How Pain Can Be Useful To You

Today, Glenn sits down with Ben Barber and Dave DeAngelis to discuss where we are headed and how to make pain useful to you. Recorded in early 2016.

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons and Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Welcome to the show.

We are on.

Yeehaw.

Oh man.

Welcome back.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.

2016 is going to rock it.

Yeah,

It already feels different.

Yeah,

No.

What did Gladys say about 2016 two episodes ago?

She said that 2016 was going to be something about it was going to be a good year.

Like we're going to be doing.

.

.

I think it was because 2015 was the year of small steps.

Yes.

And 2016 is where those pay off.

Yeah,

It was like 2015 was the ramp up and now you're going to hit your stride.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think.

.

.

And I think she's right.

I think she's right too.

Yeah,

In 2015 because I really.

.

.

I mean I've been talking to Gladys regularly over the years and usually at the end of the year we'll kind of touch base and talk over the year,

The previous year and then the next year to see patterns that she's seen with her clients and what I've seen with my clients and stuff.

And we always see it like slightly differently but when we discuss it,

We're on the same page and 2015,

It seemed like it was going to be a really good year and it was but it wasn't good in a way that I thought.

I thought it was going to be just a real big explosion of everything wonderful.

It wasn't the explosion.

It was little baby steps in the right direction.

Yeah.

Right.

And it was.

.

.

Yeah,

It was.

.

.

A lot of people accomplished a lot of things and really did a lot of work that wasn't necessarily easy but it was very productive and gotten themselves in better places.

And yeah,

I think 2016 is going to be the payoff of that.

November 2016,

Baby.

What's that?

Trump.

Oh.

That's when it's Heil Trump time.

Oh yeah.

That's when our whole world is going to change.

Yeah,

That's when I'm going to move to another country.

Maybe.

Anyway,

Let's stop being political.

Let's talk about the election for the next half hour.

Let's talk about the election for the next 24 episodes.

Glenn's out.

See ya.

Drop the mic.

Life lessons and laughter is now a political talk show.

Let's just change it to life lessons and politics.

Oh my God.

I couldn't do it.

I seriously.

.

.

You couldn't even do it for like two minutes.

No,

Just like the last 15 seconds,

All the energy is drained out of my body.

Alright,

2016.

But Dave,

You kind of came to that realization yourself a little bit,

Didn't you?

At the end of 2015,

Weren't you starting to feel like you had done little improvements all year?

I think I picked 2015 to finally make the slightest bit of changes that I need to have made for the past 10 years of my life.

Yeah,

I've made very,

Very small changes.

That's awesome.

And apparently that's supposed to be a win.

It is.

Whatever.

Hey,

If you don't recognize the win,

Then you're not gonna.

.

.

You're gonna get it done yourself and you're gonna quit.

There's so much to be done that it just doesn't seem to matter.

If there wasn't stuff to be done,

Wouldn't that be boring?

Yeah,

We never get it all done.

That's the point.

We're not supposed to get it all done.

The piece doesn't look like,

Okay,

I finished everything and now I'm just gonna sit on the couch and do nothing for the next 30 years.

Like that's boring.

That would be fun though.

No,

It wouldn't.

Well,

That's my goal in life.

A lot of people think that,

But it's unrealistic.

One,

It's never gonna happen.

Even if it did,

It would probably get boring even if you don't think it would.

Oh,

Absolutely it would.

I mean.

.

.

You'd feel a little unfulfilled.

Yeah,

Just a smidgen.

Yeah,

Nobody can feel good about themselves just sitting around doing nothing.

And that doesn't mean that we don't need vacations and recoup time.

We absolutely do need downtime.

But doing nothing with your life,

It just goes against our nature.

I find that my anxiety flares up when I have nothing to do a lot.

It's like too much stimuli and not enough because you don't quite know what to do.

So your mind will start searching for things to do and start bouncing in different areas and thinking about all kinds of weird stuff.

And then all of a sudden,

It's like that anxiety comes up.

