GF Live 12-3-22 How To Drop The Dead Weight Of Any Past Pain

Stop struggling to escape the pain of the past; it can't be done. Why? Because it is the dark creation of an unconscious nature intent on remembering, and then reliving what it always claims it would give anything to forget.

Transcript

I like to wait a moment as most of you know who joined me just to get as many people at the same starting place as we can so that we can all. Build on the same understanding which is so much of what we work to bring about when we have our inside timer and for that matter any time that i'm teaching online so maybe an introductory comment we've all heard the expression. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink and we kind of hear that idea and just go yeah that's right but i think. Just a moment study of that little idea will help especially with today and our topic which by the way let me read the key lesson. To you set the stage stop struggling to escape the pain of the past it can't be done why because it is the dark creation of an unconscious nature intent. On remembering and reliving what it always claims it wants more than anything else. Forget imagine for a moment and we're gonna study this together i hope that you have your coffee or tea or whatever it is that helps you. Stay vibrant awake imagine for a moment that will ask you. How many of you have ever had that situation occur and occur time and time again where you find yourself. I guess you could say losing your mind getting anxious angry frightened trying to control. Running from a moment we've all known moments like that where we have lost our mind and that's also a pretty good expression because. Those moments when we suddenly seem to lose control of our own faculties indicate that in that moment something else is controlling them something else has control of my mind my thoughts my heart my body. So when i ask what does it mean you can lead a horse to water but you can't make a drink what i'm saying is that if we're going to understand these moments in our past. And how they press themselves in on the present moment we're going to have to see the fact of that we're gonna have to see which is very much the topic today. How are all mine looks out and then will bring about as it's looking at what it does how it isn't really looking at the situation that's in front of it. It is seeing the situation through the content of some past painful experience that has yet to be reconciled in us and then the mind that looks out and says this is. This is what's happening actually begins to resist the very thing that it has described now i'm gonna show all this to you and i don't want to get ahead of it but. Just for now let's be quite clear we can't escape the pain of the past it is impossible but we can see how this unconscious mind. Tricks us into revisiting all the time those memories those situations that as it brings up and then colors the moment. With all the things from the past then it resists the very thing that it's really i can't tell you how many times. Over the many years that i've been teaching i am asked by men and women how do i get rid of not just. These people that bother me now but the fact that i keep thinking about this person who hurt me so forth and so on and it is. It is incredibly important for us to gain understanding because we look at the moments we do now through our present understanding. Show that we experience our understanding of the moment but the task becomes eventually god willing. The necessity of realizing i can't possibly understand this moment the way i imagine i do because out of that understanding i tell myself how to transcend it. What i must do where i must go what the next discipline is in order for me to finally cut you know separate myself from that pain but it doesn't happen why. Because we see and experience our life through our understanding and until our understanding changes meaning our consciousness changes we will continue to relive the thing we don't want to relive. So let's six minutes and take a break a break here and just for a moment. Think through if we can what is needed to understand this so let's start here first of all i think most of us would agree that we believe conditions repeat themselves. I get all the time and i can think of several students both here living and working where i teach but also online. They're always asking basically the same question having to do with the pain of the certain circumstance that seems to repeat itself but do conditions really. Repeat themselves so this is our understanding our understanding yeah he's like this they do that. Conditions if they actually repeated themselves can you see that if they did and that we are obviously inclined to mechanically responded the same way each time that condition repeats itself if the condition repeats itself and our responses the same. Change would be impossible it would be impossible if conditions repeat themselves and our responses essentially condition to resist or avoid that circumstance. Oh here comes a sneeze sorry hope that didn't hurt your ears conditions never repeat themselves conditions never repeat themselves. You look out in nature and because our minds are drawn into reliving experiences we don't see that every moment of life. Every instant of creation is a new creation new energy streaming into the created forms of created forms responding on the spot choice list to being renewed. Show that the condition that we see is static isn't static at all it is a living condition and living conditions don't repeat themselves but what does repeat itself. Is our experience of that event so that our condition reaction. Who is the event is what we take as being the repetition of the condition we don't want that's the only reason conditions seems to repeat themselves is because we perceive in that moment. Those moments from a consciousness that is repeating itself from an unconscious mind that repeats its reactions to any similar condition it experiences. This means if you can follow me and i hope to god that you can then until i'm