Readiness | Ask Us Anything With Lydia G & Joanne Muir-3/29

Joanne Muir again joins fellow Insight Timer teacher Lydia Grace & I for “Ask Us Anything” a monthly, open-audience, open-discussions about meditation and related topics. Some of the topics we chat about, not necessarily in this order: defining readiness; asking how; enthusiasm; readiness in the body; choosing readiness; preparedness; intent; importance; seriousness; what are you not ready for; overachieving; why society defaults to not being ready; self confidence; fear; worry; concern; care

Transcript

All right,

Wholeness and welcome.

This is Josh Dippold from Integrating Presence,

And this is Monthly Ask Us Anything.

And today,

Joined again by Lydia Grace and Joanne Muir joins again.

Today's topic is readiness.

Thought of so many different cliches for this,

Like,

Are you ready for this or ready or not,

Something like that,

You know,

Which are okay.

But this comes from Lydia's recent work with readiness.

And I think I'm just going to toss it over to her instead of me trying to stammer around here and kind of stab in the dark of what is going on with this,

Which doesn't really go show much for my own readiness here,

Does it?

Or maybe it does.

We'll find out.

So Lydia,

What is this readiness thing that you have going on now?

Could I be more vague?

We're starting.

We're starting on Wisdom App.

We are on Insight Timer.

We're on YouTube and we're on Facebook Lives.

We're on many different platforms right now.

So welcome to any of you listening in live or to the replay.

Readiness.

Well,

I always like to start with like,

How do we each define readiness?

You know,

Because I can just go into it,

But I always like starting lives or talks with like giving questions back because it allows each of us to be uniquely engaged and share our own perspective of where we're coming from.

Readiness I did a live on Insight Timer a few weeks ago on the topic of readiness.

And I was in discussion,

I believe with my sister who is also a coach.

And we were talking about asking how,

Like,

How do I make more money?

How do I heal this relationship?

How do I know if I'm in the right relationship?

Whatever.

There's we,

We tend to ask a lot of hows to try to get like,

What do I do with about where I want to go?

Or how do I get there?

And I like to think when we're asking the question how it's usually because our intuition is ready to show us.

We're kind of in a place in our brain where if we're asking how we're kind of being closer to a space of wanting to actually follow through.

But many,

Sometimes we're not where it's like,

I want clarity on this.

How do I get there?

And readiness,

I think is like,

If you,

If we're asking the question,

How in life are we ready for the answer?

Because a lot of times the answer requires us to make a choice.

And so that's kind of where I,

I have come from in this topic,

You know,

And it,

I like sharing my perspective at any given time in my life or phase or what I'm working with.

So I don't ever think that I'm infallible or more right than others,

But that's kind of the perspective I've come from on this topic.

So I'm curious to know what each of you define as readiness and the perspective you're coming from.

Joanne,

You ready?

I want to see what she did there.

That was so clever.

Yeah.

So I sort of did,

So thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is a really fun topic to play with.

I sort of did a little word association and I had all these sort of words come that I suppose elicited feelings within me or the feelings gave the words,

Who knows what came first,

But I had this sort of poised potential and action this curiosity and stuff.

So for me,

I think readiness is if I see myself starting to create action,

Then it just gives me this,

Like I must be ready for it.

And I'm going to work backwards because I know myself well enough to all the times in the past where I've maybe given myself grief over not accomplishing or not doing things that I know intellectually that I want to do,

That my ego knows might be next,

That makes sense whether it's like,

Oh,

This would be next in a series of classes to give or this would be next for me to do in my career,

My life.

And if I'm not doing it,

I just give myself permission now to know I wasn't ready.

I just wasn't ready.

And I back off this kind of judgment because when there's alignment and action and there's an excitement,

One of the words that came up for me is an excitement.

And that for me is kind of when my body and my nervous system is ready to do something,

When there's a natural,

Organic,

Excited joy and enthusiasm towards taking action on something.

And if I don't have it,

Don't get me wrong,

I don't have to have every single word on this hundred word list show up for me to take action on something.

But it really is,

It's almost like this nervous system,

You know,

Like where everything is kind of like ding,

Ding,

Ding,

Ding,

Ding.

That's my first,

I think,

Response to then taking action.

Lydia,

You might have said this word,

Or maybe you gave me the idea of this word,

But there's also a clarity around it for me.

So when I'm sort of like just unsure of what it is that I'm trying to look at,

What I'm trying to be ready for,

How to get ready for something,

How to be more prepared,

If I don't have that clarity,

I feel like sometimes that's also a sign that I'm not quite in that readiness energy.

So that's how I would kind of start my perspective on readiness.

Are you ready,

Josh?

I guess I'm up next,

Right?

Ready to be ready or something like that,

Right?

Are you ready to answer?

Are you ready?

No.

Okay,

Probably not.

So what about,

What's this fancy $2 word like cataphatic or atatat?

The one where you go against the negation of something.

So what am I not ready for?

For grandiose things here on a huge societal timeline,

I'm not ready for transhumanism merging with machines.

I'm not ready for a war or any kind of huge massive warfare.

Those are probably the big ones.

Especially with,

Just to kind of start at a political point in order to get out of a political point,

It seems like the pestilence programming is kind of winding down from the corporate and government medias and the big social networks and influencers.

And now the warfare programming is being ramped up,

Beating the war drums.

And so I'm not really ready for that.

What I'm ready for more is peace and to jettison all that.

Preparedness on a more mundane,

Everyday level.

Joanne mentioned that.

So there's some things where we just know the back of our hand,

We as a royal we,

That we could do in our sleep,

The back of our hand in our sleep.

We don't need any kind of preparedness and natural ease and flow to it.

Other things take a little preparation,

At least for me.

I can make a few brief notes.

We're getting some kind of feedback here.

But then there's some things where I just,

I have to totally prepare.

If I really want to have the drive to do something,

Then I need to just spend extra time preparing.

And I think,

Yeah,

That kind of volition to act as well.

I mean,

We could be prepared all we think all the time,

But there's still this nervousness that we don't want to do something.

There's another point here that I'm blanking on right now,

But I'm probably will get back to it.

I think as I'm,

As I've been listening to both of you,

I wonder like,

Well,

I wonder what the difference is.

What is the difference between readiness and preparedness,

You know,

First,

Because when I think of readiness or what I came to this conversation with was readiness to do something new that you don't have any skills for.

So how prepared can you be in that sense,

The preparedness is more of a commitment or resolve to figure it out and to be okay with being a beginner,

You know,

Versus like you're talking about something that you can do in your sleep.

There's a readiness in that case,

Because it's something that's like almost your new default or it's gone into the subconscious where you just know how to do it already,

You know.

And for me,

Like in the context of readiness,

When you're learning a new skill or working towards like healing trauma in your body,

When you haven't known how to do that before or even thought about it,

Or,

You know,

Things where it's a new experience opportunity where you don't exactly even know what's going to come or how it's going to look like,

What does it mean to be in your body?

Someone might be like,

What does that even mean?

And then it's like,

Am I ready to go there and be uncomfortable with something I'm not even sure I understand yet?

For me,

I think readiness,

A huge part of readiness is consent.

Are there any parts of me that are not consenting to this?

Sort of like what you were talking about,

Joanne,

Like if there's a level of confusion and not a lot of clarity,

That might be an example of,

Okay,

Maybe the invitation first is to get more clear on whether this is the right timing or the right phase,

Or I'm at the point where I can do this,

Whatever it is,

You know.

And like at this point,

We're kind of more talking abstract.

I like to sometimes bring things down into like,

What are you ready or not ready for in your day?

You know,

Like for me,

Jumping out of bed when the alarm rings is I'm not usually ready.

But the invitation for me can be like,

Do I want,

Is that something I want to be ready for?

Do I want to get up in the morning and be ready for my day right away?

Or do I want to be okay with like randomly getting on my phone and zoning out for an hour or two?

Is that,

How do I feel about that?

And instead of,

You know,

A lot of times we just go into judgment about different things in our day.