I feel like the only time I don't have anxiety is when no one asks anything of me and I have nothing to do.

The minute someone asks something of me,

I become very anxious.

Yeah.

Well,

I mean that's just where you are right now.

Alright,

Fine.

Which happens too.

I mean it's just because you kind of created a safe space for yourself where doing nothing,

There's no risk to it.

So then if you have to go do something,

That anxiety comes up because it's like,

Oh no,

Well,

Who am I going to be if I actually take this action?

It's true.

There is no risk in doing nothing.

You know exactly what you're going to get.

Right.

And even if you don't like it,

At least you know what it is.

That's comforting.

Yeah.

It's comforting to sit in your own.

.

.

No.

Oh my God.

We're not doing this.

I thought of it too.

Sit in your own poop.

It's warm.

The only.

.

.

It stinks,

But it's yours.

It's comfortable.

Go back to one of the first 20 episodes and find where that was.

That was the only time we have ever had to stop the show in the middle of recording.

Because we're laughing so hard.

Because you got so into that metaphor.

Oh my God.

Well I just told the metaphor.

You guys had never heard it before,

So you lost it.

No,

You described it as warm and it feels good and it's yours.

Say what?

See,

There he goes again.

But then he blames it on me.

I got too into it.

No,

The problem is you laughed too hard at it.

So today.

.

.

So 2016 is going to be what it's going to be.

And at the end of 2016 we're going to go,

You know,

It wasn't what I thought it was,

But it was pretty good.

Well,

You know,

It's never going to be what you think it is.

No.

It's never going to be ideally what you thought it was.

Well it can be better than we think.

Oh.

Heck yeah.

That's.

.

.

You know,

Going back to Gladys one more time.

That's what,

You know,

She always says,

I want more of this or something even better.

Which I like because I do.

.

.

I say that fairly often as well and it leaves it open for something even better.

You know,

It expands your mind.

It's like the six impossible things before breakfast.

Yeah.

There are recent things that happened towards the end of 2015 that seemed bad.

But I think are pushing us and forcing us to do better things.

Which is good I think.

Yeah,

Well that's.

.

.

Dave and I have talked many times about how we're not going to do anything until we have no other option than to do it.

Okay.

We're not going to.

.

.

You guys need to listen to my podcast a little more.

Holy crap.

It's just,

It's like.

.

.

I'm not a fan.

It's like there's empty snow in front of us.

Oh man.

Oh man.

Go back and look at that episode.

Well,

Yeah,

The.

.

.

I mean,

Depending on,

You know,

How you're looking at things is.

.

.

That's what's going to determine it,

You know?

And I mean,

If we pay attention to the little signs and even if you do one little thing right there's a little positive feedback that comes because basically the universe is trying to bait you into doing more good.

So it has to give you positive reinforcement.

Otherwise you're going to have no,

You know,

Inspiration to do anything more good.

So you feel a little bit better.

But a lot of times what happens is people will feel a little bit better because they did a little bit good and then they'll be like,

Well no,

I'm stopping there.

Like no,

I don't.

.

.

That's enough.

Oh yeah,

I thought about that the other day actually.

Yeah,

Because it's,

You know,

You're getting that.

.

.

You're getting the positive reinforcement.

Your life's getting better because you're doing positive things.

But then,

You know,

The old you comes up and goes,

Oh,

Well,

Wait a minute,

Dave,

You know,

How long could this last?

And you know,

Then you just rain on the parade.

Or it's like I finally accomplished one thing and I'm like,

That feels great.

I'm going to ride that feeling for the next like six months before I do something else.

Until it fizzles out and there's nothing left of it.

There's been so much time that's passed that I have to do something else now.

One other thing.

But you can actually walk through life doing something,

Getting positive reinforcement,

Doing something,

Getting positive reinforcement.

And that's,

You know,

That's the.

.

.

It's the pain pushes us until the pleasure pulls us.

So if you.

.

.

Ooh.

Good one.

I like that one.

If you use.

.

.

