When I grew up I had a lot of pride,
Or more accurately speaking a lot of shame,
Or perhaps even more accurately speaking a lot of fear of my shame.
I found it particularly difficult to admit fault and especially to apologise.
When I was around 19 I said something tactless and hurtful to my 12 year old brother and my girlfriend at the time brought it up with me later that day.
She told me that she thought that what I had said was mean and really unnecessary,
To which I agreed,
And she told me that I should apologise,
To which I felt a tremendous inner resistance.
However I took her point and resolved that I was going to do it.
It might sound silly to you if you are someone to whom apologising comes easy,
But for me it was one of the most difficult things I had pushed myself to do.
But I did it and thinking back on it I did it pretty well being my first go at it.
I knocked on his door and honestly told him what I was sorry about having said.
I think he appreciated the apology but what I remember is his puzzled look and him wondering what the hell was going on with me,
As that must have been pretty out of character at the time.
I felt elated for weeks afterwards and I remember almost wanting to hurt people in order to get the opportunity to repair and feel the warm intimate sense of commonality and belongingness that followed.
Apologising felt threatening to the ego but was actually liberating to the heart.
The Buddha had a beautiful way of talking about people who recognised their transgressions and made amends.
He used to compare them to the full moon coming out from behind the clouds.
There are certain attitudes and intentions that are helpful to meditation practice,
Such as generosity and tolerance and freedom from remorse and intentions of goodness.
This is probably something you have a clear experience of already.
On a day where you've had some sort of unresolved quarrel with someone,
The mind might be really stirred up.
You might even have trouble falling asleep.
On the other hand,
After acts of kindness,
Not even grand things,
Just ordinary friendly encounters,
The mind is naturally settled and clear.
The everyday practice of these beneficial and beautiful qualities is sometimes under communicated in mindfulness traditions.
But they are actually a wonderful way of bringing the practice into our daily life.
Think about something you have done,
Motivated from the kindness of your heart this week and notice how it feels.
Zen master Ryokan was walking on the beach.
A storm had just blown over.
Hundreds of starfish had been washed up by the waves.
They were beginning to die in the sharp sunlight.
Ryokan picked up the starfish one by one and threw them back into the sea.
A fisherman who had been observing Ryokan came up to him.
Why do you do this?
Every time there's a storm this happens.
You can't save them all.
So what difference does your attempt make?
It will make a difference to this one,
Replied Ryokan,
As he flung yet another starfish into the water.
It can be difficult to know when to act and when not to.
And it can be difficult to accept that often there won't be a right and wrong answer to the question either.
I like the prayer that anonymous alcoholics have made into their motto,
Into rhino-neebu serenity prayer.
It goes like this,
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
Initially in meditation there is a movement from complexity to simplicity,
From an external focus to an internal focus,
From effort to effortlessness,
From resistance to acceptance,
And from trying to control and influence to letting go.
However,
When we gain some mastery in the practice a shift occurs and the pendulum can swing back into the world.
With utter simplicity as the foundation we can allow the fathomless complexity of the mind.
From a secure refuge of inner peace we can be of great benefit to it.
When we're no longer trying to be someone we're not,
Real heroic effort comes in from the mind.
From profound acceptance of the world liberating resistance comes to be.
When we no longer need the world for safety or contentment,
We are free to go and be the change we want to see in the world.
When we are free to go and be the change we want to see in the world,
We are free to go
