To Tame Or To Blame - That Is The Quest

This mind! Left unattended, mine does such strange things. When I've done something well, I'm self-congratulatory. When I haven't, disapproval and self-blame are right there. Is there a way to tame the mind so it's less reactive? A way to be "unmoved" by praise or blame? Is that even the goal? That's what today's Wake Up Call is all about. Enjoy.

Transcript

Hey everyone,

It's Judy Cohen,

And this is Wake Up Call 314 on August 19th.

And here are our Dona Potta verses for today.

Still chapter 6.

Irrigators guide water,

Fletchers shape arrows,

Carpenters fashion wood,

Sages tame themselves.

As a solid mass of rock is not moved by the wind,

So a sage is unmoved by praise or blame.

So what is the idea behind taming the mind,

The idea of being unmoved by praise or blame?

The mind,

At least my mind,

Is so unruly.

Even after years of practice,

I noticed how unruly it can be.

And you know,

I do realize there's a difference between being caught in the unruliness and noticing the unruliness,

So that's important.

But this verse seems to take things to the next level.

It's saying a sage tames their mind,

And the example,

Or maybe it's the proof,

Of a tamed mind is a mind unmoved by praise or blame.

So my mind is more often than not moved by praise or blame.

And I'm just gonna start with blame.

If I'm blamed for something,

My hackles get up.

You know,

I feel blamed and then I get mad at the person blaming me.

Or if I blame myself,

I get mad at myself for blaming myself,

And also for whatever it is that I did,

That I think I did wrong.

So this is my mind reacting to blame with ill will,

Which is one of the three poisons of the mind.

If someone else is blaming me,

It takes various forms.

How dare you if you only knew you're not being fair.

If I'm blaming myself,

It's directed inwards.

How could you?

What were you thinking?

Now you've done it.

You know.

So ill will and the other two poisons,

Which are greed and delusion,

Are these three big bucket categories of unwholesome states of mind that arise over and over,

Completely naturally,

Because we're human,

And they're the states where we're weeding out by our practice.

And the way it seems to work is that the more we notice these states,

Meaning the more awareness we bring to them moment to moment,

As and when they arise,

And also as they subside without running with whatever stories spin out from these moments of ill will or greed or delusion,

The better.

Or another way of saying it is the more we're the non-judgmental observer of our own minds,

The more we're purifying our minds.

So for example,

The other day for me,

The other day,

The thought was I should have behaved differently in a situation regarding my little brother.

So this was about something that happened a long time ago,

30 years ago,

In fact,

But it's still in there.

As my teacher James Behra always says,

You know,

Poke my arm right here,

And I'm five years old,

Right?

So something poked me.

I didn't notice getting poked.

It happened really fast.

And I was 30 years old.

My little brother was in Toronto.

He needed me,

And it took me two weeks to get there.

And I blamed myself all over again.

And the stories arose again.

I should have gone sooner.

The concerns that stopped me from jumping on a flight were done.

I wasn't a good sister.

So,

You know,

Blame,

Self-blame,

And then all this ill-will towards myself for something that happened a lifetime ago,

And which my brother,

By the way,

Has forgiven me for a long time ago.

But if I'd been paying attention more closely,

I could have avoided that second arrow.

I might not have been able to avoid the self-blame.

But when the self-blame arose,

I had a choice about how to relate to it.

I could choose to be back in the world I could choose to be mad at myself all over again and go right into story.

I should have gotten there sooner.

I'm not a good sister.

But to me,

That feels like the opposite of being a solid mass of rock not moved by the wind or by praise or blame,

Right?

The verse.

Or even back further,

When blame happened,

In the moment it arose,

I could have been unmoved by blame.

And I could have done that using a couple of mindfulness tools.

The first,

Hiri and otopap,

And the second,

Rain.

So hiri and otopap are poly words,

And I like them in the same way that I sometimes like race ipsum where then the thing speaks for itself,

Just because they're really descriptive.

So hiri is that feeling,

And it's only really accessible when I slow down,

That something is off.

You know,

I stop,

Take a breath,

Observe.

And when I do that,

There's like a flat note somewhere in the sound around me,

Or my belly is tighter,

My neck is seized up,

Or something is off,

You know.

So that's hiri.

And then otopap kind of riffs off of hiri and invites in the conscience,

Which takes that off feeling and invites a clear look at what I'm about to say or do.