Or I use the example of like,

You know,

Diet culture is huge and has been for decades.

And a lot of times I've noticed people want to like do a 30 day cleanse or lose weight in 30 days.

And then they battle the whole time with not being able to do whatever they want to do,

Like eat healthy or,

You know,

Whatever it is.

And I like to invite in,

But did you have a conversation with your body?

Was your body ready to do it?

Or are you just trying to force something on your body and then there's going to be resistance and you think you're failing,

But your body's like,

I just don't want to do this right now.

And I use that example because I've done that.

Where in the past I would like force a cleanse on my body thinking I should do it right now because of what I've read or this program is starting and I want to save money because of the discount or whatever.

And when I have gone into tuning into my body and saying,

Can we do this now?

Many times my body's like,

Not yet.

Wait till dot,

Dot,

Dot,

But be ready when I'm ready.

Like get ready to be ready and I'll let you know.

And then it'll be easy.

And I've done that before where one time,

I don't know,

I think I was feeling a little bloated or like noticing I was eating a lot of carby stuff,

You know,

And maybe I had a little keen weight or something,

I don't know,

But it was more like I wanted to start eating more greens and like raw foods and everything,

But it was in the middle of the winter.

And so I checked in with my body and my body was like,

This isn't,

I was like winter,

Winter,

Colorado.

And my body was like,

This isn't the time.

I'll start craving salads,

Probably closer to when the weather changes,

But you need to get your mindset and your body and your willingness ready so that when I start one,

You can notice and then two,

You're ready for the discipline of shifting without it being a problem mentally or psychologically or emotionally,

You know?

And so I was able to go into readiness for that to happen.

And when it did,

My body did naturally start craving healthier foods.

And it was like within days I had shifted so much in my microbiome and my body,

But I think if I had tried in the middle of the winter,

When my body was craving more root vegetables and soups and other things,

It wasn't going to have a similar effect,

You know?

So I think I see a large part of readiness as,

Can we cultivate that conversation within ourselves?

Is there any part of me that's not ready?

And if so,

Why or what?

And is that going to be a deal breaker or is that just like fear that I can be okay with while I move forward into something?

Or is it something that's legit that's going to adjust my timing that I can respect where I'm at?

Like,

I'm going to take on this new business venture,

But you're totally overwhelmed in your life.

There's no way you could actually do it yet.

And so you have to move through the transition of other things in your life first,

And then there's going to be a space where you're more ready to do it later,

You know?

So I feel like that's kind of an interesting conversation that I don't see talked about a lot.

Are we actually checking in with ourselves to see if there's any part of us that's not consenting?

And if there is,

Does that become the voice of decision or is that just a voice we can recognize and honor and still go forward?

I want to talk to that.

I appreciate that.

I scribbled this term order of operations,

And then thinking about a lot of my work is about reading,

Perceiving,

Kind of dancing with communicating with energy,

Whether I'm doing body work or channeling or coaching or sound or whatever,

Whatever.

There's this order of operations,

And I really appreciate you saying that,

Lydia,

Too.

Because sometimes if I'm going to pick up a certain sound tool or my brain says because a client's coming in,

Maybe presenting with certain symptoms that I should work liver or whatever the case is,

But then if I actually check the body,

Really what needs to happen first is something else before I can do that.

And then there is a readiness because I did this sort of order of operations is like a term that comes up for me.

And so it doesn't always mean that I can't do anything.

It sometimes means that there's just a few first before I can do the next thing.

And then that creates a flow.

And so some people think,

Oh,

I don't know if you guys have seen it's like a cute meme that sort of says life direction or life ascension or whatever.

And it's like a point here and a point here and a straight arrow.

And then it says what actually happens.

And it's like the spaghetti lines,

Whatever.

And so it's like,

Yeah,

You know,

We think we're ready to be there.

But universe,

Body consent,

Life happenings,

Timing,

All these other variables say,

Actually,

You're going to do this,

And you'll get there.

So for me,

Sometimes I say I might call upon readiness,

And then I see the way or I'll call readiness and I might see the blocks or I'll call readiness and I'll call in the right coach or the right,

You know,

Person will come to me like that.

So it's funny,

Because in the beginning,

When we were talking,

I was thinking of this like,

Readiness coming from like,

Small atomic habit kind of action based,

You know,

Ascension.

And then I was realizing there's also another way that sometimes I just sort of mantra,

Okay,

I'm ready for this.

And then all of a sudden,

Either way,

Or the things to work through will show up post.

So obviously,

There are many paths lead to Rome,

But it was kind of interesting.

But definitely this idea of like you're saying consent.

But also just that there might be a different way.

And if we can't see it this way,

There might be another way or multiple ways.

And I think for me,

Whichever one creates more flow,

Whichever one is easier,

Just not always the way I practiced in my life.

I've tried harder so that now I know easier feels a lot better.

So whole new method I'm trying by the way.

You guys should try it.

It's really fun.

So yeah,

So I really appreciated you saying that.

There's a question that like,

I'm curious about too is like,

What,

How,

You know,

Readiness is a very abstract term.

If it was to be less abstract,

Like,

How do we know we're ready,

Like physically,

Mentally,

Psychologically,

Emotionally,

Like,

What are what are indicative,

Indicative factors for us to feel confident in in like,

Not just saying I'm ready,

And then our whole body's like,

If you aren't,

You know,

How do we know we're ready?

Like what do we see within our emotions or our mind or our psychology or physiology?

I want to maybe come back to that I want to pick up on what's been said too.

And but I would say just a short answer to that was first things coming to mind is self trust plays a big part of that.

So trusting in oneself,

Trusting that the process whatever happens or doesn't happen is is probably the best outcome that's going to that's meant to be right now.

I don't know,

Maybe that's totally off base.

But I think this at what I keep getting at the root fundamental importance of this is what is it?

Whatever you you're you feel you're ready for you're not ready for?

What is the importance behind that?

What is the intent for carrying this out?

And we had a whole show on intent before right impact and intent.

But why are you even doing this?

Right?

What is it important?

Or is it coming from?

What kind of is it coming from?

Just could be coming from all kinds of things competition,

I want to be like that person,

Or maybe I'm inspired by that person.

It could be an emotional thing.

Oh,

I will feel so amazing.

When I do that,

When I accomplish that,

It could be your peer pressure,

Right?

Then that no,

My social group is doing this,

So I need to do that or do something similar.

They might find that they might get more honor and respect.

They might value validate me more if I if I do this.

And how serious are we about it?

You know,

A lot of times I know people get really enthusiastic and they say,

I want to do this,

Which is great.

But I mean,

Which there's not there's no reason to look down on that.

But I would just say gauge our seriousness level two and not like really,

Oh,

This is so serious.

I'm not going to have any fun doing this.

You know,

It's just like,

Is this something we can joke about or is this something we really want to spend time and effort pursuing?

There's this saying called,

Don't let your sometimes your eyes can be bigger than your stomach.

Some people will see something there's like,

Oh,

I want all of that.

But then they,

You know,

They can't eat it.

So I was I'm thinking about that.

Now,

Not to take the air out of any tires here,

But to flip this around,

You know,

What about for overachievers?

You know,

People that just achieve,

Achieve,

Achieve like the serial doers,

Accomplishers,

Which I'm not saying Lydia's one,

But I know why I thought.

Right.

I look at her Instagram lately.

I'm not saying you're one of them.

She does all these amazing things.

I've just seen these videos that all these amazing somatic feats,

Let's just call that maybe just kind of blew me away seeing those.

So what if everybody,

You know,

Just I know nobody's really at this level is say that pretty much every was saying somebody accomplishes everything they put their mind to.

Won't they just for devil's advocate here,

Won't they eventually get bored with achieving and doing so then what's interesting that you're associating achieving and readiness?

Oh,

Yeah.

Good point.

You know what I mean?

Like I'm noticing like you're,

You're assuming readiness means doing,

And the question I have is like,

What led you there?

