Special: Father & Son Chat With Matteo Ambrose-Life, Lessons

Long-time listeners, younger generation, parents, kids and everyone else interested in a great conversation... I've got a special treat for you! My son Matteo Ambrose joins me for the 1st time ever to discuss life, responsibility, balance, transitioning into adulthood and much more!

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with your host,

Glenn Ambrose.

Hello everybody,

Welcome to the show.

So today I have a special guest,

The most special guest,

My son,

Matteo Ambrose.

So here he is.

Hello son.

Oh wait,

I think I have to unmute your mic.

There,

Okay.

There we go.

Hey,

Hello son.

Hello,

Father.

So here we are.

So now everybody that's been listening to my show,

I don't know who's going to listen to this and who's going to watch this,

But who's been listening to my show for the last eight years or something has basically heard about you a lot.

Yeah.

You know,

I mean,

So like they're familiar with you,

So I think this is actually going to be a real treat for them.

But yeah,

You decided you wanted to come on the podcast and I was like,

Hell yeah.

So I'm psyched.

So right now I'm in the Dominican Republic.

You stayed in Florida.

And so that's where you are living with our friend Brian and working.

So I guess we're just going to,

We're going to see where it goes.

Who knows what we're going to talk about,

But to start,

We're going to kind of talk about,

You know,

The biggest probably transition,

Quite possibly the biggest transition for anybody in their life.

But you know,

It was kind of recent for you.

You're 21,

Almost 22.

So your transition from going from being a kid to a man,

Going from a kid to an adult,

From a boy to a man,

You know,

That's a big transition that everybody has to go through.

You know,

Girls become women.

It's going from that kid to adult.

So it's trying to figure out who you are and yeah,

What was that like for you?

I mean,

Honestly,

I don't have it all together now.

I'm still slowly figuring out things about myself every day.

I mean,

It's constant learning in every situation,

But I would say,

I would say I just really like being a man is just like,

Take care of my responsibilities.

And like,

Now I have those responsibilities,

Being older,

Having a car,

Having a job,

Not being able to just go anywhere,

Do anything I want because of those responsibilities.

And like,

Just based off of that,

And those responsibilities,

I'm slowly becoming a man over time with my work.

I mean,

Even the guys at work,

They'll be saying like,

Dude,

You're starting to like,

We can see it changing.

Because like,

When I started,

You're just a kid,

You don't know anything going on.

It's just,

It all hits at once.

It's a lot to deal with,

A lot to learn.

And then you almost feel alone.

I mean,

There's a lot of people out there.

I mean,

My dad,

I mean,

You guys listen to him all the time.

I talk to him once a week.

I mean,

He's always been there for me.

But like,

It's just,

I don't believe he understands in a way everything.

So I feel like I'm alone,

And I want to do it alone,

Because I want to be that man.

And you don't always have to go through it alone,

Is what I'm trying to get at.

You can,

I mean,

There's so many people out there that care about you and love you,

And you can just,

You can accept help when it's needed and necessary.

Yeah,

And that's a good point.

And it's,

You know,

That's perfect.

Because,

You know,

I think the big points that you just said is that,

You know,

Sometimes you feel alone,

But there is support.

And also that,

You know,

Becoming an adult,

You do need to do it yourself.

There's a lot of stuff that you do need to do yourself.

Like,

You know,

I can support you,

And other people that love you can support you.

But at the end of the day,

The doing of it has to be you.

And a lot of people resist that,

But you want it to be you.

You know,

Because what's the alternative?

Like,

The alternative is not that this is possible,

But the alternative is for somebody to do it with you or for you.

And that's kind of impossible anyway.

But even if it was possible,

You wouldn't grow,

You wouldn't learn,

You know,

You wouldn't become the person that you're trying to become if other people were doing it for you.

So,

Yeah,

It's about that doing.

Yeah.

But I will say,

Like,

Coming out of high school,

We moved here,

What,

Like June,

July of 2018?

I think so.

It was right after your junior year,

Right before your senior year.

And then we moved to Florida,

Which was crazy.

I mean,

All my boys,

All my friends,

All my friends,

In Rhode Island,

Everybody I knew,

Everybody I grew up with,

A lot of my family.

And just moved to Florida.

Kind of,

We came here for vacation for a couple,

I mean,

A few times.

We came here like once a week,

Or for a week,

Like once a year,

Maybe every other year.

And we came and stayed with the people I actually live with now,

My godfather,

Brian Sewell.

And it was just,

It was such an eye opener,

Going somewhere else,

Not being stuck in little Rhode Island.

I mean,

I love the small town vibes.

I love being able to go bike to the soccer fields,

Hang out with the buddies.

But it's,

It's cool to see how much else this world has to offer.

Like there's so much more than just your little small town,

Staying home all the time.

I mean,

Just hanging out with the same people,

Just hanging out with the same friends,

Just hanging out with the same people,

Doing the same stuff.

Like there's so much more to life,

You know.

Yeah,

Yeah.

That's a big transition for you going from,

Because it's not only,

You know,

It's not only leaving everything that you know,

And going to someplace completely different.

But like your move was so dramatic,

Because it's,

You know,

Like I grew up in a small town in Massachusetts.

You grew up in a small town in Rhode Island.

And those two states,

You know,

As well as other states,

But those two states are very similar.

They're,

They're all small towns,

And everybody knows everybody.

And then you move down to Florida,

And it's the complete opposite.

The towns are gigantic.

I mean,

You know,

They had what?

I mean,

Your school had what,

Four times more kids?

Yeah,

In Rhode Island,

It was like 800 students.

And my senior year here,

There was like 2,

400,

I believe.

Yeah,

And that's just one school.

And it was what,

Three other schools in your city?