able to begin effecting some real change in my own consciousness. That consciousness is going to continue to be triggered by any parallel moment that even hints at being similar to what this consciousness remembers and as the consciousness remembers the event. Not the what not what's taking place what it sees then it begins to resist the very condition. Over and over again so that the similar event falls on an unconscious mind that reincarnate itself every single time it revisits and then resist the moment it revisits it resists the moment it revisits. And blame the resistance it feels on the condition it perceives i know it's a mouthful and i'm gonna explain all of this but i want to set the stage. Yes cutting off or avoiding the trigger that's exact that's what everybody does actually everybody all the time. Relive or revisit moments that they think have come as an adversary when really what's taking place. Is this is a saying of mine you might want to write it down the unattended mind is the breeding ground of self defeat. What do you think would really happen if for a moment we understood. That the resistance we feel toward an unwanted moment actually begins with a strange form of negative attraction to that very moment that we say we want to get away from. So that something is actually drawing me into the experience of a moment i don't want to think about it with me. Again lead a horse to water but you can't make a drink i have to be able to see this is true. Nobody can teach you the truth but if you're lucky someone will help you see. What is that's going on in your own mind that you're presently asleep to. So that it's awakening that begins to change the dynamic not trying to change the exterior world so that it matches the dream we have a bit of a dream which by the way continues over and over again to assert itself. Let me show you this is a fascinating understanding if we can get grass but. How many of you have ever been simply put broken hearted just. Throw it up there in the list just a quick yes of course we don't have time for all three two or three hundred people to put the yes up there but we've all been broken hearted. We've all felt immense disappointment we've all had that instant where it seemed like somebody betrayed us or a condition came along and it crushed us we've all had moments like that no one would disagree. Now let's look at a moment like that together i'll take myself i've done this before but i'm going to expand upon it when i was sixteen years old i had i fell in love for the first time i mean. And that's pretty powerful love at that age cuz i don't know where there's love or hormones but maybe it's a marriage of both of those things but when you when you when you get drawn to somebody like that you're it's your world revolves around the member. Remember hanging on the phone and falling asleep talking to somebody i hope you had that experience in one respect. You could have enough and then has inevitably happens at least it did to me maybe you were the one that did this but for sure enough at some point. The one that you are sure is your soulmate life forever. They break your heart. In this instance this particular person cheated on me didn't even have the courage to tell me just started sleeping with some other man it was part of this actors workshop back in the day. And when i finally caught wind of it and could see it i mean you could see these things long before you actually know them we just don't want to see it i was crushed i mean crushed i can still remember. As i described it cuz it's that this is important it's that clear that shock. Created an impression so distinct that i can still see the bottles in my father's and my and my parents little alco bar we had a fairly big home when i was growing up and there was actually a separate little bar you know where the play where people sit i can remember standing in that bar. And literally beating my head against the wall. Swearing up and down that i would never as long as i live go through a pain like that again it would never happen i would never fall in love again i can still i can still. Actually see an experience that moment now that's another subject but you'll see how that is it now of course. It isn't but what six months later a year later and there is somebody else catches your eye. So forth and so on and all of that seems to begin again and it is said time heals all wounds time does not heal all wounds. Anymore than the ruins of some old settlement from the fifth century ceases to exist because it's been buried in the earth. Time does not heal all wounds time allows a certain process of distraction to take place where something overcomes and berries in us that the the immediacy of that pain. And in a way jack that's right time is the world but not time itself time as it is carried over in a consciousness that doesn't understand itself so let's keep going here. So here's this unconscious mind and it is asleep to its own activity and in this instance the activity of this mind as i basically described was in that moment the sheer shock. The weight of that massive reaction the resistance. What was actual from what i had had as an ideal it actually almost creates a kind of fusion. In the mind itself now science can verify this but i'm telling you spiritually that in that moment there is a some kind of a form that is created a creature. A body of energy what do they call it a gangly some some some connection the mind forms on the spot and at first it by itself but it is clear as day. And it holds all of the content of that particular moment in itself and so in that form that the mind has made without knowing it's made that by its own action of strongly resisting the moment. That that form actually begins to dwell in this unconscious nature. It becomes part of the matrix of that mind quite literally at first it doesn't have a lot of connections but gradually as the experience comes along and little by little we see moments where there are parallel situations to that moment that produced this. I guess you could say the victim form because