Have you ever heard him say that before?

I don't listen a lot.

I'm just kind of listening to the levels.

Good point.

Sorry about that.

So you do need to listen to my podcast more often.

I do.

Episode 52 or something.

So the.

.

.

So if you live your life by pain pushing you all the time,

Then you're going to experience a lot of pain.

But if you live your life by pain pushing you until you start feeling the pleasure and then having the pleasure pull you forward,

It's a lot more comfortable ride.

You know?

It's.

.

.

I mean,

That's how I like to learn all my lessons now.

That's why I try to be so conscious in my life.

And when I'm feeling.

.

.

When I'm not feeling right,

When I'm feeling off,

I really start looking around and going,

What's wrong and what do I need to do to get back on track?

Because I really don't like feeling pain.

I hate feeling pain.

So if I can figure out why I'm off and make the adjustment then,

Then the pain ends and it stayed minimal.

But if I allow myself to sit in it,

Then the universe starts dropping a rock on my head.

Let's inflict a little bit more pain.

He's not going inside deep enough.

He's not getting the message.

He's not seeing what he needs to see.

We need to grab his attention a little more.

You know?

And since I'm not doing anything pleasurable,

They can't let the pleasure pull me.

So they have to kick me in the butt with the pain.

So that's.

.

.

I don't like.

.

.

I've experienced enough pain in my life.

I'm allergic to pain.

Oh,

There was,

We were watching The Walking Dead a couple of weeks ago and.

.

.

That's healthy.

There's this,

There's this,

There's a saying that this lady writes in Latin on the edge of all of her stuff.

What did it mean to you?

Crap.

I think it's just,

Someday this pain will be useful to you.

Ah,

Yeah.

That's it.

That's when the difficulties in our lives turn to good when they become useful.

You know?

That's,

I mean,

For 20 years I lived destructively.

And while I was living it,

It was destructive.

Period.

Right.

You know?

Now,

When I changed,

And then I started using my past to help others,

Then all of a sudden it became from destructive to instructive.

You know?

I became able to.

.

.

Constructive,

Right.

Constructive would be better.

Right.

I was going to keep going with instructive.

But you are instructive.

Because I instruct people,

So I was going to make that work,

Even though it was the wrong word.

But thank you for constructive.

That's much better.

So yeah,

It became constructive.

But it didn't change.

The past didn't change.

My experiences didn't change.

I changed.

Which made that very useful to you.

Your past became very useful to you.

Oh my God,

Yeah.

It's the,

I mean,

It's other than just being in stillness,

And feeling that connection,

And having information given to me from what I call the universe,

Or the divine,

Or God,

Or whatever.

Other than that,

On this earth plane,

That is the most valuable thing that I've had,

Is my experiences.

You know,

Because yeah,

I have the ability to connect to a lot of different people,

In a lot of different situations,

And help them through a lot of different things,

Because of all the different things I experienced.

So it's a huge asset to me.

Huge.

But that's just,

It's not because there's anything special about me.

It's not because,

You know,

My crappy,

Difficult life was different than anybody else's crappy,

Difficult life.

It was just,

My perspectives changed.

So when I changed my perspectives,

It turned all the bad to good.

Do you think that that's something that is just,

Like,

Pain is so important.

Because it's natural,

And it's going to happen,

And it's different than suffering.

Yes.

You know?

It's different than anger.

It's contrast.

Yeah.

Pain has to happen.

Suffering doesn't have to happen.

Right.

So it's the perspective of looking at this pain as,

This is a good thing,

This will help me.

Yeah,

Suffering really— There's a reason for this.

Exactly.

And I,

You know,

Just so we clarify the difference,

Suffering is resistance to what is.

You know?

It's resisting something that's going on.

That's what causes suffering.

If you accept that it actually happened,

Then your suffering is going to end.

So that's a— You have to feel pain.

Pain—yeah— You choose to feel suffering.

Right.

And the pain that we have to feel,

Yeah,

We do have to feel pain,

But like,

In my life,

I don't feel that much pain.