Yeah.

And because readiness can be readiness for stillness.

When you prepare yourself for meditation,

It's preparing readiness for your mind to be quieter or for you to become into your body.

So it's interesting that you went into readiness and then overachieving and people that succeed too much and then what's the problem and you know,

So I'm curious as to how you got there,

You know,

Because it's interesting how we go into story with certain terms,

You know,

And and and it makes me wonder is readiness very is readiness in society that concept associated with productivity?

Because that's interesting that you went that,

You know,

Because a lot of times and you mentioned readiness,

Maybe equal self trust.

A lot of people that work with me as a coach come because they want to develop self trust.

So it's not even they're not necessarily in that space of saying they're coming because they're ready for the embodiment coaching or the one on one or group or whatever.

But it's interesting because many people show up for the embodiment coaching because that's what they want to cultivate,

You know,

So that also is interesting.

Do you have to have self trust for there to be readiness?

Because I mean,

I don't know the answer to that,

Like,

Because it's going to be uniquely answered by each person,

You know,

But I'm curious.

Do you know what you were gonna say,

Joanne?

I was gonna say,

You know,

Why aren't we ready?

And then that support that speaks to the support to right,

Big part of my journey to is allowing support,

I had to do everything myself.

It helps so much,

But why aren't we ready to and then actually actually take Lydia's question first,

Please.

Oh,

I was just gonna say I thought that was an interesting point to make to and I was listening to you,

Josh.

It's like,

Does readiness equal,

You know,

Action success?

And not that I've ever resonated with overachieving energy,

So I'm gonna go hypothetical here.

Sometimes I think overachieving could be,

You know,

For me what came up is like,

Oh,

But are they really ready or are they pushing past readiness?

You know,

There's been a lot of times in my life where I've pushed my body,

Mind,

Soul,

Spirit,

Past readiness and just sort of into action based on,

I loved what you were saying,

Josh,

Too,

By,

You know,

Peer pressure or within my field and element of pressure to sort of match or,

You know,

Rise up or hit a certain level or cultural pressures or whatever the case is.

So,

You know,

Looking back sort of like in retrospect in this conversation,

Like,

Oh,

All those things that I did and some of the answer may be yes to some of it,

They may be,

You know,

Sort of squiggly line maybe to others,

But was I really ready or did I just do?

And so it was kind of interesting.

Lydia,

Thanks for pointing that out because that stuff was kind of coming up for me too that I thought was interesting looking Josh.

Yeah.

And the peer pressure that you were speaking to too,

It helped.

It made me remember or like one of the things I noticed when I started my online business a couple of years ago was this kind of huge amount of pressure that I noticed in the coaching world of people needing to make six figures as soon as possible.

And this like,

It was almost less about coaching and more about how much money you're making,

Which to me I was like,

Wow,

Like,

You know,

I would think coaching is about,

You know,

Life and stuff,

But kind of the loudest voices that I noticed from what I was on.

So of course it's my own perception in this was really focused on how quickly can you make the most amount of money.

And I was like,

That's interesting because that's another level of capitalistic conditioning.

So our coaches saying like,

What's the message here?

Is it about your skills as a coach or is it about the money you're making?

And in capitalism,

Money tends to kind of Trump other things when it goes off balance.

We see that in medicine,

We see that in politics,

We see that everywhere,

Like,

Especially in American culture and in war,

You know,

Like we had briefly touched on before,

But I thought it was interesting because as I have been building my online business at the pace of thing that I'm learning is best for me there.

I have noticed a lot of pressure,

External pressure of,

I should be making more money.

I should have more clients.

And when I come into tuning into my body,

I'm like,

But I'm not ready for that.

And I don't want to be ready for that yet.

Like at some point I want to be ready to increase my speed,

But my integrity says,

Do this in a way that's going to honor your body.

You're not trying to over go into overwhelm and burnout.

This isn't like let capitalism go for a moment.

What's your vision?

Kind of like what you were saying.

What's your why and is the,

Does the why match some of these social constructs that could be helpful pressure because sometimes social pressure helps us to see our blind spots or see things that we weren't aware of or motivates us in a way that maybe we couldn't or didn't have as much awareness to motivate ourselves.

So social pressure itself can be neutral and even our interpretation of it,

That was my interpretation.

Someone else might have a completely different experience of what,

If they were exposed to the same things I were,

I was.

So there's that,

It just,

My mind associated with some of the experiences I've had around the trying to make myself be ready for something based on something that didn't really have to do with tuning into being connected with myself.

And when I was able to come into connection with myself,

The readiness showed up as,

Are you ready to take this slowly?

Are you ready to honor your pacing while noticing that there's a part of you,

Your ego or your bank account that maybe wants more or wants something different?

Are you ready to move into the direction that you can have like have a lifestyle?

I mean,

Have an income and vision and passion that supports what you want in life and you know,

Whatever.

And of course that's talking about the business.

And a lot of times when I talk about readiness,

Like with clients,

It's more about like internal readiness to like notice what's happening inside.

Are you ready to like go into an inner conversation with yourself?

Are you ready to like cultivate the skills of personal and interpersonal communication?

There's a couple of things coming up for me.

I thought about that,

You said,

Oh,

You might've said pace,

But the words rhythm and cadence and things were coming up for me because my cadence of readiness when I was younger is different than it is now.

And I see that sort of anthropological evolution.

I see,

You know,

Learned lessons of when I used to,

You know,

Sort of respond really quickly,

Ready really fast,

You know,

Jump on things really quickly.

And now I just have a really different cadence and rhythm and pace around that.

And it's not,

It's not anything good,

Bad and different.

It's just different.

And you know,

And I was thinking about,

Oh,

How much energy I used to have when I was younger,

But also did that work for me?

Did that not work for me?

So there's a wisdom now to my readiness that I didn't have in my twenties.

You know,

It's just kind of fun to see like,

Oh,

The readiness comes up in different ways.

And I really enjoy being ready for my day now after movement and meditation.

Whereas once upon a time,

Maybe readiness of my day was like,

I can't wait to get out the door and take another class and take another training or whatever the case is,

You know?

And so it's just kind of fun to like have the opportunity to see that as we're talking.

And then other side of my brain kind of trips,

Which when you were saying that about conversation with your body,

Lydia,

Because I know a lot of people that I work with,

When we're doing,

You know,

Embodiment coaching,

Verbal processing,

And especially channeling truths and stuff,

It's like,

Oh my gosh,

Is there a readiness to see this truth?

Is there a readiness for that truth to become a lie for you,

Where a new truth can become,

You know,

Real for you?

Those are really beautiful,

Internal,

Intrinsic conversations and paradigm shifts that I know people are having and that readiness to be on the journey where you say,

Okay,

I'm going to go through a transmutation,

A change,

You know?

It could be a 10 year rest of your life journey,

Right?

It could be a one session thing.

But so then another word that came up when we were just having that part of the conversation is courageous,

Like another synonym for me.

It's like readiness can be courage,

You know?

It can be like,

I don't know if I'm ready,

But I'm sort of ready,

But maybe I'm ready,

But if I have the right help,

I could be ready or the right trust,

Like you were saying,

Josh.

So it's really beautiful to be opening this up and see all the really sweet elements of it too.

One thing coming to me too now is this whole culture we have in the West.

Lydia mentioned capitalism and I'm not going to go into that because I don't think there's anything really wrong at the root of making money,

Just the system that we're in,

But we don't even have true capitalism ever.

It's all based,

That aside,

On competition,

Right?

So there's so much competition we're conditioned from a very early age to compete.

What about cooperation,

Right?

And with the competition comes a fear of failure.

And so when we're afraid to fail at something,

Right,

That's a biggie.

So we all start where we're at,

Right?

Becoming comfortable with that,

You know,

We're not going to go,

If we start training in triathlon,

We're not going to be able to set a world record on the first time,

You know,

Extreme silly example,

But some people want to get to the end point right away.

And if they can't do it right away,

Well then they give up,

It's not worth it.