it's not you that's the important point. Yes it's a response to trauma but it isn't your response it is a mind asleep to itself unable to understand its own reaction and resisting its own experience that produces a creature. Quite literally the old desert fathers talk about this at length something is formed in the mind the mind manifested and then travels with that mind with you and i. So that an example a year two years later again i'll use myself i've met someone i like we go out to dinner and i happen to notice she smiles at the waiter who happens to be well look good looking or whatever and i watch this perspective new love. Smile at someone innocently most likely although it's never quite innocent and in the moment she does that what's happened all of a sudden there's no way to stop it. This memory now listen carefully the memory that holds its own reactions a memory a creature that has already begun to to establish in this unconscious mind a body of unconscious associations. So that these associations and all of the content are triggered with any moment that's parallel to it comes along and then that same triggering. Of that of that unconscious memory through the associations does what it feeds the memory and how is the thing that i don't want fed by me resisting and reliving the thing i don't want so resisting and reliving. The experience of that moment which is the product of a mind resisting its own content in that moment i'm actually building the very thing that is breaking me. Can you see this with me at all please yes or no can you see it a couple help hopeful yeses or no's up there would be important to see and don't look at this is it seems like oh my god the psychology what no no no. As long as that part of this consciousness this unconscious nature remains concealed it cannot be healed. This is an idea of spoken on before but not healed the way you and i think of healing but healing in the sense of finally being able to understand the consciousness that has created this content. And then brings this content to bear in any moment of conflict so that this you and i believe i really don't want this experience. I swear if i could a hundred thousand times over the forties plus years i've been teaching people tell me i don't want to relive this experience. I keep trying but maybe hopefully more clearly today to explain that is the very thing that you don't want that as you revisit it with your attention and give your identity over to it, The very resistance to the thing you don't want is reliving the thing you don't want and yes it is fully automatic but we are unconscious to the fact that it is automatic so the more that that experience of. Let's look at it again when i see. Let's go back here i am a year later and i see my perspective mate and i see her look at someone or maybe i don't know phone call you and i both know how easily suspicion is triggered how easily anger is triggered. How easily a sense of being inadequate is triggered. Here i am i'm asked if i want to take on a new responsibility my first response by large is no i'm not i'm not interested. Because in that moment some parallel experience some form in this consciousness is triggered it remembers everything that happened back in the day and it doesn't want that pain again so it denies the possibility in the present by bringing up in that moment the pain of the past. And as that consciousness not you as that unconscious nature brings that pain up what do you think the unconscious nature does when it brings up that pain it goes oh my god i don't want to relive this and it's reliving it in the moment it doesn't want it. It's reliving the pain it doesn't want in the very moment it doesn't want it. So that nature conditioned and triggered colors everything about that moment with the dark hues of yesterday it puts the shadows over the possibility of something new. So that we don't see what is possible for us to be new instead we see the old you the old me that doesn't want to go through listen the thing it's doing to itself in that moment that it blames on the condition it sees outside of itself. Good jenny so we want we want we want we want light bulbs we want we want to see god help us to see because if you're following me the more. That that consciousness repeats the same resistance to. Reliving the experience that it has brought forward into the moment the more it repeats it the more real it becomes and the more real it becomes because we're asleep the unconscious mind. The more real it becomes the more convinced i am i have to avoid this at all circumstances i gotta get away from this i gotta straighten him out i gotta do something about this. Yes that's quite right resistance to the moment separates us from the possibility of being aware in that moment of what's actually happening to us resistance and form of blindness so let's build on what we're looking at together. Something in us that we have no awareness of while it was being created. Buy a mind resisting itself a mind in conflict with itself create something out of that conflict here is a seventeen year old sixteen year old boy in immediate deep conflict. What the condition that seems to be stealing from him his life is terribly identified with this new love of his and as that conflict grows. Is that resistance grows put your hands together like this for a moment and push just do it feel it the more the harder you push the warmer your hands get. Can you see that the harder you push the harder the hands get why because that resistance creates energy. Resistance creates energy you can feel it so now imagine that here i am as i want to be a need her to be and here's the moment and suddenly it's not what it's supposed to be and now i am with this conscious resisting tooth and nail what seems to be taking from its identity. And instead of being able to see how that works which you can't almost at that age instead of being able to see that all that energy forms something in the brain. In this unconscious mind it forms something we don't know it's for something but it is for something what the