Because I've just gotten better at paying attention when I don't feel right.

Like I don't feel deep pain.

Because I pay attention to the signs and the lessons that are trying to be taught to me when I'm feeling uncomfortable.

So you know,

A lot of people make the mistake that they'll look at me and they go,

Oh Glenn,

You're so strong.

Like oh,

You must be so strong to live the way you live.

And it's like,

No,

It's the opposite.

I have a low tolerance for pain.

I'm very weak.

I don't do well in pain.

I don't like it.

Some people can just live in pain for year after year after year.

And I mean,

I did too for 20 years.

But once I changed,

I was like,

I don't want to live like that again.

I don't want to go there again.

So I need to learn my lessons quick.

So when I feel pain,

It's minimal and I view it as contrast.

So it's like basically my thoughts,

My perspectives are kind of going.

I kind of liken it with my clients.

I liken it to one of those bowling alleys with the bumpers when they put the bumpers down so you can't get a gutter ball.

That's like the universe's way.

So like when your ball hits the bumper,

That's the pain.

It's going,

Hey,

You're going too far to the left.

You need to get back into the center of the lane.

And then you go too far over to the right.

Well it hits that bumper and you experience some pain.

You know,

You experience some contrast and it goes,

No,

You shouldn't go this way.

This is not good for you.

Get back to the center lane.

You know,

It's our guidance system to keep us heading in the direction that we want to go.

I think this is the most important,

Or at least like one A,

Of the most important things that we can talk about is recognizing that pain is not bad.

And that it's how you look at it and that it's helpful.

When you're in it,

It's the same thing as when you're through it.

When you're in it,

If you look and you just,

Instead of suppressing it and pushing it down or trying to fix it and do something to get out of it,

If we just stop for a moment when we're in it and go,

Okay,

I feel pain.

This is uncomfortable.

It's just a sensation.

It's not going to hurt me.

It's not going to physically kill me.

I just sit in it for a moment and go,

What is,

What's the lesson here?

What am I,

What do I need to adjust to get back on track?

What do I need to learn in this situation for me to get out of it?

Because as soon as you learn the lesson,

You're going to come out of the pain,

You know?

So it's,

But you need to learn that lesson.

And sometimes we can see it ourselves.

Sometimes there's somebody in our lives that we can talk to.

And sometimes you just play need a life coach,

You know,

Or a therapist or something.

You know,

A lot of times I see this with friends a lot of times,

Well,

Friends and family.

A lot of times when somebody's in pain and they go to a friend or family member and they go,

You know,

Oh,

I'm in pain.

They go,

Yes,

I poor you,

You poor thing.

I can't believe that they did that to you or that this is happening to you and,

And it shouldn't be,

And you're right to be suffering and all this stuff.

And it's because they're trying to make them feel like they're okay.

You know,

It's done out of kindness,

But that's not going to help anybody.

You know?

So a lot of times,

Like my friends,

They,

They get used to me when they come to me and they go,

I'm suffering.

Well,

Let's look for the lesson in it so you can get out of it.

I can't feel like a good friend when somebody comes to me with a problem and I go,

Yeah,

You know,

You,

You've done everything right and your perspectives are a hundred percent right and there's nothing wrong with you.

It's the poor world that's beating you down.

You poor thing.

Let me hold you.

Like I,

I don't think that that is a loving act from me to them.

So as a friend,

I try to,

You know,

Show them different ways and some people don't want to hear it.

So,

You know,

Which is fine.

I don't know anybody like that.

There's,

You know,

There's sometimes,

Sometimes you just need to listen to,

I mean,

You know,

I think that's really important.

I mean,

Especially as men have a larger tendency to do,

Try to fix every,

Everybody else.

Oh,

I have a huge tendency to try to fix everybody else.

And I mean,

I do too,

Not only as a man,

Not only as my personality,

But also as a life coach.

It's like sometimes I tell people often,

You know,

That I'm in relationship with,

If you need me to listen,

Tell me,

Because that's not my default.

