Let's talk about parents.
Let's talk about parenting.
Let's talk about your inner child.
This is Holly Hall from AskHollyHall.
Com and one of the things that come to me often when I'm doing my sessions with my clients is their childhood.
So I want all of us,
I want you,
To recite a new mantra,
A new belief system,
Or even just entertain the idea of these thoughts.
Your parents are not to blame for who you are.
Your parents are not to blame or to be blamed for who you are.
So let me explain this further.
I'm going to use the worst case scenario.
Let's say your parents were extremely abusive,
Physically abusive,
Locked you up in closets,
Abused you until you could not even think properly,
That you were terrified and you were scared.
This is an extreme example.
Imagine that you have,
This has happened to you or possibly this has happened to you,
And you've got a couple of brothers and sisters.
How did they respond to this upbringing?
How did they react to that upbringing?
How did they turn out?
Did they turn out quite differently than you did?
Good,
Bad,
Right or wrong is not the point here.
All I'm saying is did their personalities come out differently?
Why is that?
Why did that happen?
Why are there people doing TED talks,
Writing books,
They're authors,
They're speakers,
They're motivators who come from horrific childhoods,
Possibly coming from war torn countries.
And they're up motivating people to rise above diversity,
Adversity,
Problems.
And there are others who can barely get up in the morning to start their day because of this tragedy.
What lies within them is something different,
Something unique.
They learned from their own.
They discovered a side of themselves they didn't know exist.
They strengthened themselves.
I'm not saying it's easy.
I'm not saying it's easy at all.
But if we continuously use the crutch of our parents being the reason why we are the way we are,
Well they definitely contributed to it.
They definitely set up the platform,
The environment,
So that we were weakened,
We were frightened,
We have BSD.
They definitely set the stage for that.
But it's ultimately up to us.
And what happens often is that when we have even the mildest challenging childhood,
Perhaps you had a critical parent or a parent that was self-centered,
Or a parent that wasn't as loving or nurturing or caring as you would have liked.
Often what can happen is that we grow up and we want to become the exact opposite.
We don't want our children to suffer like we did.
We don't want our children to miss out on what we feel that we missed out.
And so then we take on the role of the perfect parent.
Oh yeah,
Yeah,
Yeah,
Yeah.
I'm going to be perfect.
I'm going to hug all the time.
I'm going to love all the time.
I'm going to be there for them all the time.
And when I'm not,
I'm going to feel guilty.
I'm going to beat myself up on it,
About it.
And I'm going to berate myself.
But I'm,
Damn it,
I'm going to be the perfect parent.
And then you know what happens?
Then your child may feel smothered.
They may feel some sense of guilt or responsibility that they need to respond to this forced lovingness,
This forced hugginess,
This accept my love,
Damn it kind of environment.
Right?
Good.
They could love it too,
At times.
But the pressure that parents can put themselves into now in this new self-help arena,
Addiction,
Quench,
Perfectionism,
Book after book,
Podcast after podcast,
Following this guru and that guru,
How can I be the best so that my child does not experience one iota of struggle or adversity or pain or anguish like I did,
Can be damaging in itself.
The high expectations,
The resistance to flow,
Adhering to a program that you set for yourself as a parent can be pretty tough.
And so what I love about my work is I see all the different personalities at play.
I see moms,
I see dads,
Or I see moms and moms or dads or dads.
I see the children's personality,
The dynamic.
I can see your parents' personality because you know what?
And you can too.
If you just take the time,
You can see possibly why your mother was the way that she was,
Why your father acted the way that he did.
Is it excusable?
Is it acceptable?
Is it embraceable?
Possibly not.
And that's okay.
It doesn't have to be.
You don't have to grasp a thorned rose in your hands and rip it out from its stem knowing that you're going to have thorns in your hand and cut yourself and bleed.
You're not going to do that.
You don't have to do that.
You can still look at it and say,
What a beautiful rose.
Too bad I can't grab it and hold it because those thorns are going to hurt me.
Those thorns are protecting.
It's nature's protection to keep that rose right where it is,
Not to be picked.
And often we grow thorns.
You may have grown some thorns,
Some protective armor to protect yourself.
Have you done that?
Have you grown?
Have you built something around you to keep yourself sustained,
Protected so that you don't hurt or cannot be hurt?
Maybe it's even protecting you from being loved or loving yourself.
Have you done that?
Yeah,
I know.
I know I've done it.
We all do that once in a while.
But you are worthy of love.
You are.
You are so worthy of love just by being a molded piece of energy with source or God or essence or heaven,
Whatever you want to call it.
It's in you.
It's a part of you.
It's who you are and you are worthy of being loved.
That rose is worthy of being a reflection of beauty.
And it is worthy of being admired as a reflection of beauty,
Despite its thorns.
You are worthy.
And I want you to say this to yourself right now out loud if you can.
I am worthy.
Even if you don't believe it,
Even if it sounds kind of weird,
I want you to say it right now.
I am worthy of love.
I am love.
I am loved and I'm beloved.
Oh yeah,
Part of your mind may be going,
You're not loved right now.
No,
You never were loved.
But somebody,
Something,
Somehow,
Loved you.
You are love.
I am love.
I am worthy of love.
And so next time you find yourself blaming your childhood,
Blaming an environment,
Blaming an ex-lover or partner,
Blaming a bad job on why you are not worthy of some kind of happy,
Joyful,
Loving feeling,
Know that deep within you,
In your essence,
Your birthright is to overcome that and find its gift.
As difficult and challenging as that can be,
There is a gift.
There is a gift.
And most people that have this kind of experiences are healers themselves.
Learning to heal themselves so they can help heal others just by being in their presence or maybe on a grander scale.
Writing a book,
Standing on stage,
Telling your story.
Or possibly just in your neighborhood working at a soup kitchen once a week or once a month helping others in need.
Or being that wonderful neighbor or that person at work that's always there when somebody needs them,
Shoulder to cry on.
Because you are worthy of love as anybody else is.
So are you.
Namaste.
