Hi,
My name is Jessica Graham.
In this session,
I'm going to show you how meditation can help you to overcome romantic jealousy.
Begin by taking a comfortable seat with a long spine and close your eyes.
Take a few slow,
Deep breaths.
As you breathe,
Offer whatever you are experiencing,
Mentally and emotionally,
Your full acceptance.
Now,
Allow your breathing to be natural,
And I'll fill you in on what we'll be practicing today.
All you have to do right now is listen.
No one enjoys the experience of being jealous.
Your stomach gets twisted up in painful knots,
And your thoughts go on a looping rampage.
Whatever it is that's making you feel jealous plays in full sound and color in your mind on repeat.
The strong emotions and repetitive thought patterns can be really overwhelming,
Causing you to say and do things that you might later regret.
This is where meditation comes in.
Getting mindful about the experience of jealousy can help you to pause before saying or doing anything.
So,
If you're on the verge of stalking your ex's new sweetheart on social media,
Or telling your partner they have to get rid of all their attractive friends,
That pause will come in handy.
But that's not all.
Meditation can help you to form a whole new relationship with the thoughts and emotions that create jealousy.
This is a real game changer.
As complicated and painful as jealousy may seem,
It's actually quite simple.
Jealousy is just a thought in the form of words and images,
And emotions in the form of sensations in the body.
Doesn't seem quite so overwhelming when you look at it like that,
Does it?
Once you learn to see jealousy in this way,
It loses its power to dominate your life.
So,
In this meditation,
I'll lead you through a technique to deconstruct jealousy into three categories.
Mental talk,
Mental image,
And emotional sensation.
We'll begin with some relaxation,
And then move into the meditation technique.
At the end of the meditation,
We'll relax a little more,
And I'll offer you some positive affirmations.
Great.
Now,
Invite your body to relax.
You want to have a nice upright posture,
But also a relaxed body.
Start at your forehead.
Invite your forehead to soften and smooth out.
Relax your eyebrows.
Relax the space between your eyebrows.
Allow any expression to melt away.
Relax your eyes and all the little muscles around your eyes.
We tend to hold a lot of tension in the eyes,
So take your time and allow the eyes to relax.
Relax down your cheeks and into your jaw.
Invite the jaw to relax completely.
Let the mouth drop open a little.
If it feels good,
Very gently press your tongue into the roof of your mouth.
Relax your neck and down into your shoulders.
Let your shoulders drop down and back,
Allowing your chest to open slightly.
Feel that relaxation move down your arms and into your hands.
It's okay if you don't relax completely.
There might be some areas of tension that don't want to release.
That's okay.
Just relax around the tension.
Relax your chest and into your stomach.
Invite the sides of your torso to relax.
Now relax your back,
From the upper back all the way down to the lower back.
Just use the muscles you need for sitting up and allow everything else to relax.
Now invite your butt,
Hips,
And pelvic area to relax.
Invite that relaxation to move down both of your legs.
Finally,
Relax your feet.
Great work.
Now,
Let's move on to the next exercise.
Let's move on to mental talk.
You don't need to quiet your mind or turn off your thoughts.
Don't try to stop or control your thoughts during this meditation.
Again,
You don't need to quiet your mind.
Just offer your thoughts total acceptance.
Place your attention in the area where mental talk arises for you.
This is where you've been hearing the jealous thoughts.
For most people,
Mental talk happens in the head,
But it might be somewhere else for you.
If there is mental talk arising,
Listen to it.
Not to the content or the story,
But to the activity of it.
The arising and passing of the words.
When jealous thoughts arise,
Try not to get pulled into the personal meaning of the words.
Instead,
Observe how the words come and go with curiosity and acceptance.
Remember,
We're not trying to quiet the mind.
We're learning to witness thinking.
Notice the volume,
Pitch,
And pace of the mental talk.
Notice the beginnings and endings of thoughts.
If you find yourself pulled into the thoughts in an unmindful way,
Come back to listening with more detachment.
It doesn't matter what your mind is saying.
It's all just mental talk.
Try not to take the jealous thoughts personally.
They're just thoughts.
They're no more or less important than thoughts about your next grocery shopping trip.
In the context of this meditation,
All thoughts are just thoughts.
No big deal.
If there's no mental talk,
Just be with the quiet until some arises.
If you're experiencing a lot of jealousy,
It probably won't take long before some thoughts pop up.