I don't go there automatically.

If you want me to shut up and not fix anything,

You just need me to listen and hold you.

Please,

Please tell me.

And I will give that to you,

You know,

Because sometimes we do just need that.

I need someone constantly to point out the things that I need to fix because I'm constantly looking at other people.

I'm bad at taking care of myself.

So that's horrible.

Luckily I,

You know,

Have a life coach and I have a best friend that likes to yell at me when I do stupid stuff,

Which is every day.

So it's good to,

God knows what I would be doing without that.

Yeah.

And we all need it.

I need it too.

You know,

I just,

I called up somebody Sunday because I was just feeling off and I couldn't figure it out myself.

I tried.

And after a few days,

I'm like,

Okay,

You know,

Usually I can get through it in a day or two.

And then it was a few days and I'm like,

Okay,

Now this is,

This is a little bit long,

But I felt something really good was going to come out of it.

So I just kind of stayed in it and I'm like,

Okay,

Maybe I need to feel a little uncomfortable a little longer than usual.

It's a big shift that's happening in me or something.

And then after a few days,

I wasn't getting the message and the pain increased and it was,

Then I got really uncomfortable in my own skin.

I was like,

Oh my God,

What is this?

And I was like,

Okay,

I need to reach outside of myself and get a different perspective.

You know,

Unfortunately I have certain people in my life that I can do that with,

You know,

I like to think that I live pretty consciously,

So it doesn't happen that often,

But there's probably at least two,

Three times a year where there's something that I'm supposed to be getting that I'm not getting and I need to talk it out with somebody,

You know?

And I mean,

Well,

I actually probably more than that because I work with a life coach on a regular basis too.

So but yeah,

Maybe a couple of times a year besides the life coach that I'm all of a sudden I'm like,

Hey,

Wait a minute,

I'm not,

I'm not getting the lesson in this.

I don't see it because my emotion clouds my own perceptions at times,

You know,

Because it's my stuff.

It's easier to help other people for me.

Yeah.

You know what I realized earlier?

This is our 50th episode.

Wow.

That's like one,

149.

Yeah.

So this is our 50th episode and that couldn't have been less exciting.

Oh wow.

50 huh?

One more than 49.

That's cool.

Okay,

Good,

That's like half of a hundred.

So it was like my Eeyore impression.

So yeah,

This is 50,

Which means we're coming up on the end of year two.

Wow.

Wow.

Year two.

Crazy.

So 50 more and it'll be a hundred.

This past year.

This past year we added,

Uh,

We had our first outside interview between the first time anybody other than one of the three,

Two of the three of us were on the show with Gladys.

Yes.

Uh,

Should we expect to see more of that in 2016?

Yeah.

I'd like to have an occasional guest on.

That was fun.

I'd like to do that.

An occasional guest,

You know,

And I just thought of another one.

Somebody posted this,

My,

Not my,

This is definitely going to sound ridiculous.

I want to have a podcast on the,

The Dow of poo.

Oh,

Winnie the Pooh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Somebody wrote a book,

Uh,

About the Dow through Winnie the Pooh's eyes and somebody posted a quote on Facebook the other day that was awesome.

And um,

So I went on and I looked at some different quotes and stuff and I ordered the book cause I didn't actually have the book.

Somebody lent it to me at one point,

But then,

Um,

I must've given it back or something.

So I,

I ordered the book and I,

Yeah,

I'd like to do a podcast on some of the quotes out of that book.

Oh,

Bother.

Yeah.

Oh,

Dear.

I don't remember a lot of things about Winnie the Pooh.

I was really into it for a little while when I was a kid,

But yeah,

Me too.

I don't remember that much.

But it's just,

Um,

I was little though.

Is Winnie a guy's name?

A girl's name?

I mean,

Yeah,

I think so.

Okay.

Usually that's strange.

His name's Winnie the Pooh.

Yeah.

There's got to,

What is the poo?

There's gotta be a whole story behind that.

I don't know.