Maybe like six.

Yeah,

So I mean,

The city that you moved to,

The school that you went to,

Just the size of it,

And the amount of people is just completely different,

You know.

And it's a transient state where,

You know,

Rhode Island,

You know,

Everybody in a small town,

Florida,

Half the people moved there,

So they didn't grow up there,

So they don't know everybody.

Plus,

You don't know everybody.

Plus,

Even if you did live there,

With that amount of kids,

You can't possibly know everybody.

So nobody knows everybody.

So it just changes the dynamic.

It's a different perspective.

It's a different way of looking at things.

I don't know,

It's just how,

How I grew up.

It's just,

I mean,

I would go next door and go hang out with the kids when we're living at the duplex.

I'd go hang out with Danny.

We'd ride to Fish Hill,

Go play soccer for hours,

Me,

Kefaro,

All the boys.

And then we'd ride back,

And it's just like,

Now I can go for a bike ride for an hour.

And I'm like,

Okay,

I'm still in Bradenton.

Right.

Yeah,

It's so weird.

It does,

It gives a different perspective.

So,

You know,

How does,

I don't know if you can put words to it,

But because I don't know if I could,

But how do you,

You know,

What's that like?

Just,

You know,

Having one perspective,

And then all of a sudden being exposed to something completely different.

I mean,

Mostly I realize the differences with people.

In Rhode Island,

I just,

Everybody,

You could talk to anybody,

Like my dad was saying.

We knew everybody,

So it was just,

You never felt uncomfortable.

It was a lot more comforting going to a store.

You'd be like,

Hey,

How you doing?

You find somebody,

You know.

I go to Florida and not living here as well.

I go to Walmart,

And I'm like,

Put in my headphones,

Don't talk to nobody.

I don't know anybody.

Like,

It's just,

It's just a different dynamic.

And like,

Everybody's like that.

Everybody's putting in headphones.

Nobody's,

I mean,

Also with technology advancing,

Which isn't the greatest,

But it's just everybody,

They're not looking for conversation.

They're looking,

Hey,

I'm going to Walmart,

Putting in the headphones,

Getting my crap done,

Get out here.

They're not looking to say hi to someone they knew back in the day.

It's a lot,

It's a lot,

It mostly has to do with conversation.

Like,

It's just,

And the things people talk about.

I mean,

Florida's a big party city as well.

I mean,

At least me in Rhode Island,

That was definitely partying,

But I never really partied too much.

And it's just,

Everybody here is like,

Yeah,

Let's go to the raves.

Let's do so-and-so drugs.

And I'm like,

It's just,

It's such a different,

It's so different.

Yeah,

Yeah.

It's a different vibe.

And,

You know,

Probably some of that had to do with your age too.

You know,

You were 16 when you moved to,

Right,

16 or 17.

I don't know,

But you were 17.

So,

You were 17,

But you know,

At the end of your junior year of high school,

We moved to Florida.

And then now all of a sudden,

You know,

It's a big difference being a junior in high school in a small town and a 21-year-old man in a big town.

Yeah.

Very different.

And like,

In Rhode Island schooling-wise,

I feel like they were more,

I won't say individualized to the students because it wasn't really like that,

But you could get help when you needed it.

You could stay after class.

Like,

There was a lot more help offered.

Here,

They're kind of like,

There's just too many people.

They can't take care of everybody.

And I mean,

Florida schooling,

Very easy for me.

I mean,

Rhode Island,

I was C,

D,

Maybe B average,

But I would say mostly C's and D's.

And then I came here and I got straight A's my senior year.

Yeah.

So,

It's like- Yeah,

You were pretty surprised at the school system differences.

And I will say with my age,

I matured a lot more.

Like,

When I was younger and even like,

All I cared about was having fun doing what I like,

Which is good to like a certain extent.

But like,

Part of being a man,

Like,

You have to do the shit,

Your stuff you do not enjoy.

Sorry.

That's all right.

Yeah.

So,

That's a good part.

Like,

I'd like to get your perspective on,

You know,

When you were growing up,

I would try to,

When you were little,

I tried to give you some responsibilities.

And then,

You know,

And I tried telling you like,

Okay,

As you get older,

I'm going to give you more responsibilities.

Because when you turn 18,

You don't just snap your fingers and understand responsibility.

Like,

It's a big leap.

And if you prepare for it along the way while you're growing up,

Then maybe you're going to have a better chance of being able to handle it when you're an adult.

Whereas,

You know,

If you just run around not having any responsibilities at all your whole life,

And then all of a sudden you're an adult,

It's kind of like a culture shock.

So,

What was that like for you?

I mean,

Going from 17 to 18 was like one of my bigger changes.

Like,

Really like,

I just,

I really had to focus in,

Get it dialed in,

Because like 17 to 18,

You can start getting arrested for fighting.

And like,

I'm not,

I don't want to go to jail,

Personally.

Like,

Okay,

So now I can't just go and like,

Me and my buddies can't just beat the crap out of each other,

Like on the street.

We can't.

I mean,

I don't know why we did that in the beginning.

But we just,

It's just,

Things change.

And then you become 18,

And you start driving.

And you have to,

You're driving.

And like,

Me personally,

I didn't get my license till what,

19,

I believe.

Because I was terrified of driving for a long time.

Yeah,

Yeah.

And you told me you weren't.

But yeah,

It's so yeah,

When you when you get to that,

You start getting that real responsibility,

And it is a bit of a culture shock.

Yeah.

And it's just,

Yeah,

Like,

Back to the jail thing,

You just kind of have to watch yourself,

Because now comes consequences as well.

When you're a kid,

You,

I mean,

You steal a cookie out the cookie jar.