unconscious mind has formed cannot be buried it can be avoided it can be hidden. But it will always come out in the moment of any similar situation to exert itself and to assert itself into producing the perception of that moment through the content. Of that energy of that body that was formed in that minus sleep to itself so it looks at the moment through the content of its own pain of its own unwanted. And she's only that and then it goes oh no i don't want that again and what is saying is. As it says i don't want that again it is having that again. And it is strengthening that again yes this is unreconciled experience that's exactly what i'm describing to you christine and most of our life most of our present consciousness is stuffed with unreconciled experience because we did not could not for the most part know. That it isn't our task to reconcile experience it is our task to watch experience as it is being formed and in the intelligence that that awareness has with the capacity to see that consciousness. To recognize that this that is taking place is something that needs to remain for all intents and purposes that which i observe instead of that which i'm going to serve so let me go on before i run out of time i think most of you are following so first. Can we see do we have some form of new self knowledge no matter how rudimentary it may be that wherever i go. You know what to talk about you meet someone is it do you like him and then your friend says yeah but he's got a lot of baggage. Now you know what baggage is baggage is the result of a mind that didn't know what to do with a painful experience other than to try to protect itself from it and all the mind could protect itself. With from and in that moment was its own thoughts and its own reactions so that that moment becomes coded the memory becomes coded. Literally wrapped in sheet after sheet after sheet of associations that then validate that experience every time it's triggered again so the baggage you you you how do you get rid of baggage. You have to actually see you know this is a lot of weight to be carrying around with me and everything that's in the baggage by the way is designed to protect you from the baggage. So i get more and more bags to protect me from my baggage nutty but true so if we're all following this to some extent. We can see that i did not know what i can begin to see now is true and even if i don't know it's true. At least i can sense that in this direction going inwardly that i'm able to start living where. This experience is being produced instead of believing that the experience is produced outside of me so that first rudimentary form of self knowledge. Is the first form of a new kind of awareness why because maybe god willing the next moment where i suddenly start to feel a certain amount of fear example. Let's say you have to go to work and you're supposed to present something or you got a paper to write there's something you have a responsibility to do. You and i both know that if it was a cakewalk we'd be flying high we'd be taking on all possible tasks but for the most part here i am and i have to go make a presentation. And the minute that i think to myself i have to make a presentation what comes up with me resistance for the most part i'm not sure i can pull this off and basically that's across the board in life. Now what would make me think that i'm inadequate to a moment that's never happened before. I've never been asked to write that paper i've never been asked to speak in front of a group i've never been asked to study this particular technology i've never been asked to do that. But in a heartbeat i know beyond the shadow of a doubt that somehow or other it's going to be too difficult i don't want to do it. Where does that come from where does that resistance come from and we know the answer. It comes from some creature some form some energetic body made in the past that was never properly uh integrated and its influence its memory. Paints itself all over that new condition and turns the possibility of a new condition and discovering new possibilities in myself into a punishment. Where i'm convinced that i can't or i won't or i shouldn't not because the moment itself is saying that but because something in me is denying the possibility for fear of reliving something that i'm not even aware of the fact that my resistance to that moment is because something is actually resisting reliving what it's giving me to do. That is the first form of true awareness a new understanding because with that new understanding and the awareness that it brings me no matter how small it may be for the first time i am able to be aware of. My own unconscious tendency for the most part the way we are now. Our consciousness tells us who we are tell us what we can do what's possible for us we meet that consciousness sometimes with discipline with no one better than that i'm gonna get through this but it doesn't change the fact that that moment keeps repeating itself does it. It's twenty three degrees here in merlin oregon and the sun just came out that's what all this light on my face is so i've never been aware of my own conscience. My own consciousness i've never had an awareness of my own consciousness i always let my consciousness as it's presently constitute tell me what it is that it's what i'm aware of it tells me that happened so my consciousness tells me what i am aware of when what i'm seeing is what my consciousness has painted the moment according to its past. Now i can have an awareness of my consciousness this is where all true work begins i must first suspect that my consciousness unattended is going to recreate itself. And not just recreate itself but strengthen its conviction that everything it sees for the way it experiences things is is set in and steel. First task must learn to observe to be aware of that of the workings of our own mind and this sounds like it's complex it's not. We're actually created with the with the potential that the actual purpose is to be aware of this unconscious nature. Because you see it's not just