So this,

You know,

This process,

Otopap,

It's also only available when I'm moving slowly,

At least in my experience.

But when I am,

When I'm giving myself the opportunity to move more slowly and pay attention,

Then what I'm really doing is giving myself the opportunity to choose.

So should I say what I was about to say?

Should I do what I was about to do?

Should I let self-blame run wild into the old story I should have gotten there sooner?

I'm not a good sister.

Should I get mad at the person who blamed me?

How dare they?

They just don't understand.

So one interim step I like here,

After letting hiri and otopap do their work,

Is to reign the blame and its companion,

Which is ill will.

So R,

Recognize blame and ill will for what they are.

That's all they are is blame and ill will.

A,

Accept,

Yeah,

Blame is here.

Ill will,

Just follow it along.

I investigate,

Yeah,

This feels tight in my throat,

Feels stuck in my throat.

N,

I'm not alone,

Everyone gets blamed,

Everyone has self-blame,

Ill will often follows,

At least for me,

Maybe for others as well,

And also N,

Not identify,

So blame just happened,

Self-blame just happened,

And then I just got mad at the person who blamed me,

Or I just got mad at myself and it's not a big deal.

It's not that I'm a mean person,

Or an angry person,

Or a person without good judgment.

Right.

And after that I can relax.

I can see the trickiness of the mind waiting to take a moment of blame or self-blame and lash out or lash in,

And I can decline,

Yeah,

I can just be with the blame for a moment.

So,

Sages tame themselves as a solid mass of rock is not moved by the wind,

So a sage is unmoved by praise or blame.

And praise is the saint.

Someone quoted me from last week's wake up call on Instagram,

Wow,

You know,

Sounded really pithy,

And I actually remembered saying it,

But I had this moment,

First I had a moment of self-deprecation,

Which is a definite habit of mine,

And then,

Oh,

I said that was cool,

Maybe I should start collecting these pithy things I have to say,

You know,

I'm getting good at this.

So moved by praise,

Instead of remembering that,

You know,

This is just being human,

This is just practicing,

This is just integrating,

This is just sharing back moment to moment,

Best I can,

And we're all doing that,

You know,

We're being human,

We're practicing,

We're integrating,

We're sharing back.

Sometimes what we have to offer is praiseworthy,

Sometimes what we have to offer is blameworthy,

And what a relief throughout all of that to be unmoved.

So,

See what's true for you in all of this.

Do you feel moved by praise or blame?

And by moved,

Really,

You know,

It's like not one way or the other.

And how does it feel when you are?

And if it feels good,

You might not be motivated to tame your mind to be unmoved.

But if it feels not good,

Maybe you are motivated to tame your mind to be unmoved.

And also,

As you explore,

Remember,

You know,

Mindfulness is not about trying to get better.

So we're just about noticing moment to moment and then course correcting,

And then taking a breath,

Seeing what's here,

When things feel off,

Course correcting,

But still not getting anywhere,

And then repeating our whole lives moment to moment,

Like an endless ocean and a very small boat.

So let's sit.

Circumstantial phone 12 So taking a posture,

Finding a posture that's comfortable,

Relaxed,

Dignified,

Sustainable,

Maybe taking a moment to look around before you close your eyes and make sure that the space that you're in feels safe and comfortable itself,

The environment can help to do this so that the mind doesn't kind of run away with whatever old formations are in there around concerns for safety and well-being.

And then closing the eyes or lowering them three quarters of the way.

And taking a few conscious breaths,

Bringing the awareness to breathing.

And then if you want to stay with this focus practice,

Of bringing the awareness to the breath and when the mind wanders coming back to the breath,

And that's a beautiful practice.

And if you want to do more of an open practice,

Then you can just from here let the mind rest.

And notice what arises and passes away in the field of awareness.

So sounds,

Sensations,

Thoughts,

Emotions.

Just noticing as they arise and pass away.

Just observing the kind of the slideshow of the mind.

And the mind body.

And taking a peaceful approach.

Whatever arises is what arises.

Nothing is probable.

So thank you everybody for joining me on the wake up call,

Joining everyone on the wake up call.

Just want to say that you can take this practice with you today or for the week or weekend and just jump into it here and there and just notice,

Observe the process that's going on in the mind.

And yeah,

See if that's useful.

See if that's interesting.

Okay everybody,

Take good care.

I'll see you next Thursday.