Oh,

No,

You're grounded for a week.

But like,

You don't get grounded anymore.

Like you don't get locked in your room for an hour or two,

You don't get your phone taken away.

So you're like,

Yeah,

I can do anything.

And then you,

Like I said,

You go to a bar and you punch some guy.

And then you now you're getting arrested.

And you're like,

Wait a minute,

I was just,

Last year,

I mean,

I mean,

My friends fought all the time.

I didn't know that was a thing.

You get arrested for fighting.

And schools don't teach that type of stuff.

And it's,

It's just a lot you have to learn by yourself to experience.

And,

Um,

You start taking things a little more seriously,

Because the consequences are more serious.

And that's if you do it right.

You know,

Like,

I mean,

A lot of people don't do it right.

And they don't learn like that.

So like,

I mean,

You know,

One perspective is looking at this going,

Wow,

This is like,

This is a big difference.

Wow,

This is really hard.

You kind of have to focus and do that,

Which is,

Which is true to some extent.

But the,

The,

But this is a sign,

This is what growing up looks like,

I think,

Like,

If you do it right,

You know,

Like,

I didn't always do it right.

So when I was younger,

When I was supposed to be learning the stuff that you're talking about,

I didn't learn that stuff.

You know,

So,

So I did end up getting arrested.

And I did end up getting in trouble,

Because I wasn't learning the stuff that you just said that we need to learn,

You know,

So you,

Your perspective shifted,

And you,

You learn this stuff through awareness.

You're like,

I'm,

You,

You didn't get arrested to learn that you can get arrested.

You knew that you can get arrested.

So you're like,

Okay,

I can get arrested now.

And I could be in lots of trouble,

Like,

So I better not do that.

And that's,

That's the right way to do it.

You know,

That's the proper way to grow is be aware of the consequences,

And then choose not to do something that's going to put you in a position where you're suffering.

You know,

That's effective growing.

Is it easy?

No,

But,

But it's a hell of a lot easier than the other way than the way I tried it.

Yeah.

And I will say another thing,

Like,

And I will say another thing,

Like,

When I was really young,

Like elementary school,

Early,

Early high,

Or elementary school,

A little bit of middle school,

And then early high school,

Like my freshman year,

Like,

Especially elementary school,

I mean,

I never got to see the light of recess,

Because I was always,

I was always locked up in the principal's office,

Because I was doing something like,

And I do blame that a lot on my ADHD,

But I also didn't understand consequences.

So I would,

I mean,

I would throw rocks at the yard aides.

I mean,

Like,

Really idiotic stuff.

And then,

Like,

So I learned at a young age that if I go and get in a fight with this kid,

I'm going to get locked up in this office.

And also,

I have ADHD.

So when they would lock me in this office,

Or like in middle school,

It was just a brick white room with a clock on it with a little table.

I'm sitting there losing my mind.

Just like going crazy sitting there.

I'm like,

What can I do?

Oh my God,

It's just,

It was driving me crazy.

And I'm like,

I never want to be stuck.

I never want to be locked up.

I never want to be.

So I like that all taught me from a young age,

Which I don't,

I don't think that stuff is necessary to teach me that.

I think that I definitely went a little overboard.

But yeah,

I mean,

I'm grateful for it.

And it's taught me like,

I,

It's just,

I can't,

It makes me think about my actions before I do things and the consequences.

I don't just do things.

I don't just jump the gun.

I mean,

Maybe I'm an overthinker.

Yes.

But I'd rather overthink than just break into some liquor store and get arrested.

Yeah.

And I think that's,

I remember,

You know,

When you went through that transition,

It's like,

I,

You know,

I was in trouble a lot all through school.

So I knew what it was like to,

Man,

I was a slow learner compared to you,

You know,

But like,

I knew what it was like to be in trouble and the way teachers treat you and the way principals treat you.

And you,

You end up getting blamed for stuff that you didn't even do.

You know,

Then you feel more like a victim and you feel out of control and it's not fair and all this stuff.

And that's kind of how you live.

And like,

You,

You know,

You got in a lot of trouble,

First and second grade with ADHD stuff.

But then when you started coming out of that,

Like,

You know,

I re I remember talking to you and going,

Hey,

Pay attention now that you're not getting in trouble.

Pay attention to how teachers treat you.

They,

You know,

Now you do something stupid.

They're like,

Oh,

Well,

You know,

Usually he's a good kid and they cut you a break.

Would you rather have a reputation as being a good kid?

And then if you do something,

You get caught,

You,

You know,

You catch a break or would you rather be known as the troubled kid?

That's a big pain in the ass and getting in trouble all the time.

And then you get in trouble for what you did.

Plus you get in trouble for half the stuff you didn't do.

Like,

You know,

And I tried showing you the difference between those.

So you could choose how to act,

You know,

Because at the end of the day,

That's what it is.

It's your choice.

You know,

Nobody can do it for you.

Even as a kid,

You know,

Like you have to learn and you drew that line.

You were like,

Oh,

Okay.

So if I'm in trouble all the time,

My life gets worse.

I don't like that.

So I'm going to choose to play by the rules a little bit more fly under the radar.

You know,

Experience.

Yeah.

And now,

Man,

I'm kind of losing my train of thought.

I have ADHD.

So yeah.

Yeah.

But,

But,

Oh,

Yeah.

So like when I was a kid,

They used to I had to get this like weekly checkup and to go talk to,

I think she was like a special ed teacher.

She helped with the handicap kids and everything.

And I would have to go to her and like,

Yeah,

She had this little paper and it had smiley faces on it.

It's a little hard to remember,

But I would have to go in every morning and then every day after school.

And I would have to like sit down with her for like 10,

20 minutes,

Talk to her about how my day was and everything.

