How do you feel when a friend or relative announces they're pregnant?
It's hard to see someone else achieving something we've been working so hard for.
Other people's good news reminds us of our lack and that does not feel good.
Don't judge yourself if you struggle emotionally whenever you hear someone's baby news.
If it's too emotionally draining,
Politely excuse yourself from attending baby showers or take a break from social media.
Whatever you need to give space for your emotional journey to unfold.
This doesn't mean putting on a brave face while dying inside.
Outwardly showing joy while you feel pain inside takes a lot of effort,
But leaves you feeling bad.
I'm talking about taking the emotional inward journey.
Your feelings have nothing to do with your friend's success and everything to do with your fear of not being able to conceive.
Let's face that fear head-on once and for all.
This may be a very emotional exercise,
So please only do this in a place where you feel safe to be vulnerable.
Get comfortable and close your eyes.
Practice five rounds of alternate nostril breathing.
Close your right nostril and inhale for five counts or whatever feels comfortable through only your left nostril.
Hold your breath for five counts and then close your left nostril and exhale through the right.
Inhale right away through your right nostril,
Hold,
And then exhale through the left for the same duration.
This is one round.
Let's practice five rounds.
I'll guide you through the first round at a count of five.
Close your right nostril and inhale through your left for one,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Five.
Hold both nostrils two,
Three,
Four,
Five.
Exhale right nostril two,
Three,
Four,
Five.
Inhale right two,
Three,
Four,
Five.
Hold two,
Three,
Four,
Five.
Hold two,
Three,
Four,
Five.
Exhale left two,
Three,
Four,
Five.
Two,
Three,
Four,
Five.
Practice four more rounds at your own pace.
Drop control of your breath and simply watch your breath continue to flow.
Watch your natural rhythms.
When you're ready,
Add the Hong-Sau Mantra.
Mentally say Hong when you inhale and sau on the exhale.
Hong-Sau.
Practice Hong-Sau for two minutes.
Enjoy any silence between breaths.
If your thoughts wander,
Refocus on your mantra-matched breathing.
Once you're fully relaxed,
Allow yourself to briefly relax.
Allow yourself to briefly imagine the worst possible outcome on your fertility journey.
What is that for you?
Not being able to conceive naturally?
Not being able to conceive at all?
Or not being a parent at all in any way?
Briefly let yourself go there mentally.
If your worst-case scenario came true,
Are there other solutions for becoming a parent that you'd be open to?
Imagine yourself going through the process.
What would that feel like?
Could you find some happiness in a scenario like that?
Can you reach for the joy those situations could bring you?
Can you find acceptance within this worst-case scenario?
Take a deep breath and then affirm,
Secure in myself,
I accept whatever is.
Another deep breath and then state,
I welcome every opportunity for growth.
Take another deep breath and then reaffirm,
Secure in myself,
I accept whatever is.
There,
You did it.
You faced your deepest fear head on.
Now you can release it.
Let it go.
Don't worry about it anymore.
Yes,
It could happen,
But it may also not happen.
Try not to fixate on the worst-case scenario anymore.
That will constantly produce negative emotions and therefore bring you down emotionally whenever you think of it.
Acceptance doesn't mean your journey to conceive is over or that this scenario will come true for you.
It means you can find joy no matter what the circumstance.
That ability is the most powerful in the world.
You are already enough and you are strong enough to face each scenario when and if it unfolds.
I find the worst-case scenario rarely happens anyway.
Often the best-case scenario or something in between is what manifests in reality.
So now that you've allowed yourself to experience what the worst-case scenario might be like emotionally,
Don't allow yourself to ruminate on it.
Whenever the fear of it pops into your head,
And it will,
Mentally say,
Cancel,
Cancel,
And then find a more positive thought.
Now imagine your best-case scenario.
What does that mean for you?
What does that feel like?
So can you believe it's possible?
Take a deep breath and reaffirm.
Secure in myself,
I accept whatever is.
Secure in myself,
I accept whatever is.
This path is difficult,
But we are also too hard on ourselves.
I was immediately disappointed the very first month I didn't conceive and plunged into a cycle of despair that got worse every month.
Give yourself some grace no matter where you are on your emotional journey.
Come what may,
Try to reject fear and release its grip on your thoughts and therefore your emotions.
Step out of the despair cycle and choose happiness instead.
How?
Train yourself to reach for thoughts that make you feel good.
This is a daily practice,
Not a one-time cure.
Keep practicing cancer and negative visualizations.
Replace them with positive thoughts.
Keep reaching for joy and acceptance in all things,
One thought at a time.