So again,

You know,

What's the importance of that?

Joanne talked about the order of operation,

And I think for just everybody in everyday life,

Maybe a translation of that would be priority,

You know,

We see all these things that we were not ready for,

We would like to be ready for,

And we are ready for.

Well,

What is the priority level?

You know,

What needs more readiness?

What needs less readiness at the time,

You know,

In an order of importance.

And this is where discernment can come into developing discernment skills to be able to do that and then wield that sort of decisiveness to just make those decisions.

Choice is a huge matter in this.

Olivia talked in the very beginning about choice.

And then,

You know,

The overachievers,

I thought of another thing with this that,

You know,

If let's just say hypothetically,

Someone's achieved anything they put their mind to,

Or they're ready for everything,

You know,

Bring anything on.

So then,

If let's just say that's the case.

Well then what would be the next step of that?

It would be achieving non-achievement,

Which is kind of silly to think about.

But if you think about it,

Actually,

You can achieve non-achievement by doing nothing,

You know,

It's kind of a weird way to flip everything on its head.

If we're like,

Looking,

You know,

Putting so much emphasis on goal accomplishing,

I guess so I mean,

We can have a goal to do nothing too.

And you know,

I had one other thing to support that,

You know,

There's so many great,

Amazing people out there.

And I think when we align with goodness,

Mighty forces come to our aid,

Aligning with goodness and calling in our support,

Being open to having support,

Meeting new people,

Getting references.

But the biggest thing I want to wrap up on here,

And I'll pass the mic,

Is the truth thing.

I know Anne mentioned about truth and some people,

For me,

That's one of my top priorities all the time is truths.

But I know not everybody's like that,

Because truth can scare people to death.

It will destroy the world you used to live in too.

Truth can do that,

You know.

And so people are definitely afraid of it.

They want to be reassured that what they believe is the truth,

Right?

They don't really want the actual truth.

They just want to be assured and comforted that what they already believe is true.

But belief is only really necessary if we don't know for ourselves,

Right?

So if we know for ourselves,

Then there's no need to believe anymore.

Because we know.

It's just like if somebody were to tell you,

Oh,

There's this thing called a bicycle,

And you've never seen a bicycle before.

And they tell you all about it.

You know,

You can ride it and it looks cool and you know,

It saves gas.

But and you say,

Oh,

Yeah,

I really believe there's this bicycle.

It would be so cool to really see it.

Once you see a bicycle,

You get on it,

You ride it,

There's no need to believe it anymore.

You already know it,

Right?

So with truth,

Though,

Is a great power and responsibility as well,

Because it's when to wield it.

And we do it kindly at the right times.

You know,

We do it to bring people together and not divide people.

It's got to be helpful.

Unless necessary.

I think a lot of times,

Especially now in society,

There's a lot of people saying,

You're being divisive.

And it's like if standing up for truth means dividing people,

Then that's necessary.

You know,

Like standing up for what's right in a society of wrong,

Then that's going to look divisive.

I don't necessarily think truth is always unifying.

And I think that's a lot of times when we're unwilling to look at our shadow selves,

We hide behind unity and peace rather than disruption.

Because like you said,

Sometimes truth takes out our past entire reality.

And it's very unsettling and ungrounding.

And I prioritize it.

I really like what you said.

I think you mentioned failure at one point.

And I like,

Well,

First of all,

I just want to put,

Just say to anyone on any of these platforms,

YouTube,

Insight Timer,

Wisdom App and Facebook,

If you have any questions,

Feel free to drop them into the conversation,

Because that's always wonderful to have,

You know,

People join in that are listening in.

So we welcome your questions and feedback and thoughts.

But I also thought,

You know,

One of the things that I've seen in myself,

But also in a lot out there,

It's very vague,

When we think we're ready for something,

But a lot of times we're not ready for failing at it.

So like,

I'm going to start a business,

I'm going to drop my job and start this new thing.

And then all of a sudden,

It's hard,

And you're not seeing results,

And it's not working.

And there's a failing that's necessary for especially when it's any new skill,

Like,

I'm ready to set boundaries,

But then you don't,

But there's a fear because or you try to and then it starts a fight.

And then all of a sudden,

You just think it doesn't work.

Are you ready to face the discomfort and failure that is inevitable when you're stepping into shifting anything in your life?

And that has really,

Really helped me.

And I think it's in that book,

Atomic Habits by James Clear,

Where part of the preparedness that you spoke to earlier,

Josh is,

Is the preparedness for failure.

Many times,

True readiness is the ability to adapt to the mistakes and the failure that are going to show up that and that either are going to show up are likely like the resistance that comes with starting to eat you healthier going into a detox,

The resistance that comes with shifting the dynamics of a relationship and starting to stand up for yourself or,

Or start speaking up with boundaries.

And or because if you're going to speak up with boundaries,

There has to be a readiness to honor someone else speaking up with their boundaries.

You know,

Because a lot of times people aren't ready for the fact that if they say a boundary,

Someone's going to come back at them with another one,

You know,

And so if you're if you if you think if you're wanting to be ready to set boundaries,

Are you equally ready for someone to set boundaries with you and to feel the ego hit on your end that you might have been also crossing boundaries.

So there's a,

You know,

What is readiness and and can we even if we're we think we're ready and then we fail,

Can we come back to another understanding of readiness after that or I want to say perceived failure because I think a lot of fails are not actually fails.

They're just part of the process and we perceive them as fail because it feels uncomfortable or we don't necessarily know how to navigate it yet.

I think in that case,

You know,

Yoga,

Meditation,

All the practices that that we three love so much,

Um,

You know,

Really comes to mind because it's sort of like back to the drawing board,

You know,

If we can we be ready for it may not work the way we thought,

Or at least at this moment,

You know,

Aka failure or however we perceive that not what we thought response,

Right?

Let's just totally redefine failure.

But that vulnerability,

You know,

That that is being spoken a lot about in our culture,

Which is great,

Or just that,

Like,

Oh,

I didn't realize I was gonna fall flat on my face or whatever,

You know,

It's really great to have.

I say like an etch a sketch to people,

You know,

Can you just etch a sketch like,

Oh,

Okay,

That drawing just like,

Like,

Looks awful right now.

I'm just gonna shake it up.

And it was both Josh and Lydia,

You were both saying is like,

I thought about that,

You know,

Truth to lie to new truth.

I mean,

I joke with a friend,

I'm like,

You know,

They say,

One door closes,

Another door opens.

And I'm like,

Yeah,

But they don't tell you,

You might sit in a hallway for 10 years.

Even knowing if a door or windows going to open and like,

Wow,

Do you really have to trust and patience?

And is this failure or not failure?

Am I supposed to get really close?

Or is there air in here?

It's like,

Really fun to break these cliches open,

Right?

And have readiness be,

You know,

For discomfort or micro winds that then aren't like major winds,

Or,

You know,

So like you're saying readiness to like,

Not know what the belief we're doing at all here is maybe what my adulthood is all about right now is,

I know nothing about this.

Show me like,

That's probably my readiness prayer that I come at as much as possible right?

Not gonna say I do it every day.

But my shaman and I,

You know,

Channel for each other a lot.

And like,

I swear,

We just like,

Pass the conch to each other each week and be like,

Your mantra is you know nothing about this.

And the next week,

Your mantra is now I know nothing about this.

And I'm pretty sure that's just what we say to each other every week,

Which I think is our readiness prayer.

So you know,

Just the you know,

Ability to come back to that cushion of Matt was kind of coming up for me,

As you were speaking Lydia,

Like,

Okay,

That didn't necessarily not work.

And can I just sort of realign and have the courage like you were saying,

To revisit the truth Josh or,

You know,

Be open to it was another way and I didn't see one more thing that came up when when you guys were both talking about that,

That failure and the readiness with failure.

When I was a kid,

I was a showjumper.

And I mean,

Yeah,

You have adrenaline that you don't have,

You know,

You have adrenaline as a 13 year old that I don't have now.