He's a stuffed bear.

That's true.

He's a poo bear.

Well,

I know,

But I don't know what that means.

I don't know,

Poo just sounds cute,

I guess.

Does it?

When it's preluded by Winnie the.

.

.

I gave,

Uh,

There was a question about a children's book at Trivia a couple weeks ago and the answer was,

Uh,

The answer was,

What's the name of that bear?

Not the bird's.

.

.

No,

The other bear.

The.

.

.

Smokey the Bear?

The Paddington Bear.

The answer was Paddington Bear,

Who's the author of this.

This guy was the author of what?

It was Paddington Bear.

So I used Elvis,

Uh,

Let me be your teddy bear or whatever it is,

And,

Uh,

I didn't even realize that Winnie the Pooh was a bear when I was making the play.

I was like,

Yeah,

Paddington Bear,

Bear's the only option.

I'm going to give the hint of bear.

So like everybody answered Winnie the Pooh.

I'm like,

Oh right,

Winnie the Pooh's a bear.

I completely forgot,

That's how little I know anymore about Winnie the Pooh.

I don't know too much either.

I just like the book.

It's,

It's a neat twist.

It's it's simplistic,

You know?

Except for that I'm basically a piglet,

I think.

Well let's not talk too much about it because we're going to do a podcast on it.

That's true.

So we should probably all get more familiar with Winnie the Pooh.

Winnie the Pooh.

Winnie the Pooh.

Now we're singing it.

We have to sing it on the episode.

That was a little,

That was a little shadowy.

This is things that are upcoming in 2016.

Get excited.

This is where we're going.

So ironically,

This episode was supposed to be about something completely different.

Completely different.

But I know what,

I know what it ended up being about,

Which is perspective.

And pain pushes us until pleasure pulls us.

Perspective plus time equals money.

I hope.

Profit.

Wow.

What was it?

I don't know.

What are you guys talking about?

I thought that's a saying.

Perspective plus time.

I don't know.

I'm looking that up.

All right.

While he looks that up,

Glenn,

Where can people get ahold of you?

Well,

It depends on their perspective.

They can get in touch with me at life-enhancement-services.

Com.

That's the best place.

But yeah,

It's the,

The,

The pain will push us as long as we need to,

You know,

Just if you want to minimize the pain,

Start looking for the lesson.

And if you can't see it,

You know,

Reach out to somebody,

Get some help.

Did you get it?

I don't know what it was.

What is it?

I don't know.

Tragedy plus time equals comedy.

Oh my God.

I knew that.

Whoops.

Equals perspective.

I mean,

That is a change of,

Oh no,

That works.

That is a change of tragedy plus time equals comedy is a,

Uh,

Is perspective.

It's a shift of perspective.

It is perspective.

It is using the pain for something else.

Yeah,

There you go.

But the thing is,

Is it's not necessarily time though.

It's like,

It can be time.

It just depends on when we learn the lesson.

You know,

Some people are still in pain over things that happened 20 years ago.

Some people get over it in a month.

So it just depends on when you learn the lesson and you know,

Shift your perspective on that particular subject.

So,

So there.

So let some pleasure pull you in 2016 instead of the pain pushing you.

All right.

All right.

Cool.

I'm glad we're all on the same page with that.

All right.

Cool.

All right.

Good.

I'll do it.

Happy 50th episode.

And a super 2016 to y'all.

Listen.

Reviews

Funny one, thanks guys 💜 x

Well done as always with great practical advice!! Belated congratulations on the 50th episode!!

This was the 50th episode. One more than 49 haha! Your response was hilarious! I hope to listen to every single episode eventually.

I love these guys. I end up learning something new every time I listen to their podcasts. And it is very true: to lessen the suffering we have to go deep into ourselves to see the lesson or reach out to someone else.

I am doing them!!!

Takes a while to get into the message of this podcast... but worth the wait.
Interesting to hear expectation concepts from 2016...

Always a profound message presented in a fun and humorous way! Uplifting! Thank you!