And then she would sign me off depending on how I did that day.

And like right around that time,

Like,

So first,

I gotta say this first,

Because this is why I say before.

So first grade,

I got like 200 plus write ups.

I mean,

If there was a world record,

I beat it.

And then the second grade,

Very similar.

I mean,

It's basically the same thing,

Constantly in trouble getting like two write ups a day.

It was crazy.

And then like third grade,

When I started doing this,

The smiley face thing,

It like really opened my eyes because I'm like,

Okay,

Now other people are having to do extra for me.

I don't want to be a burden to anybody.

And she's like having to do all this paperwork,

Having to sit here and talk to me.

I don't want to talk to her.

She probably doesn't want to sit here talking to me.

Like,

I want to get out of here,

Go home.

I want to sit here for 20 minutes.

I have to take a later bus.

So I get home a little later.

Like it was just,

It was a pain in the butt.

So like third grade,

I couldn't tell you the exact number,

But I would say I got like 20 to 50 write ups in third grade.

And then fourth grade,

I got,

I believe seven.

And then fifth grade,

I think I got five.

And then like,

So I started cleaning up my act because I,

I just,

I was always like,

Mateo,

Mateo,

Stop this.

Mateo,

Stop that.

Mateo,

Stop this.

And it was just constant hearing my name and constant getting yelled at.

And it's just,

I don't,

I don't want to leave.

That was the thing,

You know,

When we,

When we,

We were going to the therapist to try to figure out what to do with the ADHD and stuff.

And,

And I wanted to stay,

You know,

Like I,

I have ADHD.

So like I was,

I kind of get used to dealing with it through life.

And I wanted to try to do,

You know,

Natural approaches like food and,

And behavioral stuff and all this stuff.

I didn't want to do like medication.

And so I was kinda like trying to work with the school and the school wasn't really,

They weren't that helpful.

And so I was like,

Finally,

I was talking to a therapist one day and she said,

She looked at me and she goes,

Do you have any idea how many times Mateo hears his name a day?

And I just,

Right then I flashed through my childhood and I went,

Oh my God,

Yes,

I do.

I know,

I know exactly how many times Mateo hears his name in a day,

Because that's how I was,

I grew up like that.

You know,

I grew up for,

In 12 years of school going,

Glenn,

Stop it.

Glenn,

Turn around.

Glenn,

Stop entertaining the class.

Glenn,

Stop talking.

Glenn,

You know,

For like for 12 years.

And I mean,

You know,

I wonder why I turned to alcohol,

Alcoholism by the time I was in high school.

It's like,

You know,

Because it,

It takes,

It's a major blow on your self-esteem when you hear your name in a negative context,

A hundred times a day.

So it's,

So when she said that the light bulb went off and I went,

Oh my God,

Like,

Yes,

We have to do whatever it takes to stop him from experiencing what I experienced.

And if that's medication,

Then so be it.

And,

You know,

And,

And that was so,

You know,

And we started with the medication and that really helped because,

You know,

It,

I think,

And,

You know,

I wonder what your perspective was,

But I think we found the right medication where you were able to control yourself better in school,

But it didn't turn,

You know,

You were still high energy.

It didn't turn you into a zombie or anything.

Yeah.

So,

On the topic of medication,

Like definitely super helpful and I'm glad I got it when I was younger.

I definitely think you guys hit the right dosage amount.

Cause like you said,

I would still have the energy like afterwards could be the pill wearing off.

I'm not sure,

But it didn't like make me just this crusty,

Like,

Hey,

Everything kid,

You know,

I still could enjoy myself even when on the pill or off the pill.

And it would just help me focus a lot when I was younger.

And but with that said,

I will I'm off the pill now and I'm very happy that I am because I really think like all of what I went through and then partially the pill,

It kind of,

It made me quiet.

Cause like I'm hearing my name all the time and I'm just,

And then the pill is making me more tone and it made me really insecure.

And I just like all the yelling at,

I got really quiet.

I stopped talking cause every time I talk,

I'd get yelled at.

So I just,

I would stop talking.

I start,

Stop doing things.

I just sit there and look at my block out everybody.

I mean,

I did that.

I should have had way more friends when I was younger than I did.

I mean,

All my friends were on the soccer team.

I've never really made friends so much in class and everything because I was just too worried about everything.

Like,

Oh,

Well I do something wrong or this,

But honestly I don't think I would have gotten through school without the medication.

So I definitely,

The medication helped me a lot through schooling,

But now that I'm off of it,

I am,

I'm so glad I was on it in school,

But I am so glad I am not on it now because I am,

I mean,

One,

I'm getting older,

I'm getting more tired.

My body's,

I'm a plumber,

So my body's starting to get some aches and pains and everything and losing the energy slightly.

So now like that I'm off the pill,

I love it because I still feel pretty high energy.

I can do anything whenever I want,

But,

And I'm actually going to college for plumbing right now and I'm not taking the pill,

Which this year I will say plumbing school is a lot different than most schooling.

The first year is just like safety stuff and I've already been doing plumbing for three years.

So I pretty much know everything they're teaching me.

So I'm taking this first year out of four years and I'm using it as a learning experience.

I mean the schooling,

Yeah,

Woohoo,

Plumbing,

Getting my master's,

But you can take your master's test without going to school.

So I'm only really doing this to see how I would react without my medication,

To see how I could,

If I could study,

To see if I could perform under pressure or perform with,

I mean,

When I was a kid,

I used to have to ask for special permission to put in headphones and go sit in the corner of class on tests because anybody tapping their pencil,

Oh my God,

I lose my mind.

Any noise,

Any,

Someone breathing.