But my coach at that time,

My equine coach,

She would tell us she probably totally made this up and good for her if she did,

That you had to fall seven times to be considered a true writer.

So talk about readiness,

We were like throwing ourselves off the horses.

We were like,

I only have four,

Today I'm gonna make sure I throw myself off this horse three more times,

You know.

So like,

We had this eagerness to fail,

So that we could be considered masters at something.

So it was like I said,

She could have totally made it up.

She probably did.

I mean,

Why would why would that be written anywhere?

So it was a really sweet readiness of like,

Oh my gosh,

We're ready so much to sort of get there that we're willing to,

You know,

Fail.

I saw a speaker the other day,

Maybe the other month,

I don't know,

You know,

What was time and they were talking about it was a woman CEO of some company I forget.

And she talked about when she was young her and her brother,

You know,

They would sit around the dinner table with their parents and their dad would ask them every day,

What if you fail that today?

And it was and she said that was one of the foundational that there was a huge foundation for the rest of her life because it wasn't what did you succeed at?

It wasn't this reach for perfectionism and like some sort of narrow product,

Definition of productivity.

It was are you what have you been courageous to try and didn't do well but are adapting to,

You know,

And she said he was almost he was almost disappointed when they didn't have something they failed at that day,

You know,

And so I really I loved that because why are we afraid of failure?

Because failure is to be human is to fail.

Like as babies,

We have to fail a million times to learn how to crawl and to sit up and to chew to talk to walk like that is all of development is moving through failure,

Perceived failure to learn like you cannot learn without failing.

So why have we created this fear around it and allowed that to stop us?

You know,

That's it.

So a sign of trying right?

It must be a sign of effort and vulnerability and readiness.

I have this new practice I'm going to adopt for myself for the next few weeks.

Just sit on the cushion in the morning and ask myself,

What am I ready for today?

And just kind of see what comes.

That'd be a fun thing to do for 21 or make or break ahead.

Here we're going to let Joanne go here pretty soon.

I just wanted to say this.

It's still guys,

It seems like this is framed a lot in competition.

And I know it's really hard to have a reference point,

Non competition,

Although Lydia mentioned development,

That's not necessarily competition in a way,

Maybe.

But you know,

Failure,

It's cliche,

But we only fail if we don't learn from it,

Right.

You know,

We learn from our failures.

We get better,

We learn things.

Also success.

Why can't we define our own success?

Why do we have to look outside of ourselves and look at other reference points and things for success?

We can,

The perception is really key here.

So we can define what a success is.

And even next level beyond that is,

There's a classic saying from the Theravada text,

Winning gives way to hostility,

Losers lie down in pain.

The wise have set aside winning and losing.

So framing everything like we've been conditioned that if it's a win or a loss,

You know,

There's winners losers.

Not to say,

Miss congeniality or congeniality contest here or whatever.

But you know,

I think I like to really look deep at,

You know,

Why are we competing?

What are we considering achievement?

You know,

What is important to succeed and fail at?

How are we defining?

Where are we getting our definitions for these?

You know,

How can we tweak our perception to see these differently?

You know,

What's skillful,

What's wise,

What's going to be helpful to perceive these things in these ways?

So I guess with that,

We're going to let Joanne go.

I'd love to come back and chat with you guys again.

There were so many topics that I think came up from this one,

So I can't wait to see what you pick next.

We have 25 more to tell you.

I know.

We're going to talk every day for the next 364 days.

So take time off for like one day.

You know,

And we easily could.

We could probably talk every day.

Which clearly is how ready we are.

For anybody just listening,

It's J-O-A-N-N-E and then the last name,

M-U-I-R,

Right?

Thank you.

Yes.

So that's going to be your tag on any of those platforms?

Yes.

So I think I'm Joanne underscore on Instagram,

But on the rest of them,

Joanne Muir.

So yes.

Thank you,

Lydia.

Thank you both.

Thank you.

I'm ready for the next thing.

Bye.

Awesome.

Bye.

Bye.

So did you want to pick up anything I said or what was the question you threw out there that I don't think anybody picked up on too?

I can't remember now exactly what it was.

Well,

What are determining factors that we can each kind of cultivate to know our readiness for anything?

You know,

Because a lot of times I've noticed there's a lot of focus on the mind mindset and not a lot of people.

I mean,

There's some like little niches here and there,

But there's not a lot of focus on is your mindset in alignment with your nervous system and your body,

You know,

Because I can all day long say affirmations.

I am strong.

I am strong.

I am strong.

But if I'm in a trauma response,

My knee,

My prefrontal cortex is shut down.

There's not blood going there.

It's going to my amygdala.

My amygdala is going into a hijack and my body's in a constant state of stress.

So then by me trying to force myself to change my mindset when physiologically I'm not getting any blood flow to the front of my brain for that to even happen.

Am I truly ready for what I'm trying to step into?

A readiness is can be because sometimes we're ready to start learning how to go into more of a body experience and many of us don't even know what that means.

So what are the,

How do we know readiness?

How do we know if I was to check in with myself on all levels,

Am I ready for what I want to be ready for?

My desire is readiness.

How do I know if I'm truly ready?

You know,

And we talked about a lot of abstract philosophical ideas that went in a lot of directions,

But if we were to bring it back to the practicalities of today,

Things you have to get done today.

Because sometimes I'm going to choose readiness even though I don't feel ready.

I'm going to choose,

And that's where I think Joanne was talking about courage.

Courage is the willingness to move forward even in the face of discomfort or fear or not quite knowing the whole story.

You know,

And I think there's a courageousness to readiness,

Especially in like,

Am I ready to face the truth of this situation that I might have blind spots to?

You know,

Am I ready?

Do I have readiness to face the fact that I have unconsciously or subconsciously been conditioned to say microaggressions in various ways,

Whether it's related to race,

Gender,

Sexual identity,

Socioeconomic class.

You know,

Like,

Is there a readiness within me to be uncomfortable to face truths that I'm either in denial of,

Have blind spots to,

Or have been conditioned to ignore in order to move forward into greater integrity in the directions that I want to go in my life?

You know,

And that almost can have nothing to do with productivity or the success failures that we've kind of been talking about,

Though I see,

Again,

This readiness and failure not necessarily on the productivity level,

But on the interpersonal and intrapersonal level,

You know?

So there's a curiosity of like,

To anyone out there listening to the live or the replay,

How do you determine within yourself what readiness is psychologically,

Emotionally,

Energetically,

Spiritually,

Physically,

Maybe even environmentally,

You know,

Like,

Is your environment ready to support this shift?

You know,

And again,

A simple example is I want to start eating healthier,

But every cupboard in my kitchen has junk food.

I might be ready psychologically or like,

Have the desire to be ready,

But if I don't shift my environment to support a new habit,

I'm not really guaranteeing a path forward.

I'm not really supporting myself to shift my mentality or how I'm treating my body or,

You know,

Et cetera.

If I have a desire to be ready to be healthier in my relationship or to understand how to repair conflict,

Have I cultivated readiness in myself of practices to regulate my emotions,

Of practices to center myself when I'm not in conflict,

You know?

So there's also this,

How are we adjusting our environment internally and externally to support our desire for readiness in anything we're choosing to do?

It's really,

It's really important,

You know,

The,

And then also,

Are we ready to know this for ourselves?

You know,

I talked about having support,

But are you really ready to do,

Let's say you had to do this yourself,

Because that's where the most support is going to come from eventually,

Right?

No one will know how to support you as much as yourself eventually,

I would think,

Right?

Now habits are really important,

Right?

Because these habit patterns,

If you do something for 20 years and then all of a sudden you expect to just pop out of it overnight,

Well,

It's going to take some effort,

Right?

And I'm doing the series now on the idipada,

They're also called the roads to power,

The roads to success.

And these are not necessarily,

Are not necessarily just needed in spiritual pursuits,

But just about anything.

And there's four of them.

And let's translate them this way.