Come back to observing your thoughts in a curious and accepting way any time you start to take them personally.
Remember,
You don't have to quiet your mind.
Just observe it with curiosity and acceptance.
If you're thinking,
I'm doing this wrong.
Or,
I hate this meditation.
Remember,
That's just mental talk.
So observe it just like any other mental talk.
If this feels challenging,
That's normal.
You're learning to observe your mind with your mind.
It can be a little bit of a brain twister at first,
But with practice,
It becomes easier and easier.
Okay,
Now let that go and bring your attention to the area where mental images arise.
For most people,
It happens around the eyes,
But it could be somewhere else for you.
If there are images available,
Look at them.
Be less interested in the story of the images and instead explore the activity,
The coming and going of images.
When you see images related to your jealousy,
Just observe them without taking them personally or getting lost in them.
It's totally normal to get pulled into thoughts.
When you notice that that has happened,
Then just come back to mindfully witnessing the activity.
You're doing great.
The images might seem to be on a screen or even all around you.
They could be thin and wispy,
And you may not be sure what they are.
It doesn't matter what they are.
Just keep observing with acceptance and curiosity.
If there are no images,
Just gaze into the space of no image.
Keep your eyes relaxed.
No need to strain.
Allow the images or empty space to come to you.
Okay,
Now you can begin to observe both mental talk and images.
You may be able to notice both arising at the same time,
Or you might want to move back and forth between the two.
It also may be the case that only one is available.
If so,
Focus on that.
Anytime you get pulled into the thoughts in a personal way,
See if you can just gently step back out to a broader perspective and just witness the thinking.
Okay,
Now we'll turn our attention to emotional sensations.
Direct your attention to the place in your body where you feel the jealousy.
For a lot of people,
The emotional sensations associated with jealousy can be felt in the face,
Throat,
Chest,
And stomach.
You may also be aware of these sensations elsewhere.
An emotional sensation is different from a purely physical sensation.
An itch on your nose isn't an emotion,
But a tightness in your chest or a heavy feeling around your eyes could be an emotional sensation.
Use your physical awareness to explore any sensations that seem to have an emotional flavor.
If you're not sure if something is an emotional sensation,
It's okay to guess.
Keep feeling the sensations and offering acceptance.
Don't try to resist or push them away.
Instead,
Gently explore them.
When you get pulled into thought,
Which will happen,
Just gently bring your attention back to your body and to the sensations of jealousy in your body.
Jealousy can bring with it sadness,
Anger,
Embarrassment,
And a whole host of other emotions.
You don't need to know exactly what the emotion is.
Let go of the story and just feel the sensations.
Start to get really curious.
How big is the sensation?
Does it tingle or throb?
Does it expand or contract?
Does it get stronger and then weaker,
Fluctuating in intensity?
Can you explore the edges of the sensation?
How about the center?
You can stay with one emotional sensation or move around the body with your physical awareness,
Noticing the jealousy in different areas.
It's possible that you're not aware of any jealous sensation in the body.
If that's the case,
Just keep exploring sensation in the body.
Noticing how the body feels.
If your mind starts telling you you're doing it wrong,
Just come back to the body.
You're doing great.
Remember,
You don't have to quiet your mind and you don't have to figure out any of these sensations.
Just feel them.
Continue to bring acceptance and curiosity to each sensation.
Great work.
Now let's finish up with some relaxation and some positive affirmations.
Relax your body from your head to your toes.
Remember,
It's okay if there are spots that don't want to relax.
Just keep bringing your attention back to the parts of the body that are relaxed.
Focus on what feels good in the body.
You've been doing some hard work,
And this is an opportunity to just relax and feel some pleasure.
That's all you need to do.
Relax and feel good.
Offer yourself some gratitude and appreciation for addressing your jealousy in a healthy and proactive way.
Now take three deep breaths.
Exhale with a sigh.
Great.
Now repeat the following phrases in your mind or out loud after me.
I am safe.
I am happy.
I am at peace with myself and with others.
I release these jealous thoughts and emotions.
I treat myself with kindness and compassion.
I am relaxed and at ease.
Now take three more deep breaths,
Sighing on the exhale.
Let it all go.
Good job.
You've successfully added a very powerful tool to your toolkit.
Try practicing this meditation once a day for the next two weeks or until you're no longer feeling jealous.