I mean,

I felt like Superman when he first started getting all his senses,

Like it was,

It was,

And then now that I'm older,

I'm like,

I haven't had a test yet in plumbing school.

I just started recently,

But I just made a whole quick,

A quizlet and it's a whole study thing.

And I've been studying all these terms for my plumbing test and I could tell you any term and the definition right now.

And like I said,

I haven't been on my pill since,

Like I said,

I haven't been on my pill since,

Did I take it my senior year of high school?

I don't believe I did.

No,

I definitely did.

Well,

It was sporadic.

I think you took it sometimes,

Just like when you wanted to or something.

Yeah,

Maybe.

But that's a big deal.

You know,

That's a big deal understanding that you can actually retain knowledge,

You know,

Especially when it's up to you.

You know,

It's like that was one thing I don't know if you remember,

But when you first got on the pill,

I didn't want you to think that there was something wrong with you.

You know,

It's,

And some people don't like my approach,

Which I don't really care.

I'm fine with that.

But like,

I tried never,

I tried to speak my truth to you.

And I think that there's something wrong with society.

I think there's lots of things wrong with society.

And I think the school system is one of those problems.

I,

You know,

It's just,

So I told you,

When you got on that thing,

There's nothing wrong with you.

There's something wrong with society,

Taking children at their highest energy level age and sitting them at a desk for six,

Eight hours a day like that.

That's just unnatural.

It's,

You know,

So if you would have been born to a Native American tribe,

You know,

500 years ago,

You probably would have been,

You know,

The best warrior,

The best hunter,

Because,

You know,

You can run fast and you've got great eyesight and your high energy and you're intelligent and you might have been become the chief of the tribe,

You know.

So it's just,

There's nothing wrong with you.

You just have your special abilities and all the things that you're good at are,

You know,

It doesn't fit into society's standards as to,

You know,

What they expect from children.

And me being similar to you,

I could see that,

You know,

As I get older,

I look back on school and I'm like,

Well,

No wonder why I struggled so much.

I mean,

It's,

I don't fit into school,

You know.

So it's,

Do you remember any of that?

Me talking to you about that or anything?

Yeah.

And I can't think of anything off the top of my head,

But I know we've had that conversation times that we're very similar and everything.

Yeah.

So,

I mean,

I,

You know,

So I think that,

You know,

The,

Until there's,

You know,

And living over here in the DR now I see different school options.

Like they have alternative schools over here that I've seen a little bit of,

And I'm like,

Oh my God,

That must be awesome.

You know,

And some kids can do well,

You know,

In a regular school system that,

You know,

That,

That suits them,

But it's just not for everybody and high energy ADHD.

It's just,

It's,

It's a tough,

It's a tough racket,

Man.

And I,

You know,

So if you are in it,

You know,

Like the medication helped during that time.

So,

You know,

It's good.

If we had my choice,

I,

You know,

Would have probably put you in some sort of alternative schooling and then maybe not,

Maybe you wouldn't have needed the medication,

Whatever,

But we did what we needed to do.

And you came out the other side and now you're in a school environment and you were sending me videos of the,

Of all the plumbing stuff you learned and doing the quizzes.

And I was like,

Yeah,

You're like,

You weren't even reading the full question before you were getting the answer.

And that was only my third time through.

Oh my God.

It was like,

So what's cool now is like,

I see all the things,

Like I always knew you were capable and I always knew you were intelligent.

And there's a lot of other kids and parents out there that kids may be questioning it,

Parents knowing it about their kids,

But growing up is,

Is a journey,

Man.

And,

You know,

Now that you're,

You're a man and you know,

You've come to grips,

You come to an understanding of how capable and how intelligent you are just through working as a plumber,

As well as being able to retain all this knowledge for school.

It's like,

You know,

Now you know,

Now you know what I've always known,

You know,

Which is exciting because I can see you standing in it and how your confidence is,

Is,

You know,

Rising and all that stuff.

So what's that like,

You know,

What's that like,

Like opening up to like,

Holy crap,

Man,

This thing called life that I was kind of scared about and I didn't know how to navigate and childhood was all over the place and weird and wild.

Now I'm a man and like,

I got this.

Well,

Oh man,

I had something good.

Oh,

Geez.

Oh,

Good.

It'll come back.

Yeah.

What was the last thing you said?

Yeah.

What's it like just being,

You know,

Knowing that you got this,

You know,

Knowing that you're a man and you actually are capable and intelligent and,

And do you,

You know,

You got this,

You know,

You can do this adulting thing really well.

I have,

I mean,

I always hated,

Hated being an adult.

I was like,

Oh my gosh,

When I turn 18,

My life is over.

It's going to be horrible.

Like life is going to suck.

I'm going to off myself at 20,

25,

30,

Just because I don't want to live a whole life.

The stuff I see around,

I mean,

My friend's parents work in jobs,

They hate all that stuff.

And I just,

I didn't want that life.

And then like when I was younger,

Like I said,

I was really quiet.

Kind of just went with the flow and I just didn't really,

Other than soccer,

I didn't experience anything I really enjoyed.

I mean,

School is not it for me.

So as I became older and it's just,

I started opening my eyes to trying things.

Like I started,

We started,

I mean,

I started working at the reffing soccer.

I did that for a few years.

That was my first real,

I guess,

Job.

And I mean,

A great eye-opener.

I got some money,

Me and my boys,

We'd go,

We could start going around town,

Going to buy things for ourselves.

I mean,

Whenever you go out,

Your parents hand you money,

You leave.

And then you only get what they give you.

If it's a quarter,

If it's $20,

It don't matter.

It's all you got.

And then now you can start making money for yourself.

So then I'm like,

Okay,

I kind of like this.

So then I'm working a little bit.