It's desire,

Lydia just talked about that,

To have a,

You know,

A healthy desire for whatever you're trying to accomplish or do or be ready.

Then there's an intent.

And we've talked a bunch about that.

Then there's persistence too,

To keep at it,

To keep giving it energy,

Effort,

And then discernment so we can tell what's helpful,

What's not,

What's leading towards our readiness,

What's leading away from it.

And then I still think that this,

Why aren't we ready to really sit and contemplate,

You know,

How will we be ready?

Why aren't we ready right now anyway?

You know,

What's the roadblock,

The entrances?

And then I love that you have brought this up a couple of times in the conversation because I tend to stay a little bit more away from the why,

Because the why tends to go into past and spiraling sometimes for over-analyzers like me.

I would reframe it instead of why aren't we ready?

What does it look like when I'm not ready compared to when I am?

Because a lot of,

We learn behavioral psychology says a lot of times a very fast way to learn is through contrast,

You know,

So the contrast of what does it look like to be ready?

It might be easier for me to understand that if I were to be like,

What is it when I'm not ready?

Rather than why wouldn't I be ready?

What shows up when I'm not ready for something?

Because then I'm not going into analyzing or judging my behavior.

I'm coming at it more from observing perspective.

What does it look like when I am ready?

What does it look like when I'm not ready?

And I love what Joanne said earlier in the conversation about sometimes there's a feeling of,

Oh,

I'm ready.

And then it doesn't work out.

And that is actually an indication that there wasn't a readiness for it yet.

And then I had a different perspective of there might've been a desire for readiness,

But there might not have been a preparedness for readiness.

And so it doesn't necessarily mean you weren't ready.

It just means you need to dig a little deeper.

You know,

Like you kind of mentioned the timeline and I like to also say,

Like,

If you're,

If you're showing up to be ready for something,

Not only are you ready,

Are you,

Are you,

And you ask the question,

Am I ready for this to not work out the way I want or for there to be perceived failure or mistakes,

But am I in this for the long haul?

Like what is my timeline of readiness?

Is this something I want to do for like 30 days and try out and then reassess whether I'm ready to continue and or like for my business,

I have continued to come back to this question of,

Is there a readiness for this to be a long thing?

And if not,

What,

Why are you doing it?

And if there is a readiness for this to be the long haul,

What are things that you can do now to create forward momentum?

And then what are the things that you can do for the long term momentum?

You know,

Like the sprint and the marathon looks very different as far as like the muscles we're using in our body physiologically,

But that's,

It's,

It can be a good metaphor for like,

Are you in this relationship for the long haul?

What are the things you're cultivating for the marathon of the relationship and what are the things you're creating for the sprint?

Like there's some repair that needs to happen because you just had a fight yesterday.

That's more of sprint energy,

But then there's also this cultivation of marathon energy of I,

This relationship matters to me.

I want this to last years.

So what are the things that I can look at to cultivate readiness around to really dedicate coming back to myself when there's a misstep,

When there's repair that's needed,

Cultivating practices within myself,

Cultivating practices together as a couple or friendship or,

You know,

Whatever that is.

So there's kind of also,

We didn't touch on too much before the readiness of like,

What is your timeline around your readiness?

Is this something you want to dabble in?

Are you ready to dabble?

Are you ready to commit and resolve like,

And do whatever it takes or,

You know,

So there's a lot of questions that I think probably have just come up from this conversation more,

Probably more so than even answers,

But that's not necessarily a negative thing.

That's right.

They like just toss questions out there with really,

It's okay if they're answered,

It's okay if they're not.

It just,

It will give us more possibilities and probabilities with more questions actually.

It's a good point you brought up this why,

So thanks for that.

The distinction on kind of more of the,

The how you were saying,

Right.

And then,

The what,

What,

What allows us,

I believe the what allows us to stay more in the present moment.

The why a lot of times takes us into the past and a lot of times we go into the past,

We're going into old narratives or beliefs,

And then we go into justifying,

You know,

I mean,

I speak from personal experience.

I'm not a certain we get everyone I've ever met,

But I've noticed that about myself.

That's an adjustment.

That's a cognitive reframe I have learned to kind of prevent the spiraling or over analyzing because the what has allowed me to come more into the observing mind and like meta awareness rather than identification with analysis.

It is.

And I was thinking more of instead of with the why is kind of more of a contemplative nature,

But yeah,

If it falls into,

You know,

Past personal stories,

Then it's not helpful at all.

You know,

I'm thinking kind of more on a general level of this.

And which brings me to the next point of it just,

This hopefully won't be perceived as some kind of invalidation,

But it almost seems like this whole thing is framed as we're not ready and we need to be ready,

Right?

So what it,

Well,

Yes.

And I think well,

You know,

We're ready.

Go ahead.

I don't think,

I don't think readiness is subconscious.

I think it's an actual proactive choice we're making.

So I do come from the premise of if you're not choosing readiness,

I don't necessarily think you're ready.

If you let me know,

Because I believe,

I believe,

And this again comes from personal experience,

But also working with thousands of clients,

I've worked with between close to 13,

000 people now in my different practices.

And if you're coming to get a massage or coming to a yoga class,

But you haven't chosen to be ready for what that entails,

There's going to be a lot of resistance that comes up.

And without the choice and the conscious decision to be ready,

The resistance is going to look like failure or is going to be confusing.

But when you are more proactive about choosing readiness,

You have more of an ability to notice what factors are coming up as resistance of lack of readiness.

Or again,

The resistance might be a lack of consent for the timing or,

You know,

So because,

You know,

Right now as an embodiment coach,

I have clients that want to work with me and our initial sales call is to determine the readiness.

Are they ready for my style of coaching,

The investment of time and money that's required and personal focus,

You know,

Are they ready for the certain timelines?

And if there's not a readiness,

There's no criticism on that because a lot of times it's about timing or about budget or about other things.

And I'm not here to try to convince anyone to be ready for anything they're not ready for.

I'm here to invite people into noticing what is readiness for you.

And if you are ready,

Are you ready to commit to that readiness?

Because if you're not ready for like coaching,

You might be ready for therapy or you might be ready for self paced courses or listening to lives like we're doing right now,

You know?

And so I really do believe readiness can only come from being a choice,

You know?

And what you spoke to at the beginning of our conversation of things that like has almost come to the point of it feeling innate or like we don't even have to think about it or not.

It came from a choice of readiness before.

Beautiful.

Yes.

To learn that,

Come into that process so that it could be subconscious or it could be just we don't even have to think about it anymore,

You know?

This is beautiful.

And you put it really in practical terms here at things that,

You know,

In a way that people are going to be able to apply it to,

You know,

Things in life and especially for possibly working with Lydia,

Right?

I guess maybe I could frame this in a larger societal framework.

Why do we default to having to be ready instead of not already being ready?

You know,

Why is the default,

I'm not ready,

I need to be more ready?

And it seems to be that way throughout society,

I would think on the most part,

Right?

I mean,

Just majority of people,

If I had to guess,

It's probably not going to be that helpful to just make a sweeping generalization like this.

But it seems more people would rather be ready than not ready,

But they aren't.

So I mean,

Readiness,

Readiness requires that we're willing to face the uncomfortable.

How many of us want to be uncomfortable?

I like all of the we're in the age of technology and the age of information,

Which focuses on ease,

On comfort zone,

Comfort zone,

Comfort zone.

And then we're given these messages,

You're supposed to be out of your comfort zone.

That's wrong.

So we're giving these,

We're given these very mixed messages,

Technology is supposed to make everything easier.

Readiness requires that we face being uncomfortable.

Beautiful readiness is not our human default.

Our human default is ease,

Is to get more comfortable.

In the art of war,

Lao Tzu says to destroy your enemy,

Give him luxury.

And we focus so much on luxury and then we don't understand why we're unhappy.

And I believe true luxury is the adaptability to discomfort because that allows us to have,

I believe happiness and contentment and peace is this ability to navigate the uncomfortable and the comfortable without our emotions being so dropped and affected.

