car,
But we are not talking about driving a car.
Let's think back to the time you first learned how to drive or first learned how to ride a bike.
Say you had a teacher that taught you the right way to ride or drive.
But that doesn't necessarily mean that you get it right the first time.
So the fact that you fell off your bike the first couple of times you are riding,
While it means that you did something wrong,
But also means that you are practicing.
So say you fell off your bike ten times,
Does that mean there is something wrong?
No,
It just means that you are on your way to getting better.
Basically what we can say is that you are making something happen you didn't previously know how to do.
So this can be said to be wrong if the underlying methodology itself is wrong.
You learned it the wrong way,
You are doing it the wrong way.
Also another wrong approach is that you might know the right methodology,
But you are not trying,
You are not making an effort.
However,
If you know the right methodology and you are trying according to the methodology,
That's not a wrong approach,
You are just in the midst of the right approach.
So you can't compare yourself to others because everybody's progress is a little different,
But the only thing it tells you is that you need more practice.
It's the time and practice that's at issue here.
Let's take an example.
Just imagine somebody trying to walk a rope and they tie the rope across two rods they have implanted in the ground.
Walking a tight rope is a very difficult thing to do as you know.
Is that impossible though?
No,
It's not impossible.
So the method,
The instruction is really simple,
Right?
Do not lean too much to the left,
Do not lean too much to the right.
Make sure you are balanced on the rope and walk slowly forward.
So you learn the instructions,
You go up and try it yourself.
So you have this long stick to help you balance and you try to balance yourself as you walk forward.
However,
Before even taking the first step,
You are going to fall either to the left or to the right.
Try it again,
You will fall off again.
Try it again,
You will fall off again.
Ten times,
Hundred times,
It will be difficult for you to make even the first step.
So most people give up.
And they think this doesn't work.
However,
People who practice more,
They become adjusted and they can walk the rope.
And I like to say to you that the meditation is similar.
Not to go lean too much to the left or lean too much to the right,
But balance yourself well.
That's the middle way.
Do not suppress your thoughts,
That arises naturally.
But at the same time,
Do not follow them to their end and just focus on the breath and let the thoughts come as they may.
Say there is pain in your legs.
So either you suppress the pain or you give in and you stretch out your legs.
So if you stretch your legs,
Then you are following your desire.
You are doing the bidding of your desire.
And if you suppress the pain,
Then you create stress.
So without suppressing the pain or stretching your legs,
Just observe the pain as it is,
As pain,
As a sensation.
It's easy to say this of course,
But if you actually try this,
It's very difficult.
That's why you need practice.
So as long as you follow the instructions and the methodology I relayed to you,
Whatever your experiences may be,
Whether you think it's going well,
Or you are losing your focus on the breath,
Or you maintain your focus on the breath,
Whatever experiences you undergo,
You are doing well because you are following along.
So to the questioner,
It's not the meditation itself that's difficult for you.
Basically,
The frustration you are feeling is the result of you wanting to go faster than the practice allows.
In other words,
Relax your body and mind.
So your mind has to be relaxed in terms of almost idle and spacious.
Without any sense of goal,
Achievement,
Or intent,
Do not let it tense.
But in midst of this peace and calm,
A lot of thoughts will come unbidden.
So you need to be mindful of that.
You need to be mindful of that.
You need to be mindful of that.
You need to be mindful of that.
You need to be mindful of that.
You need to be mindful of that.
You need to be mindful of that.
And you might feel sleepy and might make you dull.
That's why focus on the tip of your nose.
And become aware of the breath coming in and breath leaving.
So first and foremost,
Be at peace,
Be calm.
And then in midst of that peace,
Focus and concentrate and recognize that moment.
And third,
Because this is not easy to do,
Practice and practice again.
But you can't tense up or make a concerted effort as you practice.
Do not exhibit an intent to do something well.
And do not give up and say,
This is too difficult for me.
You're just doing it.
If you lose focus,
Just regain it.
And without any judgment,
Just doing it.
And if you're consistent in this,
Then it will happen to you naturally.
You don't have to go back and forth.
You don't have to keep any metrics of how long,
How many minutes you maintain your focus,
How many minutes you lost your focus.
If some thoughts grabs you,
Recognize it grabs you and come back to the breath.
So spiritual practice is not about accumulating new skills or new experiences.
It's about shedding your negativity.
As you're approaching meditation,
You tend to approach meditation from a point of view of accumulation.
You know,
What's next?
What's the next step?
What's the next thing?
What's the next level?
Instead of trying to shed it,
Instead of just doing it,
Rather than thinking what the next step might be.
That's why you tend to tense up and you try to make an effort.
And if you don't feel any progress,
You get tired and fatigued and you give up.
So to conclude,
If you're giving up,
It's because you're not doing it right.
So to conclude,
If you're doing it and following the instructions,
Then you're doing well regardless.