And then I'm like,

I start,

Then I go home and I play video games.

And then I got on this video game craze for forever.

I mean,

Oh my gosh.

And then that was all I wanted to do.

Just sit at home because I didn't have to talk to nobody face to face.

I just sat there playing the games,

Which I enjoyed,

And hanging out with my boys on the game.

And I just,

My entire life was about these video games.

And then we moved to Florida.

And then it was like,

Okay,

I'm gonna tell you,

You need to get a job.

And then it was like,

Okay,

Okay,

Whatever.

And I'm looking,

Which I wasn't actually looking.

And then,

I mean,

Honestly,

I'll talk about the Walmart thing.

We went to,

Me and my dad,

We went to Walmart and got in a little tussle over some dumb crap.

But I ended up moving out for two,

Three months.

Yeah,

Three,

Maybe even four.

And that was like the biggest kicker in my entire life.

I mean,

I needed that so much.

I mean,

It sucks to go through something like that.

But I don't know,

I guess you just have to know that not everybody's trying to screw you.

They're trying to hurt you.

They're trying to do what's best for you.

And when they're trying to do what's best for you,

And you're just sitting there on your ass playing video games.

I mean,

It's difficult.

It's difficult to be like,

Yeah,

This kid's going places.

Yes,

This is my son.

You can't be proud of that in a way.

And it's just,

We got in that fight.

And then I got kicked out.

And I'm like,

I'm on my own.

I'm homeless right now.

That's how I look at it.

I mean,

Yes,

I'm living in a friend's house,

But I'm not staying here for forever.

I'll be here for a week.

Then I got to,

I'm homeless.

I don't have a car.

I don't have a license.

I don't have any identification.

I have barely any money.

I have nothing.

So within the first month,

Got a job,

Started working plumbing for my godfather.

Then I'm pretty sure I got a debit card or a credit card.

No,

I got a debit card because the credit card was in 21.

So I got a debit card,

Which was huge deal for me because I was like,

I can pay you for my own crap now.

And it's not cash.

It's just,

It's a little above cash.

You feel more accomplished because you're like,

Hey,

I passed.

I got a little card.

And then I got my car after a few months of working.

And it just,

It was like,

Like I said,

The little tussle me and my dad got in,

It just,

It was like,

Hey,

You need to wake up and like grow up right now.

Like life is coming at you.

And if you avoid,

If you try and avoid it and you try to negate it as much as possible,

It's just,

It's,

You're not going to have a good life.

I mean,

It's all about the flow.

You just kind of got to roll with the punches,

Let it happen.

There's always light on the other side of the tunnel.

You can't just sit there and ignore everything and ignore your responsibilities and be 50 years old,

Living in the basement that your parents,

I mean,

If that's what you want to do,

If you want to take care of your parents,

Don't get me wrong,

Do it.

But I just,

I mean,

I don't want to live a life like that.

I want to be able to go travel,

Go see the world,

To go hiking.

I mean,

I just,

I want more for myself than just sitting at home doing nothing.

And with that comes responsibilities.

Cause how do you get around?

How do you go see the world?

You got to pay for flights.

You got to drive,

You got to work for the money.

You got to be able to feed yourself.

You got to take care of your health.

You got to see a doctor.

And it's just over,

I would say from 17 to now 21,

It's just like a lot,

A lot gets shoved on your plate and it's really quick.

It's a lot to deal with at the time,

But once you deal with it,

You just,

You feel like you get more confidence.

Like,

Like I said,

I was always very quiet.

And now I'm like,

When I go to parties,

I'm like,

I'm in my own element.

Like I'm having a good time,

No matter what the hell is going on.

I don't need to be there with other people.

I am jamming out to the music,

Enjoying myself at all times.

I'm not like worrying about the responsibilities I didn't take care of worrying about,

Oh my gosh,

Is my car going to make it home?

Oh my gosh,

Do I have a home to go back to?

Oh my gosh,

Do I have a job so I can pay for this liquor that I just got for this party?

It's just,

It does.

And I'm speaking all of this.

I'm not a big partier,

But I'm trying to tie it in to make it relatable.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's it,

That's it.

And it's,

You know,

I think a big,

Big part of that is what you touched on.

It's like how you feel,

Because there's this fear,

You know,

There's this natural fear about becoming an adult.

Like,

Can I handle it?

Can I do it?

Wow.

It's a lot,

It's a big difference and all this stuff.

But once you,

Once you stop resisting it,

Like you said,

And you start leaning into it,

You start finding out that you can do it and you are capable.

And,

You know,

And,

And I mean,

I've seen dramatic changes in you,

But I think also most kids out there,

They're,

I mean,

You know,

You can do it.

You can get a job,

You can save some money.

You can like get a debit card,

Like,

You know,

99% of the people out there can do this,

You know?

I think you're doing it out of very high level and you're learning very fast,

Which is wonderful,

But you can do it.

And then once you start doing these things,

That's where the confidence comes from.

And you start,

You know,

You have to start doing these things.

So you start feeling better about yourself because you,

You can't sit around playing video games in your parents' cellar for 10 years and feel good about yourself because you're not doing anything.

Not because there's something wrong with video games,

It's because you're literally not doing anything with your life.

And that's where the joy comes from.

You know,

That's where I think that's,

What's hard for kids to understand.

I think,

You know,

I,

I,

I know I didn't understand it,

But it's like that responsibility level.

We think,

Oh no,

It's going to suck being an adult.

It's going to suck having all these responsibilities.

Oh,

It's going to suck.

It's like,

Yeah,

But what's the other side of that.

I'm going to feel really capable.

I can do whatever I want with my life.

I can,

You know,

It gives me the freedom so I can hop in my car and just cruise until four o'clock in the morning for no apparent reason,

Listening to music.