And even if they are,

There might be more of an awareness,

Noticing our human experience and condition for that to be okay.

And so I think a lot of this kind of comes into,

I mean,

I personally see humans as we're ready for comfort in general,

Because most of us have gone through a lot of suffering,

A lot of trauma,

A lot of oppressive,

Various subgroups of us have gone through,

Who are listening and have gone through different oppressive systems and we want safety and comfort.

It's not the wrong thing to want,

But it can become the default because there's just,

We're exhausted.

You know,

There's so much,

We have built up so many things to have to adapt to on a daily basis,

The amount,

And they've done studies,

I think it was in the book Freakonomics where they talked about how much of our brain energy we need to just be alive compared to hunter gatherers.

It's like a thousand fold just to wake up in our life right now.

It takes a thousand fold of the energy that hunter gatherers needed.

So just to exist,

Not even to do anything,

Requires a huge amount of effort and energy in our bodies to constantly be adjusting to the shifting technology,

The overwhelm in the age of information and having to keep up,

Plus dealing with our stresses and our traumas and our,

You know,

So I think the default is more to be comfortable.

And I think readiness is this invitation into,

Can we learn to adapt to discomfort and see it as a supportive element,

A collaborative element in our lives rather than something to avoid.

Absolutely.

It seems so obvious now that you say it so well.

Contentment is the greatest wealth,

You know.

And the only way to have really deeper and deeper levels of contentment is to know the reference point of,

Yeah,

Non-comfort and it takes training to do this.

Lots of training.

We don't have much time to go into that.

Now I want to bring it back to the body though,

And that Lydia points out about for readiness.

Yeah.

Cause the body is,

It's not a liar like the mind is.

The mind really has no shame.

It will do and say things that the body won't.

The body seems to be.

.

.

I'm going to interrupt you just for a second.

Energy wise,

My phone is going to run out of battery and we're going to be ending in a few minutes,

But for those of you who are listening on a wisdom app,

It might,

The conversation might suddenly cut off.

We're coming to a conclusion,

But just so you know,

That'll be the reason.

So I just want to put across all the platforms,

I'm super grateful for everyone listening and we're going to keep.

.

.

I want to hear your thought,

But I just wanted to put that little disclaimer out.

You just went mute.

I can't hear you.

No,

That's pretty much it.

The body is overlooked so much in our society today and that's one of the more reasons why Lydia's work is so valuable because we've talked so much about how valuable the body is,

Especially in this readiness thing.

Anna,

I have a question please.

You talked about self-confidence.

My son is 18 and struggles with this a lot.

How can I help him?

So that's another topic for another day,

I think,

Unless Lydia wants to address that real quick.

Are you going to defer that to another time?

My first thought would be,

Why do you feel it's necessary?

When it comes to.

.

.

And it's not necessarily about your child specifically in the context,

Because I don't know the whole context behind that question,

But when I want someone else to change,

What is it bothering in me?

Is there any reason why it would be not okay for you that he doesn't have the level of confidence that you think he should have,

Or you're perceiving him wanting?

And a lot of times,

And again,

I don't know the whole context and I don't have kids,

So I'm not responding as a parent myself.

I'm more responding as I have had anxiety over people that I care about getting to a certain point and wanting their timeline to be almost faster than what I might think I could do in that situation if it was me.

And so when I notice I'm worried about someone,

Especially if they're in a place of struggle,

I have to come into myself and ask,

What is that stirring within me that I can work with?

Is there an anxiety because I don't trust their process?

Is there an anxiety because I don't trust that they have the tools and resources available to them?

Because if I don't trust their process,

That's not their issue,

That's mine.

If I notice they don't necessarily maybe have the resources or tools and they're actually looking for it,

So it's not unsolicited advice from my end,

Then I can be a supporter of doing that as long as there's a consent for them that that's okay.

And so when it comes to people we care about and wanting to support them,

Especially when they're struggling,

Because I've gone through a lot of struggle in my life and people have wanted to support me.

And what I wanted the greatest support from was their belief in me,

Not them trying to fix a situation,

Not them trying to figure out something they would do in telling me because most of us are very intelligent people and unsolicited advice feels like lack of trust,

Even though it's maybe not.

We think it's coming from a good place,

But if you're giving advice to someone they're not asking for,

And I speak to myself,

Why can't you sit with their discomfort?

So again,

That's a whole other conversation for a whole other day.

None of it was meant to be critical in any way because I'm not a parent,

I am a daughter.

And I was speaking more from personal experience of some of the hard questions I've asked myself,

Which may or may not apply to your situation because I don't know the whole context.

I'll take that back.

I'll add something real quick.

What Lydia just said far outweighs what I'm going to say because it's just kind of a little tangent from personal experience because that's right.

And I had to learn the hard way of unsolicited advice.

Right.

Because it bit me in the ear.

I keep learning the hard way.

I keep dishing out unsolicited advice.

But see that's why we have platforms like this where it's just kind of in general and then people can ask questions.

It's not me going,

Oh,

Hey,

You know what you really need on the street?

Here's what you know.

But so I actually struggled with this and it was found out years later,

It was my reference points for confidence.

I really didn't have a role model to where I could show what real confidence was.

Any display of confidence I was seeing,

It was like a really conflated ego is actually conceit.

So what I was confusing conceit for self-confidence,

Completely different things.

And I was confusing them for the same thing.

And so I just didn't know at the time.

So I thought,

I don't want to be self-confident because everyone that shows confidence around me is complete arrogant this and that,

You know,

So-and-so.

Yeah.

And I really liked the point that you just brought up because I also want to say specifically related to confidence,

Can I embody,

A lot of times I want to tell someone,

I've wanted to tell a family member to do something,

But I haven't even done it myself.

I haven't embodied it.

I haven't been living it.

So I'm like,

You should eat healthier.

That's going to help your blah,

Blah,

Blah.

But if I'm not eating healthier,

Who am I to tell them something that I'm not even doing myself?

Again,

I'm not saying this about that question,

But in sometimes when we want to support someone,

We have like,

We're,

We have information we want to give them.

But if we actually maybe have a similar issue,

Then the invitation could be,

Can I work on my own confidence?

What does that look like within myself?

Can I embody that to be a living example,

Like you said,

Of that?

So they have something to see in that because we,

We tend to really emulate the community around us.

So can we rise with each other by all rising individually to support the rise of each of the community,

You know,

And the tribe,

However big or small it is,

You know,

Yes.

And also,

You know,

Even if that,

Like Lydia said,

We have to embody it and know it for ourselves.

And even if we really want to give somebody some advice and we know it from personal experience,

Can we spend even just a little bit longer to see if,

If keep verifying it to make sure the same advice we want to give to another,

Can we give it to ourselves even more,

A little bit more even,

You know,

Use that as an opportunity to uplift us ourselves.

It comes into that,

You know,

Question of like,

What are we focusing on?

Like if I don't,

Let's say I didn't have confidence.

Am I focusing on the worry of what ha all the problems of not having confidence or can I instead focus on cultivating trust in myself?

If someone I love doesn't have confidence and they're struggling with it and maybe they've even reached out to me about it,

Can I,

Am I worried for them or can I cultivate trust in them?

Yep.

So that's what we're focusing on because we are all,

All humans on some level are empathetic.

Like we can tune in unless you know,

You're a psychopath or whatever diagnosed different,

You know,

In that sense,

Which is a smaller percentage of our population.

But in,

In the general population,

We all read communication over 95% is nonverbal,

Not verbal.

So it almost doesn't matter what we say to each other.

It matters how we're being with each other.

So we can come to a conversation and I can be worried about what you're worried about,

But is that helping?

Can I come into a place of being okay with the discomfort of what you're going through while actually having,

Having cultivated not in that situation,

But can I come to the situation with a cultivated sense of trust in your ability as a human to have a brilliant life and your inner wisdom for you to figure that out and I'll support you in any way I can based on what's going to show up naturally for me and what you're asking me to support you and specifically,

You know,

So again,

What are we focusing on?

