Hello,
I'm Annie Moussou,
A certified EFT tapping master practitioner.
I help women build confidence,
Set boundaries,
And enjoy healthy relationships.
Welcome to my podcast,
Hush Your Mind,
Building a better relationship with yourself.
On this show,
I offer practical wisdom to help you clear fears,
Limiting beliefs,
And trauma so that you can gracefully create a life you love.
Welcome to episode number 45 of my podcast,
Hush Your Mind,
Building a better relationship with yourself.
Are you a perfectionist?
Perhaps you can't leave the house until you look impeccable,
Or maybe you've progressed on a project but only see mistakes.
You set sky-high standards then beat yourself up when you fail.
Striving for excellence can be a fun challenge,
But perfectionism drains your time and energy.
I'm a recovering perfectionist who used to flaunt attention to detail and unrealistic standards.
I spent countless hours on the smallest tasks and craved approval until my joy shattered.
Here are my five hard-won lessons to start uprooting perfectionism in your life.
The first lesson is notice your motivation,
Fear,
Or joy.
Perfectionists tie their self-worth to achievements.
They sacrifice their time,
Energy,
Relationships,
And even health to reach high standards.
The fear of failure and disapproval motivates them.
On the other hand,
When you strive for excellence,
You feel worthy despite your project's outcome.
You love a job well done,
But you don't neglect other important aspects of your life either.
Joy and excitement animate you.
Notice how you feel in your body as you complete tasks.
If fear motivates you,
You may feel heavy or tense or like you're grasping or chasing something.
Contrarily,
If joy motivates you,
You may feel light,
Open,
Energetic,
And even grateful.
You're in the flow and ideas come to you easily.
Time seems to fly because you're so focused.
Shining light on your fear is the first step to diminish its power.
Lesson number two is love your quote-unquote flaws.
Perfectionism is actually a coping mechanism.
As a child,
I learned that when I didn't get good grades,
My parents criticized me.
When I didn't wear nice clothes,
Kids made fun of me.
When I expressed my anger,
I didn't get what I wanted.
Seemingly small rejections can scar you.
When they hurt too much,
You naturally find ways to avoid more pain.
In my case,
I unconsciously resorted to perfectionism.
So I forced myself to be what other people wanted,
And it worked for years.
Until I realized how much energy went into the never-ending quest for perfection.
Worst of all,
I never felt good enough.
So send some love to those parts of you that you've cast away,
That your parents,
Co-workers,
Friends,
Or society have deemed unacceptable.
Break out of character,
Even if it's just in the privacy of your room or journal,
And breathe.
My third lesson as a recovering perfectionist is challenge no pain,
No gain.
Our society praises hard work,
Often to the detriment of our well-being.
Sure,
It's necessary to put in the effort to succeed,
But perfectionists feel like a failure if they don't achieve their mile-long list of goals.
No pain,
No gain seems to justify every ounce of energy devoted to getting things just right.
Not only will we be rewarded with another accomplishment,
We'll also gain approval for hard work.
But despite their efforts,
A perfectionist feels unworthy.
If I'm perfect,
Then I'll be good enough.
Then others will accept or love me.
I used to wake up in a hurry.
My first thoughts rushed towards my to-do list.
I worked at my computer until my eyes glazed over.
If I didn't feel exhausted at the end of the day,
That meant I didn't work hard enough.
Then I'd beat myself up.
In a society that overvalues production,
Profits,
And perfection,
It's not easy to honor who we are.
We're human after all.
To feel happy in such a society,
We have to muster up the courage to own our shortcomings,
To take pride in being a work in progress,
Which in turn inspires others to do the same.
This quote by author C.
Joy Bell C.
Inspires me.
Quote,
There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human,
In not having to be just happy or just sad,
In the nature of being able to be both broken and whole at the same time.
End quote.
Lesson number four as a recovering perfectionist is pick your battles.
Let's face it,
It's hard to be yourself and let go of your insecurities.
Some perfectionists worry excessively about what others think.
Others say their inner critic is the worst.
But you can't do it all.
No one can.
And if they do,
You can bet they're sacrificing family time,
Self-care,
Money,
Or their health.
It's not sustainable in the long run.
Renee Brown says,
Quote,
Perfectionism is a 20 ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us,
When in fact,
It's the thing that's really preventing us from flight.
End quote.
You don't stop being a perfectionist overnight,
Though.
For now,
Pick your battles.
Be deliberately messy just this once or twice.
Edit that email three times instead of 10.
Cancel one trivial task.
You'll be okay.
You might even grin a little.
And finally,
Lesson number five,
Celebrate your wins and failures.
I used to think perfectionism was a part of who I am.
As far as I could see,
The pros outweighed the cons.
Here are the short-term perks of being a perfectionist.
Perfectionism protects you from criticism.
It makes you look hard-working,
Put together,
And successful.
It gives you the impression of feeling safe and accepted.
It helps you avoid failure and win approval and blocks the fear of not being good enough.
But I eventually realized the drawbacks of perfectionism tipped the balance.
It forces you to uphold impossible standards.
It depletes your time,
Energy,
Resources,
And happiness.
Perfectionism fuels procrastination,
Inefficiency,
And overthinking.
It makes you constantly feel like a failure despite achievements.
It annoys people around you as you correct them for everything.
It lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence,
And it inhibits spontaneity,
Resilience,
And vulnerability.
In the long run,
Perfectionism is a dead-end way to live.
It leaves no room for joy.
So stop right now and acknowledge your wins and failures.
Yes,
Even the tiny wins,
And yes,
Even the failures.
Why?
Because your failures help you improve and grow.
Stop focusing so much on results and see how amazing you are.
Enjoy the process.
In conclusion,
Embrace who you are today.
Life is too short to please others,
To tie your self-worth to performance.
So be kind to yourself.
Let the mistakes roll off your back.
Be proud of who you are.
I'm curious,
How will you celebrate you today?
Thank you so much for joining me in this episode of Hush Your Mind.
If you enjoyed it,
Please feel free to visit my about page on my InsightTimer profile for my website,
And follow me for new content and live EFT tapping sessions.
May you have the courage to love and accept yourself.
Be well and take care.