I can just do that because I want.

And then,

You know,

And then when you get your own place,

It's like,

Wow,

I'm standing in my kitchen at two o'clock in the morning,

Making popcorn in my kitchen.

And it's my popcorn,

You know,

Like there's something special about that.

There's something that makes you feel good about yourself that you're participating in the unfoldment of your own life that makes us feel good.

That's where joy comes from,

You know?

So it's cool to see you doing that.

And,

You know,

That's the thing that I think it might be hard for kids to understand.

But if we kind of throw it out there,

Maybe they'll understand it better.

That actually participating in your own life and do it,

You know,

Becoming responsible and doing whatever the hell you want is actually pretty empowering and fun.

Yeah.

And I mean,

A lot of the jobs today are like the nine to five and I personally work basically nine to five.

I mean,

Usually eight to four.

I mean,

There's no guaranteed hours being on call and everything,

But I work like a trade job,

A normal blue collar job being a plumber.

And most people are like,

Oh my God,

I would never.

And they go to McDonald's and work at McDonald's for a couple of years.

And it's just out me personally.

I just,

I'm out here.

I want to learn as much as I can.

Now that I'm older,

Like when I was a kid,

I did not care to learn anything.

You can Google everything.

I mean,

Google kind of,

I feel,

I mean,

Computers,

Technology ruined a lot because everything is one click away.

I have,

I have a question.

I can look it up and getting to know a lot of my other buddies that are around my age or a little bit older.

I asked them a question,

They can give me an answer and it's just,

They know.

And it's,

I'm like,

Wow,

He is a mature adult.

He knows how to get in contact with a PCP doctor.

And it's like,

I didn't know how to do that when I was 17,

18.

And it's,

It's just,

I kind of lose my train of thought,

But.

No,

It's that,

That's it.

It's,

It's,

You know,

Becoming more and more capable of just handling that stuff.

And,

You know,

It's,

Like you said,

Just knowing how to get in touch with a primary care doctor,

Like,

You know,

You,

It's tough to look at,

It's a good example because it's tough to look at a kid and say,

Hey,

Once you know this,

You're going to feel good about yourself.

The kid's going to be like,

What?

I know I that's ridiculous,

You know,

But then when you start doing it and it's for you and it's for your life and you benefit from it,

All of a sudden,

It's like,

Yeah,

I can do,

I can do this stuff.

You know,

A lot of the stuff that you've done,

It's people 40,

50 years old still struggle with.

Yeah.

You know,

And you're,

You're,

You're,

You're finding the value in,

In learning how to do it for yourself.

You know,

That's what I think is so cool.

That's I think what is really becoming an adult is seeing that it feels good to be able to do stuff for yourself.

You know,

Like when I was a kid that I just,

I always would look up,

Look to you and I'm like,

Hey,

Can you make me a sandwich?

Hey,

Can you do this for me?

And then it was like,

You start having me do the chores and the chores is the best thing.

I mean,

Absolutely despise that.

Hate it.

Hate it.

Now I hate doing chores,

But it just,

It's a low level of responsibility of something to learn,

To teach you.

Like when you get older,

Like now I clean my room and I enjoy it because I'm blasting music,

Having a good time.

My room's clean and I'm like,

Oh,

Looking around here.

Yeah,

It looks good.

I can't wait to have somebody over.

Like when you're a kid,

Nobody really cared so much,

I guess.

I mean,

My boy Danny would come over and his place,

His basement.

I mean,

Oh my God,

His couch gave me pink eye one time.

And like,

It was just,

That was like kid central,

Man.

All the kids played,

Played down there.

That place that,

That was worse than Chuck E Cheese,

That damn couch.

But it was just as much fun.

Oh yeah.

So many good times.

Yeah.

I just saw the video of you guys riding the lawnmower with the,

When you guys would hop,

Somebody was driving,

One of the kids was driving a lawnmower and then you had like some tarp attached to it and they're driving you around the yard.

Yeah.

That was fun.

We were trying to stand on it and we couldn't.

Yeah.

We'd be playing manhunt around the neighborhood.

I mean,

Oh my gosh,

It was so cool.

The stuff we would do.

Yeah,

That was,

That was,

You had a lot of good times.

Yeah.

And like getting older,

You have to realize that not everybody has time for those things because now people are getting in relationships,

Getting jobs,

Getting,

Finding the stuff they love to do,

Like going to the beach once a week or once a day or whatever and doing yoga.

And like,

As you get older,

You feel lonely because you're losing people when in reality,

Like you just,

We're all growing up and you can still hang out with your friends.

I mean,

My buddy Danny,

I've seen him pretty much every year since I moved and he's coming around new years for a week and a half.

We're going to have a ball and I'm working doing plumbing.

I got a week and a half off from school or from work and I'm just like,

I'm going to go to school.

I'm going to go to school.

I got a week and a half off from school or from work.

And actually when he's here,

I got the time off from school as well,

Which was just lucky.

And,

But like,

And then I go to the Dominican last year.

You just have to make sure you get your responsibilities done,

But there's always time for fun.

And I mean,

Me personally,

I mean,

I've been very busy lately,

But when I was just starting plumbing,

I'm working from plumbing six or eight o'clock in the morning until around five to six at night on a average day,

I would say.

And I'm like,

Okay,

I have no time during the week.

And I would just never do anything during the week.

Now I'm like,

Okay,

It's only six o'clock,

You know,

I can go food shopping.

I can,

Hey,

What are you doing?

What's up,

Man?

You want to come over and hang out for a little bit,

You know,

Shoot to stuff.

I almost swore there.

Like,

Hey,

You can still do all the things you enjoy.

Maybe not too,

Not constant.

