Growing Up With An Emotionally Immature Mom

This guided meditation will gently explore the impact of having a mom whose moods, needs, or inner world took up more space than your own, and how that may still echo in your relationships today. Together, we will begin to untangle old patterns so you can offer yourself the steady, caring presence you always needed.

This is a soft place to rest, to let your nervous system exhale, and to come back home to your own heart.

Transcript

This meditation was created for anyone who grew up feeling unseen or with a mom whose emotional needs took up more space than your own.

Together we'll untangle old relationship patterns and gently rewrite the experiences and all of the things that we inherited about love.

As you settle in for this time you're investing in yourself,

Bringing your awareness to deepen your breath,

Let's explore the impact of growing up with a mom who may have been physically present yet emotionally far away.

A mom whose needs,

Moods,

Or even what was going on in her life took up more space than your inner world with space to grow.

As you rest here,

Let's explore the impact of growing up with a mom who may have been physically present,

But even as a child there was this sense that you couldn't quite reach her all the way,

Especially if you're emotionally sensitive,

Noticing the subtleties of how disconnected this relationship feels at times.

Growing up inside of this kind of environment can shape many parts of your life now.

It can quietly influence the kind of partners you choose.

You might find yourself feeling alone,

Even in your closest relationships.

You might pull back when things begin to feel emotionally close without fully knowing why.

You might avoid looking too deeply within because at one time it felt safer not to know.

This emotional loneliness has an impact.

It can settle into your body and your nervous system.

It can shape how safe you feel in your loving connections today.

Instead of having a steady,

Curious presence for your inner world,

Your mom may have turned the focus back to herself.

Maybe she minimized what you felt or made you wrong when you tried to speak honestly.

Over time,

This creates something very real inside any little child,

That sense of emotional disconnection,

A feeling of being alone even when someone is right beside you.

Maybe as a child,

You wished you had someone you could go to with all of your feelings.

Someone you were free to tell anything to.

Someone you felt completely safe to open up to.

There might have even been a longing in your body to feel that sense of ease in a state of connection.

To feel seen for who you really are.

To feel the other person truly wanted to know you,

Not judge you,

Not turn the conversation back to themselves.

As children,

Our basic sense of security is built on emotional connection with our parents.

When parents are emotionally engaged,

Children grow up with the sense that there's always someone they can go to.

Always someone that cares to listen to what's really going on inside.

If it feels okay,

Gently bring your mom to mind.

Was there someone in your life who could offer safety,

Presence,

And a willingness to talk about anything?

Maybe an aunt,

A cousin,

An older sibling.

When you're ready,

I'd like to ask you to gently bring your mom into your mind.

Not the whole story,

Just a sense of her.

Her face,

Her energy,

The feeling of mom in your body.

Notice what happens inside as you do this.

She came first.

You came after.

She is the mom.

And no matter how old you are,

You are the child.

Notice how your body responds as you feel that.

Maybe there's a tiny bit of space that opens.

A sigh.

Maybe somewhere inside,

As a child,

You may have made an internal promise that sounds something like,

I will help you.

I will carry this for you,

Mom.

I'm going to find a way to make this better.

But even if you could,

You're not able to change your mom or lighten what she's carrying.

Let that sentence arrive as if it's a warm blanket,

A relief.

If you could,

What you've tried already would have made a difference.

You came after her.

There's no way to heal what belongs to her life you were never meant to.

In your inner world,

You might imagine standing in front of her.

You as you are now.

Her as the one who came before.

Can you sense the impact on you?

When mom's awareness remains with herself,

Instead of shining onto you as that little child?

Maybe there was hope that if you could get her to understand you,

You'd finally feel closer.

Your work now is to understand yourself.

To offer yourself the emotional presence you didn't receive and to build relationships in your life today that can truly meet you.

To acknowledge the impact of mom's emotional immaturity and to consciously choose a different way of living,

Loving,

And relating now.

Emotionally immature parents often behave in ways that shape the child's inner world into a confusing mix of loyalty,

Guilt,

And a longing for real connection.

Maybe you were made to feel wrong when you reached out for closeness.

Maybe you tried to have a conversation on a topic that was important to you,

Only to have it redirected into small talk.

Maybe she was distant when you needed comfort,

Or so caught up in her own worries,

Hurts,

Or dramas,

That there was very little space left for you.

As a child,

You learned to scan the room for her mood,

To keep the peace,

To stay small.

Maybe you were the one that over-functioned that everyone could count on.

Or maybe you were asked to be easy so that you wouldn't cause any need,

That you protected yourself from being criticized or ignored in this way.

These are just the signs of how sensitive and intelligent your nervous system has been,

Doing whatever it could to protect you and stay connected.

As you begin to truly see these patterns,

It's as if something within you begins to be illuminated.

You are learning how to recognize emotionally immature behavior when it shows up.

Maybe the defensiveness in the moment,

Or some form of shutdown,

Or the self-focus,

Lacking empathy for another.

Imagine saying inside of yourself,

This is her limitation.

This is not a reflection of me,

Or how loved I am,

Or how important what I want to express is.

It's natural to have love for your mom.

Love that remains,

Even with the distance and difficulties.

Maybe it's natural to access the love you have for your mom.

And maybe there are moments when it's hard to find that love in your body.

Love that remains,

Even with the distance and the difficulties.

It's natural to feel compassion for all that was hard for her.

At the same time,

There's no way to carry what belongs to her without it weighing you down.

When you take your mom's emotional immaturity personally,

It can quietly reach into your romantic relationships,

Your friendships,

Even come with you to work.

Let this truth settle into your body.

Notice where it lands,

Maybe in your chest,

Maybe down in your belly,

Maybe stuck in your throat.

Wherever it is,

Take that time to explore,

So that you can breathe gently into that place,

As if breath had the capacity to open up and free what's stuck there.

Imagine a little more space opening up for you,

A little more kindness,

A little more self-compassion and understanding.

Connecting now with the emotions you carry.

Notice which ones feel heavy.

Notice which ones feel like they might have started in her story,

Not in yours.

With each exhale,

You can allow a little of what is not yours to loosen,

To soften,

To begin to leave your body.

And with each inhale,

You can come home a little more to your own heart.

Begin to explore your own way of loving,

Separate from this.

You are learning how to offer yourself the presence you needed.

You are learning how to build connections that can truly meet you,

Can feel balanced.

You were never too much.

Perhaps the sensitivities you felt as a young child weren't met.

As you rest here,

Feel how life supports you now,

The ground beneath you,

The breath moving through you.

You are allowed to be the child of this mother and still choose a different way of loving.

Let that settle into your body as you breathe gently into that place.

Imagine a little more space opening there.

You are allowed to come home to your own heart,

Connecting now with the emotions you carry as you release what isn't yours.

Settling into the rhythm of your breath,

As these images and insights come with you into sleep,

So that whenever you awaken,

You have a sense of feeling lighter,

Having released so much of how this has been carried up until now.

Rest well.