your unconscious nature if we could do like we do in class sometimes we get everybody would be able to see this everybody has the same experience it's just color differently because the experience was slightly different but it's rude the same. Hey the same past the same fear comes up and and paints everything everybody has the same experience because that's the nature of this consciousness so that this consciousness actually feeds the pain that it says it doesn't work. I always ask people what if you don't want to relive this pain you were abused as a child post traumatic stress of any form of order as terrible as that is for these poor. Men and women who go and serve in the forces something wants to relive what it says it hates because it didn't want to relive it. Why would it take your attention and place it there on the very thing that you don't want it placed on cuz that's what it does. And you have to see that it does that not think it does that not wish it didn't do that not hope that someday it won't do that but actually see the experience i don't want in this moment i am being given by. I'm nature that as it identifies with what it doesn't want convinces me not wanting it proves i don't want it and the more it remembers the thing that it doesn't watch. The more it seems that we can't escape it you talk to people with pain in their past and by the way all of us have pain in the past in many ways. This past that we keep trying to transcend it this past we keep trying to just transcend exists only in in in in a in order of time that thought creates as it tries to escape the content of itself. And the more it tries to escape the experience that it brings up the more time it needs to escape it and the more it wishes it could get away from the time that it revisits. I'm trying to show us something yes it seems simple and it is incredibly simple. It's the practice part you go into a room that's all in the dark with tables and objects on the floor you're gonna trip and stumble all over the place you like one match. And suddenly you have the awareness of your condition of the situation you're in now you know don't step here avoid that you don't have to think yourself what's in the room with me why am i keep bumping into things what are all these bruises. You see beyond the shadow of a doubt you are aware of the contents in the room when you wake up and you work to be present to yourself you're aware of the content of your own consciousness. That's what being awake is not freedom from the content of your consciousness that's built into the consciousness but your relationship to that consciousness can definitely change as you bring the light of this awareness into it. And it is the light of this awareness that reveals the concealed and it is the concealed that isn't healed and can't heal because it keeps injuring itself. So you're saying don't do what your conscious conscious what your conscious tells you to know you don't have to tell yourself not to do that. There's a student of a student i know somewhat well online her name is susanna i think. Susanna ask what am i supposed to do this how do i bring the divine and how do i bring this light and what is it's actions it's action is in the very moment that i become aware of the fact that unbeknownst to myself i'm the one bringing up this bitterness this pain that person their response their action the things they do or don't do are just forms that are similar to things that that memory responds to and as it responds to it only look a memory can't respond to any condition outside of the content of itself. So if i actually wake up and realize here i am and i'm starting to be afraid of something i can't be afraid of a new moment. I'm afraid of what i think the moment may mean to me and i can't know what the moment may mean to me without looking at it through the eyes of a past of an ambition that wants to get something so it doesn't want to fail at something so that all the time i'm actually looking at my life. Through a set of eyes that do not belong to be at present but that rather see life through a consciousness that paints everything according to the content of itself. So that thought is living my life for me memory the reactions that memory holds see we don't think that to ourselves we don't think that this memory of how here hurt me or what they did we don't think that memory actually has reactions we take the reactions inherent in that form. We take the reactions inherent in that memory to be hours those reactions are your reactions they belong to that cluster of that unconscious energy that was formed the first time that we didn't know what to do in that moment i'm gonna run out of time. Let me just wrap this up what a mind asleep to itself has formed in its sleep can be awakened and in the light of that awareness begin to dissolve dissolve its relationship to that matrix dissolve its relationship to. That form that has been the gravity of its life the center of its life so that as that relationship is dissolved and we stand that that consciousness is no longer able to feed that form that body that creature. What the energy of resistance it must die because it's no longer being kept alive and as it dies low and behold you and i are brought into another world that is no longer condition by the content of that consciousness so that we experience literally. Rebirth because integration has taken place instead of the ceaseless separation that that memory and its body of associations produces every time it meets a moment and says i don't want to live that. I'm at forty two minutes i gotta stop join me find me go online i speak three times a week for free nothing to join me speaking tomorrow. I hope you find me hope you join me if not i'll see you next saturday remember what was formed by an unconscious mind. Can be disformed can be dissolved by the light of an awareness of that form that's the only way we escape the past because the past only exists in a form that relives and reincarnate itself without our awareness of it.

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