Cause like I said,

You do have those responsibilities,

But those responsibilities take care of and support the fun that you're having.

Right.

Exactly.

And that's,

You know,

And you know,

Maybe we'll probably like start wrapping it up with this.

Like I saw you start,

You know,

Using a schedule like last month or something like an online schedule and it's,

Which kind of plays into what I was just getting when you were talking,

You know,

You were saying that there's time during the week too.

And it's like a lot of things that a one thing that a lot of people don't realize is that if you sleep eight hours a day and you work eight hours a day,

You still have eight hours a day available.

That's,

That's a lot of time.

Yeah.

You know,

There's 24 hours in a day and you know,

Like,

And of course you have to take into consideration maybe travel to your job and,

And eating and stuff like that.

But I mean,

You,

You could just take four hours for all that other stuff and you still have four hours available to you every day that you can do something with,

You know,

And that's,

You know,

I think that perspective is very helpful because a lot of people just think they're too busy,

You know,

But they'll,

They'll play on their phone and they'll watch TV for four to six hours,

You know,

A night.

And it's like,

Well,

What if you just took one of those and you started an online business or you took a,

You know,

An online class to learn how to do something or whatever,

Or you start a hobby or,

You know,

You can do anything.

If you just took an hour a day and really put,

Put it towards stuff,

You know,

Which I know,

You know,

You,

You,

You're doing all kinds of stuff and,

And exercise,

You know,

I'm not just talking about like different careers.

I mean,

You know,

Extra,

You can exercise on a regular basis,

You know,

See the nature,

Right.

You know,

That this,

But this is why I think we've gotten out of the habit of doing that is,

You know,

Like we just think,

Oh,

We tell ourselves we're busy.

Oh,

I'm busy.

I'm busy.

I'm busy.

I'm so busy.

I have so much to do.

It's like,

Well,

You know,

Just slow down and use the schedule and,

You know,

Like look at your time and use it for what you want to use it for.

And you'd be amazed,

You know,

It's,

It's lack of direction,

Not lack of time.

Yeah.

We're running around randomly and then we're like,

I don't have any time.

Then all of a sudden you put it down on a,

On a calendar and a schedule and you're like,

Oh wow,

I'm like,

Bam,

Bam,

Bam,

Bam.

I've,

You know,

I'm getting a lot done,

A lot more done than I realized.

And I still have time for some fun.

Yeah.

And another thing I wanted to say is I just I I've been,

I think it was a podcast of the Joe Rogan that told me this,

But,

Or maybe it was something else.

But anyways,

The point is,

Is dopamine.

We're addicted to dopamine because when you're a kid,

There's a lot of dopamine.

I mean,

You're going trick or treating and all this Halloween candy that lasts you a month.

You get all this candy,

You're watching TV when you get home.

I mean,

Your parents have to work.

They can't be give you a hundred percent of their attention.

So you're,

They give you a YouTube video to watch and you're getting this dopamine and then you kind of grow up living through all this dopamine.

And as a kid,

You don't have responsibilities.

So you put all your time into this dopamine.

And then when you're an adult,

You have all these responsibilities,

Less time for this dopamine.

So every free second you have goes to filling this dopamine,

Playing a game on your phone,

Eating a snack,

Some chocolate,

Watching a movie,

Something that something that in the long run will actually waste your time.

And you just,

We,

We have to get out of that cycle.

And I've been,

I mean,

I'm the worst at it.

I just,

I just,

Like he said,

I made a calendar cause I just found myself always playing on my phone or something.

I put a 30 minute limit on my Instagram and I have this game that me and my buddy Danny play on my phone.

And I put a 30 minute app limit on that.

So I can only do it for 30 minutes a day.

And then I'm not big on social media,

So I don't really have that issue.

But if you do like limit your Twitter,

Instagram,

Everything,

So just 20,

30 minutes a day,

I mean,

You can still do it.

Like he said,

This four hours of free time you have,

But just prioritize some things,

Maybe go a night without checking your phone,

Turn your phone off at eight,

10 o'clock.

Just stop.

We need,

We have to take care of our responsibilities.

We have to hop off this dopamine trend.

We've been taught since a young age now,

All YouTube and all this,

It just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

And you can sit at your house and you can order your groceries to be delivered to you with Uber Eats or Uber cart,

Whatever it's called.

You can get food delivered with Uber Eats,

DoorDash,

Every,

I mean,

EBay,

Amazon,

You can order everything from sitting on your couch.

So now you're just sitting here doing everything on the computer,

Standing at a screen,

Having all this dopamine,

Having probably Instagram in your hand on the right side,

Scrolling through while ordering your grocery list.

And you just don't do anything.

And you just fall in that cycle of not doing anything,

Not going and experiencing what the world has to offer.

And that's it.

I think that's a great place to wrap up because it's like,

That's it.

That's the trade-off.

You just allow yourself to get immersed in everything that you just mentioned,

Or there's a whole world out there.

Or you can go take a bike ride and see some nature or go to the ocean or go,

Stop booking,

Planning travel,

Like nobody travels accidentally.

You actually have to plan it.

So it's like,

If you put your energy into that stuff,

All of a sudden it starts happening and you start enjoying your life more.

Otherwise it's just,

Life is what happens when you're busy playing on your phone.

Exactly.

So Sam,

You got anything else to say before we wrap up?

Nope.

I got a haircut appointment,

So I am a-okay.

All right,

Cool.

All right.

Well,

Thanks for coming on.

Thanks for having me.

This was fun.

And I'm going to,

You can just hang out backstage.

I'm going to play the ending and then we'll talk for a few minutes.

Sounds good.

All right.

Thanks everybody for listening.

And we'll talk with you soon.

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