Can,

Can really help to understand,

Am I focusing on all the problems?

If that person is blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Or can I actually focus on how amazing that person is and how capable they are of figuring this out?

And of course I'm going to be a supportive element in their journey.

Negativity bias is a huge thing.

Once we can really wrap our heads around that and see how such a strong pole negativity bias has,

It's a big deal.

And then that's right.

Worry is based on fear,

Right?

But care is,

I think worry,

I think is lack of trust.

Yeah.

Which is fear.

We tend to,

We tend to throw out fear a lot,

But like what is fear?

I think in some levels,

Like in a case for me,

For me,

I have done a lot of worrying in my life.

I'm a professional worrier and it has had to do with myself of a lot of not having connection to my self trust or the trust of the flow of life or the trust of support of my community or whatever.

And I mean,

I think a lot of that has come from moving through trauma and not knowing and my body being in a more protective defensive space in my life,

You know?

But as I've come into kind of these somatic practices and embodiment that I now facilitate for other people,

Part of it is this willingness to,

I don't even like to say,

Go face the unknown.

I like to say face potential because to me that's a much more empowering concept and word than unknown.

Unknown feels scary,

But what if we replaced unknown with potential because the unknown is full of potential and I associate potential positive.

So when I think of what am I worried about,

I noticed my framing,

My cognitive framing is going certain directions based on like my old protective patterns.

If I was to have courage and readiness to notice what else is possible,

What if I just shifted some of these concepts and words to be empowering rather than defeating?

How would my perspective change in this situation?

Beautiful.

Because sometimes it's just the question we're asking or the words we're using that determine our belief.

What if we simply started shifting the words for the purpose of empowerment rather than defeat?

Our perspective most likely would start shifting in big ways and we wouldn't have to do a lot of process.

It's a game changer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And worry is a fantasy anyway.

You know,

Worry is a fantasy.

It's not happening,

Right?

If you were to- I mean possibly,

But would you say worry is a fantasy from Ukraine right now?

I don't know.

See,

That's another thing.

If what I mean like- Maybe,

Maybe- I think that's really in context of certain lives.

You know what I mean?

I think worry is a- worry could be a fantasy,

But I think worry is also a just- like fear is a justified emotion to keep us safe.

No,

That's different.

It's necessary.

Fear is different from worry.

So I like to,

Instead of worry,

Care,

Right?

I care about this.

I don't have to be concerned at all.

You don't have to be concerned about anything because concern- actually,

Let me reframe that.

Concern is based on fear,

But care is based on thoughtfulness,

Right?

So we don't have to be concerned about anything whatsoever.

We can care very deeply and not have any concern for it.

I think the reason I got defensive,

Maybe,

Was I getting defensive?

Why I wanted to disagree with you right away because I believe as soon as we put a judgment on an emotion,

We invalidate our experience of it.

And as soon as we invalidate our experience,

It's emotion we shouldn't have.

If I judge worry,

Then all of a sudden it's an emotion I shouldn't have.

And then all of a sudden it's another reason to judge my experience rather than to get curious about it.

Oh,

Totally.

And that's what- Judging worry as it's only a fantasy immediately invalidates all the times I've had worry and shuts me down into feelings of maybe shame or guilt or self-criticism rather than saying,

What if there was wisdom behind worry because it holds hands with fear and fear is a protective emotion that has allowed our human society to stay alive to this point,

Our human species rather.

Right?

So what is the wisdom and worry that I can learn from so that I can let go of the identification with it?

And I apologize.

It did come off like a judgment,

But I meant to,

And not everybody's really ready to hear that fear is a fantasy.

So it's,

And it's the worst kind because I could be fantasizing about all kinds of lot better things.

I think- It's not an invalidation.

But I don't think fear is a fantasy.

I very much,

Very strongly disagree with that statement as well.

I'm not sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Worry.

I'm doing word salad here a little bit.

So yeah,

It's worry is a fantasy.

I'm sorry.

And it's not to invalidate that or say we can't,

It's wrong for feeling worry.

It's a recognition and once it's seen and known in that light,

It's to break that kind of enchantment with it.

Because I know I've been,

I've worried a lot too.

I guess it rubbed off a lot for my mother actually,

And not to blame her.

And that sounds like an invalidation of judgment from her,

But it's just conditioning,

Right?

We think that that's,

Some people feel that they show care or concern if they worry.

So if they're not worrying,

That means they don't give a shit.

Well,

That's,

Excuse my French,

But that's not the case,

Right?

We can care very deeply without being concerned about something,

Right?

Without really worrying.

Yeah.

And I feel very strongly in disagreement of the statement worry is a fantasy.

Because again,

If someone told me that when I was in a state of worry,

That would almost feel like gaslighting.

Like you're not allowed to have a human experience right now.

No,

It's not an impartation of judgment.

We can use worry to fantasize.

So what would happen if we reframed it in that sense of like,

Worry is one of our human emotions.

We can very quickly and easily,

Someone who has done a lot of worry,

Use it to fantasize and going into much unhealthy rumination as a form of self-sabotage.

We can use worry for self-sabotage.

I think the first instinct for worry is care of the tribe,

Survival.

If we think about it biologically or evolutionarily,

Worry is a mobilizer towards action if used appropriately.

Like,

Wait,

Where's that person?

Are they ostracized from the tribe?

We need to go find them so that they don't get eaten by a lion.

So there is that initial instinctive concern that comes from a place that's good.

Many of us,

Due to various conditioning of our nervous system,

Usually a place of dysregulation,

We then continue the process and then get stuck in the wallowing of worry,

Which then 100% turns into a fantasy.

I think worry can lead to fantasy,

But our initial instinct is biological.

And that's,

Again,

We're probably on the same,

We might be on the same page about that,

Because it holds with care and concern.

It's that biological concern.

But then,

Yeah,

To justify,

Well,

If I didn't worry,

Then I wouldn't be caring about you.

That's a justification for a blind spot,

Maybe.

That's kind of self-sabotaging.

Possibly,

Depending on the situation.

And I would say just tune into our body and notice how worry feels versus care.

So yes,

And I totally agree,

Lydia,

That's like,

Yes,

Sometimes it's necessary when whatever's happened in the past,

It's not,

So yeah,

It can have benefits.

But if we're not running for our lives or fighting for our lives,

We're safe.

And well,

I don't know,

We talked about this before with Lydia's termite,

But feel into care versus worry in the body too.

So how does it feel to worry?

And then how does it feel to care?

So that's,

It did kind of walk through the judgment and validation.

So that wasn't my intent,

Although maybe it had an outcome that way.

But yeah,

Just like I say,

Feel into it.

Yeah,

And I think we've now kind of digressed into another topic of conversation.

So probably this is a good place to wrap it up a half an hour ago.

To come back to readiness.

Shows how deep our wisdom and caring and willingness to share runs here.

So thanks everybody for joining.

Thanks for the question as well.

And for any of you listening on Insight Timer,

I'm going to be coming up live on Friday,

Probably around 10 AM mountain standard time.

And we're going to be talking about,

I'm creating the event as soon as this finishes on our shadow selves,

Emotion and accountability.

So that's going to be the next topic I present on Insight Timer on Friday.

Right on.

Do you have any lives?

I did.

And I spammed Lydia's group with my lives coming up so you can check them out.

Oh yeah.

Okay.

So Josh posted his upcoming lives in my group on Insight Timer Embodied Living.

So you can go check that out too.

So I've got one on not associating with fools on the April Fool's Day.

And then I've got one on being ghosted,

Ignored and using that as Christ for,

Yeah,

For more positive things.

And then help me out,

Lydia.

I've got one other one coming up,

But it's okay.

You'll find them on the profile.

We've gone on long enough here.

Yeah.

In the group,

Embodied living.

Yep.

All right.

May you all be joining in live or on the replay.

We always welcome questions during our lives or after you can reach us on any of the platforms we've spoken to.

And thank you for listening in.